Chapter 21: Ramping Up

"There is not a cleaner ship, more efficiently operating systems, or more well-honed blades anywhere in Yaut's territory," I say to the walls of my quarters, vainly justifying my efforts with a pronouncement. Then walking over to the mirrored inspection area, I scrutinize my body. The past 30 cycles have been profitable. I feel and appear back in trim. My exercises are more perfectly performed. Solid within and without. The recent past is locked within a small place in my mind. A place that will grow smaller in time.

The mental discipline exercises, known since youth, have aided me in reconfiguring my thought patterns. I now feel more fully myself in my conscious mind. The subconscious? Who can master that?

Immediately, I plunge into the mental forms that will banish this suggestion of a crack in my psychological armor. I will continue these exercises. There is nothing as foolish as the Hunter who deludes himself that he is finally in full control of his own mind. Vigilence, Thar'n-dha.

A vibration from my wrist com tells me that we are approaching the Homeworld. The ships cloaking has functioned well and allowed me to travel through Yaut territory without recognition or challenge. But now I must reveal myself.

From the command forward chair, I contact Yaut Central. "Yaut Central, Honorable Hunter Thar'n-dha, Ooman Specialist of Clan Th'syra speaks. I am piloting a cloaked trophy ship for the High Council. I seek a witness and consent to land."

"Honorable Hunter Thar'n-dha of Clan Th'syra, Yaut Central speaks, we are in wait mode to establish your identity and claim. Uncloak your ship."

"Yaut Central, Hunter Thar-ndha speaks, I will uncloak after a witness is delivered."

Do they think me a pup to trust them? If I uncloak without proper record of it, the chain of evidence for my deed is broken. I will not present such an incomplete record to the High Council. There must be no question that this ship is under my control.

"Hunter Tha'r-nda, Yaut Central speaks, your witness is delivered. Uncloak."

I scan the surrounding space. There it is! I spy the small floating High Council recorder that will make record of my uncloaking and delivery of this craft. I hit the switch to dissolve the cloaking and prepare for the reaction.

"Yaut Central speaks, confirm you are within the Hish ship, Hunter or it will be blown from the sky!"

"Yaut Central," I answer calmly, "Hunter Thar'n-dha speaks, yes, I am within. I deliver this Hish ship to the High Council. Scan the vessel. I am alone."

Before I finish, my panel signals that the ship is being scanned on several frequencies. It doesn't take Central long to finish them and then the com comes to life.

"Well done, Honorable Thar'n-dha! Proceed to port section nine, bay twenty-one. Coordinates are being sent. Yaut Central acknowledges and is impressed with your trophy."

I click my enjoyment of the breach of protocol. Hish vessels are all stolen from other cultures, including our own, and then somewhat and unmistakable refitted by the Hish. They have not been seen in our space since before my lifetime. The novelty of my craft was not lost on whoever is speaking for Central. I'm sure he is being reprimanded by his Elder.

The landing is routine, the piloting system concludes the gentle set down and the ship responds with an even bump. I shut things down and prepare to leave. Wearing my armor, I hang my mask at my side, knowing it is safer to show my face. Slinging my net bag full of Hish skull onto my back, I leave the ship.

The blessing of orange sunlight bathes sight and skin as I walk down the ramp. At the ramp's foot stands a formation of Hunters, armored in black. Arbitrators are expected. But an entire squad? They are prepared for a ruse. If Hish had emerged instead of me, they would have been ready. Makes no sense. What Hish would fly directly to Yaut and decloak, only to debark to their deaths. Still, best to be prepared.

The Elder of the group steps up, "Honorable Hunter Thar'n-dha, you are to be accompanied to your quarters as a guest of the High Council."

I nod and prepare to fall in, surrounded by the Hunters in black. The one who spoke to me speaks again, his voice full of curiosity. "Hunter, is that a Hish skull you carry?"

I nod again, saying nothing and do not offer to let him examine it. Do I trust no one? In purity, I do not. I check any scent of doubt that may be rising from me and settle into recalling all the times I've felt honorable. The Arbitrator huffs at me, not trying to be discrete. There is no reason for social propriety when you are a bearer of the law.

