THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE! :)) I HAVE ONLY ONE THING TO SAY: POOR ARES:))) ENJOY:))

" What is the meaning of this?" the two Ares asked, staring in utter horror at each other and mechanically taking two steps back as if having suddenly found themselves in the face of an incredibly dangerous enemy that they hadn't got the chance to evaluate properly beforehand.

"Why am I wearing white?"

"Why am I wearing black?" they both broke out on a startled tone that left no room for wonder- they were both equally perplexed and scandalized.

" What am I doing here? Where am I?" the copy asked, scanning his surroundings in utter disbelief "This isn't my world! Wait….am I…..dead? Is this Tartarus?" he immediately assumed, fear transpiring from his every pore.

" Not yet, but you soon will be! What the fuck did you do?!" the War God then barked, frowning at his ditsy sister, his furious eyes cutting through her with an intensity that would have left any other person trembling with fear.

" I don't know….."

" What do you mean you don't know? "

" I told you I have no idea what those words mean….I might have mispronounced one or two….." she started, rapidly searching her brain for a more decent excuse once she saw just how close her brother was from snapping. " What?! Did you not listen to a word I said?! That text is brain racking! Like who could accurately remember all that stuff?! "

" Circe sure did!"

" Well Circe isn't here to give you a hand , is she?! I did my best ok?! Dark magic isn't even my domain, so don't take it out on little ol' me! What did you expect?!" she heroically defended herself, despite the fact that her heart was hammering deafeningly in her eardrums, the fear of what he was capable of doing to her if he lost his temper, almost getting the best of her.

" That's a good question…..I must have lost my mind to think that you can actually be of any help, Aphrodite!" he shouted back, poison dripping out of every word.

"Aphrodite?!" Ares' copy suddenly intervened, pure joy beaming from his eyes the second he heard the platinum blonds' name.

" That's me…."

"Oh! What an honor! Pink suits you perfectly, Darling! No Goddess has ever shined the way you're shining at this moment. And those magnificently highlighted curls…" he exclaimed, clapping his hands in childish approval "….no words have been yet invented to do you justice !.. A work of art!"

"Oh! Did you hear that, Ar?! He's soooo cute! I'm melting here!"

"Well stop melting and start working! I want you to send this clown back from where he came from, before I start chopping him to little pieces! And for Gaia's sake could you do one thing right for once?! Just say that bloody chant again, and this time make sure you phrase it correctly and fix whatever it was you messed up last time!"

" Excuse me?! A clown?! No offense Stud, but it's so not my fault that your taste in fashion equals absolute zero! Is he always this frustrated?!" the copy asked Aphrodite, putting on a pouty face.

" He's been through a lot…" she clarified, cautiously caressing her brother's muscular arm in sign of compassion and leaving his side just as fast, as if fearing some kind of unanticipated reaction.

" Figures….Why is he wearing black? Is he in mourning for someone or….. something?! Are we in some kind of tomb?"

"No….this is his temple…" she whispered, plastering the fakest smile ever on her face while briefly glancing at her brother, just to make sure that he hadn't seen her.

" His temple?! Are you telling me that human beings actually live in this….dump?! This so depressing!"

The very following second, the War God's sword was pressing against his nightmarish version's cheek, hard enough to draw blood.

"Now listen here you….freak…..I don't care who you are or where you're from but I want you off my property before I count to three or you can kiss this pretty face goodbye!"

"Hey! Take it easy, Hunk! I'm a lover, not a fighter!...The Ultimate Lover, to be more precise !" he confidently stated, pushing the sword away and winking at him while making a stunningly beautiful crimson rose appear in his hand, a rare flower that he graciously offered to Dite with an elegant bow that was obviously meant to impress even the hardest of hearts. "A humble gift for the most charming woman to have ever walked the earth…"

"Oh Ar'!" Can we keep him?! Can we, can we?! " the Goddess enthusiastically burst out, flashing him the brightest smile he had seen her wear.

In response, a fire ball zinged through the room the very following moment, but it disintegrated inches before it hit its target.

"I don't think you can hurt him given that he's…well…you…." his sister patiently explained, trying not to look too pleased about it.

In the mean time, utterly unimpressed by the War God's ferocious attack, the self proclaimed Ultimate Lover- who had casually started walking up and down the room- staring at every single object decorating it as if he were visiting a museum- was currently lifting with maximum care a skull ornament from the altar, curling his lips in disgust at the item while curiously twisting it in his hands as if trying to guess its reason for being.

