A/N: New chapter! It's a long one, and I was tempted to split it into two smaller parts, but I changed my mind at the last second. Anyhow… Thanks for the reviews and please enjoy!

Ella woke two weeks before Christmas in the tenements, her finals over, bags packed to go home for the next month. Ricky and Johnny were tossing around ideas for a secret Santa, even though most of them were leaving that afternoon. Lola was actually going to her sister's apartment, noisily wrapping presents for her nephews.

"Nice day, ain't it?" Lola asked, grinning even though Johnny had definitely caught her cheating not even three days ago, compounded with the fact that he wasn't speaking to her, or anybody else, for that matter.

"Lola, I said I would help." Ella murmured, trying to get out of bed without letting Lola know she was actually checking her phone for messages from Johnny.

Johnny had Jimmy Hopkins trail Lola, literally follow the poor girl on his bike, trying to get pictures of her with other boys. Ella wasn't sure whose actions she wanted to condemn, Johnny's or Lola's, especially since Johnny had given Ella a rash of shit only hours after he'd found out.

"You knew, didn't you? You knew, I know you did- apparently so did half the school- and you wouldn't even tell me? You didn't tell me and you let me find out like this and I look like an idiot and you knew, Ella." His words rushed together, thoughts separated by nothing more than a quick intake of breath.

"So did you, or you would have never followed her in the first place. Don't act like it's my entire fault especially since she's the one who cheated on you. Leave me out of this."

"Ella, why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know, I don't. Because it would really make sense that I let the guy who I have a very obvious crush on continue to date the girl who is cheating on him, because it is just so simple and honest."

"No, no, no. Tell me how long you knew. Tell me."

"No. It doesn't make a difference."

"Yes."

Ella sighed. "Since Bif. Since Parker maybe. I don't remember. You haven't been an angel either, Johnny. You have seen your share of girls while dating Lola, remember? You tried to make out with Randi while Ricky was in the same room."

"I was wasted."

"So? Lola's my friend, and I would've betrayed somebody no matter what I did. It wasn't an easy decision, to keep my mouth shut. I'm sorry, Johnny, I'm so sorry."

He hadn't answered, just shook his head and left her room and hadn't come back since then. Lola was nearly happy, after all, now she could see whoever she wanted without having to hide it anymore. But she loved Johnny, Ella knew that. Jesus, didn't she?

Sitting down next to her, Ella picked up a stuffed elephant. "So, what's the latest?"

"He's on a bender down at J. Malcolm's Tavern. What else is new?" Lola asked, handing Ella a bag with cartoon Santas printed on it. "So over it, honey. He's all yours, please, take him. I don't want him no more, not at all."

"Lola, it's too early to talk about him. That's not what I meant anyway. I meant, how far along have you gotten with Danny's gifts and how badly have you wrapped them?"

Lola smiled. "Halfway and pretty terribly. He won't care. But Gavin might, so I'm leaving those for you. His are the smart gifts. He's smart, did you know that? He's smarter than me but he doesn't get along with kids his own age. I love him though. Wish I had been at my sister's some of those times I was supposed to be."

She shrugged. "I'm sure he knows his aunt loves him. What time are they supposed to be here?"

"Little past noon. We're going to my grandmother's house after I help her wrangle the kids while she packs. My other sister is going to follow us, she's taking Danny, because the two brothers fight like dogs in the car. You know?"

Ella nodded, not because she did but because she didn't have anything to add. Sensing that Ella was still too tired to carry out a conversation, Lola left to shower and get ready to leave before her sister came around. Wrapping the remaining presents, Ella wondered whether she should take the bus to her parents or just walk over, even though it was cold enough that the ponds around school froze. The boys, prior to Lola and Johnny's falling out, had been planning for a massive ice hockey league, but had since abandoned all their plans until further notice.

