CHAPTER 21
"Yes, it's your fault!" Sheldon said furiously. Nicholas was so deeply asleep in his hospital bed that he didn't even hear his father's yell.
"Yes, it's your fault." The silence that followed those words was perhaps the most disturbing and hurtful silence that ever was between Sheldon and Amy. The events that occurred then almost followed each other in slow motion.
Amy actually felt responsible for what happened to Nicky. In fact, she had been feeling guilty from the moment she decided to go to San Diego, even though she did it to support her aunt. After all, she was also her family.
The most painful thing for Amy was Sheldon's attitude at that moment. She really didn't see that coming.
Sheldon was standing in front of Amy, without even looking at her.
"Actually… it's your fault!" he whispered. In his stricken face, the nervous tics were evident.
"I blame you for making me so dependent on you. I blame you for making me feel that I can't go a minute without you. It's your fault that I feel terribly helpless. Yes, it's your fault because… you gave me Nicky and the baby we're having soon but with them, you also gave me one more reason to be concerned. You've made me live with this huge fear of losing you and our children." That's what Sheldon wanted to tell Amy at that exact moment ... but he didn't.
In his head, there was a battle between the area of the brain that controls visceral emotions and the area in charge of logical thinking. The result of that battle was a phrase that Sheldon regretted right after saying it.
"Of course it's your fault!" Sheldon tightly pursed his lips. "Amy, I can't do this! I was fine before you came into my life and changed it all. I shouldn't be going through this. I should devote myself to science. I should be thinking about my Nobel Prize and nothing else. This wasn't in my plans." Sheldon sighed.
"Sometimes, I wish my life was like it used to be." Sheldon headed to the door, but he didn't open it. He turned his back on Amy and stared at the lock. "Sometimes I wish I didn't meet you." Sheldon muttered under his breath. He lowered his head, thinking that Amy would not listen. Obviously he was wrong.
The words traveled quickly to Amy's ear; specifically at 767 mph, which is the speed of a sound wave propagating through air. Sheldon clearly knew it. He knew that fact and many others. Sheldon knew how the universe works, but he often didn't know how to handle the most difficult emotional situations.
Hearing those words, Amy tried to hold back her tears for as long as possible, only to realize that this was an impractical task. Tears came to her eyes, without being invited.
"Sheldon ... that was very hurtful." Amy felt as if something inside her chest was broken. Maybe that something was the confidence she had in Sheldon. "Why are you being so cruel to me?"
Although Sheldon hated to see Amy cry, he didn't know what to tell her at the time. He simply pursed his lips tightly and closed his right fist until his knuckles turned white from the pressure.
Sheldon's breathing became shallow and he started panting as if he'd run a marathon. He covered his face with his hands.
"Amy!" Sheldon raised his head and sighed. He swallowed as he felt his throat was so dry; he was unable to utter a word. Suddenly he left the room, holding his desire to look back.
When Sheldon was out of the room, he stood in front of the door, staring at it, and fighting with his urge to go back to Amy and apologize.
Sheldon wondered if those words actually came out of his lips or it had just been a horrible nightmare. He wasn't dreaming. Those were his words, and he couldn't take them back.
The damage was done and, to be honest, behaving like a jerk was definitely a side effect when you've seen your little son having a seizure before your eyes with nothing you can do about it.
To Sheldon, seeing Nicky in that situation was extremely frightening. In a moment he thought Nicky would die. Sheldon still felt chills when he remembered that scene.
"Sometimes… you wish you didn't meet me" Amy repeated the words of Sheldon; feeling as one by one, the tears were streaming down her cheeks.
Amy's tears were warm and bitter. Those tears were the kind of tears that run from our eyes when the defenses we've built around ourselves finally collapse. "How soon you realized that!" she said.
Amy wiped her tears with the cuff of her cardigan and sat on Nicholas' bed. Amy gently stroked Nicky's hair and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Nicholas was sleeping peacefully as if those traumatizing events had never happened.
