A/N: It seems that I'm late again... At least the chapter is longer this time :)

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Credits:

Portuguese Beta: Rohh Lael

English Beta: wintryone

Disclaimer: Dragon Age Universe belongs to Bioware.

Chapter 21

Six

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Kallian

And that's how I got here - lying on the cold ground near the fire with rocks poking my back and sand creeping inside my clothes. According to Noah, we were about a half day from Lothering, and I had no words to express my anxiety because of this. Technically we were supposed to reach our objective the morning before, but because of minor setbacks here and there, sporadic clashes and more turns that I'm able to count, we lost almost an entire day. I never craved to be back in a city as much as I did now. Also, I never thought I'd miss my bed so damn much.

I'm not complaining - I usually adapt myself very well to adverse situations, but we'd achieved a critical stage already: We were sleeping on the cold ground, with only a few clothes - in Noah's case, he only had one set, which he was wearing at this exact moment. It was past time for him to throw that stuff away, as well as his cracked armor. We were also down to the last of our supplies, the water was scarce, and every other trouble you can imagine. And besides, I needed a bath.

I wasn't completely uncomfortable at all – I was using one of the decent sheets that I'd found in the abandoned hut as a pillow, and it was serving me very well. Well, half of it was. As the sheet was pretty big, I cut it in half and gave one of them to Alistair, who had no extra clothes either. He was so grateful that it was hard to believe his exaggerated happiness was only because a piece of old cloth.

This was our third night after leaving the hut and I didn't have to look around to know that we had separated into four different camps. Alistair and I were the only two together – everyone else kept their distance, from us and from each other. I sighed heavily at that thought.

Temperamental people.

Honestly, I believe Mahariel only had moved away from the fire because Alistair was lying near me, more specifically on the opposite side of where I was. She didn't trust him, or anyone else, and I don't blame her for that.

She trusted me though. We don't talk that much - She didn't give many openings to reach her, and honestly I still had some difficult speaking with her. Although she swore her loyalty and everything, I could still feel that thin line between us, and it wasn't in my plans to break it with any immature decision. Maybe later, when she gets used to us and realizes that it could be worse.

I sighed, lying on the ground more slovenly. I could feel the grass brushing against my heels, while the wind caressed my bare feet. I never used to take off my armor to sleep, just to be safe, but today I allowed myself to relax a bit more, removing my boots, clamps and what was left of my shoulder pads.

My leather needed some fixing, too.

Despite our personal chaos, the sky was completely clear, tinted with such a deep and bright blue that it looked like a painting, foreign to out mortal problems. It was like there were more stars than I had ever seen, and even the waning moon seemed bigger. It was a true blessing, so mesmerizing that I allowed myself to be carried away by its magic, emptying my mind completely for the first time in a very, very long while.

My right hand raised on its own, drawing an imaginary line through the stars and connecting them to the moon, as if I could actually touch them with my fingertips.

The sky was the only connection I had with my family.

The only certainty I had was that, if they were looking up right now, we'd be looking at the same moon… the same stars…. the same blue immensity, so terrible and yet so beautiful…

If I could touch the moon, would I be able to reach them? Would I be able to fill part of this void in my chest and make the pain stop?

I'd never felt so alone and helpless as I felt now.

I tried to trick my own mind several times - pretending to convince myself that, somewhere among the stars, my mother or my brother would be there, watching over me, trying to protect me. It was a silly thought, but it calmed my heart a little. Yet, after going through everything, it was hard to even believe that it was possible for the soul to go somewhere after the body dies. The Fade was a place so terrible that I was starting to believe that it was not a world of spirits as they say, but a land of demons, where only chaos and destruction reigned.

Just the thought of their minds wandering eternally in that hell ... To be honest, I never thought beyond that point - I prefer to think that I was the only one fated to wander in the dark confines of despair. I wouldn't be able to be at peace with myself if I knew that, besides being responsible for their deaths, I also had condemned them to live under the same curse that I lived.

