Heyo!

Genre: Really Absurdest Comedy

Characters: Vault Hunters, Handsome Jack, Assorted God-type Characters from the Elder Scrolls Series and MLP:FIM

In addition to Borderlands, this also rips off the Elder Scrolls and MLP:FIM.

Finish Him! (I Am Not Yet Dead)

"Damn it!" Jack yelled angrily. "I was supposed to be the hero of this story! I was supposed to win! Not you child murdering bandit skaglicks!"

The Vault Hunters stood in the Vault of the Warrior, gathered around Handsome Jack as he stood there dying and ranting angrily at them and the universe.

"So who's going to finish him off? You guys or me?" Lilith asked the others.

The Vault Hunters looked at each other for a few moments before giving their answer.

"He's all yours." Axton replied.

Lilith began to construct a ball of energy with her powers, while Handsome Jack looked on in horror. After it built up to a decent size, she released the ball and it hurdled toward Jack to finish him off. It impacted with a blinding light and a sound like thunder, which almost completely masked Jack's dying screams. He hurtled backwards into the ground and the became obscured by the light.

"That was for Roland asshole." Lilith spat as the blinding light faded away.

But then to everyone's surprise, including his own, as the light faded away, Handsome Jack stood back up.

"I'm... I'm not dead!" He said, clearly shocked, but none the less ecstatic. He ran his hands over his body, making sure that there wasn't any sort of bullet holes or burns that shouldn't be there. "Suck it Vault Hunters!" He yelled when his search turned up empty.

"Son of a bitch." Lilith muttered. "What does it take to kill you?"

"Don't worry." Axton said. "We got this. Right guys?"

The Vault Hunters nodded and gave a few scattered "yeses."

Handsome Jack looked at them as the Vault Hunters seemed to ready themselves for something.

"What's going on?" He asked nervously.

"Oh you'll see..." Axton said with a devious grin. "Ready?"

"Ready!" Replied Gaige now positioned near Jack.

"Hey Handsome Jackass!" She called out.

Jack turned toward the mechromancer.

"What is it you teen aged bitch?"

"Don't mess with the bot sucka."

Gaige digistructed Deathtrap and the robot slammed Handsome Jack in the chest with one of his claws. The force was enough to send Jack hurtling into the air. After a few dozen feet, he began to fall towards another of the Vault Hunters, Salvador. Before he could it the ground, Salvador grinned widely and pulled out duel Vladdoff mini-guns. With which he blasted Handsome Jack back upwards and further into the air, this time towards Axton and Maya, who where standing next to each other.

Maya's tattoos glowed brightly, and she phaselocked Jack just before he hit the ground. With her other hand she pulled out a Maliwan SMG and pointed at his face, will the commando next to her deployed his turret and digistructed a rifle.

"Ready?" Axton asked.

"Ready." Maya replied.

The two Vault Hunters and turret then mercilessly opened fire in Jack's direction. He screamed in pain at the combined fire from the siren and the commando, which almost literally tore him to shreds. After a few seconds the phaselock faded away and the two stopped firing. Jack stumbled to his feet, still not quite dead, but looking considerably worse for ware.

Without warning, Zer0 exited deception and slashed Jack across the chest with his katana, then promptly disappeared again, leaving him with an enormous bleeding gash in his chest and leaving him an open target for Krieg.

The psycho ran madly towards Jack, screaming at the top of his lungs "Strip the flesh! Salt the wound!" and waving a buzzax madly above his head.

"Fuck..." Jack muttered just before the psycho impacted.

Krieg brought down his buzzax on Jack's head, burring it deep into his skull, then kicked him straight in the chest, knocking him into the ground.

The Vault Hunters gathered around Jack's unmoving body. He was lying lifelessly on the floor of the Vault, bleeding from multiple gunshots and several cuts, almost all of which looked fatal. Then to everyone's surprise, Jack once again stood up.

"How are you not fucking dead!?" Axton asked.

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Divine intervention?" He suggested.

"We just performed a freaking fatality on your ass and your not dead!?" Gaige exclaimed.

"Fuck this." Axton said.

He pulled out his rifle and fired it straight at Jack.

The others did the same, emptying several clips of ammo into Handsome Jack, over several minutes. By the time they were done Jack's chest was just a bloody mass of bullet holes and bleeding flesh.

"Is he dead now?" Maya asked.

"I think so... No one could have survived that." Axton answered.

The Vault Hunters were just about to walk away when Jack leapt to his feet.

"I am not dead yet, I can dance and sing. I am not yet dead I can do the Highland Fling. I am not yet dead, no need to go to bed. No need to call the doctor cause I'm not yet dead!" He sang in a mocking tone.

At this point Handsome Jack began dancing. Also at this point the Vault Hunters decided that it wasn't worth it and simply began to walk away.

Although, to his credit, Axton did fire a few more shots into Jack before giving up.

Meanwhile at the Legion of Doom

The sound of laughter filled the room. Two men, or actually one man and one giant sort of dragon looking creature, sat laughing hysterically, watching a screen which had a video of the Vault Hunters and Handsome Jack.

"You are a comic genius my friend." The man said to the creature next to him.

"No, no, no. I can't take all the credit it was your idea in the first place." The creature replied.

The two once again burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Sheogorath!"

"Discord!"

Both of them stopped laughing immediately.

"Did you hear that?" Sheogorath asked.

Discord gulped and nodded his head.

Two figures burst through the door and into the room.

"Hi Mara." Sheogorath waved.

"Celestia." Discord added.

"You two are in serious trouble." They said in unison.

"But we were just having fun..." Discord protested.

"We have both warned you about messing with other universes!"

"But…"

"Not another word. Now go back to Canterlot before I turn you into stone." Celestia said.

"Yes ma'am." Discord said sulking away.

"Sheogorath!"

"Yes mother?"

"Go back to Oblivion."

"But mother..."

"Now!"

"Yes mother." He said walking out the door.

"We should probably fix their meddling with those poor people." Mara said.

"I don't know looks kind of funny."

Mara shot Celestia a disproving look.

"Fine we'll fix it." She muttered.

Back on Pandora

Axton fired one last shot at Handsome Jack, hoping that by some miracle it would kill him.

The shot went straight through his head and Handsome Jack dropped to the ground. But to the surprise of everyone, he didn't get back up this time.

"Did we get him?!" Gaige asked.

"I think we did it!" Axton answered. "We killed Jack!"

Just then Mordecai and Brick limped into the room.

"Hey slabs. What'd we miss?"

Author's Note: It's almost funny if you actually get the references.