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"Mmmmm… what do you want for dinner?" Olivia asked as she opened the fridge and pondered their options. There wasn't much in sight. She needed to go grocery shopping.
"It doesn't matter…" Calvin said as he shrugged. He was sitting at the bar watching her walk around the kitchen, opening various cabinets and search for food that she knew she most likely didn't have.
It was only the third day that Calvin had been with her and Olivia was still in the process of making him feel welcomed in her home. She'd fixed up the guest bedroom for him the best that she could, and she'd even bought him new clothes, which he'd badly needed.
"Come on…" Olivia said, walking to the counter and leaning on her elbows. "What do you like to eat?" She asked, knowing he never had a great amount of food anyways. She wanted to take this opportunity to give him some experiences that normal kids get, like choosing dinner one night out of the week and having snacks in the house.
Calvin shrugged again.
Olivia exhaled gazed around her kitchen.
Most kids would be happy to quickly request food or something that they wanted if you asked but Calvin wasn't, which told her that he'd been deprived in a way that no child should.
"Pizza? Lasagna? …Chicken nuggets?" She tried again, looking up at him, eyeing Calvin to see if any of her words caused a reaction in his facial expression that he wouldn't have wanted to voice to her.
"What's las-lasagna?" The boy asked cautiously.
Olivia smiled and let out a tiny laugh.
"Okay…" She said, making up her mind. "I'm gonna call Trevor and have him pick up a frozen lasagna on his way over and we'll have that for dinner." Olivia told him as she took her phone out of her pocket to shoot her man a text. "It's kind of like pasta but in a casserole. It had tomato sauce and cheese… some of them have meat…"
"Okay, cool." Calvin said, nonchalantly. It made her sad.
He'd done relatively well since he'd come to stay with her.
Olivia had taken the next day off of work and stayed home with him, making sure he was okay and reassuring him of his mother's love for him even though she'd abandoned him.
The second day, they went out together, buying him new clothes (which he seemed uncomfortable with) and enrolling him in the local school system.
Now, the third day, she'd gone back to work and he'd gone to school, but Olivia had taken off early to pick him up and spend the rest of the day with him. She knew it must be draining and scary, having his life be turned upside down so many times in the past few years.
"Just because she left you with me doesn't mean your mom loves you any less…" Olivia had told him, but he'd just looked at her sadly like he didn't believe her. "She loves you very much, Cal… in fact, I think that's why she did this." She tried to explain to him gently. "She wants you to be safe and cared for while she gets herself together and gets better." Olivia said, giving his back a gentle rub.
The boy had remained quiet.
Vivian had given Olivia custody via paperwork without telling Calvin, and had decided to drop him off at the precinct and leave him there without any explanation. This came a couple of days after she'd showed up high at the station to talk with Olivia, having been guided there by Calvin who'd still had Olivia's card from her first initial visit.
…
FLASHBACK:
She'd basically ignored Elliot ever since his confession of love. They day afterwards, she'd showed up to work extra early and fully satisfied, thanks to Trevor the night before.
When Elliot showed up, she pretended like she didn't see him, and she also didn't acknowledge him when he placed coffee on her desk and sat down in front of her.
"You ignoring me?" He asked gently, in hushed tones so Munch nor Fin would hear him but thankfully, she didn't have to answer because at that exact moment, Cragen came out of his office, saying they had a vic in the ER, not sure if it was a sexual assault but they wanted an SVU detective there just in case and to get a feel of the situation.
Olivia jumped at the chance, saying she would take it, and also noting that it called for one detective not two, she was happy to leave Elliot behind.
She enjoyed her time away from her partner, being on her own and thankfully, it wasn't a sexual assault case like the hospital had originally thought it might be, so she didn't have much paperwork to do aside from list that she'd been called out and explain the situation.
However, when Olivia got back, Elliot met her at the elevators.
Olivia put up her hands quickly in defense, prepared to fight him over wanting to not have the conversation she knew he wanted to, but the look on his face quickly told her that something was up.
"I was just about to call you." He told her as he glanced back towards the squad room. "A kid showed up with his mom, said you came to see them yesterday… mom's high." Elliot explained.