Seemingly satisfied, he walks directly behind me as we head toward the road that leads to the High Council. A guest of the High Council maintains his quarters within their walls so as to be on call at the discretion, or whim, of the Council. Will I be their guest or a prisoner there? Confidence. Honor. A great deed done for Yaut. I bring evidence our territory has been breached. A possible invasion may be planned or underway. If there is an invasion, will the Hish bother to stop at Abue . . . I cut off my thought and replace it with the breath practice, I breathe in strength, I breathe out weakness. I breathe in focus, I breathe out fear. I breathe in honor . . .

We reach the Council building and my guest quarters in time to the breathing practice. The Arbitrator who addressed me unlocks the door. "A servant will be sent to see to your needs." I nod and enter, hearing the door close behind me and then the click of a lock setting. I am a prisoner then, not a guest. Not unusual. Meeting with the High Council is serious business and often paid for in blood. I must continue to prepare to speak to them. To be questioned by them. By my life's blood, I will meet whatever consequences arrive with honor and dignity.

I put off dining when the servant enters, only asking for water. There is no need to be sluggishly digesting a meal if I am called. Food can wait until this evening after the Council has retired. News of the Hish will want to be investigated quickly.

The door chime signals again, sending a wave of energy through me. As expected, this time it is two Council Guards, ready to accompany me to the Great Hall. So they are eager to hear. They should be. Again packing the large trophy skull and with my mask hanging at my side, I walk between the guards, ready to testify.

"It's always something, isn't it?" Malik shakes his head. We've been talking, with some arguing, for several days now.

"I'm sorry, Malik. But I want to have another child and we've already made one together. I need to pick someone else for this one. We'll still be a family. We have our children to continue raising together. We're like Pranav and Marie. She had children with different fathers, Pranav fathered children with different women and they stayed together as a couple.

"But I don't want to share you with anybody! Can't you understand?"

"No. I can't. It's always been this way here on Abeula. We have to ensure the diversity of our gene pool. You know that!"

"My mind knows it, but my feelings do not agree. I'm sorry, Mahpiya, that this is so difficult for me."

"Well, would it help any if you picked him out?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"I'm offering to let you select the father, Malik. You pick out the father."

His voice changes to sarcasm, "Oh now! You offer me the honor of picking out who my wife is going to fuck?"

"Malik! You're not being fair! I'm trying to help you feel included."

He slams the door on his way out, not even looking back. I'm in tears and happy the children are in classes. We try not to argue in front of them.

A gentle tapping is at the door. I look up to see Uncle Pranav's concerned face. "Should I come back another time?"

"You heard us didn't you?"

He nods, "I would have to be deaf not to."

"Come on in. I could use somebody sane to talk to. The short story is that I want another child and Malik can't stand the idea of me fucking somebody besides him. I'm not too sure about the idea either, but I want another child. And that's really the only way I know how to get one."

"Calm yourself, Mahpiya. Set down. Can I fix you some tea?"

"Wait on me in my own house?"

"Why not? You are the one needing comforting here. Sit down. I know where everything is."

I sit and watch my Uncle go about fixing us tea. The pot of water was still on the stove from the morning and doesn't take long to reach boiling. Pranav fetches the cups and adds the sweet leaves, remembering that I like four. Soon, we are sitting at the table, drinking tea.

"He knows that we need a diverse gene pool." I mutter in between sips.

"I'm sure he does. It's difficult for men who were born and raised on Earth to adjust to the way we do things on Abuela. I remember when your Auntie slept with someone else the first time. I wasn't too happy about it. But I couldn't say much since I'd slept with someone else also."

"Malik hasn't even mentioned that he could be with someone else. I even offered to let him pick the new father out. That didn't seem to help. He seemed insulted."

It may be especially difficult for Malik. Would you like me to speak with him? Perhaps it would help."

"Thanks Uncle. It might."

"I'm wondering if a compromise might be reached."

All ears I question him, "Like what? How do you compromise this kind of thing?"

"You are aware that part of our population prefers their own sex?"

"Yea."

"How do you suppose they work this out?"

"Mom told me the guys collect their own semen and deliver it to the ladies for insertion."

"Well?"

I feel my face turn warm and spread onto the tops of my ears. "I honestly hadn't thought of that. That would solve everything. How stupid of me!"

"Dear Mahpiya, sometimes we get so involved in opposing someone we forget the real problem." He stares me down.

"I'll admit that Malik makes me feel hemmed in sometimes. Let me think about that one."

"By all means."

"Thanks, Uncle Pranav. You always see things so calmly."

