Author's Note: Lateness…lameness…apologies…Enjoy anyway…

I'm trying to keep on track, but I am just so busy…sorry! But it WILL be finished, I PROMISE!

Worlds Fall Apart

Chapter 21

All The Kings Horses and All The Kings Men

"The gigs up, Tofu!" Ranma called, her temper getting the better of her as she stormed angrily into his office. It was way past hours, but Ranma was way past confused. She would not, could not, rest until she knew what was going on, why she was acting that way. Knowledge would be her solace (but she didn't consider that it might complicate matters further), "Time to come clean, what'd you do to me?"

"Ranma?" Dr. Tofu asked, "It's almost ten, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"No it's not alright!" Ranma practically shouted, "Ryoga and Akane are dating and I am acting like a crazy person and Ukyo's got these…these…INSANE ideas and this is all your fault because of that stupid blood connection thing, and maybe Ryoga's fault because he's an idiot, and…and…oh Gods, help me, Doc, please, I feel like my head's gonna explode, I just wanna know what's going on and why I'm acting this way and feeling this way and I know it's not Akane, but it can't be Ryoga either even though Ukyo insists it is and I know she's wrong but then why is it if not that, it's gotta be this stupid connection, right? That's making act all wacko, right?"

"Slow down, Ranma!" Dr. Tofu said, "Calm down, take a seat and tell me what's wrong, okay?"

Ranma heaved a big sigh and plopped heavily onto the sofa in Dr. Tofu's waiting room. She put her head into her hands, mussing her hair up quite a bit, then she looked up and said, "This isn't fair, Doc…haven't I been through enough? I mean, I thought all the chaos and confusion was coming to an end, but this is messing me up worse than ever…why can't I…why can't I catch a break?"

Dr. Tofu sat down next to Ranma and patted her shoulder, looking at her with soft, kind, sympathetic eyes and said, "Life is never easy, Ranma, but at least it's interesting that way, right?"

Ranma looked up at him and glared something awful.

"Calm down, I was just trying to lighten your mood," Dr. Tofu chuckled, "Why don't you tell me everything, slowly, and start from the beginning…"

-break-

Ranma lay awake in her bed. It's been…she checked the clock…seven hours since my talk with Dr. Tofu…She rolled over. It was nearly morning by now, and soon she'd hear the banging of pots in the kitchen, the always perky Kasumi would be preparing breakfast. She would go downstairs, and eat it, probably a little later than she should be awake, she was just so exhausted…maybe she'd only get up for lunch, and just not eat breakfast. Her stomach was doing so many somersaults right now she didn't know if she could handle breakfast. She felt kind of nauseous, but didn't want to get up to go to the bathroom because she was just so exhausted. Mostly mental exhaustion, but…

Look at that…she thought, I went almost an entire two minutes there without thinking about it…but that's no good now, is it…I'm just as bad off as the rest of them now…just as stupid, just as hopeless…just as doomed…

Ranma buried her face in her pillow and groaned. Why'd she have to realize it now? Why now, of all times? If it had been a few weeks ago she'd maybe have had a shot…not that she wanted one…she wasn't sure if she did. And would she really have? It's always been…

Ranma rolled back onto her back and tried to employ one of the calming meditation techniques she had learned in her martial arts training. Okay Ranma, clear your mind…stop trying to figure this further until you have fully accepted what you already know…Ranma's thoughts drifted back to her conversation with Dr. Tofu. He had listened to her entire story without interrupting, letting her vent, which was a dangerous, but necessary thing. Sometimes, when Ranma got started talking, she didn't know when to shut up, and so she had spilled every single little insecurity and musing, no matter how tiny or impossible it seemed now.

Once she had finished, Dr. Tofu stared at her for several seconds, considered all that he had just heard, and then pronounced, in an infuriatingly zen way, "I think I know what the problem is…"

"What?" Ranma had begged him eagerly.

"That, you need to figure out for yourself or else it will mean nothing," Dr. Tofu announced.

He had then talked through with her every single little thing surrounding the situation from Ranma's middle school years to her time with Ryoga to her time with Akane to her thoughts on her sexuality to peer pressure to her "Break Up Ryoga and Akane" escapade to her conversation with Ukyo and more. Finally, it all boiled down to one simple fact, one which no matter how hard Ranma tried to deny it now, she found herself almost laughing at the absurdity of denying it in the first place: she was in love with Ryoga.

