Never the Same
Part 21
Note: You have no idea how sorry I am. This is a sad excuse for a chapter. I lost all inspiration for 'Changing Channels.' I had something so amazing planned out at first, but then I thought it sounded like crap(and could be an entire story by itself), so I went for this instead. And it's still crap, but it's better…like a polished terd. I'm so sorry.
Location: Unknown. One Week After Alliance.
Dean releases a breathy whine as Castiel finally pulls out of his raw and aching body after rutting against him for what felt like years. But he still feels too full even though Castiel's not inside him anymore. Every nerve ending in Dean's body feels like it's on fire and is overly sensitive and just painful. To make things worse, the angel won't stop touching him and he can't stop moaning like a broken whore for Cas.
Castiel plays with Dean's body like it's a finely tuned instrument that he loves more than anything else in Creation.
"Dean," Castiel purrs against Dean's temple, his voice heavy with a mixture of exhaustion and grace-deep satisfaction. He's trailing his lips down the side of his neck and is petting down Dean's sides gently with feather light touches. He likes the demon's reaction. How he arches up against him, but then pulls back and whimpers because everything is too intense. More intense than Castiel's radiance when they first met down in the Pit.
The demon makes a rough and breathy sound that might be Castiel's nickname. He tugs weakly at the chains that are still binding his arms above his head despite the exhaustion and pain that are racking his body.
Castiel takes the hint and reaches up to release Dean from the enchanted bonds.
Dean makes a grateful purring noise as his arms are freed, but instead of letting them rest, he quickly wraps them around Castiel and pulls his angel close.
"Cas," the angel hears and feels Dean's murmur against his cheek as he plants a lazy, sloppy kiss. He's almost amused by how Dean's already wrapping himself around him again, pressing his warm body invitingly against his own.
But Castiel suddenly recoils violently. The feeling of the shattered fragments of Dean's humanity pressing against his own grace is too much for the angel and he panics. He pushes Dean away and stares wide eyed into the darkness before spreading his wings in the dank space and taking off.
Dean's left behind, alone and annoyed with a growing feeling of dissatisfaction swirling in the black smoke of his soul.
Location: Outside Sioux Falls, South Dakota - "The Nest." Eight Days After Alliance.
Dean returns to the run down manor his children have been calling home after the week is up.
He still has no idea where Castiel had zapped them for that week, but he knows that he shouldn't piss off an angel that knows all of the most sensitive areas on his body again.
His body is sore and he wants to do nothing more than get some decent rest. And he's honestly amazed that he can walk at all. Hell, he's on his last legs, but he forces himself to check in on his kids, having felt their pain and his own during the week Castiel had detained him.
Walking, more like limping, into the cold house, he feels a sense of relief and familiarity being around the other demons that he doesn't feel as strongly around Sam or Bobby anymore.
But when he sees only about twenty or so of the kids left with fear and sorrow radiating from their pitch black souls like radiation from Chernobyl, he's not that surprised.
Other demons and angels, Lucifer in particular, have recently acquired a taste for killing them and pushing Dean closer to his breaking point. And because of this, they've been forced into hiding like trapped rats, a situation Dean wishes he could amend, but knows that he can't. At least, not yet.
"Listen up," Dean speaks up once they've gathered in the dining room. His expression is grim and his eyes are dull, slowly losing their grassy green coloring in favor of a more sickly, acidic green-yellow. The dark lightning of the space does little to hide the fact that his eyes are glowing too.
"I know things are bad, but-" he starts only to be cut off by a silver tongue that's all too eager to wake the sleeping lion.
"But what, Dean? We're being killed left and right. Like lamb sent to the slaughter," a demon in a pretty brunette's body speaks up as she walks right up to the yellow eyed demon.
"I know that, Bela," Dean replies, his mood lifted minutely by Bela's ability to still treat him like some idiotic insect even as he forces her to sit with just a thought. "And like I was saying, I think you should all sit tight and hold down the fort. Me and Sam will find a way to take out the Devil and end this whole Apocalypse crap."
Bela literally growls at Dean as her eyes turn black and she struggles to break free of his mental hold on her. But Dean just watches this with mild amusement, because to him this is like watching a Chihuahua bark at you from the other side of a piece of glass after you've provoked the poor thing.
"Damn it, Winchester! I will not sit idly in this sad excuse for a shack and hide like a spineless coward just because you told me to, sire or not!" Bela bites out angrily, but flinches involuntarily when Dean fixes his gaze on her, the unnatural color of his eyes making her shiver in her meat suit.
"Well, Miss Talbot, if you don't want to just sit around, I suppose you could go dig up some information on Crowley's whereabouts. You did say you sold the Colt to him, correct?" Dean suggests, but his eyes are cold and his tone even colder as a twisted smile spreads across his lips.
