20.

Though I love Blake to death, we didn't get along very much. Constant fights over stupid stuff. She'd yell, I'd get mad and then I would scream at her. She'd throw punches every now and then, but even though I was pissed, I could never hit her. So I would be Blake's punching bag for a few minutes until she wore herself out and then she would begin crying. If I didn't love her so much, I don't think I could have the patience I do with her.

Now y'alls may think that this couldn't really happen. That I'm just yanking your chain. But it really does. Yes, we love each other deeply, but everyone has their flaws. We fight we scream, but in the end we always love each other. More or less. Sometimes it may take days, weeks, and sadly, even months to recover from a fight. One of these days, its gonna end for good. I don't want it to, but now I'm starting to think that I don't feel about Blake as heavily as I once did. People are right when they say you want what you can't have. What if now that I have Blake, I don't really want her anymore?

No that's crazy. I'm in love with Blake, and she's in love with me too. Every couple has their rough patch, and we just have to get through it. I had to find out the hard way that the first one is the worst one. So many times I almost let her slip through my fingers, I mean loving a half demon isn't natural. I mean how can we love each other when everything about us, drives the other away?

And that there is the crazy part! I mean at first I thought I was just imagining things. But I don't understand why I didn't see it at first! There was always something there driving a stake between us, but I didn't know what. Something that was like a bug repellant, trying to keep us away from each other. I didn't want to believe that the universe didn't want us together, I thought we were madefor each other. But now I understand that we were made kill each other.

Now I know what you're thinking. That I'm just exaggerating this whole thing, but I'm not. At this point when I come home, I've already done something wrong, something that will just make Blake so angry. And I was starting to wonder why she was all moody all the time. Why just the little things will make her furious. It just wasn't natural for a human. Even a girl. Blake always wanted to fight, even when there was nothing to fight about. She would find something. And at first I just didn't get it.

Then I figured it out. The anger, the hate, the constant fights and yelling, even the smell. Yes the smell should have been the reason I figured it out sooner, but I was blind. Oh so desperately blind. There was something in her skin that gave her that burning smell, like fire on the grassy plains. The crackling and overwhelming smell of smoke. The red tints in her eyes when ever she got really mad, the way her hair seemed to glow whenever she was in direct sunlight. I put all the jagged pieces together, one by one. I was unwilling to do so, but they just seemed to do it all themselves. It was like Blake wanted me to know this, but it wasn't her fault.

No it wasn't ever Blake's fault. She couldn't control this even if she knew what was going on. I can tell that she's tried to calm herself, trying to stop what ever her body is doing, but she can't. Blake can't do a thing about it because her body needs to do this. Its maturing and until she's fully grown, she's going to act like this. And when Blake's fully grown? Yeah that's when she kills me.

Now every part of me wants to tell her what's going on because I know she's scared to death. All I could do is hold her and tell her its gonna be okay, but then we'd just get in a other fight about how its not going to be okay. So I can't win with her anymore. I can't even try really. I could leave her by herself (And by that I mean breaking up with her) and save my own life, but that would only make it worse. She'd be so scared. Blake wouldn't have any clue what to do.

So in that I made my choice. I stayed with her. I dealt with the yelling, the punches, though they started to hurt more and more each day. I just dealt with all the tears and sorrow and by that point, we didn't really make up anymore. We both just assumed we forgave each other and then some how got ourselves into another fight. And I handled all of it. I took everything without a single word of anger, which made her only fight more. But I loved her, it was just becoming to late to save this thing.

I still don't know what to do. I want to tell her, I truly do, but I can't bring myself to do it. Every part of her believes she is something good, something human. But she's wrong. She's not human. That's why this is happening. Her stupid parents were even human. Well one of them was, and that gave her this gene. She had a chance to be a normal girl and who ever her father was squashed any hope. Oh what would she think? What would Blake do if I told her? She wouldn't believe me, that's for sure. We'd just get in another fight. And the more angrier I make her, the faster the growing process is made.

Because it's the fury and hate that fills her. That's while she always had fire in her soul. Why she always fought back with such a vengeance. Its why she could survive on her own for so long. She had the one thing all of her kind did. She had passion, perseverance. Blake would push through everything. Sometimes I would see the apologies in her eyes and she would fight herself so she could give me one moment of happiness, but she's just not that strong to fight her own body. If she kept it up for too long, she would end up killing herself.

And I didn't want that. No I didn't. I still love her. I want her to love me the same way, but its hard for her. And I cant make her without causing her death. Now I'm fighting my own heart. I want her to love me better, but in doing that, I might as well have dug up own grave.