Suddenly, breathing became such a hard task…

You know, sometimes I think that I can understand those who prefer to believe in the Chantry's fairy tale - Maker, Heaven, Eternal Salvation ... The reality was too cruel. I don't think that everyone would have guts to withstanding the truth.

I don't blame them - I think that I, myself would choose ignorance, if I was given the choice.

I sighed again, trying to clear my mind once more and reach that glimpse of peace that I felt a while ago, but I couldn't. I had a whirlwind of thoughts bombarding my mind, and my little momentum was gone.

Kallian had been with her hand raised for some time now, without stirring. Alistair was lying over his dear sheet-pillow on the other side of the fire, staring at her with curiosity. What was she thinking right now? She was not someone easy to understand, but it didn't take much for him to know that something was wrong.

When her stomach growled loudly, he found the perfect loophole to start a conversation.

"Hungry?" He asked, leaning up on his elbow.

"No," Kallian lied, frowning deeply. She didn't know the reason, but she was feeling very hungry lately. The supplies she received from Flemeth should have lasted at least one week with her ministrations, but they're already running out. There was only one apple and two crusty breads, and considering the possible delays they could suffer, she couldn't take the risk. Even if it meant that she would spend the whole night hungry.

Her stomach growled again, exposing her lie. "Fine, Fine… I am." She admitted, feeling a slight burning over her cheeks. "I don't know what is happening. I always controlled my hunger very well - I never ate more than the necessary. But lately it seems like there's a hole in my stomach ..."

Alistair laughed. "Now you're officially a Grey Warden!"

"The excessive appetite is the taint's fault?" she asked puzzled, rolling over onto her side and resting her head on her palm.

"It's one of the changes." He smiled.

"Anything else I should know?"

"Besides being able to feel the Darkspawn and the increase in our appetite? Well, we also have nightmares," Alistair said, grimacing.

"Nightmares?"

"Yes, the Wardens dream about the Darkspawn. It's like some sort of vision - we can feel them and they can feel us, too. It's one of the consequences of our connection." He sat up, sighing heavily. "They are very common in the beginning - I had terrible nightmares in my Joining. Eventually, however, we may be able to block them."

"How?" She asked, sitting up suddenly interested in his words. If there was a way to block the nightmares or at least a way to isolate her mind from Fade, she might be able to get rid of the Lion once and for all. She tried to not let her expectations take control of her, but wasn't able to completely restrain her excitement. Her heart was filled with hope, not seen in a long time.

"I don't know…" He laughed embarrassed to see her expression crumble. "I still cannot do that."

Kallian forced a smile, trying to ensure that there was no problem, but she was not very convincing. Another opportunity slipped through her fingers. As much as she tried to convince herself that anything but the blood of that blighted mage would be an illusion, a false sense of peace and freedom, she couldn't stop her heart for beating wildly at each new glimpse of hope.

She sighed, exhausted. Each night was a different fight, an endless war where winning meant always losing. Every one of them. Her soul gained one more day to live, but her mind and body were being slowly corrupted, getting closer and closer to her limits.

Sometimes she wondered why she was still fighting.

"Useless," Noah muttered near them, making Alistair nearly jump. He was standing near the fire, staring idly at them. This topic was of interest to Noah. Since his Joining, he had some strange dreams. A few, yes, but intriguing enough to provoke his curiosity. "At least do you know the meaning of the dragon that was with the Darkspawn?"

"Dragon?" Alistair asked, thinking a bit before continuing. "It must be the Archdemon. It's their leader, and its presence is what makes us be sure that it's really Blight."

"It's about time you were useful," Noah muttered, getting suddenly thoughtful. If the dragon of his dreams was their enemy, they were more screwed than he thought. Suddenly, what was impossible became suicidal.

Noah had seen other dragons before. If minor ones were able to create such chaos wherever they went, he didn't even want to think what the Archdemon was capable of. In a country without a king, divided and without the Grey Wardens, who were experts in this subject, to help them, he was certain that Ferelden was about to be wiped from the map.

Now that Noah stopped to think about it ... If nobody did anything, it would be a real massacre – it would rain innocent blood in this cursed land and this only reinforced his determination to go on until the end of this journey, whatever the cost, even if it was a suicide mission.