Bela shrinks back in fear, her eyes quickly shifting back to the bright grey of her meat suit as she tries to make herself less visible in any way to the stronger demon. But it's not so much the power behind Dean's sickly yellow eyes that scares her. It is the feeling that he's not Dean Winchester, the man she had tried to murder in cold blood alongside his brother about two years back.
The other children seem to sense the change too and are quick to back away from their father, wanting to stay as far away from him as possible in case he suddenly lashes out.
But the oppressive aura that hung over the room is suddenly gone and Dean sits back, holding his head and shaking it lightly to clear up the fog that had clouded his mind for a moment.
"Ugh…sorry," Dean mumbles and continues to cradle his head gingerly. He barely manages to fix a single eye on Bela before he starts to speak again, "But, you should go track down Crowley, Bela. We need the Colt."
These are the last words Dean speaks to his children before he's headed up the stairs and holing up in his room to sleep. He'll check in with Bobby and Sam after he wakes up.
Location: Wellington, Ohio - Abandoned Warehouse. One Week Later.
Sam's taken the Impala and left Dean and Castiel behind back at the motel.
He's not sure what he saw them doing or what they were about to start, but he's more than glad that he chose to leave when he did. He honestly does not need anymore mental scarring. Sam believes he has more than enough for his lifetime and then some.
But he shakes his head. Clears it of the thoughts of his brother and Castiel that have been plaguing him for more than two weeks now and focuses on the task ahead of him.
He's somehow convinced Dean to let him check out the warehouse on his own to ask the Trickster for some help dealing with the whole Lucifer mess.
Sam knows it's a long shot, but he also knows that this Trickster is something more than just what he claims to be. After all, he and Gabriel have been keeping in contact since the last time they ran into him.
Sam had sensed it back then, the first time they met the him over three years ago, that something was off about the Trickster they had supposedly killed and his suspicions only continued to mount after the Tuesday Time Loop that he would much rather forget.
But Sam knows now that Gabriel is something special.
Gabriel was an Archangel. Well, he still technically is one. And he's also a younger brother to both Michael and Lucifer. But he is his own person and he has a heart. A cruel and often times capricious heart, but he has one, nonetheless.
Sam just never brought this up to Dean because Gabriel had made him promise not to mention it to anyone. And even if Gabriel hadn't made him promise, Sam likes to think that he wouldn't mention it anyways, because this is something he can call his own.
And now that Dean has Castiel, they're kind of even. They each have their own Heaven-sent guardian angel. Even if Gabriel is a lot tougher than your average angel.
"Are you just going to stand there and stare at that wall all day?" a familiar snarky voice questions from behind Sam and the younger of the Winchester brothers is turning to face the owner.
A smile settles onto Sam's lips at the sight of the clearly older and much shorter man looking up at him with a playful smirk while he holds a freshly opened chocolate bar in his hand.
"It's been a long time," Sam greets the Archangel, though there's a tinge of sadness to his tone.
Gabriel straightens his posture at the hint of sorrow in the moose's voice and frowns. "Stop beating yourself up over Luci getting out. It was inevitable. God planned it all out way before you were even a twinkle in your daddy's eye. One big brawl to end all of Creation…and Lucifer and Michael's bitching at one another," he finishes with an exasperated sigh and a vague hand gesture with a meaning that only Gabriel understands.
But it's obvious that Sam still feels the burden of the Apocalypse weighing down on his mortal shoulders and this draws out another sigh from the Trickster. Gabriel takes a bite out of his chocolate bar and looks at Sam with a contemplative expression as he chews his sweet treat slowly.
"I just can't do it, Gabriel," Sam finally speaks up and the Archangel looks at the human with interest.
Sam looks down at the ground and clenches his fists, his entire posture going tense. "I can't say 'yes' to Lucifer. I can't kill Dean. I-I don't want to kill my brother, even if he is a dick sometimes. I love my brother, Gabriel," he laments as he raises his head and looks at the Archangel with his eyes red and on the verge of tears. "This is all my fault. If I had just listened to Dean. Trusted him like I always did, this could have been stopped."
Gabriel watches silently as Sam Winchester breaks down, revealing the broken boy beneath the hard exterior he had been forced to make for himself. Sam looks almost as broken as Dean and this makes him pause in his eating. He just doesn't have it in him to continue eating when there's a soul, lovingly created by his Father and stained but still radiant, crying out in front of him.
"What part of inevitable don't you understand? It was preordained, Sam. It's destiny. This is what Fate had planned out for you and Dean," Gabriel states bluntly, knowing he has to get this point through Sam's thick skull because no matter how smart he may be, he could be just as pig headed as his brother.
"Is that why you avoided me after Dean died? So that I could jump start all of this?" the human suddenly asks, his voice full of accusation and hurt.