"I try. But I do have a bias on this issue. I'm a traditional Earth man and I didn't relish Marie sleeping with others, especially Aleki. And then there was the assistance to your father. I viewed that as more of a medical intervention at the time. We never talked about any of her encounters afterwards, or mine."

"Weren't you curious?"

"Of course. But I was also interested in preserving my . . . my perspective on my own manhood, if you will. Men don't like to have their anatomy compared. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy."

"Really?" I know my face wears an expression of 'you've got to be shitting me.' I've never been with anyone but Malik. Mom told me that different men are different but I didn't realize they had insecurities about it.

"Uncle, I appreciate your insight into my situation. And maybe talking to Malik would be a good idea. I think I'll take this up with Mom. She always has good advice and . . . like you say, you have a bias on this issue."

"Your mother is wise," he smiles.

"What did you need to see me about?" Mom's warm smile always makes me feel good inside. Her dark hair has a few strands of sparkling silver in it now and when she smiles the skin around her laughing eyes crinkles. But she's not old, only 'solidly middle age' she says.

How to begin this topic? I've been thinking about it all day. "Mom," I suddenly blurt, do you remember when you told me that men's penises are different? I mean from guy to guy?"

I see her start to laugh and then realize that this is serious. "I do, Baby."

I explain how Malik's been acting about me wanting to have another child along with Uncle Pranav's observations. "What do you think, Mom?"

"Oh, a great many things. What Pranav said about men being unsure of themselves when it comes to size – in my experience some are and some aren't. I guess it depends on how they were raised. For example, your biological father was pretty average and he never expressed any disappointment with himself that I was aware of, nor did I."

"Mom, do you have lots of experience with different men?"

"I don't know if you'd say its lots, but I have some. You've only been with Malik haven't you?"

"Yup. And I've never wondered how it would be to be with anyone else, until now."

"Is there someone else you're attracted to?"

"No, there's never been anybody for me but Malik."

"Well, there's no law that says you can't have another child by him. And Pranav's suggestion of artificial insemination is certainly a workable one. The only question is - what do YOU want, Mahpiya."

"I just want to have another child. And not fight with Malik about it and not have him hate me if it's not his."

"Baby, your children aside . . . are you happy being with, living with Malik?"

"I . . . I guess so. I mean most of the time I like being around him. When we are riding birds together it's great, when we're playing with the kids, it's great. It's just that sometimes he doesn't treat me like I'm a separate person from him. He makes the decisions for both of us – without even thinking it's a problem. No matter how many times I bring it up to him."

"He was born and brought up in a culture very different than this one. In the society of his childhood, I'm sure that was very normal."

"He says just that, Mom. But it's not normal for me and I don't like it!"

"I wasn't suggesting that you did, or that you ought to."

"Mom, it's not just these things. Maliki doesn't like me teaching Aimee how to handle a knife or to hunt! He praises her for things like how pretty she looks, instead of what she can do! And Rashid, he encourages him to go out and hunt with me and Aleki, he even got him a new knife. He's not being fair!

"And I know he's frustrated, not just by the things we disagree on, but . . . we haven't had sex in a long time. I want another child, but I've already had his. I've been waiting for him to agree to this!"

"Oh Mahpiya, that's a lot. Why do you stay living with him?"

What kind of question is that, Mom? "We're raising Rashid and Aimee, Mom! They need both of us."

"Your children need good male and female influences in their lives, that's true – just like you did. Do you remember who all the people that were around you when you were little?"

"Well, yea, of course I do. You and Dad, Uncle Pranav, Auntie Marie, Uncle Aleki and well, Malik was Uncle Malik back then."

"Mahpiya, the reason you had so many others, especially males, in your life was because your Dad and I did that deliberately."

"You did? Why?"

"You were becoming awfully Yautja. You idolized your Dad and did everything he did – or you tried too. I was worried that you weren't going to fit into human society! So we arranged to have other men as role models in your life."

Tears spring to my eyes, "So that's why. I . . . I always thought I wasn't good enough or something and that's why Dad didn't want so much to do with me."

"You did?" Now Mom's tearing up. "Oh, baby, that's not why it happened at all! And we never meant you to think that! Shit! I never meant you to think that, Mahpiya! Your Dad was always so very proud of you. He said . . . he said you were Yautja. He loved teaching you to hunt, to clean your kills, to sharpen your little knife and all the rest of it."