Okay, let's not go too far, love may be a bit strong, we haven't even had a date yet, and probably never will because now he's all moon eyed over Akane again and besides I'm still young and he's the first guy I've ever had any feelings other then, "I bet I can beat him up," for…

But still, Dr. Tofu, without ever suggesting this, had brought Ranma to this conclusion all on her own. He called it the Socratic Method or something, but Ranma was too busy watching everything she had ever known crumble around her to be sure she remembered correctly. He had begun by asking her to name every reason she had given herself for her behavior, and had then helped her to disprove each one. He then thoroughly explained the blood tie, he even went and brought out all the books he had on such mystical ties and gave Ranma every single last bit of information on it that he could find.

Ranma thought she had him there, but then, she had made a fatal error. Dr. Tofu had called it a Freudian Slip.

"So, it's possible then, that maybe this connection is the reason I have been so disturbed by this?" Ranma asked.

"It's possible," Dr. Tofu admitted, "I mean, I can't pretend to know EVERYTHING about this, but I have never heard of any other cases where that has happened, although, granted, there are only a few others recorded,"

"Yes, but it could be this…this connection is causing my feelings of possessiveness because Ryoga and I are…I dunno, one or something, it's causing my feelings of jealousy over Akane because I am connected to him and maybe him being separated from me on an emotional level or something is making the connection strained," Ranma ventured, feeling quite proud of herself for making this assessment. And then…

"Jealousy?" Dr. Tofu asked, "That's an interesting word choice…"

Ranma blushed, "I didn't mean jealous…not like that…I meant, you know…"

But of course he knew what Ranma had meant. He knew, and Ranma hadn't. But he soon got her to see. After a while, Ranma had begun to fade, her willpower to resist seemed to be magically disintegrating, and before she knew it, she was shaking and talking about her feelings for Ryoga as though she had known that she had them for ages. When she finally noticed what she was doing, it was too late to go back…

"And all the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn't put Humpty together again…" Ranma whispered to herself.

That's who she felt like. She felt like Humpty Dumpty. She had built up this huge shell of illusions, making herself believe she cared about or didn't care about certain things, certain people, but once she climbed up onto the proverbial wall so she could see the truth, she saw it, and it surprised her so much she fell off, and now there was no going back. Now, she could never put it back in…now she knew…

"That's the tricky thing about searching for knowledge…" Dr. Tofu had said, "It's not like searching for a rare book or a delicious soup…you can't return it if it isn't what you expected to find…once you have a certain knowledge or experience, it stays with you, and you can never truly be rid of it…"

Oh boy, though….what I wouldn't give to return this knowledge…life was so much easier without it…

Ranma stood up though. She tugged down at her long t-shirt (NOT her Okinawa T-Shirt from Ryoga…she had changed out of that as soon as she got home…it was just too weird now…) and kicked at her blankets on the floor. But dammit! She thought as she headed towards the bedroom door, Darned if I'm going to let this destroy me! I am going to get up, go eat breakfast, take a bath, then get on with my life! I'm Ranma Saotome! There ain't nothing I can't do, including this!

She stalked toward the door, ready to start her day. Besides, it shouldn't be so hard, this doesn't change anything…I'll be fine just as long as I don't have to see them…together…

"Ranma!" Akane beamed as she and Ryoga practically collided into her as she left the room. Ranma's face lost all color as she saw them, the two of them, together, heading out of Akane's bedroom, at this absurdly early hour in the morning…

"Wha'…I…erm…You…and…" Ranma said intelligently.

"Ryoga just came over to help me with some studying," Akane explained, grinning.

"But he doesn't even go to school," Ranma said, talking to Akane as if Ryoga wasn't there.

"Yeah, but he can at least keep me company," Akane said.

"Hey, Ranma, you feeling any better?" Ryoga asked, "Nabiki told me you were sick yesterday,"

Ranma blanched, looked at Ryoga, said, "Uh…" and then looked at the floor, her face flushing bright with more shades of crimson than she thought existed. "I…" she started again, but to no avail. Dammit! Why am I choking up like this!?!?! Isn't this what Ryoga is supposed to do? Why's he all comfortable and cozy with Akane and I am here, babbling like an idiot?

