(I apologise for mistakes...sorry, posted rather hastily :) )

"Oh…I-I…we…hi Penny…" Leonard stuttered, his palms instantly clammy and his temples pounding. All he needed was a few hours, or perhaps an evening, or maybe a week. Then he'd make his final decision, prepare, take notes, even rehearse in front of the mirror and he'd be ready to face the blonde in the armchair, with those cool green eyes which were piercing right through him now. "I-I.. we were looking for Sheldon…just now… we…were…" he pointed over his shoulder weakly towards Howard and Raj. "He's missing…"

"He's at Caltech." Penny said calmly.

"Ahhhhh damn it! There goes my theory," said Howard under his breath.

"On a Sunday?" Raj asked.

"He had a breakthrough and didn't want to be distracted." Penny said.

"Ohhhh, we were w-worried…cause… he wasn't ….here…" Leonard felt himself flush, trailed off and looked at his shoes.

"He broke up with Amy," Howard said softly, taking a step inside.

"And she's gone nutso," said Raj.

"Yes, I know."

"I told you!" Raj spat. "Didn't I tell you Sheldon would go to Penny? Didn't I?"

She gave Raj a little knowing smile. "He asked me to contact him when Leonard returned home. Maybe you and Howard could go and collect him for me?"

"Now?" Howard asked, reluctant to leave the proceedings.

"Now," She said. Raj and Howard returned into the hall slowly and then made their departure, as Leonard pushing the door closed. "Get it together!" he thought to himself. "Take charge of the situation, be a man, let her down firmly but gently. You have to do it." Practicing a breathing technique and standing tall as he could muster he opened his mouth to speak.

"Penny!" he began. She went to answer but he held up his hand to indicate he had something to say first, and in his most authoritarian tone he continued. "There comes a time in life, I mean… you and I have known each other… the thing is, I…"

"It's okay Leonard." She said.

"No please, let me finish. I want you to know that…everything happens for a reason and this trip has been…"

"I know about Burkov."

Leonard stopped. He hands his hands together and blinked furiously. "You know about…" his voice much smaller now. "How?"

"The emails. I worked it out. It's okay."

"It is?"

"Yes, it's fine."

He didn't respond at first, confused. "…because if you're a little upset. You know, you can cry…. and if you want to throw things. I-I won't stop you." He said with a slight whine.

"I don't need to throw things. I'm good."

Oh! This was not the response he expected and his mind was awash with questions.

Brrrrring, Brrrrinnng.

"Sorry," Penny said, looking at the caller ID. "Oh crap, I better take this. It's my agent." She said putting the phone to her ear. "Hello… yes I am in the 'Peep a you' commercial… I know, it's great isn't it?... only this week…well, the thing is, I had another representative…. Sheldon Cooper… he might want to continue as my agent… you do? Wow, of course I'm interested." She put the phone down with an exhilarated expression on her face.

"Guess what? I've got an audition for a movie," she giggled happily. "It's a book to movie science fiction franchise…whatever that is," she said.

Leonard had been listening patiently with a furrowed brow. "Sheldon's your AGENT?!" he bellowed.

She pursed her lips together and looked up with thoughtful eyes. "Oh yeah, about Sheldon, there's something you should know."

Stuart hummed to himself as he strolled back to room 480 of the Monte Carlo. He'd made a modest win at video poker today and later planned to take the plunge at the craps table.

Sliding the keycard in the slot he didn't notice he had been followed until it was till late. A gloved hand pressed firmly over his nose and mouth and with a sharp intake of breath his throat and lungs were filled with a sweet aroma and darkness closed in, as he slipped into a chemically induced slumber.

"YOU WHAT?!"

"Yes it was me. I was the girl at the comic book party."

"YOU KISSED SHELDON?!"

"Yes."

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Leonard began to pace the floor in a circular motion, with his hands clasped to his head. "YOU CHEATED ON ME."

"Hey! Don't get mad at me buster, you cheated on me weeks ago!"

"Okay, okay…" he began to calm down, lowering his voice "… that is true and since it was just a kiss, I suppose I can forgive you."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU SUPPOSE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME?"