It was the right thing to do.

"We'll have to fight that thing?" Kallian said surprised, her eyes widening slightly. Even if her line of thinking was different from Noah's, she also concluded that fighting that monstrous dragon with only five warriors and a dog was a suicide mission.

"If we ask nicely, maybe it will change its mind, run to Orlais instead, launching his fury on those fancy bourgeois. Who knows?" Noah responded in a mixture of derision and outrage. "Of course we have to fight him right, you half-wit!"

Kallian snorted, throwing herself against the ground again. "Noah, you're infuriating, you know that?"

"Your frustration is my greatest happiness," he said, sitting near the fire.

"He isn't wrong," Alistair said, "I'm not much older than you inside the order. There's a lot I don't know yet. Moreover, Duncan ..." He paused, lowering his head slightly. Kallian could see the pain on his face as the memories started to hit him. It was the first time he'd spoken the name of his mentor since Ostagar, and even after all the time he'd spent trying to convince himself that he was feeling alright about his death, he was surprised by how ferocious those feelings hit him. His voice was nothing more than a broken whisper as he continued. "Duncan ... he always spoke in riddles and codes ... Sometimes it was hard to understand what he meant ..."

"Ahem ... Speaking of the Blight ..." Kallian sat, trying to change the subject. "Do you really think it wise to go after that Eamon from Redcliff?"

Alistair looked at her gratefully, with that sad face she hated so damn much. He smiled weakly, taking a deep breath before continuing.

"Eamon is a fair man, and wise too. I'm pretty sure that if we explain our situation, he will hear us. There's no one better to ask than him," Alistair said.

"Despite my deep chagrin, I agree with him," Noah said, crossing his arms against his broken chestplate. "Besides, he owes me a favor or two, on account of some services that I did for him," When he saw the questioning look on their faces, he added, "I trained a group of soldiers for him once, and my father assisted with the troops in his time of need. This is a great time to collect the debt, don't you think? Once we get there, we can see what our next step will be."

"Okay, to Redcliff then. Once we get there, we can decide then," Kallian concluded, nodding her head to no one specific.

"I disagree with this decision," said Mahariel, approaching them cautiously. "May I have a word?"

"Sure, Mahariel. Speak your mind," replied Kallian. Somehow she was happy with the Dalish's initiative. It was the first time that the four of them really talking, with no punching or kicking involved.

For the first time, Kallian thought that it may work.

"When I parted from you two," Mahariel began.

"Fled," Noah muttered through gritted teeth.

"When I parted from you two," she repeated, ignoring Noah, who rolled his eyes in response. "I found a relatively large Dalish clan on my way. They are camped not far from here, on the west-side of the barrage where we met a few days ago, but I believe they will not be there for too long."

"What makes you think that?" Alistair asked.

"I talked a bit with Lanaya, the Keeper's Apprentice, and she blurted out that the clan was passing through difficult times, and that it was most likely that this problem would force them to leave." She said sitting near Kallian, between her and Alistair. "Although this was not her decision and Zathrian did not confirm anything, the possibility still exists."

"What kind of problems?" Kallian asked, frowning.

"She did not say," Mahariel said, poking the fire with a wooden stick. "The problems of one clan are solved and discussed among the clan only. It was surprising enough that she had admitted it to a stranger like me, which only ensures the situation was serious." She threw the stick into the fire. "The point is, they are probably the largest clan in the region, and if you intend to enlist the help of the Elvhen, I suggest you go there first, before they leave. Once they do, only the Creators will know when you will have another chance. "

"It couldn't be that hard," Noah muttered. "This isn't the only clan we can seek for help, I'm sure there's more."

"There is no way of knowing where they are. We move all the time. Moreover, if you want, you can try your luck by searching every corner of the Brecilian Forest on your own to see if you can find them. Maybe we can find a group of ten or fifteen members, but I do not believe this will solve your problem. "

"How many members does this clan have?" Kallian asked, leaning against her elbows.

"Eighty, ninety maybe, I can not say with precision," Mahariel replied, rubbing her forehead.

