A/N: The Pitches are back in theaters and there's one pitch over here dying to finally finish this story. Thank you for your reviews. They are much appreciated. I would like to take the time and answer some of them right here.
Jac: I'm loving your story! Personally I don't think Chloe deserves to take the blame. Because never once admitted or confessed to her that she loves her, whilst Chloe said it out loud. Beca hasn't given her enough confidence to believe in a future relationship yet.
A: Thanks for the feedback! A very valid point that will be addressed in this chapter. Chloe has a habit of blaming herself for a lot of things. I've notived that both of the main characters have kind of conflicting personalities.
GermanJenna: Thank you for posting.
Hope pitch perfect 2 will give you motivation.
Personally I don't think the Brittany thing was a good idea. It makes the whole story weird somehow.
A: Having Pitch Perfect in theaters again didn't hurt. :) 'The Brittany thing' is weird for sure. But so is this story and the idea of fan fiction in general. Basically she was just there to remind Beca of Chloe. Sometimes authors with poor imagination like myself do that kind of stuff because they are short on better (and less literate) metaphors. Not to worry though, I never intended her to play a big part anyway.
ballpointmf: still great had to go back and refresh the old mind ;?)
A: Touché. In Chloe's words: I deserve that. Or wait, was it Beca who said that?
Duh2042: Annnnd away we go! Lol
Sorry for bugging you a million times over, but thanks for comin back!
Bechloe is endgame, right? I'd be very upset if not lol
A: Dear Duh2042 I should thank you. You're the conscience I never had. All I can say is stay tuned. ;)
wolfie2451: I was so shocked that u updated the fic but so glad. I really didn't want this fic to be ditched and I really want to know what happens and how it resolves.
A: My sentiments exactly! I can't wait to see how this plays out. In the meantime, enjoy the next chapter!
Cordially yours,
Filiel
Chapter 21.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
Chloe was living in a post-Beca world. It meant finding new focus and establishing different social circles. It meant going out, meeting people and socializing. It took a lot of energy and effort but the redhead forced herself to go through it because she thought it was the best way to move on from reminiscing. There were a lot of interesting people out there that she enjoyed talking to but nothing ever came out of those moments. None of the people she talked to quite lived up to the expectations. In short none of them was Beca Mitchell. Chloe took solace knowing that she tried. It was good for her, right? Maybe she just needed to spend some time on her own.
Bumping into Luke in one of the parties was all the confirmation she needed if she ever looked for it. Beca's manager told her things that made Chloe wonder if the pain would ever go away or whether she would be able to meet someone that didn't constantly remind her of her former star client.
A glimpse of a gossip magazine cover sped up her decision. Beca had been spotted on a beach in Mexico hugging a pretty blonde woman. The title screamed: 'Love is a beach: Beca and Brittany hit it off in Mexico'. Chloe didn't care to know who Brittany was and if the two were actually dating. She pushed the unsettling feeling aside. She was on her own now. This was her life and she needed to figure out what she would make out of it.
Chloe thought about her career, her dreams and what she still wanted to achieve in life. She wanted to give competitive figure skating one more go. She knew she would regret it if she didn't. Chloe knew the risk she was putting herself in financially not to mention her heart and soul if this didn't work out. There was no plan B. The thought scared her but also gave her motivation. She knew her chances of success were slim. There weren't that many figure skaters who had returned to the top after being gone for two years. Chloe needed to work harder than ever and become better than she had ever been. Her mind and body had rested enough. It was time to put them at work again.
When the decision was done Chloe made a few calls. Although this was her project she needed people on board who would help her on her journey. It didn't take a lot of convincing to get Cynthia Rose choreographing and managing her career. After all the gym owner had been keen to see Chloe return for a long time now. Calling Aubrey was the harder part. If there was any doubt in Chloe's mind how Aubrey would react, it all vanished as her friend picked up the phone. Aubrey sounded surprised to hear Chloe's voice on the other end. The blonde doctor's tone changed immediately as Chloe presented her plan. Aubrey agreed to help in a heartbeat. No questions asked. She would be there when Chloe needed her. She would supervise Chloe so that Chloe was able to concentrate solely on training and getting back into performance shape. It meant a lot to Chloe that Aubrey agreed to help her out. The blonde still cared and that's all Chloe needed to know for now. They would have time to talk about other things at some point.
