Soft grass creates a bed beneath me. A warm, sweet breeze blows the hair into my eyes. Sitting beside me is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Her long hair is loose and blowing around her shoulders. Off in the distance, a small child runs in the flowers. "Mommy! Daddy! Watch me run!" He shouts as he twirls around, collapsing into the flowers in a fit of laughter. My heart swells. I love this boy. His mother is laughing beside me while rocking a baby. That laugh is why I fell in love with her. "Gale?" I turn around to glance at my wife. Her grey eyes are so full of life, that I just melt at the sight of them. "Catnip?" I tease as I nudge her shoulder with my own. The sight of our baby girl being cradled in her arms makes me so happy. I'm happy that we got married and moved back to District 12. I built our home in the meadow by hand. Katniss filled it with her family pictures and we made a shrine outside for Rue and Prim. "I love you." Katniss says with a smile. Gosh. I love that smile. "I love you too." Gently, I lean in and holding her face with one hand, I softly kiss her lips. Our baby is wedged between us and before we know it, our son runs from the field and envelopes us in as big of a hug as his tiny arms can make. My world is perfect.
My alarm clock rings on the table next to my bed. Without opening my eyes, I reach over and turn it off. The house is quiet. Wait a second. I open my eyes and see my bedroom. Pumpkin is laying on his corner of my bed, un-amused by my clock. "Arrgh!" I growl, frustrated at the world. I was happy in my dream! Why did I have to wake up? I throw the covers back in anger and storm into the bathroom to take a shower. Once I'm out of my shower, I sit down on the side of my bed, still wrapped up in my towel, running my hands through my hair. Why did it have to be a dream? That felt so real and I wanted it so badly. Katniss and I, together, with a family. My heart aches for the possibility of having that life. It's not until I see my cell phone on my table, that I remember I have a girlfriend. Crap! I forgot about Velvet. I am so confused. My heart is being pulled in two different directions. I hate it. Throwing on some random clothes, I go into the kitchen and call Rory. I have to talk to someone and he seems like the best option right now. I pick up my phone and wait a couple rings until he answers. "Hey, Gale! I missed seeing you yesterday. What's up?" "I need to talk to you about something Rory. I've been struggling with this for a while and I need some advice." I wince at the thought of asking for help, but I'm desperate. "Woah. Mister prideful is asking little brother for advice. I'd have to say that this is a first. What's wrong?" I tell Rory all the details of the dream I just had, of my feelings for Katniss and of Velvet and how I feel about her. He already knows that she's pregnant. Mom told him. "So what should I do? I feel like I'm being pulled two directions at once!" I say as I pace through the living room. I can't talk on the phone while sitting still. "Hmm. Well, I could go into all of this psychology stuff saying you're afraid of commitment and try to get deeper into why you're feeling this way." I roll my eyes. "However, I have much simpler advice. Just get over Katniss already. You have to let her go." That's it? "Rory. Be reasonable. You know how hard it is to get over someone you loved! And who are to tell me to get over someone when you're still grieving your fiancé four years later. You are in no position to tell me to let someone go." I say back, angrily. Rory sighs. "Yes, you are correct in one thing. I am not over Prim. I don't know if I will truly ever get over her. But Gale, I think it is reasonable for me to tell you to let her go." "And why is that?" Rory is impatient. I can tell by the deep breath he takes. "Because. I don't have anyone in my life that needs me to be there for them completely. Physically and emotionally. On top of Velvet, you have now taken on the responsibility of her child. You either need to let Katniss go and commit solely to Velvet, or you need to leave her. Right now. This isn't fair to her, having your heart undecided." I pinch my temple. I know he's right. Sighing, I tell him, "I guess you're right. Thanks, Rory. I'll talk to you later. I have some decisions I need to make." I hang up the phone after he says bye and toss it on the couch. He's right. This isn't fair to Velvet. I feel so guilty for wanting the life with Katniss that I dreamt about last night. On the other hand, I don't feel guilty at all, because that is what I want. To have a family with the girl that I love. Who is the girl that I love? Is it Velvet? Or Katniss? Oh my gosh, this is so confusing! I love both of them. Wow. I love Velvet. It's crazy to think that because I only knew her a month ago. I do love Velvet. I love Katniss too, though. This want I have to be with Katniss is unrealistic. I know that. But, for some reason, I can't let the idea of having a family with her leave my mind. The possibility of having a family with Velvet is within my grasp, unlike it is with Katniss. I mean, in less than a year, Velvet will be a mother. And if I choose to be, I will be a father. I am getting over-whelmed with all of this that I have to force myself to take on thing at a time. First, I want coffee. I walk over to the maker and start it. Second, I need to feed Pumpkin. While the coffee is brewing, I fill up his food bowl. Third, I need to decide if I'm in with Velvet, or out. Taking my coffee, I walk outside to my balcony. Maybe some fresh air will help me make up my mind.