21 - Beloved

Back in Kaede's hut…

I gritted my teeth and tried to keep from growling as Kaede poured something cool over my wound. My whole body felt like I was on fire. I'd gotten holes stabbed through me before, but it didn't feel like this. It felt like my flesh was being eaten away at. Not the mention the fact that my mind was still fuzzy because all I could hear in my head was my skin tearing apart. It turns out I wasn't as ripped up as I thought I would be. Just a single hole was punched right through the middle of my chest. It sure felt like I was being eaten alive though.

Kaede switched tactics and applied hot liquid instead. I grabbed a pillow next to me and held it over my face to keep from screaming.

A cool hand rested on my skin above the cavity in my chest, momentarily easing the pain. "Kaede, do you think it would help to purify it?" I could make out Kagome's voice. Everything else was still so echoed and fuzzy. I didn't get what the hell was wrong with me.

The searing pain was back again. I shut my eyes tight and bit my lip. It was unbelievable. But I had to stay in control. Suddenly, I felt a cooling sensation across my chest, it dulled the pain and I relaxed a little. I realized it was Kagome purifying the wound. She would use up all of her energy that way, but I couldn't argue. After a few minutes, I felt much better. I let go of the pillow and opened my eyes when someone lifted it away.

The first person I saw was Kagome. She carefully clasped my hand when she noticed me looking at her.

"Inuyasha- I'm so sorry." She said. I could tell she had been crying.

"Shh. No. Don't apologize. It's okay." I grunted. My voice sounded so abrasive and strained, it didn't even sound like me. I rubbed Kagome's hand with my thumb in a gentle circle. "But you shouldn't have come after me though. That was stupid. Why didn't you stop her?" I smirked and looked angrily at Miroku who just shrugged and said "Nobody tells me anything." Yeah, right. Poor you. I laughed despite how irritating he was being. Actually I was surprised he didn't spout, "I smell barbeque" or something like that, which could actually be funny if this situation left any room for humor. But any idiot with half a brain could tell this was not a funny matter.

"Dumb-ass." I snorted after a moment, not entirely sure who I was directing it to.

"So what exactly happened out there?" Miroku inquired. I glanced at Kagome's worried face. "Not now, Miroku." I said warningly.

But the dumb-ass persisted. "When then?" I saw him also glance at Kagome. "This is serious Inuyasha, we all deserve to know."

I stared him down. "It really isn't worth telling. It's boring actually."

"Oh really?" He said sarcastically.

"Yeah." I said dryly.

"Tell him." It was Kagome. I turned my head and looked at her. Her face was blank; it was driving me insane.

I sighed deeply. "He was a real son-ova-bitch." I said, rougher than I anticipated. "I finally found him. He was standing right in front of me. Then out of nowhere, he was behind me putting his Goddamn fist through my back." I tried to laugh but it turned into a painful groan. Kagome's grip on my hand tightened. I matched her grip to reassure her. "I'm okay. Relax." She looked so nervous.

"I have no idea what the hell happened okay? But it's over so drop it." I directed at Miroku. I stared at the ceiling and took a few glances at Kagome; her jaw was tense and the hand that held mine was trembling. My stomach twisted. Maybe I approached that explanation a little too bluntly, more careful word choice may have been a good idea.

Then, apparently everyone decided it was a good time to start a twenty-questions session, which damn near drove me crazy.

"How bad is the wound?" Sango asked.

"I'm not sure." Kagome answered softly.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Shippou sounded panicked.

"Yeah, he'll be fine." Tears were starting to pool in Kagome's eyes. I looked up at her through half-lidded eyes. I saw the fear and sadness she was feeling and furrowed my brow in concentration. If I could just get myself healed faster, she wouldn't have to do this. The look on her face killed me, I couldn't let this happen any more.

"Maybe there's something that will heal it faster. Is there?" Sango asked. Kagome didn't say anything.

"No herb has the capacity to heal him faster than his own body." Miroku argued.

"Can't you purify the wound or something?" Miroku asked Kagome.

"I'm trying!" She yelped. A tear rolled down her cheek.

The sharp sound made my ears twitch. "Guys, leave 'er alone." I ordered in the strongest voice I could muster, which still sounded surprisingly raspy. God, no wonder they think I'm dying.

Everyone looked awkwardly around the room for a few minutes after that. I gazed at Kagome who still had one hand over my chest. I was starting to feel a pleasant warm feeling right where the searing pain used to be. The way she captivated me, I didn't understand. And her abilities as a priestess were even more mysterious. I closed my eyes and sighed contently. She was safe, that's all that mattered.

"Can we get you anything?" Shippou said hopefully. I opened my eyes and looked around at a bunch of hopeful faces. I couldn't help but laugh. "What are we pampering me now?" They waited. I growled. "No! There isn't any- Actually," I paused. "… I could use some privacy." I watched as all of their eyes narrowed. "You see, I was planning on getting in the bath now and I know you guys love a good view and all but uh-" They were already filing out the door. Kagome looked down at me. "You're staying." I whispered and I squeezed her hand tighter. She turned her attention back to the purifying.

When everyone was gone, I attempted to get Kagome to relax, tell me what she was feeling.

"Kagome." I said.

"Kaagooomeee…" I said again, dragging out her name.

I sighed. "You're not mad at me are you?" I asked wearily.

"No!" That got her attention. She looked down at me. Practically horrified by my assumption.

"It would be understandable if you were." I said matter-of-factly.

She just shook her head and looked away from me again.

"It's my fault." She murmured.

"It is not your-"

"Yes it is! He's after me! He hurt you!"

"Because I went after the bastard. Kagome, it was my choice." I used my most convincing voice possible. Of course, here I was arguing with her, choice as my defense. Not one of my greatest talents, choice making…I don't like it when other people use it as an excuse for their actions either.

"What if he comes into the village next?" She sobbed. "What if he had hurt Rin? I can't live with that Inuyasha, I can barely live with this!" She gestured towards me. "It's not fair to anyone for this to be happening because of me!"

"Come here." I pulled on her shirt. "Kagome, come here." I pulled harder until she eased down to me. I wrapped my arms around her.

"You are not going to blame yourself for this." I growled.

She sniffed and curled her arms up to hug my shoulders. "Promise me, promise me you'll never do that again." She whispered.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Scare me." She said.

We lay there for a long time. I rubbed her back in slow circles and buried my face in her hair. I talked to her all through the night about whatever I could think of. She wouldn't sleep no matter what I did. She just shifted closer until she laid across my chest. She cried quietly. At some point in the night, I felt my wound close up. All that pain, and it was already healed. I still felt Kagome's calming purification radiating through me. But the anger was there. As soon as I lacked her touch, I'd be dying to finish the fight. For the sake of my pride, and my beloved.