"Look Penny, we both did wrong. And yes, I may have done a little more wrong than you, but no one's keeping score…" he said.

"REALLY?"

And so began, the biggest fight Leonard and Penny have ever had, and it wasn't ending any time soon.

Dizzy so very dizzy. Stuart's head rolled to the side and he tried to open his eyes. Through the haze he saw the shape of a dark figure moving next to the bed, he tried to speak but couldn't. Drifting in and out, until finally, the mist cleared a little and he could make her out busying herself with neat rows of equipment on the side table. Stuart tried to move and it became clear that he was restrained, stripped to the waist, and tied to the headboard with bright yellow rope.

He spluttered and she turned. "A-aaamy," his voice was barely audible. "….w-what happened?"

"Shhhhh!" She continued to sort the instruments into silver sterilized kidney bowls and line up an array of frightening looking pointy things. He felt something cold touch his temples and saw wires leading away which attached to an electronic box.

"What are you doing?" his voice beginning to revive.

There was no answer and she continued with her work, so he said. "Well, I'm happy to help." A single electric beep came from the equipment next to him and Amy squinted to check a dial.

The preparation was over and Amy sat down next to him, their eyes finally met and he saw at once her numb, detached bearing. The lips moved and for the first time in hours she forced out one slow and painful word.

"Shhheldon."

Stuart didn't need her to utter another word to know why he was there. His mouth went dry as a bone, as the memories crept back to his groggy noggin. "Sheldon. Oh boy!" He'd witnessed that kiss and it was not just a peck on the cheek. That was some kiss! And initiated by the man himself. Sheldon and Penny were the reason his store was full and he'd been watching them on and off. She was smoking hot in that outfit but he never expected anything like that. So when they moved to the side of the room and their body language changed, he just thought he was imagining things. Then it happened and he must have sworn a dozen times, as the room jeered and hooted.

They left after that, Penny dragging him by the hand and Stuart knew! He knew that she was leading Sheldon towards a new experience. He knew that Sheldon was going to get laid. The party raged on for three more hours after they left and he made a killing, clearing most of the old stock he hadn't been able to shift in months. Later that evening while cashing up, he felt exhausted and dumbfounded and then, troubled. Leonard was still away and Sheldon was still dating Amy. The whole thing was a bomb ready to go off and he was right in the middle of it. He made a snap decision to get the hell out of there early the following morning, and lay low until the dust settled.

"No more lies." Amy words shook him from his thoughts.

"Sorry what?"

"Howard lied, Leonard lied, Raj lied, but you're going to tell me the truth."

He nodded meekly, but his mind began to race. The truth? Did she tie them as well? Were their limp, lifeless bodies, discarded somewhere back in Pasadena. "She's gone mad," he thought. "I have to try and reason with her."

"Just tell me what you need to know. It's all going to be…. f-fine," he stammered, as the large silver forceps began their decent towards his naked nipple.

"Sheldon… comic… book… party…" she could barely get the words out. He braced himself for the rest of the sentence. "Whooo?" she finished.

He knew at the moment that he was doomed. Exhilaratingly so! There was no denying the fact he had taken a shine to Amy but this wasn't exactly how he hoped things would play out. He'd hoped there would be less forceps, but beggars can't be choosers. He'd have to submit to his end, because Amy didn't know it was Penny and if he told her, Penny was dead.

Stuart had fantasized about his death many times, climbing a mountain, rescuing a child from the road or taking a bullet for an innocent storeowner in a robbery, but he knew it was more likely someone would find his cold corpse slumped over a leftover pizza, next to a pile of unpaid bills. He never dreamed that he'd go out being tortured by a coercive brunette, in defense of a friend. She was going to find out about Penny sooner later but she wasn't getting it from him. Tonight he was the hero, the knight in shining armor...!

"OUCH!"

Just then the door banged open and a tiny blonde with bouncy, wig-like hair stood in the doorway. "STOP!" she screeched, and the surgical instruments rattled in their bowls.

"No Bernadette, you can't stop me. I MUST KNOW!"

The teeny brute advanced into the room and kicked the door shut. "Don't worry Amy. I'm on your side and I have a much better plan."