Lola's final whisper before meeting her sister downstairs was almost enough to make Ella break down again. "If he comes back, he's coming back for you, not me. I want you to be happy, and if that asshole makes you happy, I have no problems with it. I loved having a boyfriend, but God knows I didn't love Johnny, not at the end, not for a long time. If you love him, you let him know."

Ella listened for the slam of the door at the end of the hallway, the one that connected to the stairwell, before sliding back into bed. Her parents wouldn't care what time she came home and if she was lucky, maybe Ricky would come by to grab his things and she could hitch a ride with him. She hadn't seen her brother for longer than five minutes at a time, not since he and Randi had started to go out, but Ella didn't mind. Burrowing under her covers, she tried to get back to sleep, even though it was technically the afternoon already. She didn't want to deal with the world quite yet, not until she at least heard from Johnny. Anything, even a text, would set her mood at ease. She wanted him home, here with her, but she would accept a few printed words across her cell phone.

So maybe she should have told him. Maybe she shouldn't have been so worried about lying to him and just told the truth. Maybe she should have warned him, at least. Anything. She remembered when she'd asked Ricky to give her lying lessons, and now she couldn't quite remember why they decided she didn't need them after all. What had happened? She was going to ask Bif something, but she wasn't sure what. Oh. The incident in the dorms with Gary, when she'd gotten sick. When he found her dirty little secret, when whatever dislike he'd been harboring had turned into fully fledged hatred. Compared to Gary, Johnny's treatment of Ella since their breakup had been quite gentlemanly.

She typed three words into her phone, hoping he'd return it with at least one.

Where are you?

When an hour passed, Ella remembered what Lola had said. J. Malcolm's Tavern wasn't too far away, maybe a few blocks. It was, however, the seediest bar this side of town. J. Malcolm was one of the only barkeeps in the country that seemed to forget that the legal drinking age was twenty-one, and gave any paying customer whatever they wanted, no matter their age. Johnny was surely there.

Grabbing her coat, Ella's resolve melted with every step she took closer to the bar, she was more afraid of Johnny's temper than she wanted to be, was so afraid by the time she laid her fingertips on the sticky doorknob of the tavern that she was ready to turn around and just walk home to her parents' instead. But somebody had opened it from the inside; making it so that Ella would have to walk in before they walked out.

Johnny was hunched over the bar; that much Ella could see from just walking in. He had three empty glasses in front of him, and the fourth was nearly drained. Sighing, she lifted herself onto the barstool next to him.

"Johnny?" She asked, gently placing a hand on his arm, waiting for him to snatch it away.

He rolled his eyes. "Did Peanut tell you?"

"No, I just had a hunch." No need to say anything about Lola, she vowed to never say her name around him ever again. "Can we please go outside? We can't talk in here."

"I've been here for two days and nobody has stopped me from saying whatever I wanted."

"Johnny, please, I just can't talk in here. We need to go home." Quieter now, she added, "You look like shit, Jesus Christ."

Even though she couldn't count the times he'd said he hated Lola, it took until now to see that it was just a matter of pride, that he did and he might always. Ella had no way of understanding it. His eyes were red and his face was slack and Ella thought for a moment that she should have never broken up with Bif and started hanging out with Ricky and his friends again. The chance to go back in time never seemed so sweet, the chance to change things so that maybe for once, life would work out in Ella's favor.

"You want a drink?" Johnny asked, holding out a half empty beer to her.

"I shouldn't, I have to see my parents later."

"Ricky's not going home until Friday." He was surprisingly coherent, considering that he had supposedly spent the last couple days drinking himself into a stupor.

"Johnny, things aren't going get better if we're both drunk, it's just not. We should go home."

"Get wasted, and I'll consider." He swigged the rest, motioning for the bartender. "Want one or not."

"Another Coors?" The bartender asked. "Something for her too?"

"I'll have a shot of Jack, she'll have the same. Get two more ready after that."

