She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had seen the flash of hurt in his eyes. She didn't understand how someone so confident and attractive can be insecure in some ways. 'Can you blame him though,' a voice in her head told her, 'You have been stringing both Jack and sawyer along for so long now, of course he's going to doubt that you wont choose him after all.' She hated that she made him feel that way. She had worried all this time that she would be the one to end up with a broken heart, that she would be the one to get hurt, she didn't even realise how emotionally fragile he was. This was a massive step he was taking for her, and she knew it, and now he is probably thinking she is going to change her mind. She almost went after him, to tell him not to worry, but she stopped herself, realising what had to be done.
She got Jack a glass of water, and then walked back into the bedroom. Sayid, Locke, Jin and Sun took this as a cue to be leaving, and Sun flashed her a quick smile as she left which Kate returned.
Jack felt his heartbeat quicken when she entered, and she nervously smiled at him, not looking forward to this particular conversation.
"Jack..." she began to say.
"Kate, there's something I want to tell you," he said cutting her off, knowing that if he didn't say this now, he would loose his nerve. Kate sighed to herself, and sat in the chair next to his bed. "This whole experience has made me realise something, I have waited so long to tell you this, and then I almost never got the chance." he paused for a minute, and Kate realised what he was going to say before he said it and she inwardly groaned at how much harder it was going to make things, "I really care about you Kate," he admitted, taking her hand, "and I want to be with you. There has been this connection between us from the beginning, and I feel like its right to take the next step."
Kate bit her lip, at one point she would have liked to hear those words, hell maybe she would even have taken him up on his offer, and tried to push her thoughts of sawyer even further to the back of her mind. But that time had come and gone. She knew who she wanted, even if she didn't know how they were going to make it work, she knew she had to try. But she didn't want to hurt Jack. She did care for him very much, but she had realised any romantic feelings she did have for him had been forced. he reminded her so much of Tom in many ways, and although she loved Tom very deeply, there was a reason that their relationship would never work. She was a free spirit, she always had been, and she and Tom had wanted very different things, and she sensed that Jack would want those same things too.
"Jack," Kate began, "I...I'm sorry, I can't be with you in that way." Kate saw the look of hurt that was immediately apparent on his face and she cringed, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt him, especially considering the state he was in. "I really do care about you Jack," she said squeezing his hand which she was still holding, "You have been such a good friend to me since we have been on this island."
"So what's the problem?" Jack asked incredulously, his world beginning to crash down around him. he hadn't thought she would reject him like this.
"I...I have feelings for someone else," Kate stated, looking away.
"Sawyer," Jack said, practically spitting the name out, clenching his jaw. How he hated that man, he had been a regular thorn in his side ever since they had been of this island.
Kate just nodded, "I know what you're going to say Jack, so there's no need. He gets me, in a way that I don't think anyone ever has. And I know you think that he is a selfish bastard who only cares about himself, but I've seen differently to you, and I'm so sorry that I am doing this to you, but..but...I love him," she blurted out, coming to the end of her ramblings. She couldn't believe what she had just said out loud, let alone to Jack.
When Jack heard her say those words it felt like he had been punched in the face, especially after knowing Sawyer felt the same way, after he had admitted it in his delirious state. He knew then that there was nothing he could say that was going to change her mind. She was one of the most fiercely determined women he had ever met.
Jack sighed, "He's going to hurt you, you do realise that don't you?" he stated, looking into Kate's eyes.
"Probably," Kate agreed, "Don't think I am going into this thinking it is going to be all hearts and roses, I am not that naive. He might hurt me and I might hurt him, but I've got to try Jack. Otherwise I'll never know if I passed up the best thing that had ever happened to me."
Jack wanted to rage and scream at her, tell her she was making a huge mistake, that they would be so much better off together, that she was too good for him. But he didn't, that's not the kind of person he was. What he would do is say nothing, to let her go and get her heart broken if that's what she wanted to do. But he would be waiting, and he would be the one to pick up the pieces when it all went wrong.
He sighed, "I don't know what you want me to say Kate, I think you're making a huge mistake, but I know I can't change your mind."
"I want you to say that you don't hate me, and that we can still be friends after all this."
"Of course we can still be friends, I just...I need some time to get used to this...change."
Kate nodded. "Well I'd better get going then, I'll pop in and see you tomorrow or something." Jack just nodded, and she walked out the room, determined to go and put sawyer's mind at ease, and relieved that she had got that over with.