I know, it's been a few days since my last update, but life has been hectic. On a positive note, the next 3 chapters are with my beta, so they should come along sooner. Thanks to MaggieMay14 for betaing this beast, Risbee & Acinad816 for pre-reading and all of you for reading.
I don't own Twilight. I did wear mis-matched socks to work today.
"So, what did you hate the most? And you better be honest!" Alice questions emphatically, as I shovel some beef and broccoli into my mouth while we sit on the couch of her cozy apartment. We are discussing the apartment we saw earlier in the evening, which was a decent two bedroom, one bath place that was in a good location and a good size. I really found no major fault in the apartment itself, except…
"Well… it's a walk up, so that will suck for moving," I offer, grasping at straws for something to complain about.
"You barely have anything to move, B. I mean, you and I moved your shit out in garbage bags. Half of it is here and the other half is at Edward's. It wouldn't take much muscle to move you again." I nod at Alice, because she's right. It's not like I have a ton of furniture to move, or even any furniture at all. The most expensive thing I own is my camera. Of course, moving would also require that I get some furniture, since the second bedroom at the potential apartment is completely empty. "Was there anything you loved about the place?"
"It's close to the subway and not far from McSorely's, so there's that."
"Are you planning to become a hard core drinker?"
"No," I reply as I roll my eyes. "It would just be nice to go somewhere else for drinks every once in a while. We always stick around here or go to Canal."
"Well, Jasper did try to get us to expand our…"
"Don't even talk to me about Jasper and his stupid fucking party. That was a disaster."
"The party had its good points." I looked at Alice with eyes wide, because there was no way she was being serious after the pure fuckery that was our night on Long Island.
"Like what, when Edward couldn't stop trying to pet the cab driver on the way home? Or when he thought 'blubber' was the funniest word ever all because your boyfriend got him high on LSD."
"Boyfriend is kind of stretching it…"
"Fine, your 'fuck buddy' got him high." Alice cringes at the mention of the word fuck and I grab onto her embarrassment and hold on for dear life. "Come on Alice, say it… say fuck buddy. Does he like to batter dip his corn dog? Does he know how to fill your cream donut? I can go all night with these euphemisms, Brando."
"Shut it. Anyways, let's discuss the place. Did you know that Drag Cabaret place is just a few blocks south? We could have fun there one night."
"Because that is high on my list of priorities right now… 'find a place near a drag club'. Anyways, Ali, people there will probably say inappropriate four letter words that will make you blush and cover your ears." Alice growls lowly at me and I just smile before whispering 'vuvla' to her. Sometimes, I don't know how she puts up with me. "You don't need strangers scarring you for the rest of your life, do you?"
"Anyways, what about the girl… Rosamund? Rosetta? Roscoe?"
"It was Rosalie, and she seemed nice enough. She's a little older than us, obviously smart and seems put together. At least she didn't smell, right? And the place was clean…"
"I didn't see any track marks on her arms," Alice interrupts as I look at her confused before taking another mouthful of my dinner. "What? I looked. It's important that you don't end up with some addict who can't make her part of the rent. Did Rosalie say what she did?"
"She fixes cars or something like that. Anyways, the rent is a bit steep. I mean, I'd have to pay $1,200 a month for a bedroom, a bathroom and use of the kitchen. Plus, I'd need to buy furniture and then each month I have to feed myself. Maybe I can't afford to move after all."
Yeah, I'm getting a bit depressed with the whole thing, but based on my salary and the meager tips I make, because let's face it I'm a shitty waitress, I'll probably be left with like $6 once all the bills are paid each month. I can't even buy decent street meat with that. How in the hell will I make this work?
"Uh hello…" Alice says as she snaps her fingers in front of me, pulling me from my reverie. "$1,200 is dirt cheap by Manhattan standards and all utilities are included. Plus, Debbie Downer, your boyfriend is a chef. Make him cook for you. You can probably save a few hundred bucks a month by letting Edward shower you with delicious meals. Plus, if you stop shopping at the fucking Whole Foods, and buying their expensive, stinky cheeses and shit, you won't go broke. I get that living on your own is hard, but other than moving in with Edward or going home to Renee, what option do you have?"
