Maggie and Steve walked side by side toward the truck, neither one spoke, nor did they touch, but both held the same heartbreaking expression in their eyes.

They both stopped, standing by the passenger door as if waiting for someone else to come and open it for them before Steve finally realized it was his duty.

He clumsily reached in his left pocket for his keys, feeling the empty space before foolishly going to the other pocket where they had always been kept since he'd been able to drive. His fingers trembled as he pulled them out, dropping them on the ground.

"Shit," he mumbled hoarsely, bending over and picking them up, only to drop them again. "Fuck!" he growled, bending over again and scooping them up.

Maggie watched the display as he stood up for the second time, seeing the evidence of his troubled mind as he fumbled with the keypad. She put her hands over top of his as tears filled her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this."

Her words shot through him like a bullet piercing his heart. He put his arms around her as the keys fell to the ground again, ignored this time. His tender embrace was a quick reminder to her that she belonged exactly where she was and so did he.

"I wouldn't trade one second of my life with you for anything in the world," he whispered to her, feeling her tremble, knowing she was crying as he held her tighter, fighting back his own grief that was quickly gaining the upper hand.

'Two months," he thought miserably, 'how could she be standing here with me showing no signs of that fucking cancer and two months from now be…' He couldn't even think the word, let alone say it or even admit to it.

That fear he had been dreading was apparent on her now as she gripped handfuls of his shirt, tearing his heart into pieces. He wished he had some magical words that could soothe her, but there were none, so instead he held her close, hoping to shield her from any fear that might be inflicted upon her.

She'd been given a death sentence but it wasn't really her own mortality that had her fearful at the moment, it was that horrible guilt that she had dreaded from the beginning over being involved with another person because of this circumstance. She cried for Steve more than for herself, not even being able to comprehend how she would handle this if the tables were turned. She'd be paralyzed with grief and fear, knowing he was too but also knowing he was fighting it bravely to protect her. Always the gallant one he was.

She pulled away and used her hands to wipe her face off as he helped.

"Don't be afraid, Maggie," he said to her, his voice shaky yet he held steady, watching her sympathetically.

She looked up at him, putting her hands on his face. "Don't you be afraid. I'll be with you now and even after I'm gone. I'll always be with you."

It wasn't so much the words, or even the tone in which they were spoken, it was the beautiful way in which she looked at him, so tenderly and sure that it crippled him, shredding away the strength that he'd been relying on to keep his composure.

He bent his head, trying desperately to hide his tears as they erupted with a vengeance that shook him to his core. He thought he'd been prepared but once faced with the agonizing truth to what they were up against, he realized he wasn't prepared in the least for the horrific fear that had settled over him. He felt her this time as she cupped the back of his neck pulling his head down on her shoulder. He stepped into the warm embrace that tried to comfort him from the gut wrenching feelings that were rippling through him, but just as he had tried the same method, there was no relief to the despair that had engulfed him.

His arms wrapped around her lower body, holding her tightly around the waist while she gently stroked her hand over his head and neck. He had no more strength to hold up the wall that he had tried to hide behind as it came crashing down on him, using Maggie as a comfort from the pain that hurt worse than anything he'd ever felt in his life. It was agonizing.

She'd never heard a man cry like that before. She'd seen this man shed tears but it was nothing like what she was experiencing now. Her heart went out to him, kissing his temple while she held him feeling his tears drip on her bare skin. They needed to go someplace and just sit where there would be no distractions so they could absorb the news and just be alone for a while.

She reluctantly pulled away and kissed his wet cheek and then bent over and picked up the car keys, unlocking the truck. She reached around him as he gripped the bottom half of her shirt almost hesitant to let go as she opened the passenger side door She guided him inside and went around the driver's side and got in, looking over at him as he stared at the floor, hands braced on his knees.

They needed some serenity and she knew the perfect spot that was only a couple of minutes away.

Maggie turned off of Diamond Head road and took a sharp left down a narrow street that was only known by locals. It was a dead end but she had been there before with him. It was a spot mostly inhabited by local surfers who took advantage of the calm beach where they could put in and paddle out to the surf spots such as Old Man and Tongs, just a few hundred yards off shore.