"Oh yeah, big deal," Noah rolled his eyes.

"We have to consider this change of plans. We cannot afford to lose the help of elves," said Kallian. "Actually, we cannot afford to lose any help and you know that."

"But if the Dalish are in trouble, why they would help us?" Alistair asked. "They will prefer to solve their own problems instead of buying more."

Kallian thought for a moment before answering. "If only we could manage to solve their problem. Somehow, we would fall into their good graces, don't you think?"

"I do not know," said Mahariel thoughtfully. She'd spoken very little with Zathrian while she was there, but considering all the stories she had heard about him, she wasn't very optimistic about Kallian's idea. "Keeper Zathrian is a very harsh leader. I do not believe that this analogy would work with him. Besides," She paused, looking to Noah and then to Alistair. "I heard he is not very gentle with humans."

"None of you elves seem to be, so there's nothing new there," Noah muttered. Kallian replied with a fake smile that looked more like a grimace, and Mahariel squinted, frowning. "See?"

"Ahem," Kallian cleared her throat again. "Nobody said it would be easy, so we have to take our chances."

"I think-" Alistair began, before being interrupted by Mahariel.

"Did you hear that?" She asked, standing up. Kallian also rose, looking in the same direction than her.

"I'm not hearing any-" Alistair said, but stopped as soon as his senses went on alert. "Darkspawn!"

"Damn, I knew we should put the fire out!" Noah groaned, running to where his sword was.

"Morrigan!" Kallian called, sensing the presence of at least twenty of them approaching. The witch ran to the group with her staff in hand and sleepy eyes. She was already asleep, absent for the group decision as always.

As the bushes moved, all prepared their weapons.

"Woof!" A runaway white figure came out of the dark green leaves and almost was hit by the Dalish.

"A dog?" Mahariel asked, lowering her bow. The small Mabari kept running until he inserted himself between Kallian's legs, panting faster than his lungs could handle. His white fur was soaked with dried blood.

"What the ...?" Kallian said, staring at the small one, but she had no time to complete her phrase. Soon, Hurlocks began raiding the camp.

Before anyone could do anything, Morrigan cast an ice spell in the middle of them, freezing half the group on the ground. The witch could be the most antisocial creature in all Thedas, but her teamwork ability on the battlefield was impeccable. One by one, the group was able to kill them without much effort. Even the Mabari had a small stake, tearing the throats of those who were overthrown.

Besides the flying sword of Noah, the stalwart defense of Alistair and the agile movements of Kallian, Mahariel proved to be an excellent archer, with impressive reflexes, despite her apparent difficulty in dealing with enemies at close range.

The only damage taken was Noah's armor, which finally broke after the fight.

"I think I need new armor," he said, throwing the broken shoulder pad as far as he could toward the woods.

"Bark! Bark!" The dog barked happily, running like crazy towards the forest.

"What are the chances?" Kallian asked incredulously to no one in specific, still holding her daggers. "I mean, is it possible that he survived?"

"How many white Mabaris with violet eyes have you ever seen out there?" Alistair asked playfully.

"I know, right?!" The most beautiful smile that Alistair had ever seen in his whole life crossed Kallian's lips. He couldn't help but smile, too. He couldn't care less about his surroundings when she was happy like that.

A few minutes later, the Mabari returned, with Noah's broken piece in his mouth, wagging his tail as happy as if he had won a piece of meat.

"Come here, boy," said Kallian, crouching. The Mabari ran into her, throwing himself against her legs and causing both to fall backwards. He was far stronger than when they met at the kennel – it seems that he was finally fully recovered.

"What name will you give to him?" Alistair asked, bending down to pat the dog's head.

"Oh, I dunno ... He must have a name already, right?" Kallian asked, taking the piece of metal from his mouth and hiding it behind her.

"He's a puppy," Noah replied, throwing sand on the fire to dim the light. "He shouldn't have a name yet. Moreover, it's a common practice in the army to give numbers to their dogs instead of names, and since he is still young, probably he doesn't have one. Feel free to name him, unless you want to call him 'boy' for the rest your life…"

"No, of course not." Kallian said, frowning. "Wait, wait! You said he is puppy? With this size?" She said, pointing to the small ox lying on top of her legs.