After what seemed like at least a dozen shots of whatever liquor Johnny shouted out, Ella knew that she wasn't going home to see her parents, not if she could barely walk, not if every other word out of her mouth was a confused sigh. She couldn't remember why she'd been mad at Johnny, couldn't remember the name of his girlfriend, couldn't forget that she was at least mostly in love with him, and that he knew it too. She couldn't remember where she lived, not as she walked home arm in arm with him, mostly because he was worried she'd wander off if not attached.

"Don't we make a pair, huh, El, two drunks who have had their hearts broken?" Johnny asked softly, looking over to her.

"I am not heartbroken. I am just, I don't know. I'm just Ella right now."

"Maybe not now, but you... Never mind, forget it."

"No, tell me." Ella demanded, as they rounded up the first set of stairs to their apartment.

"I mean, you've gone through a lot of things in your life El. Your dad left you. I don't know what I would do if my dad left. Christ, I don't know what I'd do."

"I didn't know him. It didn't matter. My dad is not my dad. I call him by his first name- Frank- because he's just a person. He doesn't effect me, and he didn't and it doesn't even matter anymore."

"What about all those guys you dated then? What about every stupid prep that took advantage of you and then didn't want you anymore? What about them?"

"I don't know. They didn't take... They weren't, I don't know. I don't know what to say. I made that choice; I decided to be with them. I decided to date Justin because he was nice to me and told me I was pretty. I decided to date Bif because he was cute and I just wanted to have fun with him but everything turned into something else. We had fun but there were so many responsibilities that he was just overwhelmed. It's nothing that either of us did or didn't do. It was just stupid." Ella answered; trying to sift through what was just her being drunk and being free with her words and what was actually her trusting him. She wasn't sure what to think.

He sighed deeply. "And Gary? What about that whole fucking can of worms? Damn it, Ella, I could kill him for what he's done to you. What he's still doing. I could murder him."

"It's not his fault. He's just broken. He's been abused and he's fighting back the only way he knows how and he's just a boy underneath all the words he says and the things he does. He's never grown up. Gary... Gary's not all my fault, but I'm not innocent either. I should've known. We both should've known."

Johnny didn't reply as he unlocked the door into their apartment, he just felt deeply into one of the ratty armchairs. He didn't answer as Ella sat across from him, on the couch.

"You're too good, Ella, too good. You should blame them. You should hate all of them."

"Why?"

"It would just make everything better. I have spent the past three days drinking and I spent them just hating her, hating Lola so much that I was afraid to leave the bar. I thought about all the things I would say to her if I ever spoke to her again, all the things I would do if she ever came near me ever again. I just told myself that everything was her fault and I felt lighter, I felt like I could breathe."

"Just Lola?" Ella asked, tentatively, watching him.

"What?" He leaned forward, taking off his coat. "What does that mean?"

"You can say it, I could tell by the way you looked at me back there. You blame me, don't you? It's my fault, you can say it. It's fine."

His eyebrows rose. "I... I don't... Okay. At first, it was just you that I was mad at, the first four beers I had were to forget that you were the one who didn't tell me. Three drinks after that, I just thought about how you had to be in the most awkward situation, between the two of us, knowing and not being able to tell. I didn't exactly make it easy for you. I mean, it was pretty amazing of you to stay true to a girl that two months before you could barely stand next to without saying something nasty. I don't want to sound cocky, but especially considering what the two of us, you and me, have been going through lately. I realized it when you came in, how much me being at the bar for so long was really just me waiting for somebody to come and get me and how much I really wanted that person to be you. I might hate her, for now, but I never hated you, not at all. Just myself, for being such an asshole to everyone."

Ella didn't answer. She'd never considering blaming anybody else for what had always gone wrong in her life. She didn't think about it. It was easy, but it was worthless. It made everything worse. If she couldn't evaluate her own actions, how was she going to be able to make better decisions?