No one would bother them here. It was late in the day and any surfers that wanted to catch a wave were already out there. She parked at the end of the road and got out, coming around the other side. She opened his door for him and held her hand out to him.

"Come on," she said softly, still seeing the despair on her husband's face, knowing he'd come around he just needed time to digest his feelings, they both did.

He looked over at her as if in a trance, not even knowing where they were. He didn't move at first but followed her lead without resistance after she reached in and took his hand, guiding him out of the truck and down a dirt path through the trees toward the beach.

They sat at the far end so as not to be disturbed. The spot was exactly what she had envisioned in her mind. The water was turquoise blue for as far as you could see. The sun glistened on it as it prepared for it's decent, and in the far off distance some lucky and experienced surfers caught the waves that broke just before the coral reefs that lay below the waters surface for the first two hundreds yards off shore. It was the picture of what paradise was meant to be. Similar images were captured on postcards that were bought up like candy from tourists hoping to obtain the Hawaiian experience. She and Steve were the lucky ones though they were living it right then and there.

They sat close to each other in the sand, bent knees touching and held hands just looking out over the horizon. It was a long time before Steve finally looked over at her, his eyelashes still clumped together from the moisture of the previous tears, but he showed no signs of fresh ones, nor did he apologize for the others.

Maggie saw the calm in his expression, knowing she had done the right thing by bringing them here. She wrapped her arm around his bent leg and laid her head on his knee, looking out at the view as the sun began to set. She felt his hand tenderly move over her hair then his lips kiss a spot on the back of her neck as he rested his cheek on the same area and watched the sun go down with her.

It was well after dark before they made their way back to the truck and drove home. Barely a word was spoken between them in those few hours after leaving the hospital but a calm had settled amongst the chaos, allowing life to go on despite the unpredictable future.

Maggie looked around the corner of the living room where Steve was laid out on the couch with the remote in his hand. She glanced over to the TV where a commercial was on about a travel website, advertising their low rates and then following it was another commercial about organic dog food. She looked at the remote in his hand and knew he wasn't paying attention to the screen by the simple fact that she knew he loathed commercials.

"Come eat," she said to him.

He glanced over at her with what he tried to pass as a smile that curved at the corner of his lips. "I'm not really hungry right now. Maybe later."

She watched him as he focused back on the TV, staring at yet another ridiculous commercial that came on.

She went back in the kitchen and scooped up a generous portion of the macaroni and cheese in a bowl and came back out to the living room and sat down next to him, forcing him to scoot back. She stuck the spoon into several noodles and held the fork up to his mouth.

"I'm not hungry right now," he said again.

"Yes you are," she said firmly. "You haven't eaten a thing all day. Now open up." She held the fork just inches from his lips.

He stared up at the determined expression on her face, knowing he wasn't going to win this battle. He rolled over on his back and rested his head on the arm of the couch, opening his mouth as she fed him like a child.

He didn't realize he was hungry until the tantalizing treat hit his taste buds, making his mouth water as he chewed and watched her stab another round of the noodles with her fork, holding it out before he had a chance to swallow the first.

He opened again, keeping his eyes on her as she continued to feed him. On the third attempt he reached up and took the utensil with one hand and the bowl sitting in her lap with the other.

"Why don't we go and sit at the table and eat together," he suggested, knowing that's what she wanted from the beginning.

"I'd like that," Maggie said, getting up.

He sat down at the place that had been set for him, complete with a glass of milk already poured. It's not that he didn't want to eat with her, it's just that he wanted to avoid that uncomfortable silence between them over what they would talk about now. Dinner conversations had always been filled with discussions of future plans or how they had spent their day apart, but now he didn't want to talk about the future, nor the shitty ass day he'd had.

Maggie took the seat across from him and scooted her chair in, setting the napkin in her lap as she picked up her fork and began to eat. She understood his lack of hunger, she had no appetite either but felt it necessary to continue on living as they had before. She wasn't dead yet, she thought stubbornly, and she'd be damned if she were going to stick her head in the sand and hide from it.