Olivia swallowed hard and looked towards his desk behind him where she saw Calvin sitting with Vivian.
"You arrest her?" She asked quietly.
Elliot glanced around before answering, making sure no one could hear him.
"No…" He whispered. "That's why I was about to call you…"
Olivia nodded.
"Don't." She said in reference to putting Vivian under arrest. "Take the kid to the break room, get him some snacks or something… his name is Calvin." Olivia commanded lightly.
He didn't really care to fight her, so he did as he was told, escorted the boy to the break room while Olivia took Vivian into Cragen's office, who thankfully was out due to a mandatory meeting.
"Hey Viv… Vivian…" Olivia said as she sat down in front of the couch in her captain's office after she'd handed the blonde a cup of coffee.
"I um…" Vivian began. "I need you to t-take my DNA and s-send it in be-because I need to find my r-real father… I need-d to know who he i-is…." She said, glancing around the office, unable to keep her gazing on one object for too long because she was high and her brain was racing.
Olivia honestly felt bad for the woman. She'd been through a lot, she'd gotten sober and turned her life around only to find out she really wasn't who she thought she was and her mother had kept a secret her whole life.
The brunette detective took a deep breath, leaned back into her chair as she pushed her hair out of her face and focused on the woman in front of her.
"Vivian, knowing who raped your mother… who your biological father is… it's not going to help you." Olivia said, wishing she could get through to the other woman but knowing the chances might not be that great because of whatever drugs were in her system.
The blonde wasn't high from just marijuana, that was for sure.
"Knowledge is power." Vivian stated bluntly as she sipped her coffee.
Olivia rubbed her lips together and looked around.
"Really?" The detective asked. "Because you find out you're a child of rape and all the sudden you're high in a precinct full of cops…" She said, rubbing her hands together before lacing her finger and resting them in her lap.
Vivian rolled her eyes at Olivia and took a deep breath.
"You gonna help m-me or not?" She asked, suddenly feeling the effects of her coffee, her high weakening.
Olivia shook her head.
"The best thing I can do to help you is find you a rehab and a shrink…" Olivia explained, being a bit harsh but needing the other woman to understand that she had a son to take care of, that she had a life to live.
"You're the last person who should be j-judging me…" Vivian shot at her as she sat up. "You of all people s-should understand!" She said.
Olivia sighed.
"I know… that's why I got help… I got counseling before it destroyed me…"
Vivian shook her head.
"You're not perfect… I-I can tell you got shit happening…" She accused.
Olivia almost laughed. She released her hands and combed through her hair before sitting up and resting her elbows on her knees.
"Am I fucked up? Yes." The brunette said bluntly and honestly. "But… me being a child of rape is a small fraction of why that is…."
"Right…" Vivian said, as if she didn't believe Olivia.
The room went silent and the detective debated in her head what information about her life she wanted to share with Vivian and what she didn't. There was too much going on, and she didn't fully trust the other woman anyways, so she decided she wouldn't really share anything more than she already had.
"My… my mom died last night." The blonde whispered into the air between them.
Olivia swallowed hard as a pang of sadness hit her.
"Vivian… I'm so sorry…" She said gently.
The other woman shook her head.
"I-I thought it wouldn't hurt… she never loved me anyways… treated me like shit but…" Vivian stopped when she could no longer continue.
"I know… it's… a weird feeling to love and miss someone who hated you, who didn't want you born… I know that." Olivia sympathized.
Vivian shot her a sad smile.
"Is there some where Calvin could go? Maybe stay with a friend, relative? Or his father? Just while you… get yourself together, maybe go to rehab and take some time to focus on you?" Oliva asked the blonde gently, trying not to seem judgmental.
Vivian shook her head.
"His father hasn't been around since he was born, and I don't have friends…" She explained, then looked up at Olivia. "Are… are you going to arrest me?" She asked.
Olivia bit her bottom lip and thought for a moment. She couldn't stand knowing that Calvin would go into the system and that she'd be the one to put him there. After all, she didn't honestly believe that Vivian would do anything to hurt him anyways.
