I do not own Twilight
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"MAX" I cried out as I ran toward the water's edge, Sam was ahead of me by miles wading into the water and pulling out the drenched teddy, his wolf. It was bobbing over the waves but Sam caught it, the water ringed from it as he walked back toward the sand where I was running toward him but I didn't go for the wolf, I went to run straight past him to the water. My boy had been down here, his teddy was in the water, he was in the water. I went for the water but Sam's arms came out and grabbed me up in one swift movement and I was held off my feet.
"Let me go, let me go" I cried and kicked out against him but he walked me backward leaving it so all I could do was watch as Embry, Seth and Jared went running past me toward the water to look for him. Paul stopped beside us and I turned behind me to see Brady, Collin and Solomon turning away with the kids and taking them all back up the cliff while Quil got my mom back. This couldn't be happening.
"Let me go Sam, please get the fuck off me" I screamed as he continued to pull me away and Rebecca ran over to help, she took hold of my face in her hands as Sam's arms held me by the waist pulling me back from the water's edge.
"Calm down Leah, he's fine, he's going to be fine he probably just dropped his teddy" She was crying, she was trying to reassure me but she was crying so she was obviously lying, he was out there and he couldn't swim. My baby was hurt.
"Get off me, just let me go. Becca please get him off me" I begged and she nodded, her hands dropped from my face and she nodded at Sam who let me go but as he let me go she grabbed me in a hug before I could move and she continued pushing me back.
"This is my fault" Sam suddenly piped up from beside me and I heard the crack in his voice as he began crying. "I should have known he was there, I fucked up" He started ranting as I watched over Rebecca's shoulder the guys diving in and out of the waves looking for him.
"Sam stop it, just stop it" I shouted at him when I couldn't take it anymore, I needed it silent so I could hear him when they found him but they weren't finding him. He wasn't out there.
"Stop fighting"
My body stopped shivering, my heart stopped beating and my tears stopped falling as the little voice screamed over the wind. "Max" I cried as I looked for the noise, they hadn't found him, the guys in the water were still looking around but Rebecca suddenly let me go and let out a gasp that was far too loud to be normal while Sam span around and paled dramatically.
"Stop fighting all the time" The voice spoke again and I turned around to see a little boy stood beside a mound of rocks that lay in the centre of the beach. Max, he was stood there shivering beside the rock, as if he had been hiding. His little eyes were red and his face blotchy from tears.
"Max" I pushed Rebecca away slightly as I fully turned to run for him, Sam only needed a few leaps but I collapsed into the cold sand beside my boy as he fell into my arms. "Max don't you ever run away like that, don't you ever do that. Oh my god" I started crying all over again as he clung to my neck and kissed my cheek with his nearly blue lips.
"Are you ok?" Sam started checking him over as he backed off from my embrace and Max nodded at him and reached for the wet papa wolf in Sam's hand.
"A doggy stole him and I couldn't get him back from the water" Max spoke as if it weren't a big deal that I had just thought my son had drowned. "You always say I can't go in the water without an adult so I couldn't reach him" He looked back at me, I laughed shortly from the fact that I had said that and how simple this all seemed now he was found.
"Well Sam got him back for you, baby" I said and Max glanced up at Sam with wide eyes and an even bigger smile. I could hear the people behind me all shouting that he was ok and the three guys in the water coughing up what they had swallowed while looking for him.
"Can you stop fighting now? It makes me sad" Max looked from me to Sam and then down at his little feet as he spoke, my heart melted and more tears came down from my stinging eyes. Now I felt bad. He was just a kid and all he had seen was us arguing and then he finds out Sam is his dad? World's worst mom.
"I'm sorry" I whispered to him and planted a kiss on his cheek that he quickly wiped off. Sam ruffled his hair and Max turned to look up at him.
"Are you my dad?"
My heart dropped and Sam paled, I guess we had no choice but to confront it now. I had to get over whatever issues I had because this poor kid was so confused and deserved more than what I was doing.
"I think we need to have a talk" Sam knelt down in the sand on the other side of Max, I turned to look back at the group of people each of them seemed to understand what we were doing and began slowly walking back up to the pathway to the cliffs. Embry stopped though, his body was soaked, water dripped down him and his hair stuck to his forehead. He gave me the strangest look before turning and following the others, my stomach went to jolt in flips but Max gave a little nudge and pulled my attention back. He sat cross legged between Sam and me just staring up at the two of us waiting to be told everything that I had tried so hard to keep from him. It was time to stop being a coward; I needed to face up to what I had done and the mistakes I made.
"Do you understand?" I asked the little boy who was nibbling on his little lips as Sam and I took it in turns trying to explain how Sam was his dad but didn't know and that Sam was now with Emily. He looked sort of confused.
"Why didn't you know about me?" Max turned up toward Sam and my heart jolted horribly, I went to say something but stuttered, how do I explain that?