" Hey watch it with that! " Ares' harsh voice thundered, bouncing off the walls, only to focus his attention back on his sister one minute later. " I don't care how you do it, but I want him gone, Dite…I have enough problems as it is!"

"Oh chill down Bro'…he's harmless!"

" Yes, he's harmless! This is not what I was looking for! How could he be of any use to us if he's harmless…..? Not to mention that he looks as if he has just escaped a travelling circus! "

"Hey Dite…..I can call you Dite right…?" the other Ares started a question that the War God rudely interrupted before he could even dream about fully articulating it.

"No you can't you weirdo! She's my sister! Only I'm allowed to call her that!"

" Sure you can…" the Goddess made sure to intervene. " Don't mind him…he's just being overprotective. You know how crazy big brothers can get when it comes to this kind of stuff…."

" Yeah….isn't he a doll….? Listen…" he started, paying no attention to the visibly fuming War God. "….and I want you to be completely honest here, ok? Do you think these pants make my butt look big? "

"No, Cutie Pie, your butt is…absolute perfection! But the outfit…." she continued in a remarkably disapproving tone, just to bite her lips when realizing that the last thing she wanted was to hurt his feelings.

" What?! Don't hold back anything…..Come on….I can take it! I'm tougher than I look!"

" Are you sure?"

" Yeah…" he said- an almost frightened expression on his face.

" Well, the vest is pretty and all but…."

" Oh GODS! Pretty?! Is it that awful?!"

"Not awful…" she hesitated, doing her best to minimize the emotional trauma. " ...just…..too bright, you know…..and white is like so yesterday's news…"

"Sweet mother of Chronos! I think I'm gonna faint…Are you sure it's not fashion any more…..?!."

" You could as well have a heart attack and die!" Ares joined their incredibly ridiculous conversation, rolling his eyes at his incredibly empty brained version- so very similar to his sister…

" Like duh! No one is wearing white since like…last week…"

"This is a tragedy!" he whined making great efforts to hold back his sobs.

"Don't panic! We'll fix you in a jippy! " Aphrodite encouraged, materializing a dark fuchsia leather suit on his statuesque body.

"Leather? Not my thing, sorry…" he refused, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

" Hmmm….let's try something else then." she quickly said, turning the leather into silk.

" Not sexy enough…" he now remarked, changing with a wave of his hand the silk into soft peach spandex. " How's this? "

"Smoking hot! "

" I like that! Hey! It rhymes! " he added joyfully, and they both started laughing.

"Shut up already! You two are driving me insane! I can't even hear myself think!" the War God screamed again , this time sending a fireball to the altar table, blowing it into smithereens.

" Oh poor baby!" the copy murmured, and the following instant a pink couch appeared by his side- the color just a shade darker than the one of his costume- "He's really hurting, isn't he? I can instantly recognize pain when I see it…Love problems, huh? " he asked just to cast him a compassionate gaze when he finally got a discreet confirmation from the Love Goddess.

" This can't be happening to me…" Ares mumbled, looking almost desperate by now.

"I know….." Loverboy answered as if the War God was actually talking to him. "Pure drama. Our soul is never ready for what the torturously cruel Fates have in store for us…Listen….I know we started off on the wrong foot here, but this is your lucky day! Believe it or not, I am willing to forgive your violent outbursts and insults…Love can make us all lose our heads from time to time…But conversation might help, you know? Does the healing power of words ring any bells? I gotta tell you, I was as surprised about it myself, but…it works…it really works…!" he informed, taking a heart shaped velvet pillow from the sofa and squeezing it hard against his chest while Aphrodite pushed her brother from behind, urging him to take a seat.

" How am I gonna save Xena, Dite?! Oh , I'm so screwed!"

"Is she your soul mate?!... Do tell! " the copy demanded to know, placing a comforting hand on the War God's knee. "…. And whatever you do, leave no details out, even the most seemingly unimportant ones can make a difference…"

" I can't even kill him!" Ares bitterly replied, resting his head in his hands as he heard him talk…."Maybe he's right! …Maybe this is Tartarus after all…First Harpielle, and then this….."

"Harpi…who?"

" Long story." Aphrodite answered with a half smile.

