Murphy stood just inside the front door, both knees bleeding visibly through the holes in his jeans and staining the surrounding material as well.
"Did ya fall again Murph?" Connor sighed, "How many times do I have to tell you tie your shoes and not run up the stairs. Walk up them like a normal person for chris'sakes, maybe then this wouldn't happen, nothin' here for you to be excited enough to run to anyway." Connor scolded. Murphy just stood silently and looked at him pleadingly with big doe eyes. Connor heaved another sigh. "Alright let's go clean you up. Again."
The meager contents of the first aid kit were scattered across the counter, Connor sometimes thought he ought to get a job just to pay for the amount of bandaids, antibiotic cream, ice packs and ibuprofen they needed on a regular basis, and Murphy sat on the edge of the bathtub while Connor kneeled in front of him tending to his scraped knees.
"Do any of your clothes fit?" Connor noticed the hem of his brothers jeans was clearly several inches above his shoes, his shirt hanging down almost to the bloody rips in his knees. Murphy just shrugged noncommittally.
"We'll head down to goodwill or the salvation army soon, I don't know how many more times I can tape these shoes together either." Out of childhood habit he leaned forward and gently kissed the bandaid he had just secured over the freshly cleaned injury before moving on to the other knee.
Wrapping his arms around his belly Murphy rolled out of bed with a groan, he needed to go to the bathroom, he didn't want to throw up on the floor but god it hurt he hated being sick. Stumbling to his feet he tripped, hitting something that made a noise loud enough to startle Connor out of his slumber.
"Murphy? S'that you? Wha's goin' on?" Connor shot upright in a panic.
"Sorry." Murphy mumbled, "'M not feelin' good." Swaying unsteadily Murphy took another step towards the door only to fall down and promptly vomit. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Connor." He whimpered, ashamed of himself tears gathering behind his eyes. "I'll clean it up."
"Just lay back down Murph, I've got it." Connor bent over trying to avoid getting anything on himself and carefully lifted Murphy under the shoulders, easing him tenderly back into his bed. "I'll get you a glass of water, and a bucket or something."
"I'm really sorry." Murphy looked at him pathetically, realizing if he tried to get up to clean he would likely just throw up again.
"Murphy it's fine, it's not like you did it on purpose." Connor brushed a hand across his brothers forehead, he had a bit of a fever too hopefully nothing too serious. "Oh don't cry it's ok." Connor floundered for a moment before leaning in and feathering a light kiss against his forehead. "I'll be right back to clean up, I'll bring you some water. If you have to throw up again just try to get it in the same spot."
All the lights in the apartment were off, and turning them on would wake Ma, who would only get angry that they had woken her up, so Connor fumbled around in the dark trying not to make any noise and defeat the purpose of leaving the lights off.
By the time he had located rags, soap, and a bucket and made his way back to the room Murphy had fallen back into a fitful sleep, his dark hair plastered to his fevered skin. Connor tucked the bucket against the nightstand and smoothed his hair back again.
Finishing his scrubbing Connor rinsed everything off in the sink and grabbed a small ice pack, nestling it in under his brothers pillow Connor finally crawled into bed exhausted.
"You said you would stop fighting Murphy." Connor groaned add he caught sight of his brother waiting for him at the front door to the school. "What happened this time?"
Murphy shrugged noncommittally, looking down he scuffed his shoes on the tile. A cut split through his eyebrow, blood caked on his eyelid from it, he had a black eye already swelling closed, distinctively finger shaped bruising blooming on his pale throat.
"You're going to get your ass expelled Murph, and I don't even wanna think about that."
"'S'not like anyone cares." Murphy mumbled, still not looking up. Connor felt a tiny piece of his heart break at the words.
"I care Murphy, and that might have to be enough sometimes. Let's go patch you up." Connor squeezed his shoulder, not sure what else to say. "You gotta stop this." Connor gently brushed a fresh drop of blood away.
