A/N: Here's the glory of also having no school tomorrow, another chapter of story for you people and another chapter closer to me finally getting this story done...and it's really about time. -.- Not that I don't like writing this or anything, it's just that when I do write, it becomes so time consuming...especially when I have to write with a plot and stick with a certain thing. Usually I'm okay with writing and letting my imagination run wild with whatever I'm writing, and then I'd just make it a one shot...but yeah. Whoops...rambling. I usually do that when it's late at night.

Disclaimer: *Yawns* Seeing as you already know what should be here and all...

Knowing that I was going to be changed I was prepared for pain, and lots of it. However, no amount of mental preparation could completely prepare me for the fire that I felt going through my system for what seemed like endless hours. I didn't scream though, I couldn't bring myself to scream because I didn't want to seem weak to them, and I didn't want anyone to feel bad, nor did I want Edward to end up angry because of the pain I was in.

My heartbeat was speeding up dramatically as I heard the words that I was longing to hear for a long time. I was going to wake up as a vampire very soon, and then all of this was going to be over. Then the next chapter of my story begins, and I have to make sure that this next chapter is a fucking good one, or I may just end up being a highly suicidal vampire. No jokes.

I squirmed even more as the fire seems to intensify in my system for the last few minutes, but now it was starting to slowly go away.

"This is almost over, Bella." I can hear Esme's voice soothe me.

"Yes, it is almost over for her, Esme." Jasper agrees, "Which is why I'd prefer that you stay back. You know just as well as I do that newborns are dangerous beings."

I won't be a dangerous being, though! I'm going to be an okay newborn… I won't hurt anyone! You're wrong about me Jasper, you're so wrong. Just because you had to deal with newborns doesn't mean we're all the same.

"Just seconds away now." Alice mutters, softly. "She's going to be so beautiful."

"She also won't be able to be your little dress up doll anymore." Emmett chuckles, "Sorry, sister."

"I'll find ways to cope." Alice sighs.

My heart begins to beat so quickly it felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest and splatter around the room, making a rather disgusting mess. Instead, it stops. I had just had my last few heart beats as someone who was truly alive.

Sliding open, my eyes looked around the room as I took in all the new things I could see. Even all the tiny dust particles in the air were clearly visible to me. I had perfect motion of both arms, and my skin was pale and when I ran a finger along my arm, it was more hard yet soft at the same time.

Then I noticed the terrible burning in the back of my throat, and I winced at it because it hurt me that much. Clearly I needed some blood, or I was going to go mad already. I looked up to the Cullen's, and Jasper growled slightly at me. Everyone else was standing behind him and Emmett. I just give him a strange look and feel kind of confused.

"Am I supposed to be that much of a monster that you all have to stand back?" I ask, and my voice sounded hoarse. I really needed to get something in to my system, or I was going to jump out of that window and kill something.

"It's precaution." Jasper says, stiffly, "For everyone's safety."

"I'm not a monster." I spit, "I'm just like any of you guys now, so don't go treating me as if I'm something different."

"Newborns are usually extremely out of control, especially if they're frightened and extremely thirsty." Carlisle explains.

"I'm extremely thirsty but do I look like I'm about to rip your limbs off?" I snap. "No, I do not. So Jasper, you can stop looking all defensive, or I'll give you a reason to look defensive. Now who the hell is taking me hunting, I want to rip the throat out of something and for goodness sakes, it best be the throat of an animal."

"I'll take you." Edward says simply, "I'd like the honours of taking you on your first hunt."

"Not fair." Alice mumbles, "I wanted to."

"I won fair and square." He smirks, triumphantly.

"What did you guys do?" I question, getting up.

"Rock paper scissors." Emmett smirks.

I just raise my eyebrows and give Edward a pointed look and nod my head towards my bedroom window. I've always wanted to jump out of a second story window, so why not do it when I can jump out and not sustain life threatening injuries from it. I give Edward another look, and my face showed that I wasn't all that confident about this.

"You go first." I tell him, simply.

"The pleasure is mine." He chuckles, and jumps out the window.

I watch him land perfectly and then I grin, jumping out of the window and following after him. It was exhilarating with the wind whipping through my hair and the cool air filling up my lungs even though I didn't need it.

I curled up on the forest floor in a small ball as dry sobs wracked my small frame, beside me was two human bodies that were now both drained of blood and it was all my fault. Clearly they had been out of camping range because this area wasn't even designated camping area, it was too far in the woods for any people to be. It was dangerous to venture out this far, because of animals and the risk of getting lost. I bet they never thought it was dangerous to be out in this area because of vampires. Edward had tried so hard to keep the two of us off the beaten path of humans, but yet some still managed to be here in the wrong place at the wrong time and I had lost it.

Emmett and Jasper were right about me all along…but I bet they didn't count on me feeling horrible about it like I do now. As soon as I had tossed the drained bodies to the side, I crumbled and had some type of nervous breakdown, if a vampire can even call it that.