"No…" Olivia said quietly. "But you are going to sit here until you sober up." She commanded. "And I'm going to go talk to him and make sure he's okay…"
"You… you really care about him don't you." Vivian asked.
The detective fought the urge to roll her eyes again.
"I'm a police officer Vivian, it's literally my job to protect children…." She said. And with that, she was up and out of the room after quickly telling Vivian to continue drinking the coffee, and that she'd come retrieve her in a bit.
Olivia made eye contact with Fin and nodded her head towards Cragen's office. It was her way of telling him to keep an eye on the blonde, a message he received loud and clear, and gave her a nod as she headed to the break room.
She found Calvin eating some chocolate and drinking coke from the vending machine with Elliot by his side. The boy appeared to be educating her partner on the latest basketball scores and who the best players were.
Olivia couldn't tell if Elliot actually was clueless about basketball or if he was just humoring Calvin.
After a while, when Olivia deemed Vivian sober enough, she made sure that Calvin still had her card and her personal cell number in case he needed anything or his mom decided to get high again. Then she sent them on their way without even giving Elliot a glance. Olivia didn't need his input.
Unfortunately, both Calvin and Vivian ran into Joan's rapist in the hallway on their way out. It took only a mere minute before Vivian figured out who he was and it took all of Olivia's strength to hold the woman back from attacking him as Calvin watched in terror and confusion.
"You raped my mother!" The blonde screamed, crying as she was being held back by Olivia, who was shouting at the man to leave.
Once he was gone, Vivian turned to Olivia.
"Why didn't you tell me who my father was if you knew!?" She asked in an accusing tone.
Olivia took a second to catch her breath before answering.
"Because I… at first, I thought our mothers were raped by the same man…" She explained, looking down.
Vivian then asked if they were sisters and Olivia denied it, saying she'd ran their DNA together and it'd come back negative, but that was before they'd found the man that she'd just met.
The blonde shook her head and grabbed Calvin by the arm, dragging him towards the elevators.
"But I'm still here for you Vivian!" Olivia shouted after her, placing her hand on her forehead and the other on her hip, while taking a breath.
Vivian glared back at her before stepping onto the elevator, clearly pissed that during the whole conversation they'd just had, Olivia had known who her father was all along and had neglected to tell her, and she probably would have never done so if Vivian hadn't have literally bumped right into him.
"Dammit!" Olivia whispered harshly as she stared at the elevator doors long after they closed.
She wanted to help Vivian, she really did. The woman was struggling much like Olivia had but the difference was that when Olivia was old enough, her mother had explained where she came from and what her father was.
Finding her father did nothing for Olivia but cause her to have a lot of mixed feelings about everything. How could she have so much love and hate for a man that she'd never even met?
Olivia knew what kind of person Vivian's father was. She knew how damaging he'd be, how it'd hurt the blonde and Calvin to know him, so Olivia hadn't wanted to reveal who he was.
"They'll be okay…" Came a voice from behind her.
She turned around and looked at Elliot, trying to read him, to see if he was judging her for not telling Vivian about her father or for not arresting her for being high.
"You've done all you can do…" He tried again but she just rolled her eyes and pushed pasted him, heading back to her desk to do paperwork. She needed to document that she'd spoken with Vivian and add it to their case file.
"Leave me the fuck alone." She whispered harshly as she passed him.
Fin eyed her as she came back in but if she noticed, she didn't care. He did however, shoot Elliot a look when he made his way back over to his desk in front of Olivia. Elliot huffed and gave Fin a flat look before sitting down to focus on his paperwork.
…
The next day was basically the same. Olivia continued to ignore Elliot unless it was work related and she insisted on doing everything alone until Cragen finally sent them out to keep watch at Jason Gambel's house, where Joan's rapist and Vivian's biological father was staying.
Olivia had made several excuses to leave the car over the past few hours. Her latest one was to go get coffee. And if Elliot had expected that she'd bring him back some, then he was sadly mistaken.
She entered the car with her coffee in hand, accompanied by a pastry, something else that she had neglected to get him.
Elliot cut his eyes at her and refrained from making a face at her coldness, even though he wanted to. Fin had eyes on Gambel at the hotel and Burlock had been staying at the home, so not much had happened.
