Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight anything.
BPOV
We were back in the basement. I was curled up in Edward's lap and he was rocking me gently, murmuring soothing words that helped me deal with the wealth of guilt I was feeling.
"It's alright, Bella. That was amazing, truly. Even Jasper thinks so. You didn't fight us and you didn't hurt anyone," he said softly. I buried my face in his neck, trying to believe what he was saying. Evidently the fact that I had ripped the front door off its hinges in my attempt to get the source of the delicious smells outside didn't disturb anyone except me. He was right. I hadn't fought Emmett, Jasper and Edward when they tackled me on the porch and dragged me back inside, but that was only because I had been shocked when I'd recognized the car coming up the drive.
Evidently some of our friends from school had decided to come and pay their respects to the Cullen family, planning to offer their help in the search for me. Why they had decided to come here and not to Charlie's house, we couldn't fathom, but Jessica, Mike, Angela and Ben were all lucky that Sam and Jacob had been on their way to check on my...progress. They had trailed the car up the drive and it was their extremely potent smell had helped mask the scent of my human friends enough that Edward was able to get me out of the house and down to the basement without me going after my school friends' throats.
"Did they see anything?" I whispered, the first words I'd spoken since the incident. Edward sighed.
"No, darling. We pulled you away quick enough. Emmett and Jasper just pretended to be taking the door down so we could put up a new one. Lucky for us Esme had an extra," he said. I thought I heard a hint of humor in his tone. I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. He gave me a gentle smile.
"An extra door?" I asked, raising one eyebrow.
"Alice had a vision a few weeks ago of the house without a front door. We all just assumed it was Emmett's fault," he said with a chuckle. I ducked my head in embarrassment, able to appreciate for the first time in my vampire life the inability to blush. Edward stroked my cheek as if remembering the rush of blood into my cheeks.
"Do you miss it?" I whispered cautiously, worried that he might miss my humanity. He hummed softly before responding.
"I will remember some things fondly. Your beautiful blush, your endearing clumsiness, the incredible warmth. But I will not miss them, because those things did not make you who you are. I didn't fall in love with you because of your humanity, Bella. I fell in love with you in spite of it. You're strong will, your beautiful mind, your fiery passion, your kindness, your loving heart. Those are the things that will endure through eternity."
I couldn't help but kiss him, then, overwhelmed by my love for him. Before I could do more than caress his tongue with my own for a few precious, and I must say rather delicious, moments, I heard a familiar voice calling from the entrance to the basement. I sighed into Edward's sweet mouth and pulled back. Edward echoed my sigh and stood, pulling me with him.
"Come, let's ease their minds and then we can talk to the family about the wedding," he said softly, bringing my hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. I smiled at him and then followed him out of the basement. I held my breath, not sure if my human friends were still around and not certain the werewolf smell would completely cancel out the need to feed off of the wolves. Sam and Jacob were standing in the yard, in human form. Jasper was standing off to the side, eyeing them warily. The two Quileutes were, in turn, eyeing me warily. I heard Edward sigh softly and wondered what they were thinking.
"Jake? How is Carrie?" I asked, trying to start a conversation to break through the tension. Sam looked surprised but Jacob's expression relaxed a bit.
"You remember me? And Carrie?" Jacob asked, his voice hopeful. Sam flashed him a dark look but Jacob ignored it and stepped forward. I took a tentative breath and then wrinkled my nose.
"Wow, Jake. You really do stink," I said, trying to make my voice convey amusement and not offense. My friend snorted softly and shrugged.
"Look who's talking, Vampella. But...you still look like you...mostly. Except the eyes are a bit on the freaky side," he said with a nervous laugh. For a moment I wasn't quite sure what Jacob meant about my eyes. I hadn't seen my reflection yet, though I was a little surprised Alice hadn't dragged me in front of a mirror. But then I had a dim memory of Edward telling me that newborn eyes were red. I glanced up at Edward, wondering silently if they bothered him. He no doubt noticed my worried expression because he reached down and stroked the skin under my eyes with a gentle smile.