Gabriel freezes at the question, his grace stilling momentarily in it's ever cycling race through his vessel. But he slowly relaxes and closes his eyes. He's been caught and there's no denying that that was exactly what he did.
"I just wanted my brothers to stop fighting," the Trickster tries to reason with Sam, but his voice wavers and lacks the conviction he had meant to put in it.
"I left Heaven because I couldn't take them fighting anymore," Gabriel continues as his shoulders sag with the weight of millennia of grief and heartache and he looks to Sam, pleading silently with tired hazel eyes for Sam to just understand.
Location: Wellington, Ohio - Motel. Thirty Minutes Earlier.
"Why are we letting him go out there alone?" Dean asks a few minutes after Sam's departure. He's beginning to feel restless again, his own instincts and Lucifer's whispers keeping him on edge and making him want to run out and make sure Sam is alright.
Castiel is carefully avoiding contact with Dean and has been for the last hour since he showed up at the motel.
"Do you not find that Trickster strange?" the angel replies with a question of his own and moves to the opposite end of the bed they're using as a seat when Dean tries to touch him.
"Strange how?" Dean grinds out, frustrated that his angel is refusing to touch him after that god damned, but heavenly, week they spent together.
Again Castiel is scooting away from Dean as the demon continues to try and make contact.
"He's too powerful. He can't be a normal trickster," Castiel continues, but sighs and finally stands when he has nowhere else to move on the bed, only to be pulled back forcefully by one of his wings.
A low growl rumbles in Dean's chest and he's baring his teeth like a predator ready to strike as he pins Castiel underneath him and holds him there.
"Stop running away from me," the demon growls, hurt and confusion mixed in with the sound, but Castiel's looking up at him with defiance and anger in his bright blue eyes.
However, the hardness of Castiel's eyes slowly softens as the angel notices Dean's distress and the faintest hint of tears beginning to form in his lover's sad green eyes. His anger leaves him in a long, stuttering sigh and he reaches up with unsteady hands to cup Dean's face in them.
"I'm not ready," Castiel breathes the words out hesitantly.
He feels a stab of pain in his chest when Dean pulls away from him, but he catches a glimpse of the demon's wry smile and suddenly feels even worse for what he's done.
"I can't wait forever, Cas," Dean sighs, but relaxes into the feeling of Castiel's wing wrapping around him like a feathery shroud.
"You won't have to, Dean. If we fail to stop Lucifer, the Earth will only last for one more year, at most," the angel jokes bitterly and he tilts his head back, looking up at the ceiling and past it, a sad smile gracing his lips. Castiel is searching for answers that are now out of his grasp.
Dean reluctantly pulls away from the warmth of Castiel's wing and stands. He looks down at the digital alarm clock on the night stand and snorts softly.
"I think we've given them enough time," the demon speaks up with a confident grin painted across his face. It doesn't quite reach his eyes, but they both ignore it and move on to their next destination.
Location: Wellington, Ohio - Abandoned Warehouse. Present.
"So you ran away," a very familiar voice calls out from the other end of the warehouse and both Sam and Gabriel are looking at the newcomer in shock.
"Dean?" Sam asks, confused and honestly surprised that his brother popped in, but he pauses and leans to the side slightly, just barely spotting the angel standing behind him. "Castiel?"
"Hello, Sam. Gabriel," Castiel nods a greeting, doing a fairly good job of hiding his shock at finding his long lost brother, alive and doing more than well from the looks of it.
"Hello, baby bro," Gabriel chirps in a sing song tone, though his expression is anything but cheery. If it had to be described, it would be stormy.
The entire warehouse is suddenly filled with tension so thick Sam is beginning to find it really hard to breathe. And being the only human in the building isn't exactly a comforting thought, even if he is, physically, the largest occupant.
Dean takes a step forward, but doesn't advance any further when he receives a warning glare from Gabriel. And though the glare should terrify him, he just throws on a confident smirk and stares down the Archangel.
"I should have known you weren't just a trickster. You were a fucking angel the whole time," the demon sneers, his eyes flickering to marble yellow and then back to acid green. "And Sammy. Hiding secrets again, I see."
Dean's tone is bitter and it sets Sam on edge. He feels like he's losing Dean to the darkness inside of him. Or maybe he's already lost him and Sam is just denying the evidence standing in front of him.
Just as Sam is about to speak again, Gabriel stops him, smacking his hand against Sasquatch's chest as the Archangel moves to stand in front of him.
"Don't get your panties in a twist, Deano. I made little Sammy here promise not to tell a soul. And you know how Archangels can be when it comes to wrath," Gabriel's tone is friendly and playful, but he lowers his head and shifts so that his posture is telegraphing his readiness to attack if needed.
