Adapted from the screenplay by Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio

Elizabeth: But we've got to save Will!

Governor Swann: No, yeah? You're safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivanting after pirates, yeah?!

Elizabeth: Then we condemn him to death.

Jack: And he'll never get that Kyogre.

Governor Swann: The boy's fate was regrettable, yeah, but so was his decision to engage in piracy, yeah?

Elizabeth: To rescue me! To prevent anything from happening to me!

Jack: Actually, you were an afterthought, love. The Gameboy came first, therefore it is of higher priority, which means you need to rethink your choice in men. (turns to Norrington) Commodore! What up! Now, if I may be so bold as to inject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after battle. It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time. Think about it. The Black Pearl. The last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up?

Norrington: By remembering that I serve others, Mr. Sparrow, not only myself.

Elizabeth: Commodore, I beg you, please do this. For me. As a wedding gift.

Governor Swann: Elizabeth. Are you accepting the Commodore's proposal, yeah?

Elizabeth: I am.

Jack: A wedding! I love weddings! Drinks all around! (extends his arms) I know. "Clap him in irons," right?

Norrington: Mr. Sparrow, you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta. (random thunder and lightning) You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase "silent as the grave." Do I make myself clear?

Jack (shrugs): Eh…it's iffy. (Norrington unsheathes sword, puts it to Jack's throat) Um…and by that I mean, yes. Inescapably clear.

(in the brig of the Pearl, Pintel and Raggeti and swabbing the floor, with mops even tinier than they are)

Squit: Awwk, shiver me timbers.

Pesto: Shut up! (whacks Squit)

Gibbs: Cotton 'ere says you missed a bit.

Will (to Pintel): You knew William Turner?

Pintel: Ol' Bootstrap Bill. We knew him. Never sat well with Bootstrap what we did to Jack Sparrow, the mutiny and all. He said it wasn't right with the Code. That's why he sent off a piece of the treasure to you as it were. He said we deserved to be cursed, and remain cursed.

Gibbs: Good man.

Raggeti: It wasn't very nice of him to do that.

Pintel: True, but it wasn't very nice of us to mutiny against Jack.

Raggeti: Then why'd we do it, Brain?

Pintel: Pintel! It's PINTEL! How hard is it for you to remember that?!

Raggeti: Remember what?

Pintel (to Will): Well, as you can imagine, that didn't sit too well with the Captain.

Raggeti (after long pause): …Poit. I forgot my line.

Pintel: Read the script, Pinky. You're giving me a headache.

Will (putting pills in palm, offering them to Pintel): Aspirin?

Pintel: Maybe later. (Will puts pills back in pocket) So what the Captain did, he strapped a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps.

Raggeti: Wow! You used the same word twice in a row, Brain!

Pintel: Give me your mop, Pinky. (Raggeti hands Pintel his mop, and Pintel bops him on the head with it, then tosses it aside) The last time we saw of ol' Bill Turner, he was sinking to the crushing black oblivion of Davy Jones' Locker. 'Course it was only after that we learned we needed his blood to life the curse. (turns to Pintel, waits for him to say his line, along with everybody else) Ahem!

Raggeti: What?

Pintel: Your line!

Raggeti: What? Are we playing Whose Line Is It Anyway? (looks around) I don't see Drew Carey anywhere, Brain. (Pintel shakes head and groans)

Barbossa (coming down and throwing the key to Will's cell to Raggeti, crushing him): Bring hims!

Raggeti (in pain, under weight of keys): Narf…

(in boat with other soldiers and Jack) Norrington: I don't care for the situation. Any attempt to storm the caves could turn into an ambush.

Jack: Not if you're the one doing the ambushing. I go in, I convince Barbossa to send his men out with their little boats. You and your mates return to the Dauntless and blast the bejesus out of them with your little cannons, eh? (puts arm on Norrington's shoulder) What do you have to lose?

Norrington (removing Jack's arm): Nothing I'd lament being rid of.

Jack: Now to be quite honest with you, there's still a slight risk for those aboard the Dauntless, which includes the future Mrs. Commodore. (Norrington turns to Jack, who nods) Oh yeah, baby.

(onboard Dauntless) Gillette (pulling Elizabeth along with another soldier): Sorry, but for your own safety.

Elizabeth: Coward! The Commodore ordered, I have to tell him! The pirates! They're cursed! They cannot be killed!

Gillette: Don't worry, miss, he's already informed of that. A little mermaid flopped on deck and told him the whole story. (shuts doors)

Elizabeth: This is Jack Sparrow's doing! (is locked in) (to herself) A little mermaid?! If I find out she was cuter than me, there's going to be some more blood to be paid around here! (looks around room) Well, at least I have something to pass the time. (pulls Gameboy out of pocket)