Chloe hoped that the charity figure skating event would be the first step in her comeback. She wasn't ready to admit it out loud but the pain she put herself through at the gym was her way of punishing herself. Aubrey and Cynthia Rose watched with concern how Chloe pushed her limits further and further. They knew of course where all the pain came from and accepted it as a part of the process. Sometimes frustration was the best motivation. Chloe needed an outlet and training like a professional athlete again accommodated that. Chloe was determined to leave no stone unturned on her quest to reach the top again.
Frustration can only get you to a certain point though. Eventually the fire dies down. There came a point in Chloe's training when she was getting closer to the shape she had been in two years ago but interpretation-wise she was still lacking the most essential element, emotion. She was able to perform technically but being emotionally connected to the performance was the other 50 per cent she needed to deliver a good interpretation.
Cynthia Rose came to talk to Chloe after a particularly challenging ice session. She had watched Chloe struggle for the past weeks now. CR felt that the initial choreography would leave the audience cold. Chloe wasn't feeling the performance. Her skating was a bunch of dots that didn't connect into a picture.
Cynthia Rose crossed her arms on her chest as Chloe stopped by her coach for feedback.
"What did you think?"
Cynthia Rose pursed her lips. She needed to be honest with her athlete. CR looked Chloe in the eye.
"Here's the thing. You would likely get a high technical score from the judges but your performance and interpretation score would be low. Right now you're executing jumps that are required of you but you're not interpreting the music."
Chloe shook her head frustrated as she leaned on the boards.
"I'm trying so hard but it's not coming together."
Cynthia Rose snapped her fingers at the redhead.
"You said it. You're trying too hard. It should come naturally for you: giving in to the performance and losing yourself into it."
Chloe shook her head frustrated
"Everyone else's got a head start. I don't have time to go on a quest of 'finding myself'. This needs to come together soon."
Cynthia Rose squeezed Chloe's shoulder.
"Trust me I get it. You're on the right path. Look at your fitness scores. You're constantly delivering better results. The only person standing in the way of you performing better is you. I know you're not going to like what I'm going to say next."
Cynthia Rose drew breath as she observed Chloe's concerned expression.
"You need to stop punishing yourself for what happened between you and Beca. You're at the end of that road. You've used what you could to draw from that experience but you need to choose another route. I think we should consider switching your music. Pick a song you can relate to and find a story you want to tell the audience. Move in the right direction?"
There was a gleam in Chloe's eyes. She shook her head at Cynthia Rose.
"I want to be honest with myself and the audience. I'm not there yet. I can't do a performance about moving on."
Chloe fought back tears.
Cynthia Rose pulled her for a hug.
"Then you should let the audience see what you're going through. Show them how you feel. Maybe Beca will see it too."
Chloe nodded as she buried her face and tears into Cynthia Rose's shoulder. The thought scared her but now was the time to put fear aside and be all in. She needed to make this work.
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you,
I love the things that you do
Chloe's hands were sweating. This night was a do or die moment for her. She needed it to go well to keep chasing her dream. She had had a very serious conversation with Cynthia Rose. Her good friend, choreographer and also a manager had laid it out for Chloe. If the redhead didn't impress the right people from the right organizations their chances for the future would be slim. Chloe needed a chance to try out for the national team but she also needed to get potential companies interested in endorsing her. Chloe needed all the financial help she could get after she had cut down her personal training business. Most of her waking hours went into training and recovery and that didn't leave room for much else. Cynthia Rose had helped out Chloe as much she could but she could only get the redheaded Olympic medalist into a certain point. After the charity event was over Chloe was going to need more people on her team to help her represent Team USA again. Being under the microscope was nothing new to Chloe. She'd been in a similar situation countless times where outside pressure attempted to crush her but she sustained. This time was very different from the pressures she had faced before.
There was a knock on the dressing room door. Chloe walked up to be greeted by the biggest bouquet of flowers she had ever seen. Behind the flowers she recognized Aubrey's voice.
"Just dropped by to bring these. They were sent in by a bunch of different people. They wish you good luck."
Chloe was taken aback by the volume of the bouquet.
"Come in. Watch your step."