It was that question that laid on her mind as they fell asleep within the arms of one another, tangled up in sheets that had nearly been packed away for winter break. It was what she thought about when he woke her with a kiss on the lips, as he went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. When he came back, Ella had a feeling that maybe this time, they'd do more than just sleeping. It was settled when he came back without the water.

"I don't know..." Johnny said, words hanging in the air. "You think?"

"Would it be too soon?" Ella whispered, desperately hoping the answer was no.

"I think..." He kissed her again, slower, with more depth than before. "I think I've been ready to say yes for a very long time, but I think we're both not in the right mindset. I want to do things right this time."

"This time?" Ella asked, trying to hide a smile.

"I think you know what I mean." Johnny replied, tucking her under his arm. "Goodnight, El."

"'Night." She whispered, leaning over to kiss him just one last time.

Gift tucked underneath his arm, Gary waltzed across the street, feeling ecstatic. He'd never picked out a present for someone before, usually Pop would just scrawl Gary's name across a gift for his mother, even though Gary had nothing to do with the purchase. He loved what he'd chosen for Ella, he loved the wrapping he'd delicately packaged it in, he loved that you could just barely see the tape, only if you squinted real hard.

He loved Christmas across the street. He loved the strong spicy smells all over the house; he loved their tree and the bright lights that enveloped every surface. He loved the way that presents were always tentatively added each day, as though the siblings still believed in Santa, even though he knew that Ella didn't really. He liked how Mrs. Pucino put up their artwork signed Ricky, age 11 and Ella, age 10 and she really loved every crooked star and messy angel. He loved how the center of the elementary art exhibition was something he'd drawn- a picture of him and Ella waiting in line for Santa, a piece entitled Waiting for Santa with Ella Down at the Mall, even though he wasn't her child. But during Christmas, maybe he was.

"Ah, young Master Smith, what brings you across the street?" Ella asked, her hair messy around her face. She and Ricky had been pretending to be ninjas lately, and the bruises on her knuckles and across her forearms proved that they were still invested in their game.

"Christmas presents!" He handed to her, so proudly that he beamed. "I bought one for you!"

She eyed it suspiciously, before grinning. "I know! Come on, Mommy made cookies and we can ice them once they cool. First, you have to put it underneath the tree."

Ella tugged him inside the warm house, where the pine needles weren't dry and the tree sat in the front window with such care that it almost made him want to cry. Pop Smith suggested they buy a nice tree this year, which his mother agreed with, until she drank the money they would've spent on it. Instead, he bought the most expensive one she'd allow, which was obviously old and sick when it'd been chopped down. And growth stunted, Gary thought, gently rolling a Christmas light between his fingers.

Ricky and Peanut were in the living room, watching TV. Ricky waved at Gary as he passed through to the kitchen, shouting, "Where's my gift?"

"I left it at the store!" Gary answered, smiling at his own joke. "I figured you could buy it yourself."

"Gee, thanks." Ricky said, before turning back to his show.

Sitting at the counter in one of the stools, Gary admired all the cookies in front of him, in every shape he could imagine. Icing and decorations littered the kitchen, and he couldn't decide what to start with.

"You gotta start with the tree. It's classic." Ella said, gently swiping green frosting across its plane.

"It's boring."

"Star?" Mrs. Pucino asked, offering him one. "They're my favorite."

"And Daddy likes the angels the best."

"Save some for him, will you honey? He'll be back from work in an hour or so."

In the few years that Gary had first met Ella, Mr. Pucino- or Corey, as he insisted everybody but his own children call him- had saved up enough to buy a garage in downtown New Coventry, but close enough to the Vale that he could fix a old clunker or fiddle about with cars that hadn't even been released to the general public, they were so exclusive. He said he missed being close enough to home to run inside for a sandwich, the new location gave him plenty of business, and Gary noticed the difference in presents this year compared to last. Pop Smith said that Corey had dozens of happy customers who told their friends, who brought more broken automobiles, who told their friends, who brought even more customers. Gary thought that maybe Corey had too much to do now, but at least he was making money. If he ever got a car, he'd bring it there, even if there weren't anything wrong with it.