"Your eyes are fine, love, and just as expressive as ever. The red color will fade with time," he said. I took another breath and immediately regretted it as the smell of human began to fight with the nearly overpowering smell of wet dog. I grimaced and leaned into Edward's side. He wrapped one arm firmly around my waist and I buried my nose in his shirt so I could inhale his sweet, intoxicating scent. It centered me enough that I could ignore the searing flames in my throat.
"I'm sorry, Bella. Alice got them in and out as quickly as she could, but I'm afraid you might want to avoid the house for a few hours. Esme has all the windows open," Jasper said quietly. I gave him a grateful smile and he surprised me by returning it. It was a tentative smile, but it made him look less like a fierce warrior.
"It's okay, Jasper. Thank you all for getting me out of there fast enough," I said quietly. I glanced sideways at Sam then and saw his brow furrow in confusion. Jacob was looking even more relaxed.
"They're right, Sam. She's not a raving monster. She's got a handle on it," Jacob said to his pack leader. Sam grunted and shrugged.
"Tell that to the front door," he said darkly. I cringed back into Edward again and heard the low growl vibrating through his chest. I forced myself to straighten and shook my head.
"He's right, Edward. I did lose control. If it wasn't for their smell and Emmett tackling me, I might have killed someone. Or at the very least exposed all of us. Thank you both for shadowing the car. You probably saved someone's life," I said, directing the last at Sam and Jacob. I expected Sam to look smug or angry at my thanks, but instead his expression was even more confused than before. I heard both Jasper and Edward chuckle and I frowned up at Edward. He shook his head at me and then snorted softly, turning his eyes on Sam again.
"It's more a question of learning to channel her strength than a control issue, Sam. She's only hours old and her control rivals anything Carlisle or Jasper have seen in a newborn. Wolf stink or not, your heartbeats alone should be driving her insane right now. I think Carlisle's theory is correct. Going into the change willingly makes for an easier transition. Then again, Bella has always been exceptional. None of us should be surprised that she's so amazing," Edward said with a chuckle. I could hear the pride in his voice and it warmed me from the inside out. I really couldn't understand what they thought was so amazing, though. I felt overwhelmed by so many things, as if I was teetering on the edge of my so called exceptional control.
"As long as we don't have any more unannounced visitors to the house, we shouldn't have to worry," Jasper said, his voice hard as he looked from Sam to Jacob. I actually saw Sam duck his head, a sheepish expression on his usually stoic face. I glanced up at Edward in confusion.
"They wanted to see if you would attack them. Some of the pack was actually counting on it, hoping they would have an excuse to attack us in return," Edward said sharply. Then his expression softened a bit as Sam shook his head.
"I will admit that one or two of the pack would have hoped for that, but that's the reason only Jacob and I came. I do not want war between us. In the past few days, I have come to view your family as allies, if not friends. As long as there is no chance of Bella stumbling across a human, you are welcome to stay here until your departure doesn't look suspicious. And um…we promise to call first if we plan on another visit," Sam said.
After that, both Edward and Jasper relaxed and I was actually able to talk with Jacob about Carrie. The subject was still a sore one, since she was refusing to see him, but there was hope. Emily had spoken with Carrie on two different occasions and if Emily was to be believed, Carrie was beginning to come to terms with the harsher, supernatural truths of the world. I just hoped, for Jacob's sake, that she would realize that Victoria was the one ultimately responsible for her brother's death, not Jacob or the Cullens.
The next few hours, I stayed with Edward in the basement while he showed me various things from the Cullens' past and told me stories that made me smile and even a few that made me want to cry. Alice drifted in and out, adding to Edward's stories and asking wedding related questions. I asked once where everyone else was and she smiled.
"Running errands," she said, not willing to elaborate even when Edward tried to coax it out of her. Evidently she was singing Elvis songs in Spanish in her head to keep him out of her thoughts. He must not have minded her choice of music for once, because when she left, he pulled a guitar off the basement wall and sang 'Love Me Tender' for me. In English, of course. I had never really been a fan of Elvis' music, but that song was now one of my favorites. At least when Edward sang it.