Aubrey entered and sighed out of relief when she put down the flowers on one of the benches surrounding the dressing room walls.
They fell silent as they looked at each other. Things had never been awkward between them before. Not even after that one drunken night. They had been able to joke about what happened the morning after.
Aubrey turned to look at Chloe and shrugged as if she didn't know what to say.
"Here we are. Are you nervous?"
Chloe shrugged, acting indifferent.
"A little bit. It's been two years."
Aubrey nodded. She sat next to Chloe on one of the benches. The blonde cleared her throat.
"I'm so sorry Chloe."
Chloe looked at her friend, surprised by the regret in Aubrey's voice.
"I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately. You've gone through rough times."
Chloe shook it off.
"You've done an excellent job with my meal plan and supervising my training." Chloe commented. She was thankful for what Aubrey had done for her – for free.
Aubrey shook her head.
"Of course. But that's not what I meant. I've been such a shitty friend. This whole situation has put me in a very difficult position."
"You can't choose the person you fall in love with," Chloe sighed as much to Aubrey as she did to herself.
"That is true. But it's still not right that I wasn't there for you when you needed me."
Chloe smiled at her friend.
"You're here now. That's what matters."
Aubrey wiped tears from the corner of her eye.
Chloe drew a shuddering breath.
"I'm so nervous Aubrey. This night means everything to me. If it goes awry-"
Aubrey pulled Chloe in a hug and soothed the redhead.
"It won't. I've seen how hard you've worked and the sacrifices you've made to get here. This is just the beginning. You can count me in wherever the journey will take us in the future."
"Thank you Aubrey."
Chloe whispered. Her tears weren't far either.
Aubrey smiled as she got up to leave.
"I shouldn't make you cry. Your make-up is too perfect for that. Can you hear the crowd already? They're ready for you."
Chloe pinched her ears. She could hear low chanting. Chloe, Chloe, Chloe. Aubrey was right. She checked her skates once more. Blades were intact, lacing was secure. Her dress was an art piece in itself, her hair pulled into a tight ballerina bun and her makeup immaculate. She knew the new choreography inside out. Even more importantly she felt the choreography with every sinew of her body. She had been working countless hours to perfect every little detail, to hone every move. This was her moment to shine and she would let nothing come in the way. Chloe smiled and took a deep breath before stepping onto the ice.
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do, I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me, yeah
"Just a sec!" Beca yelled as she went to open the door. Jesse and Stacie had told her they would drop by after Beca got home from Mexico. Beca didn't think they would come by the day she landed but there they were all happy looking and in love.
"How was Mexico? Look at your tan!" Jesse greeted as he gave Beca a hug.
"It's good to see you Jesse," Beca sighed. She meant it. It had been a long time since she'd seen any of her friends. It was good to be home. Stacie hugged Beca as well and being Stacie proceeded to kiss Beca on the lips. When Beca and Jesse both looked at her incredulously the brunette model shrugged.
"What? Beca looked like she could use some lady love."
"Beca has no shortage of lady love at least according to this fine publication."
Jesse dug a magazine out of his bag and wiggled it in front of Beca's eyes.
Beca only rolled her eyes when she saw a picture of herself on the cover.
"Don't believe everything you read," Beca quipped as she led her friends further into her house.
"Let me see that!" Stacie exclaimed as she snagged the magazine from Jesse's hand.
"That blonde is really pretty. Are you sure there's nothing you'd like to share with us?"
Beca shook her head.
"She's just someone I met and befriended during my trip – nothing more."
Stacie was still scanning the picture. She didn't dare to mention how much the woman looked like Chloe Beale. That would get Beca off the rails in no time.
When they came into the living room Jesse pointed at the TV screen.
"What are you watching Becs?"
The brunette flipped channels quickly but didn't look over her shoulder or turn. She merely shrugged.
"Nothing. There's nothing on really. Listen guys, can you give me a minute? I'll meet you in the kitchen."
Jesse and Stacie exchanged a look. Stacie pointed towards the kitchen. Jesse nodded at his girlfriend and spoke to Beca's back.
"Okay then. You know where to find us."
Finally Beca turned to look at her two friends. Just seeing them standing there side by side made her stomach turn. The happiness seemed to radiate from the new couple. It only served to remind her of her own loneliness. Beca managed a small smile and nodded.