Murphy sprawled gracelessly across the couch, Connor leaned back against the arm with his legs thrown casually across his brother as they ate dinner with a movie playing on their battered old tv. Ma was drinking in the kitchen, a situation they generally preferred to avoid if they could, she got a little belligerent if she overstepped her limits sometimes, luckily that only happened occasionally, and they knew she loved them but didn't want to tempt fate if they didn't have to. Connor shifted where he sat, there wasn't enough furniture in the living room for them to sit separately and with every day that went by it became more difficult for both of them to fit on the couch. One wrong movement of his feet sent Murphys' plate crashing to the floor.
"Really Connor." Murphy groaned exasperatedly.
"I'll clean it up." Connor grumbled as he rolled awkwardly over Murphys' legs to locate a towel. He peered cautiously around the corner to the kitchen just in case and tried to step as quietly as he could. Ma sat at the table looking down vacantly at her drink, her eyes hazy and unfocused.
"I wish I'd never e'en 'ad you bastards." Ma spat as Connor had no choice but to walk right past her. "Ruined my life an' I ain' got shit to show for. Useless fucks both of ya." She took a swat at him that he only barely danced out of the way of. Eyes stinging he grabbed a towel off the sink and practically ran out of the kitchen, she couldn't mean that it had to be the alcohol talking. Things had always been hard, but they couldn't really be that bad could they, she usually loved them more than anything. Mopping the spill off the floor he crawled back onto the couch, nuzzling closer to his brother than he usually comfortably could.
"Why does Ma hate us Connor?" Murphy asked quietly, his eyes cast down out of pain or shame.
"Ma doesn't hate us Murphy. Things just get hard sometimes." Connor thought he felt his heart stop as the words crossed his brothers lips, not sure what hurt more, the fact Murphy thought that or the fact that he had to be the one to reassure him instead of Ma being around to do it herself.
"I just feel like no one cares about us. We're on our own." Murphy murmured as he sat down and kicked his shoes off.
"She does the best she can Murph." Connor sank down next to him and did the same.
"Sometimes that's not good enough." Murphy pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his cheek on them. "Doesn't she have any time for us, there has to be some time?"
Connor just wrapped his arms around his brother, it was the best he could do. Sometimes he hated it, the way he had to function as Murphys' mother because she was never around, had to take care of him because no one else would. But he loved his brother more than anything and he knew he would always do anything he needed him to; and he really did enjoy it more often than he loathed it, enjoyed watching out for him and making sure he was alright, he really wasn't sure he would trust anyone else with his brothers safekeeping anyway, actually he didn't even think he could trust Murphy to keep Murphy safe.
Finally Murphy dozed off, Connor still sitting on the edge of his bed with one hand resting on his knee. Murphy looked like such a child still when he slept, he made a tiny sound and shifted just a hair closer to Connor. That was when Connor made up his mind.
She was rooting through the fridge for another beer when Connor crept into the kitchen. A bolt of disgust he never would never expected echoed through him, they frequently struggled to eat three meals a day yet she managed to find money for alcohol without fail, sometimes they would find it was the only thing in their fridge.
"We need to talk." Connors' eyebrows furrowed slightly, shouldn't this be the other way around, why did he sound like the adult?
"Connor, why aren't you in bed?" Ma turned around, bottle in hand, going as far as to take a long sip while she waited for him to answer.
"When's the last time you actually talked to Murphy? Spent time with him? Do you know anything about what's going on in his life?" Connor crossed his arms unconsciously as though he was protecting himself.
Ma just took another sip, clearly not her first of the night, and stared at him like he had grown a third head. "I see you boys every day." She slurred, clearly not understanding what he was saying.
"Can you just stop fucking drinking for ten minutes." Connor grabbed the bottle out of her hand, not caring what consequences he might face for both his language and actions. "Do you not see how much it hurts Murphy that you're like this, he just wants you to give a shit about him sometimes. He got into another fight last week and I had to get him from the nurse. And all they wanted to know was why a parent never shows up for him." As far as he was concerned his own feelings of abandonment and neglect were irrelevant, he didn't care if he was ignored as long as Murphy wasn't. "You're never home. And when you are, you're drinking." He spat.