Later, Fin radioed them to tell them that Gambel was on the moving, making his way back to the house.
"Do you think Burlock called Gambel to go on the prowl again, to look for him another woman?" Olivia asked in seriousness to Elliot.
He just shrugged as he stared at the door, watching Gamble close in.
"When you get the itch, you call your bitch…" Elliot said absent mindedly. He hadn't meant anything by it, it was just a simple saying. Some lived by it, some didn't. But Olivia took it the wrong way, as was to be expected since she was in a mood.
"You are un-fucking-believable." She told him in disbelieve.
Elliot quickly turned his head towards her.
"I didn't-"
"I'm not your goddamned bitch, Elliot." Olivia told him with fire in her eyes. She was pissed, still pissed from his love confession, pissed that he'd cross that line and say something that they'd agreed never to say, pissed that he'd thrown her into a world wind of emotions and feelings for him with just three small words.
"Olivia-" He tried again but it was no use.
"The next time you get that 'itch'…" She stated, looking him dead in the eyes. "Tell your wife to open her legs for you…" Olivia said lowly before opening her door and slamming it. She knew they were on a stakeout, but she needed air. She was planning on walking down the sidewalk a ways and sitting on a bench. Luckily for her, Gambel came out of his house covered in blood and she, along with Elliot, had to intervene and arrest him for Burlock's murder.
When they got inside, they found out that he'd actually been dead for several hours so there's no way Gambel was good for it.
"It wasn't Vivian, Calvin is her priority." Olivia said after hearing what Elliot was suggesting and seeing the look on his face.
"She could have done it, Liv. She's had plenty of time… she met him at the station, knew who he was and what he'd done…. she had all the motive in the world and we don't have anymore suspects…" He stressed, hating to point out the truth and cold hard facts to her.
Olivia pressed her lips together into a tight then line while she gathered her thoughts.
"No." She stressed. "Vivian wouldn't do this to Calvin…"
Elliot shrugged.
"Maybe not sober, she wouldn't…" He said, causing Olivia to second guess herself.
When they left the crime scene, Elliot headed back to the station while she headed to Vivian's. The blonde apparently wasn't there, and some woman named Sarah Hoit, a brunette whom Olivia hadn't met before, answered the door to tell her that Vivian wasn't there and she didn't know when the blonde was coming back.
Olivia huffed as the door was shut in her face but headed back to the station, trying to figure out what her next move was.
When she entered the precinct, and headed towards her desk, she immediately saw Calvin sitting in her chair. Elliot was across from him at his own desk, working on paperwork but clearly keeping an eye on the kid until she got there.
"Calvin?" Olivia said in a loving voice, one that she reserved for children.
"Detective Benson…" He greeted her in a weary voice as he clutched an envelop to his chest.
Olivia swallowed hard, eyeing the envelop that was addressed to her. She sat down in the chair beside her desk that was reserved for civilians when they walk into the precinct needing to make a report.
"What's going on?" Olivia asked gently, looking at Calvin with her back to Elliot as she sat down.
"My… my mom is gone…" He said silently, as if he were in shock.
Olivia nodded her head slightly.
"Do you know where she went?" She questioned him in a soft tone, giving him a small smile in order to reassure him that things were alright.
Calvin shook his head no.
"So… how did you get here?" She asked him.
"My… my mom drove me…. she told me to run in and give you this…" He said, looking down at the envelop in his hands. "And… and you weren't here. I went back out to tell her but… she was gone…" Calvin explained. "Detective Stabler told me I could sit at your desk and wait for you…" The boy said, nodding at Elliot, who eyed Olivia after she'd given him her nod of thanks and approval.
His eyes were empty, and if Olivia had to guess, so was his heart. There was no telling what this boy had gone through when he'd been younger, and Vivian had been off the wagon with booze and drugs before her mother had gotten sick.
When Olivia didn't speak soon enough, he spoke again.
"H-how could she leave me here?" Calvin said, sounding confused and broken.
Olivia shook her head.