"He is not big," Noah said, leaning down to stroke the Mabari's ears. "You're just too small."

"Oh, you're very funny today," Kallian said with the same smile-grimace that she had given him earlier, reinforcing her sarcastic tone.

"I do my best," Noah said with his best evil smile.

The Mabari, pleased with all the attention he was receiving, suddenly jumped towards Noah, knocking him to the ground and licking all over his face.

"Okay, I surrender!" Noah joked, laughing aloud as he tried in vain to get the dog off him.

Kallian and Alistair looked at each other frightened.

"He laughed?" Kallian asked incredulously.

"He laughed!" Alistair replied.

"Shut up both of you!" Noah growled, quickly getting back to his feet.

"Okay, he's back," said Kallian, ignoring his grimace. "Come here, boy," she called, and the Mabari obeyed. She looked into those violet eyes closely for a long time. The small one didn't move an inch, as if he was silently speaking with his master, sharing the deepest connection of their very souls. Suddenly, her eyes sparkled with a bright light, as if the dog had yelled to her at the top of his lungs the answer she sought. "I know it! I will call you Shaw-Shaw!" she said, smiling.

"Bark! Bark!" Shaw-Shaw barked, jumping merrily around her.

"I think he liked the name," said Mahariel when he jumped on her, caressing his neck. She could sense his happiness overflowing through his little body.

"You gotta be kidding," Noah said awestruck.

"So now we'll have a bag of fleas following us around and spreading the filth and fur wherever we go?" Morrigan asked in such a disgusted tone that Alistair wondered if someone had slapped her face, to justify her hatred, while he was lost in the little elf's smile. As if wanting to provoke the witch, Shaw-Shaw ran into her, trying to lick her hands. "Shoo, Shoo!" She said, trying to dodge his wet attacks.

"You're worried about fleas? Look at his name for Andraste's sake!" Noah said, raising his hands in the air in anger.

"What's wrong with Shaw-Shaw?" Kallian asked frowning, embracing the Mabari who had just returned to her legs.

"Little girls put this kind of name on their cute pink little bunnies. He is a war dog! Shaw-Shaw imposes no respect!"

"I think Shaw-Shaw is cool," Alistair said, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh please, shut up and die," Noah growled, fighting the urge to slap him on the head.

"What do you suggest then?" Kallian asked, curious about what he might say, although she wasn't planning to change her mind.

"Names like Bonecrusher or Destructor would be great," he replied sullenly.

"Oh, really?" She asked, crossing her arms. "Tell me… These were the names of your toy soldiers?"

"They're better than yours," Noah replied, turning his face away. "Had my own Mabari been named that way, I would have jumped from the top of Fort Drakon."

"Oh, so you had a Mabari? What was his name again?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. An expression of victory grew more and more as she saw his reaction. Noah opened his mouth to answer but closed it, feeling his cheeks starting to burn.

Estúpido.*

No, he definitely would not say anything. He threw his arms in the air again, muttering something inaudible and turned away, kicking the ground occasionally.

Kallian didn't need to know the name of his Mabari to know that she had won.

"We're leaving!" Noah growled, looking for a piece of wood to serve as a torch. "This place is not safe anymore!"

"Did you see it, Shaw-Shaw? You beat the Grumpy!" Kallian said between laughs, rubbing his ears. It was then that she noticed a rope tied around his neck, with a piece of paper stuck to the node. She untied it carefully to not hurt him, picking up the message and unfolding it.

It was a short message, written with blood, with a blurred letter almost illegible:

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"They are going north - Denerim will fall.

Meet me in Lothering Chantry in two days if you want to leave Ferelden.

If you're alive, I know he'll find you."

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So it was he who opened the kennel. Shaw-Shaw was only alive because of him.

"Thank you, Carver ..." Kallian whispered, embracing the letter tightly against her chest.

*Estúpido – The name of Noah's Mabari. It means "Stupid", both in Portuguese and Spanish. (See chapter 6)

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