A Date With Facebook

Kurt Hummel to Blaine Anderson

Hey, are you coming over tonight?

Blaine Anderson

Sure thing!

Kurt Hummel

Good, because I have a surprise for you. ;)

-Blaine Anderson, Santana Lopez, Wes Li, and 4 others like this.

Santana Lopez

Wanky!

Finn Hudson

...Am I going to want to be home for this?

Kurt Hummel

Guys, it's totally not what you think it is! I'd tell you what it is, but then Blaine would see it, and that wouldn't be much of a surprise, now would it?

Santana Lopez

Whatever. All I know it, if something wanky DOES happen, I want to know about it. In detail.

-Wes Li likes this.

On Chat:

Mercedes Jones

Hey, boo?

Kurt Hummel

Yeah, 'Cedes?

Mercedes Jones

Can you tell me what the surprise?

I won't tell Prep Boy, I promise.

Kurt Hummel

Don't call him that!

And fine.

We're having a major Disney marathon in my room.

I've got popcorn, Minute Maid apple juice, and, of course, Red Vines.

Mercedes Jones

...

Kurt Hummel

What?

Mercedes Jones

Why is it that the good ones are always gay?

Kurt Hummel

Poetic justice?

Brittany S. Pierce to Blaine Anderson

You're a dolphin, right?

-Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Santana Lopez, and 10 others like this.

Blaine Anderson

o.O What?

Kurt Hummel

Yes, boo, Blaine Anderson is a dolphin.

Brittany S. Pierce

Yay! Are you two friendly dolphins?

Blaine Anderson

o.O Babe, what is she talking about?

Kurt Hummel

Britt, yes, we are friendly dolphins. Blaine, I'll explain when you get here.

Blaine Anderson

Good, because sometimes she says stuff that makes negative sense.

-Kurt Hummel, Santana Lopez, Brittany S. Pierce, and 11 others like this.

Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel

I'm on my way, babe!

-Kurt Hummel likes this.

Kurt Hummel

Yay! I can't wait! LTT

Blaine Anderson

LTT

Kurt Hummel

Blaine Anderson, do not Facebook and drive!

-Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson like this.

Kurt Hummel

...Are you guys stalking my Facebook again?

- Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson like this.

Blaine Anderson to Kurt Hummel

Look out your window.

Kurt Hummel

Okay...

Kurt Hummel

just got serenaded by his boyfriend and his guitar. "I Still Think" by Darren Criss never sounded so beautiful.

-Blaine Anderson, Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry, and 3 others like this.

Blaine Anderson

Sucks that I broke a string, though...

Santana Lopez

Your G string? ;)

-Noah 'Puck' Puckerman and Wes Li like this.

Kurt Hummel

Santana!

Blaine Anderson

Here I was thinking that *I* was the best boyfriend ever, and then mine comes along with The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas, Red Vines, apple juice, AND popcorn! It's official: Kurt Hummel is the most amazing boyfriend ever! LTT

-Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, Wes Li, and 25 others like this.

Mercedes Jones

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Wes Li

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

David Jackson

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Rachel Berry

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Tina Cohen-Chang

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Sam Evans

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Brittany S. Pierce

Wanky!

Santana Lopez

Sadly, sweetie, this is not a 'wanky' situation.

Brittany S. Pierce

:(

Kurt Hummel

STOP BLOWING UP MY NOTIFICATIONS! I'M TRYING TO CRY! Damn you, Triton...

-Blaine Anderson likes this.

Kurt Hummel

just remembered his life-long fear of the giant sand tiger from the beginning of Aladdin.

Mercedes Jones

hopes her white boys are having fun with their Disney marathon date, and expects a report in full detail at the end.

-Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry, and Tina Cohen-Chang like this.

Rachel Berry

I second this completely. I want to know EVERYTHING, Kurt Hummel.

-Mercedes Jones and Tina Cohen-Chang like this.

Tina Cohen-Chang

And you're not allowed to leave anything out. ANYTHING. The smuttier the better, honestly. Feel free to embellish.

-Rachel Berry and Mercedes Jones like this.

Kurt Hummel

I'm not afraid to hurt the three of you.

-Blaine Anderson likes this.

Mercedes Jones

Listen, Prep Boy, White Boy can threaten me to his heart's content, because I know he loves me, and he knows I love him. But you better not be thinking that you can like that threat and back it up, 'cause I WILL cut you.

-Kurt Hummel, Rachel Berry, Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, and 15 others like this.

Blaine Anderson

o.O

Finn Hudson to Kurt Hummel

We really need some kind of system here. Either lock the door, or put a sock on the knob, or something, but I never want to go through what I just went through again.

Santana Lopez

WANKY!