"Living in a van down by the river?" Who are we kidding; going home to Renee is not an option.
"Who the fuck is gonna lend you a van?" Alice snips as I smack her on the shoulder and laugh. "I know Rosalie's is the first place you've looked at, but you don't have time to be picky. You can't live in limbo forever and it really was kinda nice."
We sit in silence for the next few minutes as Alice finishes her dinner and I contemplate her words. Even though she is stupid when it comes to relationships and men, Alice is smarter than I give her credit for. She would have been a great psychiatrist, which is probably why I came to her in the first place. I appreciate Edward and his level-headed advice, but there is nothing like bending the ear of your best friend in times of need.
When I can't eat anymore, Alice clears away the takeout containers and comes back to sit beside me on the couch. She's clutching a bottle of Tequila as she nudges my shoulder gently and gives me a gentle smile. "So, let's stop beating around the bush and tell me about your dad. What happened?"
We each take a quick pull from the bottle and I let loose, telling her everything from the meeting with Renee where she gave me the box full of memories to the disastrous almost dinner with Esme and Carlisle. She listens intently, offering support where necessary and knowing when to just give me a hug, like a best friend should. She is all smiles when I tell her that Edward recorded his parents and their detailed account for my documentary.
"Well, that's kind of unexpected, wouldn't you say?" Alice questions as I take the bottle from her and have another drink.
"No, not really. Edward's always been really great about the whole documentary thing."
"Lucky cow," Alice mutters as I look at her oddly. "Don't look at me like you don't know."
"Know what?" I ask, dumfounded.
"You got one of those rare guys who are sweet, kind and loving. They are few and far between, my friend."
"What about Jasper?" I ask with a laugh as Alice scoffs loudly.
"What Jasper lacks in common sense, sweetness and general cleanliness, he makes up for in the bedroom. He's not the marrying type and Edward totally is." Alice smirks at me and I roll my eyes. I am no where close to wanting to marry anyone, let alone Edward, but she is right. Edward is a much better catch than Jasper. "If I wasn't so addicted to… our intimate times… I would have dumped him long ago."
"You do realize that for a girl who is using a man, and I use that term loosely, solely for sex, you are far too much of a prude, right?"
"So?" Alice shrugs her shoulders and I give her a smile. There really is no one else in this world quite like my Alice. "Anyways, since we are talking about Edward… how is that going?"
"It's alright," I hedge as I take another sip of tequila and find myself wishing Alice had some lemons to chase the booze.
"Uh oh… trouble in paradise already?"
"No," I lie effortlessly as I begin to wonder what happened earlier in the afternoon to make him hang up on me. We didn't have plans, and yeah I've been staying with him lately, but it's not like I had moved in. Did he just assume all of my free time would be filled by him? Shit, I didn't even know what time he would get off work tonight.
"Spill it." Alice nods at me and urges me along. Fucking figures, even though I don't say anything, Alice always knows. It's like she has some kind of foresight or something.
"Fuck, fine," I huff as Alice grins madly. "When I told him you were going with me to look at the apartment today and that we were having dinner afterwards, he got a bit… weird, I guess."
"Weird how?"
"He hung up on me," I reply succinctly, still confused by it all.
"Did you have plans or something? I'm not interrupting some nookie time or something, am I? If I am, please don't tell me." Alice dramatically slaps her hands over her ears and I pull them away with a sigh.
"No… no, nookie time. Edward wants to wait, remember?"
"Oh, yeah," Alice says with a hint of sadness as she wraps her arm around my shoulder. "So, what is going on then?"
"I don't know," I reply simply. "I mean, things were going good yesterday, well beside the whole 'your dad is a dead war-hero thing', but we were good. He was sweet and just… awesome. I may even have to call him Captain Awesome, he was really that great."
"I sense a but..."