"Oh baby ... I don't understand why something like this happened to us. A few days ago everything was going so well." Amy sobbed as she sweetly stroked Nicky's face and rubbed her belly. She was remembering how happy they were just three weeks ago. "I've always feared that this could happen. I've always been afraid that your father would change from one day to the other. Maybe he got bored of us."
Nicholas was slowly waking up when he heard his mother's voice.
"Maybe I've been fooling myself all this time. I guess he's always been like this and I didn't want to see it. At least, that's what my mom says." Amy took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. "It's okay. Now, I don't mind! All I care about is you. Forgive me for not being here when you needed me." Amy told Nicky with a broken voice.
Within minutes, Nicky opened his blue eyes and looked at his mother. Nicky's baby blue eyes, like those of Sheldon, and that sweet little smile were all that Amy needed.
"Aw, my sweet little monkey. I feel bad for everything you've been through because of your inexperienced parents." Amy smiled kindly. "But, I have an idea, and I think it could help you".
Amy tenderly stroked Nicky's tummy and began to sing:
"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr" Nicholas always felt better when he heard that song.
After walking slowly, down the corridors of the hospital, Sheldon entered the waiting room. Without a word he collapsed on one of the chairs, before the inquisitive eyes of Penny and Leonard, who were still there.
"Sheldon! Honey, how is Nicky doing?" Penny asked, staring at Sheldon's sad face.
"He's doing better" Sheldon sternly replied. "The doctor said Nicky's going to be fine"
"What a relief! I'm so glad Amy came back from San Diego earlier than she planned" Leonard added. "I wonder how she knew something was wrong. I think it must be what they call maternal instinct."
"Yes!" Sheldon muttered. "Amy's with Nicholas now. Don't you think it's too late? It would be better for you guys to go home. Amy and I'll stay here."
"Are you sure? Penny and I could stay. Amy must be very tired from her trip. And you need some sleep too. I can drive you home if you want." Leonard offered his help, thinking it was the best for everyone.
"No! Amy and I are going to stay here" said Sheldon. "We must be with Nicholas. End of story!"
"Okay! Penny and I are going home. Let us know if you need anything." Leonard said as he rose from his chair and stretched his hand to Penny.
When Penny got up from the chair to accompany Leonard, she felt a sharp pain in her back. "Ouch!" The pain was so intense she had to sit again.
"Does your back still hurt?" Leonard asked, kneeling beside Penny's chair.
"Yes!" Penny claimed as she rubbed her back.
Sheldon looked concerned, but a bit irritated to realize that Leonard asked something so obvious. Penny was evidently in pain.
"Where does it hurt exactly? How long have you been feeling that pain?" Sheldon questioned her. He thought it might be a good distraction if he participated in the differential diagnosis of Penny's illness.
"My back's sore. I've had this pain for a week or so. But the pain was not as strong. A few hours ago the pain increased a lot and now it hurts here too." With some discomfort, Penny pointed to the right side of her belly.
Leonard was worried and looking at her. Suddenly Penny's face looked very pale.
"Mhmm ... so you have back pain that radiates to your right iliac fossa. Penny, have you ever had an appendectomy?" Sheldon asked her very thoughtful.
"No, I've never had a surgery!" Penny swallowed hard. She came to the hospital to be with Nicky and now she could end up in an operating room.
"So… this could be your first surgery! Anyway, the appendix is a vestigial organ and you won't need it. I myself have thought a prophylactic appendectomy could be helpful but who has time for that." Sheldon crossed his arms.
Sheldon couldn't stop thinking of the events he'd just experienced. He wanted to go back to Nicky's room and talk to Amy, but he was quite embarrassed by his behavior.
"You think it is appendicitis?" Leonard was scared of hearing Sheldon.
"It might be appendicitis or a kidney stone, perhaps. My brother had a kidney stone and the pain was very similar." Sheldon looked at his watch. It was one in the morning on Saturday. Hopefully Amy and Nicky are already sleeping in the room, he thought. Sheldon would talk to her in the morning.
"Penny, we are in the hospital already; so it would be a good idea to go to the emergency room. A doctor should see you." Leonard said with apprehension.