Kurt Hummel

I have a system for you: you bang your fist against the CLOSED door until someone inside allows you to enter! It's been working for people for centuries—you're no exception to the rule! And why didn't you just say this to my face, instead of putting it up on Facebook where everyone else can see it?

-Rachel Berry likes this.

Finn Hudson

I'm sorry if I didn't realize that "Disney movie marathon" translated into "get tangled up in the sheets!" And I put this on FACEBOOK because I can't look at you without seeing Blaine's tongue. OH GOD, THE MENTAL IMAGES!

Santana Lopez

SO. MUCH. WANKY!

Kurt Hummel

Santana!

Santana Lopez

I apologize for nothing.

-Mercedes Jones, Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Mike Chang, and 5 others like this.

Blaine Anderson

Why did you have to bring me into this, Finn?

Finn Hudson

Dude, you were "into this" before I even entered the room!

Santana Lopez

Seriously, if there's any more wanky I could die.

Kurt Hummel

SANTANA!

Burt Hummel

I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this line of conversation...I'm coming upstairs.

Blaine Anderson

Shit.

-Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson, Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, and 15 others like this.

Noah 'Puck' Puckerman

Dude, you don't know how many times I've had angry fathers try to kill me. Your best bet it to create a diversion and run, trust me.

Kurt Hummel

Thanks a lot, Puck! He just jumped out the second story window!

-Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Finn Hudson, Wes Li, and 17 others like this.

Rachel Berry

Oh my God, is he okay?

Kurt Hummel

Finn Hudson, you are a dead man.

-Rachel Berry, Mercedes Jones, Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, and 20 others like this.

Mercedes Jones

What happened to Prep Boy?

Kurt Hummel

He hobbled to his car and drove off. Funny thing is, my dad wasn't even that mad.

-Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, Finn Hudson, and Burt Hummel like this.

Blaine Anderson

He wasn't?

Burt Hummel

No, kid. You two were cool. I wasn't even coming upstairs.

-Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson, Carole Hudson, and 20 others like this.

Blaine Anderson

So I just twisted my ankle and left my guitar at your house for nothing?

-Kurt Hummel likes this.

Kurt Hummel

Sorry, babe. I'll drop it by your place tomorrow when I pick you up for dinner.

-Blaine Anderson likes this.

Kurt Hummel to Blaine Anderson

Well, even though it didn't end quite the way I envisioned, it was still a good date, if I do say so myself.

-Blaine Anderson likes this.

Blaine Anderson

Agreed. LTT

Kurt Hummel

LTT

Mercedes Jones

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Wes Li

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

David Jackson

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Rachel Berry

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Tina Cohen-Chang

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Sam Evans

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Brittany S. Pierce

Wanky!

Santana Lopez

Close, boo, but not quite.

Brittany S. Pierce

Awww...:(

Kurt Hummel

STOP BLOWING UP MY NOTIFICATIONS!

So, a digression from my normal style, but I thought it was a nice change. Yes, I know that these Facebook FanFics are way too overdone, but I hope I did a unique-enough job with this one. I was feeling the need for a little New Directions lovin' tonight, so I decided to use Facebook. I'm not sure if I'll do this again though; this was a pain in the ass to format.

In case you don't remember this from "Less Than Three," LTT is my abbreviation for the typical text heart, since this MOTHER-FLIPPING WEBSITE doesn't like the less than sign. (Clearly, I still have issues about this.)

For those who don't know, Minute Maid apple juice is Darren Criss' favorite kind of apple juice. If you haven't seen the Darren Criss apple juice Facebook story, go look it up RIGHT NOW. I mean it. Right now. Even if you don't know who Joe Moses and Corey Dorris are, LOOK IT UP! You WILL laugh.

More Darren Criss/Starkid references: Red Vines, obviously. No-brainer there. I used The Little Mermaid because that's one of the movies Starkid based Starship off of, and I used Aladdin because it's Darren's favorite Disney movie. "I Still Think" is a song Darren wrote, and it's GORGEOUS. It was used in "Little White Lie," which is another thing I DEMAND you look up RIGHT NOW. Oh, and the whole "broke a string" thing is real. Darren breaks strings on his guitar a lot, particularly during "I Still Think," since it's a jam song.

For more bragging (because there wasn't enough in chapter nineteen): I ORDERED PURPLE STARKID SUNGLASSES TODAY! Can I get a whoop-whoop? *crickets* Alright then. And my friend and I are going to devour no less than SIX packages of Red Vines during Glee 3-D. We shall sing "Goin' Back to Hogwarts" with Starkid PRIDE, and when Darren first comes on screen, we will yell, "BLOODY HELL! IT'S HARRY !" Just like Seamus.

Whoa. I REALLY need to lay off the Crystal Light. It does crazy stuff to my brain.

If you're still reading this, VIRTUAL BEAR HUG!

I love you guys!