"Yeah thanks."
As soon as the couple left Beca flipped the channels again. She had lied. Beca had been waiting all day to turn on the TV. Love is Louder On Ice was on tonight.
After returning from Mexico Beca had wondered for the thousandth time if she should attend the gala in person. Brittany had sent her another invitation. It had come in the day before. After consideration Beca had declined. Not attending meant that she would watch every second of the live broadcast at home. She needed to see Chloe – even through a TV screen.
The broadcast begun with a number that included all performers skating to Macklemore's Same Love. Chloe had a brief part in the number with the Canadian skater Joannie Rochette. They skated hand in hand to Mary Lambert's chorus but Beca couldn't really feel the emotion in the performance. It was sweet but didn't match the undeniable emotion in Mary Lambert's voice. She felt the performances that followed were dull and uneventful. Chloe didn't appear in them either.
Beca almost dozed off halfway the show before Ke$ha brought some life into the broadcast. She lit up the stage with her joint performance of Your Love is My Drug with Johnny Weir skating. When Johnny exited the stage and Ke$ha stayed Beca wondered. Would now be the moment? There was enough time for two performance tops.
Beca didn't have to wait long. The announcer practically whispered.
"And now covering When You're Gone please welcome back Ke$ha!"
The blonde singer lifted up her guitar as to greet the audience. A lone spotlight highlighted the blonde as Ke$ha took her spot on stage.
The crowd and the singer remained focused. They were clearly expecting the announcer's next words. Beca sat on the edge of the couch and leaned forward.
"Ladies and gentlemen! Skating to When You're Gone, please welcome back Olympic silver medalist, America's figure skating sweetheart Chloe Beale!"
The crowd erupted in a massive cheer. The arena still remained dark except for thousands of glow sticks in the audience and the spotlight on Ke$ha. Beca was just wondering where Chloe was when all of a sudden another spotlight appeared. A redheaded figure stood still center ice. The crowd greeted her with a loud cheer but quickly the noise died down. Anticipation was palpable.
Beca stared at the screen so intently her eyes hurt. She was completely oblivious that Jesse and Stacie had reappeared from the kitchen and were now standing silently behind the couch observing the situation playing out in front of them and on the TV screen.
Beca thought Chloe looked breathtaking in her black mini dress. Her flaming red hair had been pulled up to let the light grace her perfectly made-up face. Her bright red lips were pursed in a tight line and her gaze seemed to pierce the ice. Beca scanned the redheaded figure north to south and east to west. Chloe looked fierce. Beca felt her insides twist and her cheeks fluster. She felt hot. The redhead was such a mesmerizing sight Beca almost forgot Ke$ha was also on stage.
Chloe had one hand resting on her forehead while the other rested on her hip. Her knees were slightly bent as she waited for the music to begin. Ke$ha secured her headset once more and when the director gave her the go eerily familiar guitar chords of the Avril Lavigne song filled the air.
At first Chloe's moves were so soft and subtle she almost seemed nervous. Her expression remained grave but the longer the performance continued the stronger her movements became. Her jumps looked powerful but effortless at the same time. Beca had never watched anyone with such intensity. When Chloe performed a particularly high speed pirouette the crowd greeted it with a short applause but no one cheered. The gripping performance was felt by the live audience as well. Beca didn't know enough about figure skating to judge the technicality of Chloe's performance but she could feel the emotion to the very place she was sitting.
Beca held her breath as the song advanced and Chloe's moves got sharper and more deliberate towards the end. Memories of times they spent together played in front of Beca's eyes like a film. All the teasing, touching, laughing and kissing came rushing back.
Chloe struck her final pose. The redhead's posture slumped as she hugged herself. The crowd went ballistics but Chloe remained still, now breathing heavily. Beca watched breathlessly as the camera zoomed in on Chloe's face. Chloe's mouth was slightly open and her eyes – no words could describe the range of emotion reflected in them. Chloe scanned the audience as dim lights came back on. Her hand covered her mouth as she visibly fought back tears. A lone tear managed to make its way down her perfectly made up cheek but then the moment was gone. Chloe pulled herself together and managed a smile.