Castiel's eyes widen momentarily, instinctual fear running through him at the sight of an Archangel ready for battle. But he forces the fear back and takes his place beside Dean and stands ready. His angel killing sword slides easily into his hand, though he knows that it will be useless against the higher ranking angel.
The tension in the building continues to rise and heat up until Sam feels like he's going to snap. And he does.
"Everyone just chill out!" Sam yells and all of three of the supernatural creatures flinch at the booming sound of his voice.
"You're all acting like two year olds! Fucking bickering and posturing like a pair of proud peacocks. Act your own age and species and just sit down and talk for God's sake!" the younger Winchester continues with his tirade and hardly stops for a breath. But after he's done, he pales with the realization of what he's just done and backs away from Gabriel. The only thing that actually stops him from running is an invisible wall of what feels like feathers blocking his path.
Laughter suddenly breaks out. Loud, booming and joyous laughs that bounce off of the walls and feel like they might just start to shake the building. The sounds originate from both Gabriel and Dean, who seem to be enjoying themselves far more than they should.
"Best bitch face ever!" Dean cackles, doubled over from laughing so hard and struggling to catch his breath.
Castiel is confused and briefly worried for Dean's well being. In his opinion, the man is laughing a little too hard.
"Agreed," Gabriel chuckles, wiping tears from his eyes as he uses his wings to push Sam towards Castiel and Dean.
Sam isn't amused at all by the laughter that is apparently directed at him and just makes an angry bitch face and blushes as he's forced to walk forward.
"You're both dicks," he mutters under his breath and stops in front of Dean with Gabriel standing a few steps behind him.
But Sam finds that he can't look into his brother's eyes. They're not the same hazel green he grew up seeing and finds it hard to see his brother in those sickly, acid colored eyes.
Dean is looking up at Sam though and it's easy to see his baby brother's discomfort. It hurts him to see his brother like this, but at the same time, Dean is ever so slowly losing the ability to really care what Sam thinks of him. And that scares Dean a little, because it means that he's slipping further away from what he wants to be. Sam's brother and his protector.
"Buck up, Sammy," Gabriel speaks up when no one else does and takes a step closer to the group when he doesn't get a hostile reaction from the yellow eyed demon.
Castiel relaxes his previously tense shoulders and banishes his weapon as he looks to his older brother with tired blue eyes. "Gabriel, are you willing to help us stop Lucifer?" he asks in his gravelly voice and reaches out with a hesitant wing in an attempt to reconnect with one of his kin.
Gabriel looks to the wing that's the same color as the hair on Castiel's vessel and returns the gesture, brushing one of his numerous cream colored wings against the smaller one. He almost smiles at how hopeful his youngest brother looks, but he quickly pulls back and shakes his head.
"I can't do that to my brother, Castiel. You know that," the Archangel states in a mournful tone and looks away from the sad expression Castiel is now wearing.
"You damn coward," Dean snarls, his body going tense again in reaction to the sorrow he sees in Castiel's eyes. He feels fiery wrath slowly burning away in his gut, but he forces himself to stay back.
"You can't keep running away from your problems forever! Because whether you like it or not, those are your brothers out there trying to destroy the world! Tell me you're honestly alright with that!" the demon roars, going red in the face and clenching his hands into tight fists at his sides.
"Shut up! You don't understand a thing, you worthless excuse for a demon! You don't know what it's like to watch your brothers fight and your father do nothing to stop them! You didn't have to watch as one brother damned another to an eternity in the cruelest part of Hell!" Gabriel bellows and without his consent, tears begin to fall from his eyes and his chest aches with long buried pain and heartache. After he's finished, he's panting and shaking, barely holding back the broken sobs that want to come out so badly.
Time comes to a stand still after a loud smack rings in the air. Dean's fist is clenched tight in front of him, his arm extended out in a punch and Gabriel's head has whipped to the side with the force of the impact. Both parties seem surprised to be feeling pain.
Dean slowly pulls his arm back to his side, resisting the urge to shake the stinging pain away. He forces himself to stand tall as he looks down at the Archangel.
"You're right. I may not know what it feels like to be the one on the sidelines, but I do know what it's like to be one of the brothers fighting. And you can't really complain either, Gabriel, because you don't know what it's like to have everyone breathing down your neck. Telling you that you're part of some great big plan and that you have to kill the brother you've raised since he was just a baby and couldn't even take care of himself. You don't know what that feels like," the demon seethes, his voice low and quiet, barely a whisper. But he's calm and looking down at Gabriel with sympathetic eyes that make the Archangel burn with shame.
Dean sighs softly when Gabriel remains frozen to the spot. He feels that the Archangel won't be talking to him anymore and he doesn't really mind. He has nothing else to say to him anyways.
"Let's go," Dean speaks the words carefully and steps around the Archangel. He doesn't look back as he, Castiel, and Sam exit the warehouse, leaving Gabriel alone.