"Well, your mom was pregnant with you before she left, I didn't know she was pregnant" Sam spoke sftly and kindly but I held my breath, waiting for a comment along the lines of me being a lying bitch but he shut his mouth and no insult came.
"Is that why you don't like her?" Max peered up at Sam again and I could see the look he held, it was a mix between confusion, sadness and possibly frustration. I waited again for Sam to make a comment, of course that's why he hated me.
"It's not that I don't like her Max, it's just that well we weren't friends when she left and we need to talk about some things that's all" Sam stopped and glanced up at me, the breath I had held came out in a long sigh of relief, that was progress. He didn't hate me, I could always tell when he was lying because his voice got higher and more feminine but it stayed level, he meant it.
"Why weren't you friends? Did she do something wrong?" Max came out with another question that caused my stomach to flip over, I did do something wrong. So so so wrong.
I bit my lip trying to sum up the courage to say that I had done something wrong and my little boy looked at me, his eyes so wide and innocent. "I wasn't very nice to Sam, I made a few mistakes and was nasty to him and Emily"
Max's eyes opened wider and his little mouth popped open, his mommy being nasty was obviously too much for him to believe. "It wasn't just your fault" Sam suddenly spoke up cutting out Max as he undoubtly went to ask another question. I looked up at Sam; I hadn't expected that and didn't know how to reply. "I mean, I wasn't very nice either. I was horrible actually. I should have listened to you that day, and before that, I should have acted differently. It wasn't your fault" He spoke slowly, so slowly. I couldn't quite believe what I was hearing. Sam Uley admitting to his mistakes? Swallowing his pride? Holy fuck. The wind was knocked from the stomach again and again I couldn't really reply except for a loud thick gulp.
"Are you going to be friends now then? I don't like it when you fight it scares me" Max interrupted the silence with his little chirping voice and I nodded at him. I wouldn't fight with Sam anymore, not if it meant hurting Max. The word friends was probably a bit premature though, that was a long way off. "You should say sorry to each other now, make friends make friends never ever break friends, right mommy?" He looked up at me and pulled the hem of my dress when I didn't reply.
"R-right" I stuttered slightly still not able to fully comprehend what just happened here.
"Do I have to call you dad?" Max asked a little hesitant and I felt the need to jump in but Sam shook his head.
"Not if you don't want to" He assured him and Max nodded with a smile. I think he was ok with this, he was probably happy he finally had a dad like the other kids in his class. I shouldn't have kept this from him for so long, I just felt like shit now. The guilt over keeping him dadless for so long mixed with the confusion over Sam's words and my stomach churned. I watched as Max got to his feet happily as if the information he just got given was completely normal and fine and off he went skipping along the sand.
It was dark, fully dark and Rebecca had shouted to us half hour ago that everyone was leaving. Sam would have to take me back to Embrys, not that I really wanted to go back there. I wanted anything but that.
"You think he understands?" Sam asked as we walked toward the pathway, I watched Max for a little bit before nodding. He was a bright kid, and it wasn't rocket science, I had simply told him I was scared and ran away to live with Becca when I was pregnant, then Sam told him that he hadn't been very nice, so he probably did understand in his own way but as long as he was clear that Sam was his dad I suppose it didn't matter much now.
"I umm meant what I said to him, about how I was with you. I guess I've been defensive with you and trying to make myself out to be the better person but I know I did wrong. I know that I didn't handle the situation with you very well when it all happened and I should have been more sensitive and less argumentative with you. I made mistakes, but I want to make up for it. You can trust me with him, I wouldn't ever take you to court" He spoke softly but again with the honesty he spoke to Max with. I knew he meant it all and my bitter wall came crashing down, I knew I had made mistakes too. I had to own up to it at some point.
"I guess what happened tonight made me realise I'm being stupid, keeping my head up my ass has only made things worse and hurt Max and that's not what I want so I am sorry for not giving you the time to explain how you felt to me. I know it's not all your fault and you're not a bad person" This was awkward, so awkward but I listened as he spoke. I appreciated it don't get me wrong but it was awkward, especially as a few hours ago I threw my glass of water in his face.
"I would never keep him from you. I know I did for a long time, and that was a huge mistake. I let my feelings for you take over what was right for him, so I umm I'm sorry too" Sam nodded as I spoke; it was like a huge weight being lifted from me as I spoke but it was awkward nonetheless, I never pictured this happening. Rebecca would love this if she were hear, she would have popcorn and running commentary.
All the things I had kept in were being let out, all the negative feelings I held for him although not gone were less aggressive. "I do trust you with him. I guess I just need to grow up and get over what happened" I spoke again, it wasn't that I didn't trust him with Max it was because I still held on to those feelings I had of Sam, I was still seeing him as the guy who broke my heart rather than the guy who if given the chance would make a brilliant father.
"It's been a strange day" He commented as we walked up the pathway littered in listening sand. Max was skipping ahead of us perfectly happy now.