By the time night fell, Alice deemed the house safe and Edward and I went inside. I was almost afraid there would be signs of massive wedding plans strewn about the house, but to my relief there didn't seem to be any decorations laying about.
"I swore not to make this into something crazy, Bella. Both you and Edward will be happy with the results, I promise," Alice said happily before Edward and I moved upstairs to his…our room.
"Oh, Alice, how…" Edward started to ask as we settled together on his black leather couch.
"Sunrise. I thought it would be nice since there will be a break in the cloud cover during your vows," Alice answered from the ground floor. I gasped.
"Sunrise tomorrow?" I asked incredulously. Edward looked down at me warily and I realized he might think I didn't want things to move that fast.
"Oh, no, baby, that's perfect. I was just surprised she was able to get things together so fast," I said, reaching up to stroke his face. My words reassured him and I saw his face light up with a beautiful, excited smile.
"Tomorrow morning, you'll be my wife," he said, pulling me against him and turning my face up to his so that he could pepper tiny kisses across my skin. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling, letting all the clamoring sounds and smells from the house and the woods beyond fade into the background.
"Tomorrow morning, you'll be my husband. To have and to hold," I said breathily as my hands slid under the hem of his cotton shirt and stroked his chest. I heard his breath hitch ever so slightly and couldn't keep the satisfied smile off my face. At least until his hands mimicked mine. His hands brushed softly over my breasts and I moaned. His mouth nibbled a path along my jaw and up to my ear.
"Eleven more hours, beloved," he whispered.
Eleven hours later, I looked at my reflection in the full length mirror in Alice's closet and I was stunned by the sight. I was beautiful, though the bright red of my eyes was somewhat disturbing, and I was astonished. Pale, flawless skin and lips like rose petals. Thick, shiny brown hair with just a hint red highlight and the sheer sleeves of the dress showing off arms that I knew had never looked like this when I was human – subtly toned and graceful. I was by no means as gorgeous as Rosalie, but I felt worthy of Edward and that alone was enough to make me want to dance Alice around the room with glee. So I did, grabbing my tiny sister-in-law to be and twirling her around the room.
"I'm pretty," I crowed and my own melodic laughter joined with Alice's giggles. I heard a camera clicking madly from the doorway, where I knew Jasper waited. I wondered idly if the film was fast enough to capture vampire twirling at full speed. Alice called a halt to my display of joy before I could test my theory, probably having foreseen some accident in which my dress ripped or I knocked makeup onto the beautiful material. I might be graceful now, but I was still learning my own strength.
"Bella, you've always been beautiful. The change just…enhanced you a little bit. Edward is right. You have never seen yourself clearly. Now, we have fifteen minutes to get you to the meadow. Jasper is going to carry you so you don't ruin your dress," Alice said. I was still too happy to protest the thought of being carried around like an invalid. It really would be a shame to ruin this beautiful dress. I could care less about the designer label, which Alice would probably have my head for, but it was something I would have picked out myself. So I turned around to where Jasper waited in the doorway and held my arms up like a small child asking to be picked up.
"Well, I'm not a horse drawn carriage, but I promise to get you to the church on time. As it were," Jasper said with a deep chuckle as he swept me up into his arms. Alice hovered just long enough to make sure the dress wouldn't be crushed or torn and then she kissed Jasper's cheek and darted out the window of her bedroom. And for the first time in my history with the Cullen's, I found myself alone with Jasper. I smiled at him and he grinned back before following Alice out the window. His landing didn't even jar the flowers Rosalie had braided into my hair earlier.
"Bella, I want to apologize for the way I've treated you, not just when you were a human but after your change as well," Jasper said solemnly, his grin fading into a serious frown as he ran effortlessly through the forest. I tightened my arms around his neck so that my face was level with his and shook my head. He gave me a hard look and the words I was about to say died in my throat.