Edward was anxiously pacing back and forth , running his hands through his bronze hair and occasionally sighing every few steps or so. Probably trying to figure out what the hell he should tell Carlisle and the others. Maybe he's even thinking about how they should just burn me in flames now because I'm going to viciously murder every human I happen to unfortunately stumble upon.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I wail, "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's not your fault." He consoles, "It's mine. I should have taken you even farther away from here…"

"No, you didn't know that I was going to go all mental should we stumble upon someone." I whisper.

"I expected it." He says, grimly.

"I guess no one had faith in me, and for good reason." I mutter.

"Some of us had faith in you, but I wouldn't expect you to be able to stand the smell of that after being changed not even a full hour ago."

I just shake my head and sigh softly, finally managing to pull myself together I stand up and brush the leaves and what not off of my clothes. I looked up at the bits of sky I could see through the thick trees and then back down at the ground. Maybe if there is a heaven those two people that I just killed will be there, and they'll be happy now in a world with no pain. At least, that's what I hope for. Not that I ever was a religious person or anything.

"We should find you a deer or something and then go back home." Edward suggests. "I take it now that you know what to do."

That sent a pang of guilt right through me, "Yeah, I do."

I let my senses and hunting abilities consume me, and just pray that I'm not led to another human.

Carlisle looked disappointed when Edward told him about my incident but he didn't seem mad at me or anything for it. They all looked sympathetic except for Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie. Emmett and Jasper both looked triumphant, even though one of them did end up losing the bet both of them were still somehow pleased with themselves. Rosalie just had her simple 'I told you so' face plastered to her features.

I look at Jasper and Emmett, "I hope you two are happy." I say, sadly, "I heard the two of you talking a while back…"

"Talking about what?" Esme raises her eyebrows at me, and then looks sternly at the two of them.

"We had a bet…" Emmett sighs, "About how long she'd last without snapping and killing a human."

"That is extremely rude." Carlisle says, "I'm displeased with the both of you for even talking about something like that. Especially you, Jasper… I'm sure you must know what Bella's going through right now."

"Of course, Carlisle…"

I just sigh and leave the living room and walk upstairs to my own room to change out of my tattered and bloody clothes. I walk in to the bathroom and wipe the blood off the corners of my mouth, and look miserably at my crimson eyes. How long would it take for these eyes to be the mesmerising color of the Cullen's eyes? Will my eyes even get to be that color, or will I keep messing up?

You're never good enough and you don't know why…

Yeah, that really kind of sounds like me right now. I'm like Queen of the Fuck Ups and sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock and get all of this right. Now I'm just starting to sound emo again, emo and depressed. However, I won't let myself fall back to that kind of state again. Not that I could cut, but the depression part of it, at least.

Edward walks in to my room and honestly right now, I don't even care that he didn't bother knocking and just kind of barged in. He hugs me from behind and kisses the top of my hair lightly, and I squirm out of his grip, turn around to face him, and then nuzzle my head in to his chest as the dry sobs started to shake through me once again.

"Hey, don't cry." He says softly, as he strokes my hair, "No one's mad, it's not your fault."

"It still happened though." I whimper, "It happened and I did it. I don't want to be a monster. I'm not a monster, Edward."

"Of course you're not a monster, Bella." He says, soothingly, "You'll never be a monster. Just trust me, you're being a normal newborn vampire. In about a year or so you'll be fine. Maybe more, or maybe less. It all depends, everyone is different."

"I hope it's not any more than a year." I say, "I don't want to be like this for a year or more. I'd go crazy, Edward."

"If it makes you feel any better, I've killed loads more humans than you probably ever will." He winces.

"You did?" I ask in astonishment, as he tenses but still continues to hols me to him and stroke my hair.

"Yes…" he sighs, "My rebellious years, actually. I only killed the bad people though. The rapists and the murderers…people like that. Carlisle and Esme were devastated though."

"Do you ever regret it?" I ask him.

"Sometimes, and sometimes I don't."

"Why?"

"It rid the world of some excuses for people, didn't it? Something the law would never do. Especially not back then. Things weren't nearly as advanced as they are now. You're lucky to be born when you were."

"Did any of the others besides Jasper mess up?" I ask.

"Yes, I know they did. Not my story to tell though. If you're curious ask the questions yourself. I'm sure none of them would hesitate to tell you."

I just shrug and take a step back from him and look at my feet and then back up to his gorgeous face. He chuckles at me and drops a kiss on my forehead.

"Do you really love me…even now?"

"Yes, of course I do."

I can't help but smile a little bit, "Good, because I love you too."

"I knew that." He smiles his classic crooked smile, "Are you alright now, Bella?"

"I'll cope."

I'll figure out how to deal with this little ordeal somehow, or at least I hope I will. I think Edward will help me make it through though. I trust that he really does love me, and he's always been protective.

A/N: Well, hope you liked that. Reviews would be lovely to cheer up the girl who almost sliced off her finger when she was cutting green peppers, and was nearly murdered by her laptop cord when she tripped over it, and also the one who failed at cooking supper yesterday evening. So she needs some cheering up, and reviews would clearly do that. ;)