Ranma glanced up at him, but quickly looked back at the floor. She suddenly became aware of how inappropriately she was dressed, something that had never bothered her before that moment, but now it seemed devastatingly embarrassing, so she tugged at the bottom of her shirt roughly and mumbled, "Better, thanks"

"Ok…" Ryoga said, sensing that something was seriously bothering his friend, but for some reason he couldn't compute it…it was a bit more complicated than the usually strong, direct feelings…anger, annoyance, depression…Man, what is up with her lately? Ryoga wondered, Maybe this connection is fading out or something because lately, none of her feelings and stuff seem to make any sense to me…they are all jumbled and confused and I can't recognize them…

"Hey…ummm…you wanna spar later or something?" Ryoga asked, hoping maybe he'd be able to figure out what was on his friends mind.

"Whazzat?" Ranma asked, blushing again, "Uhhh…kay…bye…"

Then, Ranma shuffled off quickly towards the bathroom, and Ryoga and Akane continued down the stairs to get the snacks they had been craving. Akane was so wrapped up in her own affairs she hadn't noticed Ranma's odd behavior one bit, and Ryoga, while also a tad self involved at present, didn't seem to have the slightest clue what was on his friends mind. It was simply a matter of inability to accept what he got from Ranma. The thought that Ranma was blushing because he was talking to her was unthinkable. The thought that Ranma was jealous and upset over seeing him coming out of Akane's room this early in the morning was sheer impossibility. The very concept that THE Ranma Saotome was devastatingly confused about her romantic feelings towards him was such a ludicrous idea in Ryoga's subconscious that he didn't even register it as a possibility. This illustrated something else Dr. Tofu had explained to Ranma about the connection, something that could work for or against the parties involved, depending on how well they learned to use it.

"The Blood Tie can be a very powerful tool, in fact, some martial arts teams have purposely created one to make them stronger against their opponents. However, it can only benefit you if you learn how to use it, and developing your senses over a course of years is the only way to fully harness the potential advantage. Without proper training, the Blood Tie is awkward, confusing, and unreliable at best. So while you and Ryoga may pick up on very intense emotions or situations, that doesn't guarantee that you will understand them or even interpret them correctly,"

"In other words," Ranma said cautiously, "He won't be able to…you know, sense how I feel about him? Right?"

"Right," Dr. Tofu assured her.

But if I keep acting like that when I see him, I may as well be holding up a banner or have "I like Ryoga Hibiki" stamped on my forehead! Ranma scolded herself as she bathed.

"That's it!" Ranma vowed out loud, standing up and splashing water all over the bathroom floor, "I am going to get a hold of myself, starting now! I'm not going to let myself be defeated by anyone or anything! Especially this!"

But unfortunately, Dr. Tofu was not there to point out that Freudian Slip. Anyone? What Ranma then failed to realize, but would soon become all too aware of was this: She now had a new rival.

-break-

"See you later," Ryoga said as he stood in the Tendo's doorway. He blushed a little, then turned and walked off, thinking, I shoulda kissed her or something…

"Bye!" Akane replied, blushing and grinning as well, silently thinking, I wish he had kissed me or something.

The two were a perfect picture of young love, fit for girly romance movies and the like. For them, it was exhilarating, for Ranma, who had accidentally seen the exchange from the hallway while she was heading into the dining room for breakfast, it was disgusting.

"Get a room," she mumbled angrily to herself.

"What's that?" Akane asked dreamily as she floated back inside.

"Nothing," Ranma answered, plastering on a fake smile, "So, Ryoga left?"

"Yeah, he said he had some things to do," Akane said.

"Yeah," Ranma said.

Then, they were met by a quite awkward silence.

Finally, Ranma broke it with, "I'll see you later,"

"Where are you going?" Akane asked.

"I've…got some things to do," Ranma replied, and then darted out the door, hoping to catch up with Ryoga.