"I don't know." She said calmly. Olivia put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "We'll find her." She promised him, giving him an encouraging smile. "It's gonna be okay."
The woman was amazing with kids.
Elliot continued to eaves drop in the background as did Fin.
Calvin shook his head slowly.
"No, it's not." He lightly disagreed with her. Olivia then asked him if she could see the envelop. He obliged, and she began to open it, seeing that Calvin had already opened it and obviously read it.
Olivia nodded slowly and gave him another smile as she stood up, and for the first time in a couple of days, she willingly nodded for Elliot to walk away with her, so she could speak with him. Calvin stayed put.
"What is it?" He asked hesitantly.
"It's a notarized letter from attorney… Vivian made me Calvin's legal guardian. She fucking dropped him off… she abandoned him, El…" Olivia said in a hushed voice that was full of anger and sadness.
Elliot licked his lips and glanced at Calvin, who was staring at his feet and clinging to his backpack.
"Okay…" He said in a reassuring tone, knowing even if she was still pissed at him, she needed help right now. "Alert Cragen, he hasn't gone home for the night yet… maybe ask for a couple of days off to get him settled… or… or you can give him to child services…" Elliot said with a shrug, he was only being honest, presenting her with all of her options because he wasn't sure if she'd want to go through the process of having another child in her custody after she'd lost the baby girl at the hospital, but it was enough to make her nearly slap him.
"You're an asshole, you know that?" She said a little too loudly because Fin's head popped up and he looked in their direction.
Before Elliot could say anything else, Olivia was headed back to Calvin.
"Hey…" She said gently.
"I read it." He confessed. "I know what it says."
Olivia looked at him in question as she crouched down on the ground in front of him.
"You're a detective… you don't have time for kids, and if you wanted them, you'd already have some by now…" He explained, and she tried not to take offense, hoping it wasn't a dig at her age, and neglecting to mention that she'd actually had two kids….
"Calvin…" Olivia tried gently, looking at him with caring eyes but Calvin stopped her from continuing.
"You're gonna call the people to come get me, aren't you? I'll go to one of those places for kids who aren't wanted…." He said, near tears as he looked at the ground.
"No." Olivia said strongly, placing a hand on his knee and causing Calvin to look up. "No, I'm not going to do that to you…" She tried to explain. "Anyone would be luck to have you for a child." She whispered. Her heart broke for this boy whose mom had abandoned him.
Olivia glanced around the squad room, taking a minute before looking at him again.
"I'm going to go notify my captain of what's happened." She said. "Then I'm gonna get my things, and we're gonna get out of here and go to my apartment." She reassured him with a small smile.
"Really?" He asked in surprise, looking up with tears still in his eyes.
"Yes, sweetheart." She told him in a comforting manor. "We're gonna order some take out… we'll talk and… and try to figure things out, okay?"
Calvin seemed to take a deep breath, a breath of relief.
"Thank you, Detective Benson…" He said in a small voice, looking at her, not shy about making eye contact.
Olivia shook her head slightly.
"Olivia." She said. "Call me Olivia."
…
PRESENT DAY
Olivia had already explained to Calvin that Trevor was her boyfriend. In fact, He'd joined them for lunch on the second day. Luckily for Olivia, Trevor knew a bit about basketball and was able to strike up a conversation with Calvin rather quickly. It took a few minutes, but Calvin finally relaxed in Trevor's presence and even cracked a smile at a couple of the basketball jokes.
That afternoon, Olivia had sat down with Calvin and asked him a series of questions, trying to obtain as much information as possible in order to locate his mother. Whether Vivian was running away from her problems or truly gone to get help, she needed to be found or come forward. Abandoning a child was illegal and Olivia had every intention of making her pay that price.
On top of that, they needed to find Vivian because she was now the main suspect in her biological father's murder, although Olivia wasn't actually sure if she had anything to do with it or not.
The questions she asked yesterday got her nowhere though. Calvin had absolutely no information about who is biological father was or where he was, he didn't know much about his mother or the places she'd be. All he knew was that Sarah Hoit, who answered the door, was in fact Vivian's on again, off again girlfriend.