"I just feel like maybe he's expecting too much of me maybe? He said I could move in with him, and we could even have separate bedrooms, but I don't feel like that is helping me gain my independence, you know?"
"Bella, you do realize that there is a big difference between exerting your independence and being co-dependent, right?" I stop and take another swig from the tequila, this time a longer pull because she has me completely confused. "Let's put it this way, I know you want to be independent and live on your own, have your own money and be your own person, but don't push away those that love you in the process. They just want to help."
I sit still, silent, and wonder if that is what I have been doing to Edward. Have I, in my mission to try and become this independent and successful woman, been unconsciously pushing him away? I've never had to answer to anyone before, because Renee certainly didn't care what I did while I was growing up, and while I don't have to answer to Edward, perhaps I should give him the courtesy of just being open with him. I just don't want to have to rely on him.
"I haven't been doing it on purpose," I admit as Alice hugs me closer.
"I know you haven't, but it doesn't mean you haven't been doing it," Alice explains calmly. "Now, does this mean I think you should move in with him… no. I think you should move in with Rosalie because she looked like she had a great shoe collection and that we were about the same size… among other reasons. I also think it means you should do something to encourage his help in other ways. Maybe he can help you find a bed for your new bedroom, and you can test the mattresses." Alice winks suggestively at me and I can't help but smile.
"Sometimes, you are so smart, and other times I want to punch you in the crotch."
"That's love right there for ya!" Alice laughs and I begin to tickle her sides as we roll off the couch and onto the floor, almost spilling the tequila, which outrages Alice. "That would have been alcohol abuse, you know. We can't let that happen." Alice takes another pull from the bottle and hands it to me, as I follow suit.
Thank god for Alice.
It's just after eight the next morning when my cell alarm begins going off and 'Party in the USA' begins blaring loudly. Fucking Alice, I will kick her ass for changing my ring tone, I curse as I grab at my aching head. Wow, we drank far too much the night before. I sit up, my back aching as I realize I slept on the floor, while Alice is passed out on the couch.
I turn my alarm off on the phone and notice I have 5 missed text messages. I begin to go through my text history and cringe as I see the messages I sent Edward and those he sent in reply.
-I'm sorwy, you are very cut
-What does that even mean, B?
- I'm apoligi… I'm apoplectic
- I think you mean you are apologizing. I'm not mad.
- I miss u. U r sexy and I lub u
- Let's talk when you aren't smashed, Bella
-Let's hive a baby, babeee
- And I'm out. Call me tomorrow.
Jesus fucking Christ. I drunkenly told Edward I loved him and that I want to have his baby. What in the fuck was I thinking? Why didn't Alice stop this from happening? I look over at my best friend and nudge her with my foot as she falls off the couch and smacks me with her arm.
"What in the hell?"
"Why did I tell Edward I wanted to have his baby last night?"
"Oh yeah… fun times. We were watching Baby Boom on Lifetime and you said you didn't want to end up a single mom, like your mom." I groan and lay my head back on the couch. "At least Diane Keaton was successful and shit… right?"
"That's beside the point. Edward and I need to talk and instead of being an adult, I text him that I'm apoplectic and that I want his kid."
"I don't think apoplectic was the word you were aiming for there, B."
"Thanks for clearing that up," I yell as I climb off the floor and have to steady myself on the arm of her couch. "A loud knocking at her door makes both of us groan in pain as Alice manages to get herself up from the floor to answer the door.
"Oh fuck."
"Is Bella here?" a familiar and very unwelcome voice from my past asks. "Renee said I might find her here."
"Well, Renee was wrong, so you can just go on your merry way." I let out a small sigh and push Alice's door open the rest of the way, coming face to face with the last person I expected to see.
"What in the hell are you doing here, Marcus?"
Need something to read? What about Lost Half by LyricalKris? or maybe you should check out the severely under-reviewed Spoonful of Lemon by babyward? Go read and please review! Authors really appreciate that :) Also, voting is open till this sunday in the Going For The Gold Fic Contest I hosted. Get on it!