" Listen Bro', no worries. Me and….the Ultimate Lover here, we'll go to Olympus and play our part by the book - Daddy must have gone ballistic by now, by the way- and you just do what you need to do, ok? Find Celesta, save the Warrior Babe…."

" Oh no you don't! You're not taking this clown with you on Olympus. Dite! My reputation would be forever ruined! " the War God shrieked, jumping from the couch as if something had bit him on the ass.

" I hate to break it to you big guy, but you kinda ruined your reputation all by yourself when you first decided to appear in public wearing that…. abomination!"

Needless to say, it didn't last long until all Tartarus broke loose, with Dite struggling to unclasp her brother's iron grip from his absolutely adorable copy's neck, with Ares verbally and physically unleashing all his frustration and rage on that poor fellow, and with his puppy sweet, mellow version fighting for his life and desperately gasping for breath.

"Ares! Enough is enough! Stop acting like a spoiled brat here! Let him go already! You're gonna leave a mark!" Aphrodite finally yelled -in a shockingly furious manner too.

" I'm gonna rip his pretty head off, that's what I'm gonna do!"

"Xena will be forever lost if you keep wasting your precious time like this. Now come on! We'll just have to work with what we've got and make the best of it, ok?"

"Fine. " he finally agreed, taking in a deep breath and adjusting his leather vest while still staring daggers at that poor imitation of himself.

" So much envy! " Lover Boy remarked once he found his voice, snapping his fingers and materialzing a small mirror in his hand, gazing absently at his own image. "Just look at what this brute did to my hair! " he complained, making a face at the War God, and gently touching the blemishes that were starting to form at the base of his neck. They immediately vanished as if they had never even been there in the first place…

"Wait! " Aphrodite said, snapping her fingers once and fixing his hairdo for him" Here you go. "

" Thanks. You're the best!"

" Like I know! Pretty cool huh?"

" Totally rocking!"

"Ok….glad you like it! Now listen up…I know this might sound very strange to you and all, I mean we've only just met, but could you help us with something? "

" Anything for you…" he said, trying to throw the War God a spiteful gaze that had nothing in common with the cold steel Ares usually had in his eyes.

" Here's the thing. We need to help my sexually frustrated brother save the love of his life, he can't leave without her, yadda yadda yadda…Trust me, it's worth the effort. "

"….Sounds exciting…but it's just that he's been sooo rude! He hurt my feelings! I'm sensitive you know….!"

"I understand, but it's for a noble cause. He's not usually like this….He's trying to be a tough nut but actually he's just not really great at expressing emotion you see…not positive emotion anyway…" she added, once she noticed the vehement contradiction in his eyes.

" That's as clear as daylight! But I don't know…." the copy replied, scratching the bridge of his nose. " I mean, he called me a freak…"

" I'm sure he's already regretting it, though he will never say it out loud." Aphrodite made sure to specify, while glaring sternly at her brother. " Pwetty pwease with sugar and icing and cherries on top?!" she then insisted, silently praying for a YES.

"Well…. If you put it that way…."

" I knew it!" she squealed, jumping up and down in joy and giving him a big hug. " You'll need to wear a disguise though."

" A disguise?" he inquired, but before he could ask for further details , the Love Goddess had already turned him into Ares' identical twin. " How's this Bro? No one will ever be able to tell you apart now! Not even Hera herself! "

" If he doesn't say anything, he looks almost…normal.." the God pondered, arching an eyebrow at his mirror image.

" What? Sweet Fates! I don't think I can do it!" the fake Ares, exclaimed staring at his own reflection in a silver shield.

" Relax. It's only temporary…..It's in the name of eternal love, remember?…." she casually pointed out while, taking his hand in hers, she opened a vortex.

" Oh, the things we do for love!" he sighed, casting a furtive glance at his attacker.

" Yeah…..Now let me tell you the story. It's to die for! You're gonna cry, I can guarantee it. So my Bro' met the Warrior Babe back in the days when she was…."

Her voice faded away as they gradually vanished from the place , waving at the War God and blowing him kisses as they left, and once they were gone, Ares could finally let himself fall onto the pink sofa- that with a disturbingly angry gesture, he had turned pitch dark the moment he was alone again..

" BY the Styx. I think I'm gonna have a heart attack.."

" Ares…! Oh Aaaares!" Gabrielle's singsong voice echoed just a mere second later through the halls, making him let out a tired sigh.

"Here goes nothing…." he breathed out, watching that completely unattractive body undulating in his direction.