"Don't make excuses for my behavior, Bella. That's what I've been doing for myself for decades. Just because I'm a vampire doesn't absolve me from responsibility for my actions. Intellectually, I've known that since before I met Alice. But I still blamed my failures on my nature, which was the underlying cause, but it was my own twisted sense of reality and a whole lot of self doubt that kept me from really embracing the Cullen's lifestyle."
"Um...I'm sorry?" I said, unsure what this really had to do with me. Jasper chuckled then and I felt my forehead scrunch up in confusion. He hugged me a little tighter.
"No, Bella. Don't feel sorry for me. Watching you embrace us and the life you've chosen when such confidence and control has caused me to have, what would you call it? An epiphany? If I want to conquer my own lack of control, I need to embrace the vegetarian lifestyle completely. Not just for Alice, but because it's something I want for myself. No more excuses, no more telling myself it can't be done. So, thank you," he said, actually smiling as he said it. The sense of determination rolling off of him made me smile and I leaned in, kissing his cheek.
"I honestly don't know what I did to inspire you to such an epiphany, but...your welcome," I said, recognizing that Jasper was reaching out to me, something he had never really done in our acquaintance. As part of my new family, I really wanted to get to know him and if this was the beginning of a closer relationship, I would gladly accept his thanks.
"Thank you. Now, we're almost there. Just so you know, I've never felt Edward so joyful as he is right now," Jasper said in my ear. His revelation would have made my heart skip a beat...if it had still been beating. I desparately wanted to see Edward. Alice had sent him away over five hours ago and honestly, if it wasn't for the rest of the family distracting me for the last few hours, I would not have made it through ten minutes without him. I knew Jasper had chosen to have this particular conversation now in order to distract me from over thinking the event that was about to occur. Not that I couldn't listen to him and ponder my marriage to Edward at the same time with ease now, but I didn't feel any of the anxiety or panic I had expected to feel now that the time was upon me. Instead I found myself struggling to get out of Jasper's arms, ready to sprint into the meadow and into Edward's arms.
"Whoa there, pretty lady. If you rip this dress Alice will have my head. Calm a bit and I'll put you down," Jasper said, flooding me with a sense of calm even as I felt his amusement settling over me. I took the calm gratefully as he set me on my feet. We were about fifty yards away from the meadow and I could hear music playing softly. Jasper tucked my hand around his elbow and started walking. As much as I wanted to pull away and run, I forced myself to keep pace with Jasper.
When we finally got close enough that glimpses of the meadow could be seen through the trees, I couldn't help tugging on Jasper's arm in my excitement. He didn't speed up though, chiding me with a chuckle for trying to mess up Alice's perfectly timed wedding march.
"To hell with timing. I want Edward," I said with a snarl. I heard laughter and giggles coming from the meadow in front of us then, over the sound of the piano. It was my lullaby, though something about it seemed different than every other time I'd heard Edward play it. It wasn't until I stepped out of the trees that I realized why. Edward's piano was in the meadow, sitting on a perfectly constructed wooden deck. Rosalie sat at the keyboard, playing. I hadn't known she could play, but it explained the difference in the melody. No two pianists played exactly alike. Not even vampire ones. That little detail only took a fraction of a second to process in the back of my mind while the majority of my attention was on Edward.
He stood under a beautiful arbor made of twisted metal and flowering vines with Carlisle beside him. I didn't have to divert my attention to note that the rest of the family was standing along a path of smooth stepping stones that lead straight to the arbor. The sky was stunningly clear above us and the rising sun, usually a pale imitation of itself at the best of times in this rainy clime, shone brightly into the arbor. Edward's face and hands caught the light, shimmering like a million tiny prisms. He was so beautiful that I almost missed a step in my overeager walk. Luckily, Jasper caught me and ushered me without incident to Edward's side.
"Bella, you are so beautiful my love," Edward said, his smooth velvet voice catching as reached out take my hands so he could draw me into him. The gentle shock of his touch, so familiar and so precious, ran through my body as he lifted my knuckles to his lips. I found myself lost in his gaze, which put the sun to shame for warmth and brilliance. I could easily get lost in his eyes and never want to be found. Why would I need to be, honestly? For me, Edward was home.