"But…" Akane began, but finished to herself, "You haven't even had breakfast…"

Ranma, however, couldn't have eaten if she had wanted to, her stomach was twisting and turning as she jogged down the street, hoping to catch up with Ryoga and also hoping not to find him at all because she wasn't sure if she would pull another Tofu and turn to jelly, but she had had the entire bath to form her resolve not to, so she hoped that was enough. Then, she saw him, and her heart twisted inside her chest so painfully she stopped short. She took a deep breath and then jogged the last few feet until she was walking alongside him.

"Man, that was a disgusting display," she said, trying hard to sound nonchalant and uncaring.

"Huh?" Ryoga asked, then looked down and said, "Oh! Hey Ranma,"

"So…you two are going out now, huh?" Ranma asked, unsure of what else to say, "Officially? It's steady? You're an item?"

"C'mon, quit teasing me!" Ryoga laughed, jokingly punching Ranma in the arm. Ranma hadn't been teasing him, but she decided to go with it, it was making things easier.

"But it's so easy!" Ranma said, "Oh, look at me! I'm wittle Ryoga! I love my Akane-poo! We're gonna stay up all night hugging and kissing! Be still my heart!"

"Shut up, would ya'!" Ryoga said, jokingly trying to hit Ranma, but she dodged every attack.

"I'm just messing with you," Ranma said, then thought to herself, Sorta…saying that kind of sucks though…man, Ryoga, you big jerk! Why'd I have to go and fall for you, huh?

"I know," Ryoga said, "Anyway, it isn't like that,"

"Oh yeah, what's it like?" Ranma asked, not entirely certain she wanted an answer, but unable to resist asking.

"You know, it's just like before…except a lot more awkward because now I am not sure how to act. Before I knew exactly what to do around her, you know, lately I mean, anyway, now…I mean, should I try and hug her or kiss her goodbye or something or…"

"No!" Ranma said before she could stop herself, then at Ryoga's surprised glance, she added quickly, "I mean, don't rush it. Girls don't like when guys rush things, so maybe you should just, you know…not touch her for a while…"

"I guess…" Ryoga said, then added embarrassedly, "I'm way too shy to do it anyway,"

"Good," Ranma said, "I mean, yeah, that's true,"

Ryoga gave Ranma a strange look then said, "So, what's been up with you lately? You've been acting all…weird…I can sense it, but I can't figure out why,"

Ranma blanched, she hadn't been expecting such an abrupt question like that. "Oh, nothing, I've just been feeling a little…off. Maybe I'm coming down with something,"

Ryoga wondered at the fact that this was the first time he had brought up the connection without getting an angry reprimand from Ranma, and that alone was enough to tell him it wasn't nothing. But still…I don't want to make her mad, so I guess I'd better not pry…

"Right…" Ryoga said, then asked despite his common sense, "So, are you sure nothing's been…"

"Nothing," Ranma started, faking a smile, unaware at how uncharacteristic it was for her to do that just then, "Wanna spar?"

Ryoga raised an eyebrow, more intrigued by Ranma's odd behavior then ever, but even he wasn't dumb enough to push his luck, he could see he wasn't going to get anything out of Ranma right then. He'd have to wait until she opened up on her own. She always did. Eventually.

After they had sparred for a few hours, they collapsed into sweaty heaps on the ground in the park, trying to catch their breath. Ranma sat up and looked over at Ryoga then blurted out, rather awkwardly, since talk like this wasn't really her style, but unnervingly sincerely, "Ryoga…we'll still be friends, right? No matter what happens? No matter if you are with Akane, you'll always still be my friend, right?"

Ryoga sat up and looked at Ranma in confusion, then thought (incorrectly), Ah! So this is what's been bothering her…

"Of course!" Ryoga said, playfully punching Ranma in the arm and smiling, and he was completely unaware at how much this made Ranma's insides turn in somersaults, "No matter how much I care about Akane, I will always care about you just as much, you were the first girl in my life. She isn't going to replace you or anything,"

"Good," Ranma said, and didn't bother to correct Ryoga who obviously thought that there was nothing else bothering her. Also, she didn't even bother to stop herself from repeating the words, "I will always care about you just as much" and "You were the first girl in my life," in her head, didn't even listen to her common sense as it told her that's not what he meant. It just felt good to hear it.