"It's just so hard Connor, you don' understand how hard I work for the two of ya. I try ta do right by my boys."
"That's not an excuse, we know it's hard but that doesn't mean we don't need you at home too." Connor was surprised to hear his voice crack as he suddenly couldn't think of anything other than what she had said to him a few weeks ago, that they had ruined her life.
"I can' do everything Connor." She continued to try to make excuses.
"You're the only parent we have Ma! You got yourself into this when you got yourself knocked up, twin boys with no dad, it's not easy for us either and the least you can do is know how we are! You owe us that much." Connor had slipped into speaking for both of them once again, feeling like an ass claiming they were owed anything when she did do so much for them but that didn't excuse her either. He realized belatedly his yelling had probably woken Murphy.
Sure enough Murphy materialized at the door. "Connor what're ya yellin' about so late?" His sleep hazy eyes brimmed with confusion.
Before Connor could open his mouth to respond Ma butted in belligerently. "He thinks I don' do enough for ya, that I drink too much and its my fault ya don' 'ave a dad."
Murphy shook his head sadly, "C'mon Connor, let's go back to bed. It's fine." He tugged on his brothers arm. Connor looked at him, hair sticking up funny, eyes clouded with sleep as he held on to him for guidance. "Connor I jus' wanna go to bed."
Unable to resist the pleas Connor shot one last dirty look at Ma; both of them silently acknowledging the argument was far from over, that the topic would come up again and again, and turned around.
"I'm sorry I woke you up." Connor stood in the middle of the room deciding if he wanted to sleep in his own bed or crawl in with Murphy.
"It's fine. You don't have to fight her for me Connor."
"I hate that she never sees you, it's like she barely knows who we are."
"I don' know about you. But I don' need her, I've got you." Murphy said honestly.
"We don' need anyone else." Connor reaffirmed, it hurt, the state their relationship with their Ma was in lately, and he wasn't going to just let it drop. But Murphy was right they had each other. Connor made his decision and crawled under Murphys' blanket.
Authors note: so the format here was a bit different from the others, I hope it wasn't a problem. And I'm sadly down south in Texas, so central time, back home in Chicago for a little while, but same time zone. However, I was seriously on tornado watch here! I thought I was leaving that behind when I left tornado alley and went on vacation! This is also my excuse for why this took so long...There might even be a picture of my ugly mug on my tumblr under the boondock brothers darling tag I was using. I hope this was a little longer I'm still just eyeballing it, the length looks totally different on a 7in touchscreen than it probably does on the computer. I really hope you guys liked this, this feels like one of the more intense chapters I've written lately but that might just be because I had to spend so long writing it in my spare time instead of just sitting down and writing it all. Also to anyone reading my Connor x Murphy fic I should be updating that next, any ideas for either story are always welcome.
And compelled really is a good word for how I write, I just look over my ideas until I just know how one of them should happen.
Funny story. One of the most awkward moments of my life was probably sitting in an authentic Irish pub for lunch. With my boondock saints shirt on. And now I'm hiding in the guest bedroom because I really really wanted to finish writing this and my drunk grandparents keep following me whenever I leave the living room and my granddad keeps trying to take pictures of me with my curlers in. Yes I frequently use curlers :p and you girls better appreciate everything I do for you with these stories
random fact, the scene where ma tells Connor she wishes he'd never been born, I wrote a week or two ago for a totally different chapter and just thought it fit ok here, if it didn't tell me. To anyone who might think she wouldn't say that, I'll just tell you that's another moment partially based on something that's happened to me.
Another note to add, a lot of my chapters they end up in each other's beds, because I think there's nothing more comforting than having that kind of closeness with someone especially at night, and I personally think they probably shared a bed for quite some time because it was just cheaper and more convenient and no matter how old they were would just be really comforting no matter what because they grew up like that. Just wanted to throw that out there in case anyone wondered.