She looked across at her husband as he ate slowly, taking small bites, wishing there was something she could say to him that would start a conversation to fill the void in the air. Some of the best talks they had were here at the table over a good meal.

He looked up just then and caught her eyes as they stared back across at one another, both thinking the same thing but neither able to come up with context to break the silence.

Maggie realized just then that they really didn't need words to have a conversation. She reached her left hand out to him and set it on the table, palm up.

Steve glanced at it and then up at his wife's face as she smiled encouragingly at him. He understood exactly what she was saying to him.

He reached out and slid his palm over hers, gently grasping her hand, returning the sweet gesture, letting her know that he understood that it was ok not to talk.

They held on to each other as they both continued to eat in silence.

It was the most rewarding conversation they had had to date.

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Steve woke up in pool of sweat, his heart beating so hard he could feel it in his skull. He lay motionless almost suffocating from trying to control his breathing and not allowing himself to pant even though his lungs were begging for more air. He didn't want to disturb Maggie who was lying next to him. He couldn't recall the dream but knew it was horrible to put him in such a feverish state.

He finally felt the calm begin to ease and leaned over to see if she were awake. He could see in the faint light from the outside that her eyes were open, staring at him.

"I'm sorry," he said to her, "go back to sleep." She didn't move but continued to stare blankly at him.

"Maggie?" he said to her, with still no response. He reached back over his shoulder and turned on the light by the nightstand.

His eyes grew big over the deathly stare that came from her, seeing enough corpses in his life to recognize the lifeless expression in the eyes.

"Maggie!" he shouted reaching over and gripping her arm as he tried to shake her awake. "Maggie!" He felt the cold from her body through his hand that sent a streak of terror through him. "Maggie!" he screamed.

He opened his eyes out the double nightmare and gasped pulling away from Maggie's grip as she leaned over him, her face alarmed over his screaming out her name.

"Steve," she cried out as he jumped out of the bed and stumbled back against the wall.

He'd never experienced a nightmare so cruel and vivid as that one. He saw the image of her lying in the bed next to him, feeling sick to his stomach as the scene played over and over in his head. He felt the terror overcome him once again as she stared at him with those lifeless eyes, sending his heart racing out of control. He put his hands over his face, trying to block it out.

Maggie came off the bed and gripped onto his wrists, feeling the sweat on his body as he moaned softly. "Steve," she said, trying to console him. "It was just a dream."

He looked up into her eyes and for the first time he felt doubt in his ability to take care of her, to see her through the ordeal that had played out so powerfully in his dream.

He slithered down the wall away from her and toward the door. "I have to go," his voice weak but determined.

"What? Go where? Steve," Maggie said trying to calm him, "just wait…let's talk about it. It's ok."

"No," he shuddered, shaking his head adamantly, unable to face her now and see that image that had him paralyzed with fear. "I need to go," he whimpered, giving no explanation as he made it to the open bedroom door and ran for the stairs.

Maggie followed after him but her speed was nothing compared to his swiftness. He flew down the stairs as if the house were on fire. By the time she made it down he already had one shoe on and going for the front door with the other shoe in his hand.

He had to get out, feeling he was still in the nightmare even though he was wide awake.

He'd been sidelined ever since hearing the diagnose and knowing there was nothing he could do but just watch her die, leaving him helpless amongst his own thoughts that were cluttered and disoriented, shutting down the idea that she was really going to die. The nightmare had painted a clear and horrifying picture of what he was actually facing and at that second the promise he'd given to stay with her no matter what was just too terrifying to accept. He had to get out! Unable to think past anything but getting a distance between him and the dream that was his reality.

He couldn't hear her anymore yelling for him as he slammed against his truck and hastily pulled his other shoe on over his foot without untying it first. He pushed off, feeling unsteady at first as he began to run down the dark street having no idea where he was going, he just needed out.

Maggie stood at the door stunned and watched him disappear into the darkness, wearing nothing but the shoes on his feet and a pair of old cut off sweats that he had worn to bed.