"I'll take..." He paused, and pointed. "A reindeer."

"Going to make Rudolph?" Ella asked. "He's a good one."

Gary shrugged, looking at his best friend. They were only ten but even then, he thought that she was the prettiest girl he'd ever seen. With her disheveled curls knotted around her face, with plump cheeks sprinkled so lightly with freckles, Ella was the picture of childhood. Gary, however, was tall, skinny, and awkward. He looked like somebody had shrunken the high school chess club captain and decided to make him a third grader. Kids at school made fun of his clothes, which were both too short and too baggy around him, with their frayed edges and the faint smell of alcohol that permeated his house. Once he asked Ella if she minded that he was ugly and she looked confused.

"Why?" She'd asked, eyebrows raised.

"Johnny says I am. Johnny's handsome. He's better looking than me."

"So? Johnny is mean and that's why he's not my best friend. He could look like Jake LeHeureux," He was the star of the high school's football team and had grown up on their block, and the only reference that young Ella had for handsomeness, "And he'd still be a jerk. You're nice, you're friendly, and you're funny, and I love you."

Gary smiled, decorating with Ella until Mrs. Pucino called them into the living room. She held out two presents, before grinning. "Early gift to you, Ella, and your gift from me, Gary."

She'd gotten him the latest animated film that he and Ella had taken to watching every day, and two tickets to the playoff game for the high school's football team. The Pucinos already had tickets, but these were for him and Pop Smith, so they could all go together. He thanked her profusely, he loved sitting in the stands, wrapped up in blankets and eating freshly popped popcorn that steamed in the cold air because it was so warm. He liked having Ella and Ricky shout at every play, he liked to stand and support the players and he loved running out on the field after the game was done.

Ella got some sort of sweater, which she was required to wear at church that night, which wasn't really a present after all. Ricky and Johnny had received similar items, both disappointed at what her mother decided was appropriate as an early gift. Next Ella held out a funny wrapped present decorated with glitter.

"It's not that fancy on the inside. I was just trying to cover up... Never mind, just open it."

He tore through it, even though it was more tape than wrapping paper. He thought for a second that maybe she had gotten her present confused with her mom's, thinking that maybe he'd been gifted some sort of garment as well. But then it dawned on him.

Green and yellow – the colors of Downthresh, the local public high school that the whole town supported and where the football game was going to take place in January, against Bullworth, whom he hated and so did the Pucinos – fabric, mesh fabric with numbers in yellow. Nineteen! His favorite number!

"You got me Jake LeHeureux's jersey! Where did you get his jersey?"

Jake was pretty much the only celebrity that New Coventry had, if you could consider a high school senior a celebrity. He was tall and handsome, and nearly every girl in town was in love with him. Maybe some of the boys too.

"I just asked, and I mowed his lawn and raked his leaves all fall. It was worth it though."

Gary smiled so wide that he thought he might just split into two. It was the best gift, especially considering that nobody else in their class had anything but those fake jerseys they sold at the consignment shop. He handed Ella hers and closed his eyes.

"My turn!" She exclaimed, ripping paper.

She didn't say anything at first, just held it out so far away from her body that he was a little afraid that she hated it.

"You got me... You got me this?" She asked, holding it out so her mother could see.

"Yeah, I mean, I guess." He was shy suddenly, and shrugged.

Suddenly Ella shrieked and jumped up and down. "You knew that I wanted a real charm bracelet more than anything! It's silver and has a clasp and you even knew which charms I wanted! Gary! How did you know?"

He just smiled and put it on her tiny wrist. "I just... I don't know."

It was probably the last Christmas that Gary had celebrated with them, considering that Anne Marie had been living in Tucson until the Easter afterwards, and then started her best efforts to keep Ella and Gary apart.

Now he wasn't sure whether it was the best Christmas he ever had or the worst.