"Are you okay with Trevor coming over for dinner?" Olivia asked. She should've asked before she'd sent the text, but she honestly hadn't thought about it.
"Yeah, sure…" Calvin said as he shrugged again in the hoodie that was a bit too big for him.
Olivia had to fight the urge to roll her eyes and instead, she gave him a thin smile. She was pretty positive he'd agree with just about anything she did or suggested, which was another sign of how he was brought up. It bothered her. Children were supposed to be at least a little resistant.
"Calvin, if you're ever not okay with Trevor or anyone coming over, you tell me okay?" She said, making sure he knew that he was her first priority.
Calvin nodded but Olivia still wasn't sure that he would be at least she was trying to get through to him.
Of course, Olivia had no idea what the boy had actually been through in his younger years or what he'd experienced with Vivian.
Eventually, Trevor showed up with the frozen lasagna. While Olivia popped it in the oven and worked on side dishes, he and Calvin made themselves comfortable on the couch and turned on a basketball game.
The boy had already figured out that Olivia had no knowledge of basketball.
Trevor had seemed to take the news about Calvin better than she'd hoped. He understood that her work life had been meshed with her personal life and that their sex life would be cut down significantly until she could locate Calvin's mother, or father. She hadn't told him that she was looking for his father too, not sure of how he'd take it.
After Olivia had finished the sides and was waiting for the lasagna to be done, she decided to make her way into the living room. Trevor was on the end of the couch and Calvin was settled in the center seat, a decent ways away from the attorney.
Olivia had already picked up that he was hesitant around men but she wasn't sure why. It could have been because he'd never really had a stable man in his life, the fact that his father had dipped out and not wanted him, or something to do with his mother's ex-boyfriends. The brunette wasn't sure yet but she was determined to find out.
She decided to sit on the other end of the couch and was pleasantly surprised when Calvin gravitated towards her, actually touching her at one point and leaning up against her until she had to excuse herself to take the food out of the oven.
It had made her happy though, it meant that he boy trusted her, and with all the shit going on in his life, he needed stability and someone to trust. Her being a cop probably had something to do with it as well.
…
After dinner, they went back to the couch and instead of watching basketball, Olivia put on a family friendly movie. She didn't need to ask Calvin if he'd seen it. She knew his television had been limited.
Olivia curled up to Trevor on one end of the couch and Calvin was at the other end. She purposefully putting herself between the two men just in case Calvin felt uncomfortable and neglected to tell her.
It'd been a long movie and by the end, Olivia was getting restless. Trevor kissed the side of her cheek a couple of times and tightened his left arm that was wrapped around her.
"I'm gonna go to my room now…" Calvin said off-handedly, causing Olivia to sit up a bit more and look at him.
"Are you okay, Cal?" She asked gently, eyeing him. He looked uncomfortable. Olivia briefly wondered if Trevor shouldn't have come over. She enjoyed his company and missed him when he was gone for long periods, but Calvin was her top priority.
The boy nodded but Olivia wasn't buying it.
"What is it?" She asked, now fully sitting up, extracting Trevor's hand from her side and turning to face Calvin.
"Well…" He hesitated. "You're gonna have sex now, right?" Calvin said. "I just don't wanna be around…" He said in a low voice.
Both Olivia and Trevor were in an immediate state of shock.
She quickly extracted herself from Trevor's side, putting distance between them and tried to think of what they'd done to give the boy that idea. Trevor's eyebrows were raised high, as if he didn't know what to do or say. Olivia calmed down more quickly than him, but she was still a big surprised and very, very concerned now.
"I… I'm sorry, I-" Calvin started to backtrack, but Olivia gently cut him off as she sat down on the coffee table in front of him, resting her hands on her knees.
"You did nothing wrong." She reassured him with a small smile and eyes that still showed love and care, but a touch of concern. "What do you know about sex, Calvin?" Olivia asked, realizing he might have never been given a proper talk about the 'birds and the bees'.
She wondered if maybe he'd confused some of it or had been told an off-handed version of how it went. He was twelve, so he should know some things by now but if he'd had to figure it out on his own, there's no telling what his limited knowledge of the intimate act consisted of.
"Everything." He replied with a shrug.