He ran past the last house on the dark street and saw the path up ahead with the sign that read Loa Ridge Trail. The asphalt turned to dirt but he didn't stop or even hesitate to consider the dangers of running up the rocky path in the dark. He'd done this trail hundreds of times, his body following it as if on autopilot, his state of mind however was not.

He got about a hundred yards up and stumbled on a large rock half buried in the dirt, falling forward to his hands and knees. He felt the dirt and small pebbles as they dug into his skin but ignored the pain as he pushed himself up and continued up a steeper slope, not realizing he'd moved off the trail.

His mind wasn't on Maggie or the dream but on the task at hand.

'Keep moving, keep pushing,' he told himself.

It was a mindset he'd formed in the Navy when faced with difficult missions that were outside his normal training. Block out all else except what was right in front of you. Don't think ahead, think of the next step and how to react and control the now.

It was working until he fell again, getting his feet caught up in some brush as he came down hard, hitting his shoulder and forehead on a boulder, leaving him dazed.

He rolled over on his back putting his hand up to his bleeding head, wincing over the pain.

He lay there panting from the strained workout as he stared up at the dark sky. The frustrations of his life slowly building in a raw fury as flashes of Maggie's now frail appearance, his lost friendship with Danny, the nightmare, the Cancer, but most of all the dreams and plans he and Maggie had made that were never going to happen, all of them piling up one upon the other, causing him to feeing as if he'd reached his breaking point.

"Ahhhhh!" he screamed out angrily to the heavens, digging the heels of his feet into the ground. "Ahhhh!" he growled with fists clenched in a rage of fury. "Ahhhh!"

On the last outburst his voice broke as he lay flat again, digging the base of his palms into his eyes as the frustration turned to sorrow. "Ahhhh," The viciousness of it became heart wrenching as his body convulsed from the sobbing that escaped from his throat.

It lasted only a short time, leaving him as quickly as it had come on. But he felt drained as he continued to lie on his back staring up at the sky as the remaining tears rolled out the corners of his eyes, leaving streaks on his sweaty and dusty face.

His life was out of control and there was absolutely nothing he could do to change it or manipulate it to go in a direction that he wanted. He was treading in water that was unfamiliar to him. He'd never found himself, nor allowed himself to be at the mercy of anything. There was always a solution, and as he lied there in the dirt wallowing over his troubles he realized there was a way out of everything, and he'd just taken it. In his state of panic he'd made the escape from his life when he ran out the door and away from the house, running as fast as he could to get away and feel once again in control.

There was a way out. He could keep going and never look back. He could take back control of his life and forget that he ever met Maggie Waters.

A smile slowly emerged on his face over the absurdity of that notion.

The smile quickly faded over his actions of literally walking out on her, sprinted was more like it.

He sat up, looking down at the lights of the homes below, one of which included his. He put his hand over his heart feeling like he'd been punched in the chest. He pictured her down there confused, afraid and alone, unsure of his intensions of being able to see her through this illness.

He pulled his knees up resting his head on them. "Pull it together. This isn't you. This is you feeling sorry for yourself because you can't call the shots." He smiled, picturing Danny somewhere out there doing a happy dance over that confession. "You got spooked, that's all. You know where you belong. She didn't deserve that bullshit scene."

He pushed himself up off the ground and began making his way home. He walked slowly at first, feeling the stiffness in his shoulder and legs from the two falls, but quickly picked up his pace over the urgency to get to Maggie and clear any notions that she might have over his loyalty.

He came running toward the house and in the front door just a fast as he had departed it.

"Maggie!" he yelled out, not seeing her but all the lights were on. "Maggie!" he called again hearing a commotion upstairs.

He came in the bedroom, seeing her suitcase on the bed with her laptop open facing away from him.

She came out of the closet carrying a pile of clothes in her arms and stopped as they both stared at each other with different expressions.

His was shocked while hers was sympathetic at first and then mirrored his, shocked over his appearance, seeing the gash on his forehead and the scrapes on his knees.

"What are you doing?" he asked, feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

"What happened to you?!" she dropped the clothes on the suitcase and went to him, reaching up to touch his forehead.