The crowd gave a standing ovation for several minutes as Chloe skated around the rink and waived at the audience while sending air kisses. At the end of her round the redhead got a hug from Ke$ha who was also clapping and standing on the edge of her stage. The blonde singer padded the redhead on the back as Chloe nodded her thanks. After receiving hugs from Aubrey and Cynthia Rose Chloe did one last loop around the ice as the crowd was still on their feet clapping and whistling.
"Isn't that beautiful," Stacie sighed as she wiped tears from her face.
"The most beautiful thing I've ever seen," Beca mused still wrapped up in the performance.
"One of a kind," Jesse added. Beca turned quickly at the voice. She didn't realize her friends had come back from the kitchen. How long had they been standing there?
Stacie's expression said it all. Beca felt her face drop. She needed time to process what she'd seen and the pent-up emotions came rushing back. Whatever she had led herself to believe she wasn't over Chloe.
Beca felt someone sit next to her and then another person taking a seat on the arm of the couch above her. Beca recognized Jesse's voice from her left and felt her friend wrap his arm around her shoulder.
"You miss her, don't you?"
Beca's expression was pained. She was about to break but still managed to keep it together.
Then she heard Stacie's voice from her right.
"Judging by that performance she misses you too. Monumentally."
Beca bit her lip as she glanced up at Stacie who rested on the arm of the couch.
"I didn't say-"
Stacie lifted an eyebrow in challenge.
Beca sighed again. Her expression was sad when she turned to Stacie.
"It doesn't matter."
Stacie jumped up and forced Beca to look at her as she now stood tall in front of the brunette.
"That performance was for you. The only thing missing was a shirt saying 'I still love you Beca'."
Beca shook her head violently. Her defense mechanisms kicked in.
"I won't get my hopes up so that she can just put me down again."
Stacie threw her hands in the air in desperation and looked at Jesse for help. The man shook his head. Stacie ignored her boyfriend's subtle hint.
"For both of your sake I hope she's not as mulish as you! You still have feelings for her and you're just denying it because you don't dare to love her."
Beca removed Jesse's arm from her shoulder angrily and got up to face Stacie.
"Loving her once almost killed me in case you didn't notice. I'm finally starting to get my shit together again and you say I don't dare to love her. She's the one who broke my heart. She didn't dare to love me. Now we both need to move on. We need to put aside whatever there was between us."
Stacie shook her head.
"You're full of shit and you know that. You're just too much of a pussy to admit it. Did you stop for a second to think how Chloe felt? Maybe there was a reason why she hesitated…"
"Stacie! Cut it out!" Jesse exclaimed as he jumped up from the couch. Stacie was on the roll now.
"If I didn't take a chance with this guy he never would've approached me. In his mind I was some unattainable queen in my ivory tower. But I took the chance and look where it got us. You could have all this and more with Chloe. You have every right to be happy."
Beca shook it all off.
"Being in love is making you soft Stacie."
Stacie didn't falter.
"Looks like Mexico turned your brain into mush too. How can you expect Chloe to love you when you yourself are not ready to love her? That's just plain preposterous."
Beca's eyes shot daggers at her two friends.
"Fuck you Stacie. And fuck you Jesse."'
Beca's eyes were hot with tears.
The man looked confused and hurt.
"I don't deserve that!"
"You had it coming the moment you started dating this idiot. I'm sure you know your way out."
Beca huffed.
Stacie grabbed Jesse's arm and yanked him towards the door.
"C'moon Jesse. There's nothing more we can do for her. If she wants to be an island then she shall be it."
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
Chloe was experiencing a flurry of emotion when she stepped off the ice. It seemed everyone wanted a piece of her. Chloe answered the media questions patiently although under the surface she was on overdrive. On one hand she was over the moon about how well everything worked in the performance. She hadn't had any major slips. She had been able to skate in a flow-like state and deliver a solid performance.
Most questions were about her future plans and how she felt about being back on ice. Some reporters were more inquisitive about the story behind the performance. Chloe knew her take on the Avril Lavigne song wasn't exactly subtle. She had intended it to be a real at-your-face performance and she thought she had achieved that. When it came to the reporters Chloe tried to keep her answers short and vague only mentioning 'some personal stuff she was going through' when asked about the inspiration behind the performance. This was where she drew the line between her public and private life. Those closest to her knew what she had gone through. When it came to the rest of the world it was better to leave out the details.