"I miss him so much, Mom."

"I do too, Baby. Come here! You're not too big to cuddle!"

I relish my mother's arms around me and mine around her. Burying my face in the scent of the soft hair that falls over her shoulder, I find it holds my tears and for the first time, she feels frail to me. My arms are stronger than yours, Mom.

"Okay now," her sensible voice whispers. "Let's dry our tears and talk this out."

"Okay," I sniffle. "So, I had lots of other men for role models and that helped me to be more human, cuz otherwise I was going to grow some extra jaws, right?"

"Right!" she laughs. "Seriously, my point is that Malik isn't the only male role model for Rashid, even though he's his father. Pranav spends lots of time with Aimee and she knows he's one of her fathers in addition to her biological one. Your new child's father will want to take an interest in his child's life too. Malik is going to have to deal with it."

"Oh geez. I hadn't even considered that. More fuel for fights."

"Baby, why are you staying with him? You two don't have to live together for him to be Rashid's father."

"But . . . but . . . you and Dad were together. Uncle Pranav and Auntie Marie were together. I want Malik and me to be like that too!" Emotions are exploding inside my chest and fresh tears burn my eyes.

"That's a lovely idea, but relationships between men and women don't always work out that way. What Pranav and Marie had was something really special that not every pairing creates. They truly loved each other and no mating with anyone else for the sake of good DNA for our future could spoil that for them – they were determined."

"But . . . what about you and Dad?"

"Mahpiya, I don't even know how to categorize that. I loved your Dad. I still do and I know, even though he's Yautja, he loved me. Loved both of us. I know he did. But Yautja society is so extremely different than ours. I don't even think they have love. At least not like we do. The men and women get together to fuck to create children. There's no romance, no pairing ceremony. From what I've been able to figure out, they live separately. They don't even raise the children together. HD told me that he visited his children from time to time to see how they were doing. He said at most, a man might have a friendship with a woman on Yaut. Your Dad did his best to fit in here and to take care of us.

And don't forget that I didn't dare try and have any more children, so the issue of sharing me with anyone else, or me sharing your Dad with anyone else was never a problem.

And Mahpiya, did you ever stop to think why I didn't live with Dan, your biological father? We didn't get along. We had great sex, we enjoyed each other for a time, but in the long run we didn't last. We got together right after we landed on Abuela. Things were stressful and we just needed each other to help us stay grounded and secure. I don't know how else to explain it. But Dan was very possessive and immature. I didn't like it."

"Wow. This is going to take some time to get my head wrapped around, Mom. I feel like I just tripped and fell on it or something."

"Oh Baby, I am so sorry that I didn't realize the example we were setting for you. We've just been trying to find our way here on Abeula and make a new home that seems to work best for our situation. We brought a lot of old Earth ideas with us that don't work here and I'm not sure how well they worked back there, to be honest."

"Long term pairs didn't work there? Is that what you're saying?"

"A lot of them didn't. People spent a lot of time pretending that they did. It all looks pretty stupid from here. I just want you to be happy. I want your life to be good. If living with Malik does it for you, then that's great. But don't feel like that's your only option. You can be on your own, or you can be with somebody else. All of us are here to support you and your children. And Malik too! I want him to be happy too. He means a great deal to me just as I know he does to you. He's part of our family and he always will be, no matter what.

"Mahpiya, I have to ask you something. How much are you willing to let Malik be Malik? You're both asking each other to change. Can either of you?"

Mom, you always have a way of plunging right to the heart don't you?

"In honesty, Mom, I'm not sure. I . . . I have to think. Thanks Mom. I knew I needed to talk with you. I have a lot to think about."

"Trust your heart, Mahpiya. Sometimes it can lead you when your brain can't anymore. Trust your heart. How do you think I ever got over my feelings of insecurity after your Dad fucked the three alien space whores?"

"You mean the Huntresses?"

"Exactly!"

"Doesn't sound like you totally got over it!" I tease.

"Oh, I made up a nick name for your Dad after that. Never told him or anyone about it, but I used to use it in my mind whenever I got mad at him – which wasn't often, really."

"You have to share, Mom! What did you call him?"

"It won't be funny to you, Baby. You're not from Earth. You didn't have something we called the internet."

"I remember you telling me about it. Now what did you call him? Pleeassseee?"

"Click Bait. I called him Click Bait."