"It's fine." He moved his head back dismissing the injury, more concerned with her packing a suitcase. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

Maggie stepped back and looked away shaking her head. "I know you tried."

"Maggie," Steve said passively. "I'm sorry for what happened."

She kept her eyes focused on the floor, "I knew in the beginning that I was asking too much. It's not right to put this on another person. I had no right." She slowly looked up at him, "I'm thinking…maybe it would be best if I went back to New York."

Steve felt like the life had just been sucked from his body. He dropped to his knees in front of her, ignoring the discomfort from his wounds, more concerned with the one in his chest. He put his hands on her hips as he looked up at her, reduced to a state that he'd never experienced before as he begged and pleaded. "No Maggie, listen to me! I made a mistake. I had a nightmare and it spooked me, but I'm fine now. I know where I belong. It's with you." He gripped her tighter as if afraid she might try and break away. "And you belong with me, here. This is your home. I came running back here to tell you that." He rested his forehead against her body. "You're not asking too much of me. I love you so much. Please forgive me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me, Maggie." he put his arms around her waist, "I just made a mistake is all."

Maggie put her hands on his head, stroking his hair as he clung to her. "I was afraid that maybe you weren't coming back," she sniffed.

He looked up at her horrified that he had made her think that. "I love you," he said passionately as she knelt down in front of him. "I can't get twenty feet away without missing you. Of course I'd come back. I'd never leave you."

"See!" Bridgette's voice from the computer said. "I told you!"

Steve looked startled over at the laptop that was on the bed, seeing a weary image of Bridgette on the screen wave at him.

"Hi Steve. Now that everything is back to normal in paradise, I'm going back to bed." She looked over at a sheepish Maggie. "Goodnight, I'll call you tomorrow and we'll talk about whatever it is that you need to tell me. Can it wait?"

Maggie nodded, "Yes, I'm sorry for waking you up, Bridgette."

"You know you can call me anytime. I love you. Now kiss and make up." They watched as she reached out and closed her laptop, while Maggie's screen went black.

Steve looked back at Maggie. "You haven't told her yet?"

"No. I was about to when you came home."

"I'm sorry I put you through that. It won't happen again."

"You were so…I don't know. I'd never seen you like that before. You just wanted out so badly I thought maybe you had reached a breaking point, almost like a nervous breakdown."

He wasn't going to lie to her and make it sound less than what it was, because that's exactly what had happened to him. "I think I did. I ran up to Loa Ridge Trail and had to fall on my head," he chuckled, "in order to knock some sense into me."

Maggie winced as she looked at the injury on his forehead and then a similar scrape on his shoulder. "Are you ok though? Was the fall hard enough to knock you out? Do you feel dizzy or nauseated?" Her nursing instincts kicked in wanting to know if he had a concussion.

He knew why she was asking and smiled over her concern for his well-being. "No, but it did stop the foolishness."

"It wasn't foolish, Steve. You had a reason why you did what you did. It wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not, but as I laid there in the dirt on my back I found peace, and you know what it was?"

"What?" she asked, looking into his blue eyes that softened as he reached up and touched her face.

"It was you. I was running away from the problem, not you. I missed you. You bring peace to my life Maggie, so much that it overshadows any obstacle I'm facing."

She smiled shyly, "So I'm really the reason you came back, not because you felt guilty?"

"I ran down that hill and home because I missed you." He put his arms around her body, cupping the back of her head as he held her close. "I love you so much Maggie it hurts. And it's a pain that I don't ever want to live without."

She smiled over his choice of words, running her thumb over his brow just below the cut. "You should let me clean that."

He leaned back still holding her as he laid both of them down on the floor with her on top of him. "Later," he said grinning at her. "We need to take Bridgette's advice and kiss and make up first. Tell me you forgive me?"

She braced her arms on either side of his body and lowered herself down to his lips. "I forgive you," she whispered before kissing him.

The second her lips touched his he felt that peace once again, pulling her down to him.

The worst day of his life was over. He felt strong enough to move forward only because he knew that her worst days were still to come. He was determined to see her through them and fulfill the promise of doing whatever necessary to bring her peace in this world, or help her move on to the next.