I nodded, knowing what he meant. I had been through every emotion today. Now I just felt even stranger, I was relieved Max was ok, lighter now that there were no secrets left to spill, no more words of hatred spewing between us, but I was full of guilt because of Emily. She had left alone, her husband on the beach with his ex and their son, that couldn't be a great feeling for her and she knew that Sam now knew she had known for all those years and said nothing.
We walked in silence until we got to the car, Max slumped between us and fell asleep within minutes and before long we were slowly making our way down the bendy roads toward Embry's house. Dread filled my stomach as we went. Today was going from bad to worse, better to a whole lot worse again.
"His birthday is December 6th, he's six this year. His full name is Maddox Harry Uley and he does soccer on a Sunday and is learning to surf with Solomon." I spoke remembering that Sam had mentioned he barely knew anything about Max earlier. He glanced over at me and nodded a small smile on his lips.
"Maddox" He spoke the name in a whisper, I knew why. But I was sure I had told him before that it was Maddox, obviously not. I knew why he smiled, he always said he liked the name Maddox when we were together, but I always favoured the name Max. But never really put the two together as in shortening Maddox to Max, until he was born. I guess I subconsciously named him Maddox because of Sam. I liked the name though, and it suited him.
"He wants a super hero party for his birthday; if you and Emily came down that would be fine. He hasn't really met Emily, it would be nice if you could" Progress, this was progress and it was for Max. I could do this. I could let them into my life for my son. Sam nodded again but this time he was stiff, again I knew why. I mentioned Emily. This was ridiculous, a surge of anger ran through me over Embry again and I turned in my seat toward Sam. "I didn't want to start trouble with you two, I mean I did beg her not to tell you, I made her promise so in a way she was protecting me. She deserves points for that right?" I stopped as I realised he had his eyebrows raised and an amused smirk on his face, this was hardly a time for joking. "What?"
"You're sticking up for Emily? You once told me you hoped she rot in hell and that she was a lying, thieving little bitch who you hated with a fiery passion" He snorted as he spoke the words that I recalled so easily. It made me cringe, that was embarrassing.
"I was a drama queen so what. Your point is invalid; I'm just trying to say this was Embry's fault not Emily's. I mean sure, in a marriage you should tell each other everything and it was a big secret to keep and to some extent it could be seen that she did it through her not wanting me to be found or whatever but at the same time, you kept it secret that you've been seeing Max recently and I did ask her not to tell you. So just go easy on her because there have been enough tears and enough drama these past few weeks and I don't need more being started because of my mistakes" I wasn't sure why I was being so nice to him or about Emily, it was entirely new to me but it was coming out of my mouth so I rolled with it. He nodded at me still smiling as we pulled up outside the place I didn't want to be.
He didn't say anything back he just nodded and carried on driving, I guess what happened between them now was between them. What had been said had been said and nothing could change that. Maybe in a way it was good to get it out, maybe Sam needed to know in order for Emily to feel less stressed around me and Max, maybe this could be a good thing.
"You're still leaving aren't you?" He spoke with a sigh as I jumped from the old truck as we pulled up outside Embry's and I nodded at him. Tomorrow if I could find a flight but I think Sam knew that without having to ask or me having to say it because he nodded sadly.
"See you later then" He said quietly as I stepped back with Max in my arms and a soaking wet wolf teddy on my chest.
"Bye" And with that he drove off, leaving me fully alone to go in and face Embry. Maybe I could ignore him, I wanted to ignore him because I didn't want to get involved in more drama with the wolves of La Push.
I pushed the front door open and walked in; it was silent, dead silent. I tiptoed as best I could toward the stairs but the body stood in the kitchen didn't go a miss and I jumped so violently I nearly dropped Max. I glanced in at him, he stared right back, just stared no sparkle, no nothing just stared. He didn't say a word either he just walked toward me slowly and placed an envelope on top of the sleeping Max before disappearing upstairs. I stared after him unsure of what to do but as I heard his door shut I decided it was best just to go to bed and so I went up and placed Max on his bed before clutching the envelope. It had been opened, by Embry no doubt. I reached inside and pulled out a note, Rebecca's hand writing.
Today was tough, I know it's probably sorted but I also know you, so heres yours and Max's tickets home. They are open tickets but there is a flight at 8:15pm tomorrow night. I'm proud of you, you faced up to it and I bet you did great at it. Now get your butt back to work you lazy bitch your boss has been ringing me like crazy trying to find you.
Solomon will drive you so I'll come by tomorrow lunch and help you pack, love you girl
So that was it, I did what I came here to do and now it was time to leave. I glanced at the tickets, 8.15pm tomorrow night, I was going home. Which is what I had wanted the minute I got here, I should be happy. I turned and looked behind me at the shut door to his bedroom, the heavy footsteps on the other side as he got ready to go to sleep.
If this is what I wanted, why did I feel so shit?