"Everything?" She questioned, her eyes narrowing slightly.
Trevor looked at the pair in almost horror as Calvin began to describe his knowledge of sex, that was extremely way too graphic and detailed for a twelve-year-old. He knew the basics, where the penis went in the vagina, he knew the touching that a man and woman often do with their genitals. Then he told Olivia about the sounds you make during this intimate time and about how some people don't have 'normal' sex, that they use their hands and mouths instead. He mentioned about how sometimes the man would choke the woman during.
Olivia wondered if he'd somehow got ahold of some porn, she even asked him if that's where he'd gotten all this knowledge from.
Calvin then briefly explained that when he was younger, Vivian had had him hide in the closet while she'd have sex with various men, except the closet doors were broken and wouldn't shut all the way, along with a few of the panels on the doors being broken off. Sometimes he'd hide behind the couch or a chair.
Olivia swallowed hard and out of the corner of her eye, she saw Trevor run a hand down his face and take a deep breath.
Calvin had been psychologically abused as a child, this explained a lot. It had probably gone on for a while too. If Olivia had to guess, she'd say it'd happened from the time he could walk up until two years ago when Vivian had gotten sober to take care of her sick mother.
She didn't even want to think about whether or not any of those men had hurt him physically or sexually. It was a question she needed to ask him, but one hurdle at a time, and right now they were already working on one.
"I just… I didn't like seeing my mom like that… and… I don't wanna see you like that… I really like you, Olivia." Calvin said innocently, blinking a few times and looking hesitant, almost scared.
She tucked her hair behind her right ear before leaning forward and placing her elbows on her knees.
"You will never see me like that, Calvin…" She told him softly. "I promise." Olivia wanted to reach out and touch him to comfort him, but she knew she couldn't, not now when they were talking about intimacy and she also needed to figure out if he had PTSD and triggers.
Calvin still looked nervous, so she continued speaking.
"What your mom did was wrong. In fact, it's illegal. She could be put in jail for doing that with you in the room." Olivia explained, and Calvin's eyes went big, as if he hadn't quite understood that it wasn't something that some kids just go through. "I won't have sex with Trevor or anyone else for that matter with you here in the apartment, Calvin." Olivia said as she maintained eye contact with him.
It'd been something that she'd been thinking about, not having sex while he was in the apartment. She hadn't completely made up her mind yet though, because she knew parents did it all the time and you just have to be quiet, but she also hadn't been sure of all the trauma that he'd endured.
Now, however, her mind was completely made up. She and Trevor would not be having sex while Calvin was there.
"She's right." Trevor said, immediately backing her up and making his way to sit beside Olivia on the coffee table, leaving distance between their bodies and facing Calvin. "We won't be doing anything intimate like that while you're here." He promised. "In fact, I won't even touch her if it makes you uncomfortable…. We don't have to sit together on the couch either. Hell, I don't even have to come over if you're not okay with it, buddy…" Trevor said, fishing for a reaction from Calvin, trying to see what the boy wanted and was comfortable with.
"No." Calvin said almost frantically, looking a bit panicked. "I don't want you to break up!" He said quickly.
Olivia glanced at Trevor, giving him a confused look.
"We aren't, and if we ever did, it wouldn't be because of you, honey." She tried, looking back to Calvin.
He seemed to take in that information for a moment, thinking it over in his head. This boy was incredibly too educated and too adult-like to be twelve.
"My mom told me that grown-ups in relationships have to have sex, that it's part of the relationship…" He stated, sort of trying to ask Olivia if it was true or not because now he seemed to be second guessing everything his mother had ever taught him or told him, which was probably for the best.
Olivia bit her bottom lip and contemplated what to tell him.
"It is part of a relationship sometimes, but there are also people who choose not to do it until they get married." She said shrugging her shoulders a bit.
"Is that what you are doing?" He asked innocently, looking back and forth between Olivia and Trevor.
She let out a nervous laugh. It was so odd how he wouldn't tell her no, and would do nearly anything she asked or suggested but when it came to this talk, he was so open and honest with his knowledge, thoughts, and questions.