If I had any luck in my body, which I'm sure I don't, but if I did I might be able to save her. If she truly loves me with all her heart as I once believed she did, Blake might be able to break through her own mind set. Now she wouldn't be human, but she would still have some claim on her humanity. If anything she might be able to keep a part of her soul, and she would be able to be mine. Now I'll have to admit that it's a long shot, but it might work. And if that can't be done and she nothing left of her human life, then maybe I can get a gypsy or something.

The only problem is that you can't want it. You can't want the redemption of being human again. And I can't do this both ways. If I try to make her hold on to her humanity and it doesn't work, then she will want to work harder, but it will be impossible. So then I wouldn't be able to give her a soul. She would want to be with me, but she wouldn't be able to. Blake's life is in a very delicate balance right now. I should know, I've been there.

Growing up for a demon isn't fun, not one bit. Some take longer to mature than others, while some take seconds. I took a few years to finally stop growing and to get stronger. And it was a hell of a process. A lot of torturous growth spurts, agonizing blood lusts, and terrifying needs. I needed this to survive and if I didn't get it, the world was going to end…literally. And Blake? Well it takes eighteen years for her kind to grow. They seem human at first, but as they get older the take on more demon like characteristics. She doesn't have long now. Maybe a week or two.

Then its bye bye, Logan. Nice meeting you.

Now here's the catch. Blake's kind are indestructible, hard to kill. Now you better believe they fight with every ounce of their being to not die, but sometimes something stronger comes along and kills them. But to get that strong you have to go through tests their bodies give them. It they don't pass, well they can die before the change is completed. Their race is one of the strongest, just like mine. And guess what comes with that? Everything about us, wants to kill each other. that's what made me drink her blood on the woods. Not just the smell, but my body realizing the threat before my mind did. I wanted to destroy her, but I couldn't then because I didn't understand. Because I love her.

Would loved be a better word now? I just don't know. There's something I feel (Or is it that I don't feel?) when I'm laying next to her. Its not love anymore. Its like I'm just trying to get through another day with her. It hurts and it thrashes and it kills me to say this, but I don't think I love Blake Winters anymore. I thought I did, I thought I could do this, but I just can't. I can't deal with her and her hatred of me. She hates me, she doesn't want me anymore. And I can't say that I don't feel the same way. And I feel bad that I put her through this. That I let her fall for me. I should have seen the ending we would have had. This ending. I'm so sorry.

In a way though I did see this coming. From the very beginning I knew we could never be together. Too bad I thought then that we would never even start and when we did all my doubts vanished. But I didn't understand being together meant loving each other forever. I guess I'm still a stupid little boy, not fully getting the meaning of true love.

Maybe I'll never really fall in love with a girl, because I know it will never be a guy. I guess I'm just destined to be loveless, alone in the world forever.

But I don't really believe that, but for now I will.

Blake was my first love, and my last. I swore to myself that I would never love another, not with the memory of Blake etched in my heart. It was like a tattoo. She would always be with me, some part of her at least. Some little part of her old human life. I would always hold on to those days, wishing they would just come back to me forever, and we could start all over again. Maybe one day we can, but that's just some false I shouldn't dwell on.

I unlocked the door to my-no our-room. When I turned the knob, on the other side the door was yanked open. Blake threw her arms around my neck, burying her face in my shoulder. Confused, I put my hands on her waist and just held her there. For a moment I forgot everything we had gone through for the past five months. I forgot all the tears and late nights screaming at each other. For a moment it was just Blake and I, like we were in the beginning.

How could I ever say that I didn't love this girl? This was why I stuck it out for so long. For these kinds of things that Blake can do, that Blake can make me feel. I love her and I always will. We'll make it through this. We beat the odds before and we can do it again. True love will make it, it always does.

"I love you." she whispered, then kissed my neck. She breathed in again and pulled away to look up at my face. There it is. The higher cheek bones, the reddish eyes, the glowing hair, it was all there. The demon inside her was coming out more and more each day. But I would help her control this. I wouldn't leave her if you paid me.

I lifted her chin, wanting to pause this perfect moment forever because I knew in thirty seconds this would disappear and we would start with the yelling again, but I loved it while it lasted.

"I love you."

Blake nodded and kissed me feverishly.

"Logan!" a voice behind me squeaked. I turned to have Lily pounce on my with her hugs and kissed on my cheeks. Blake got out of the way, just sort of watching us with wide eyes.

Christoffles walked in the door, tugging endless bags of what I assumed were clothes. So this was where they had been. Well I guess Lily had always loved shopping.

Now they decide to show up after months of absence, and in this kind of situation too!

I smacked my forehead thinking, What the hell are you doing, Logan?