"No! I'm fine! I'm starting to feel better!" Penny was afraid of needles and doctors; she didn't want to stay in the hospital. She rose quickly from her chair and then she felt the same sharp pain in her back and her lower belly. The pain was stronger in the right iliac fossa, exactly where Sheldon said that the appendix is located.
"Ouch! But... since we are in the hospital and I don't want you to worry, I'm going to see a doctor." Penny gave up when she realized that the pain was increasing.
Leonard took Penny's arm to help her to get up. "Let's go find a doctor, soon!" Leonard exclaimed. Penny nodded, and leaning on Leonard they went to the emergency room.
When Leonard and Penny were out of the waiting room, Sheldon got up and cautiously walked to Nicky's room. Although Sheldon originally planned to talk to Amy in the morning, Sheldon couldn't wait any longer. He had to work things up with Amy.
When he reached Nicky's room, the door was closed but he could clearly hear Amy's voice. She was singing 'Soft Kitty' to Nicky. Sheldon stood in front of the door, trying to gain courage to open it.
"When did the pain started?" Asked the doctor that was checking Penny. Leonard waited outside the emergency room. It was going to be a long night and, apparently neither Coopers nor Hofstadters would go home.
"About a week ago, but now it's stronger" Penny answered. She was concerned to see that the doctor filled several forms including what was most likely a blood test order. "Is this appendicitis?" Penny gulped as she asked the doctor.
"Because of the characteristics of the pain, it could be appendicitis. Although a kidney stone is also a possibility" the doctor said. It was exactly what Sheldon told Penny before. "We're going to need some lab work and an ultrasound to confirm the diagnosis."
Penny stared at the ceiling, thinking that she wouldn't escape from the needles.
"Okay" Penny replied. If Nicky had been so brave, she had to rise to the occasion, she thought.
"And what are you looking for... in the ultrasound?" Penny inquired, at the time the doctor put some ultrasound gel on her abdomen. When the doctor began the examination, Penny's arm was still sore from the blood samples they took.
"Well, it depends on the cause of the pain you have. If the pain is caused by appendicitis, we could find an inflammatory process in the appendix; or we could also observe a kidney stone, if that's the cause". The doctor answered.
"Then… what do you see? Do I need a surgery? Is it too bad?" Penny was so scared.
"I don't see a kidney stone and I can't find any alteration in your appendix. Probably, you're suffering a lumbar sprain". The physician continued the exam. "Muscular pain is common in your condition." He added.
"In my condition?" Penny questioned the doctor; she was very puzzled. "What condition? Is it serious?" Penny imagined herself in an operating room and fighting for her life.
"No! It's not serious" The doctor smiled. "Are you telling me that you didn't know it?" he grinned.
"What would I know? You are the doctor, not me." Penny looked up trying to see the ultrasound screen more clearly.
"Alright! The lumbar sprains, like the one you have, are quite common in… pregnancy". Unexpectedly, the physician told her. "I can't believe you didn't know it. In fact, you are six weeks and three days pregnant."
"No ... I'm… not pregnant." Penny stammered. "No ... it can't be!"
"I have evidence to demonstrate the contrary. I'm seeing a baby, with a heart rate of 150 beats per minute. And, everything looks completely normal, by the way." The doctor printed the ultrasound photos and handed them to Penny.
Penny sighed very deeply, to see those pictures. Her hands shook constantly.
"I didn't find a kidney stone or signs of appendicitis. All I could find ... I already told you. I hope it is good news." The doctor helped Penny to get up from the examination bed.
Penny smiled sweetly. She was actually feeling better; she didn't know if it was because of the medication or the unexpected news.
"Are you alright Penny? What did the doctor say?" Leonard had been waiting outside the examination room, the entire time.
"It isn't appendicitis." Penny said as she wiped the tears that escaped from her eyes.
"And then it is a kidney stone? Does it hurt so much? Why are you crying Penny?" Leonard walked back and forth; he was about to bite his nails, because of the anxiety.
"You know sweetie, I think I've become so fond of this kidney stone that I'm going to name it". Penny laughed tenderly. "So, you and I have about 7 and a half months to choose a cute name for my... kidney stone."