It took more than an hour for Chloe to make it back to her dressing room. Finally she closed the door behind her and was about to collapse on the nearest seat but something caught her eye. One wall was covered with pictures of people who had supported the Love is Louder movement. She had glanced at the wall before but now Chloe's eyes fixed on one picture in particular. It had been taken on a beach somewhere. The two women in the picture smiled and pointed their palms at the camera. The other palm read 'Love' while the other read 'Is Louder'. Even though she was wearing sun glasses Chloe would've recognized Beca anywhere. The woman next to her looked strangely familiar. She had her arm wrapped around Beca's shoulders. It was hard to tell if it was just a friendly embrace or something more. Chloe grabbed the picture and tore it off the wall. She had had to keep her emotions in check for the better part of the day but now she was finally alone and able to let her guard down.
Chloe lay down on the flower covered bench in the dressing room and stared at the white tile wall without really seeing anything. At least the flowers had a lovely scent. She had dreamt of this moment for months but now she felt hollow inside. She hummed the Avril Lavigne song and proceeded to sing the lyrics out loud.
Chloe didn't even hear the knock on the door.
"Still caught up in the performance I see…or planning your own funeral. Whatever you're doing you've got a nice voice gingy."
Chloe poked her head up. For a moment she thought… But it wasn't Beca. The redhead did nothing more to acknowledge the blonde singer's presence in the room.
Ke$ha stepped closer and sighed.
"Oh Chloe."
The blonde singer kneeled in front of the bench Chloe was sprawled over. The blonde woman shook her head.
"You look like shit."
Chloe shrugged.
"I recall someone telling me I am shit so I guess looking like shit is not too bad."
Ke$ha shook her head again with a sad smile.
"If you're talking about Luke he's just doing his job."
Chloe looked surprised.
"How would you know what Luke said to me? You weren't there."
Ke$ha sighed.
"Hollywood parties are a small world. Couldn't help overhearing his outburst."
"You were there at the party but did nothing?"
Ke$ha shrugged.
"If there's one thing I've learnt it's to pick my battles wisely. Besides Luke is only trying to protect Beca."
Chloe frowned.
"I don't think degrading me will do anything for Beca in the long run."
Ke$ha nodded.
"It probably won't. He just needed to get it out of his chest. In his eyes you're the one to blame for all Beca's problems."
Chloe finally looked the blonde singer in the eye.
"Whose side are you on?"
Ke$ha leaned forward.
"My only wish is to see Beca happy again. If you can help, that's great. If you can't I suggest you get the hell out of her life."
Chloe chuckled coldly and returned her eyes on the white brick wall.
"Aren't I already out of her life?"
Ke$ha pursed her lips thoughtfully.
"That woman is a Fort Knox when it comes to her feelings. She doesn't like opening up to people. You got surprisingly far with her before she shut you out. I don't blame you for taking a step back. She's a tough nut to crack."
"If she can't help herself then I have to try and help her. I can't leave things the way they are now without talking to Beca first. I need to hear it from her if she wants nothing to do with me."
"And how are you planning to do that? She hasn't been exactly receptive lately."
"First I need to know if she's seeing anyone. I won't do anything if Beca is involved with someone."
The redhead pointed at the picture on the floor. Ke$ha spared a quick glance.
"Brittany Snow? No way."
Chloe felt curious.
"How can you be so sure? I thought you hadn't talked to Beca in a while."
A slight blush crept to Ke$ha's cheeks.
"What does it matter how I know it? I just do. You don't need to worry about her. You're free to go after Beca."
Chloe quirked her mouth thoughtfully.
"I need your help if I'm going to talk to Beca."
Ke$ha quirked a single eyebrow. She was silent for a long time, considering Chloe's request. She decided to act on her instinct.
"We're throwing a surprise birthday party for Beca. If the night goes well I might be able to shoe in an opportunity for you two to talk after the party. I can get her into the same space with you but the rest is up to you. If she doesn't want to listen there's nothing more I can or will do. Whatever Beca decides I'm with her."
Chloe agreed with the plan. It was the only second chance she would get.