Olivia rubbed her eyebrow with her thumb as Trevor stared at her, willing her to answer.
"Calvin," She started off. "You don't have to worry about us or the health of our relationship. I want you to be thinking about school and the basketball team that you're gonna be trying out for soon…" She told him with a small smile, purposefully avoiding his initial question.
"There will probably be some nights that Trevor and I go out on a date and maybe Detective Fin or Sergeant Munch will stay here with you… Captain Cragen might even take you out to one of the action movies that've been playing at the theater or to a ball game… he loves those." Olivia explained, knowing she could con Fin or Munch to watch him and that Cragen didn't have much of a personal life, nor did he have kids or grandkids, so he'd probably soak up the opportunity to spend with the boy.
Calvin nodded, then took a minute to collect his thoughts. He seemed to have something on his mind.
"Sometimes, when my mom was high, she'd tell me that I was the reason none of the rich men stuck around. She said they didn't like that she had a kid or that I was there all the time…." He explained, as if he was trying to tell Olivia why he thought the way that he did, and silently begging her to help him, correct him, or just tell him that he was wrong. And of course, that's just what she did.
Olivia quickly shook her head and moved to sit beside Calvin on the couch while Trevor scooted over to sit directly in front of the boy.
"No." She said sternly, looking at him. Olivia had turned sideways on the couch so she could face him. "That had nothing to do with you, Calvin. That was between your mom and those men. They were the adults. Sweetheart, it's not your fault…" She said lightly, sensing the boy might become emotional.
"I just… I thought that since grandma died… maybe she went back to how it used to be and she didn't want me around because she wanted to be able to be with a nice guy but men don't like kids and… and…" Calvin rambled on as he tears began to flow and Olivia's heart broke for him.
She didn't need to look at Trevor to see that he was on the verge of being emotional himself.
"I don't want Trevor to go or you to break up because then you won't want me here and I have no where else to go…" He said as he sniffed and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. Tears were running down his face and Olivia wished it was easier for him to open up to her, she hated that he bottled all of this inside.
"I'm gonna hug you now, okay?" She asked him gently, waiting for him to nod before she wrapped her arms around him and pulled Calvin to her. He immediately wrapped his arms around her torso and buried his head in her shirt.
"You will always have a place here, Calvin. ALWAYS." Olivia stressed. "Now, in the future, when you're a teenager, or even when you're in your twenties and thirties, whenever." She promised him, realizing she was way more invested in helping this boy than she realized.
Olivia leaned down and planted a kiss on top of his head, and continued whispered words of comfort to him.
"I'll never do to you what you mother did, Cal." Olivia closed her eyes as she hugged him tighter, allowing him to cry it out. "I'll always be here for you, you'll always have a place in my home." She promised him, and it was true.
Calvin Arliss would always have a place in Olivia Benson's home and in her heart.
"And I think Trevor feels the same way…" She said, telling Trevor with her eyes to participate in comforting the boy so he'd feel safe with both adults and just not her.
"She's right." He said, and Calvin pulled back a bit to look at Trevor with his tear stained face. "If you ever need anything and I can help you out, I'm here…" He said to the boy, giving him a small smile. "And for the record, I like kids. Your mom is right, some people don't, but I do, and if Olivia and I ever break up, it won't be because of you… it be because of a more major issue, like her bad cooking or the fact that she sometimes snorts when she laughs…"
This caused Calvin to laugh as Olivia let out a sigh and rolled her eyes.
"I do not… and I cook just fine. Right, Cal?" She said, looking down at the boy, hoping he'd agree with her but she had no such luck.
He shrugged his shoulders with another laugh.
"We've had takeout every day that I've been here…" He concluded, causing Trevor to join him in laughter. Olivia even laughed a bit herself as she shook her head.
"Hey…" Trevor said. "I'm pretty good in the kitchen. If you'd like, I can cook dinner sometimes when Olivia and I aren't working late…" He suggested.
Calvin nodded with a small smile. His tears had long since stopped and Olivia was eternally grateful that Trevor had brought humor to their conversation. It was one of the things she really liked about him.
How was it? The next one will be better, this was more of a filler chapter.