Chapter 21: The Battle of Berlin!
Featuring:
Big Train Guns, Helicopter Packs, Land Subs and Night Vision!
Well folks its come to my attention that these beginning pieces about the backstory of the weapons showcased in the REAL story are getting long, detailed and not as entertaining. Apparently I fail at being a good history teacher. Well fine, you want more story? I'll give you more story! Twice the amount of story in fact! Originally all these weapons in the title would've had their own chapter, but since we're doing the Battle for Berlin, the grand finale of the actual war we might as well increase the standard chapter ten fold!
Of course to get to that point we have to do something else, we have to go back to good old Azula back at her Teen Titans Villians Concentration Work Camp! Meaning we'll get even more story about her torturing our favourite bad guys. So congratulations, you're contributing to the continued suffering of several cartoon characters! But on the plus side, you get to watch three hot chicks from the Fire Nation all the while! Complete with all the Lesbian undertones of Azula and Ty Lee's abusive relationship and Mai's passive-aggressive 'I don't give a shit' additude as she throws knives at people! If there was ever a chapter dedicated entirely to Fetish Fuel this would be it! Did I mention that while we were gone Azula's gotten a taste for leather? It has something to do with her fascination with Nazis, I don't know. Anyway, on with our story!
You know, the Nazis may have been evil, but man did they have some whacky ideas! Oh sure, none of its as messed up or as whacky as you'd see in Castle Wolfenstein, but they had some pretty far out and messed up ideas.
Consider for example, Hitler's fascination with really big guns. Which was more then likely him lashing out in an attempt to compensate in other areas, if you know what I mean. The biggest guns Hitler ever had created were the Schwerer Gustav and Dora, two huge 80 cm K (E) railway guns both with a barrel length of 32.48 meters! They both fired huge Armour piercing 3.6 meter shells that weighed 7.1 tons and Explosive shells that had an explosive mass of 700 kilograms! Seriously, why do you think they needed a railway track to transport the damn thing? They were friggin huge guns! But Hitler wanted something much bigger! A 1,500 ton, 42 meter long, 18 meters wide, 7 meters high monstrosity of an atillery platform to carry the same guns both Dora and Gustav used! Why? So it could take the damn gun anywhere it wanted thats why!
Allow us to explain, a railway system like that of Dora and Gustav can only travel on train tracks, making their range somewhat limited and their mobility rather constricted. Giving the guns a bigger tank like platform would've given it more mobility, well as much mobility as tank that weighs 1500 tons can give you.
This was the P. 1500 Monster, very apporiately named. And as you can see its in the same Landkruzer catergory as the Ratte Supertank was. Only this time its even more ridiculous. Which explains why Azula is so focused on getting it finished.
Azula: Alright you idiot lesser villians, listen up, you've continued to fail to live up to your work quotas. I suppose we could blame the author for taking so long to finish this damn story, but I don't care. The fact is I want this giant gun finished as soon as possible. No scratch that, I want it finished yesterday!
Control Freak: We made the tracks! Give us a break! This entire damn thing costs more steel then we actually have!
Azula: Oh thats bullshit, the Fire Nation smelted a giant drill the length of an aircraft carrier! We haven't even discovered lightbulbs yet and you're telling me you modern era supervillians don't have enough steel! What kind of stupid excuse is that!
Dr. Light: Slade makes all the damn oversized messed up weapons. Like them burrowing worms. We're just bank robbers here! We don't have that kind of no how!
Gizmo: Didn't you make a damn Northern Lights sucking platform in season five?
Dr. Light: That cost me an entire year's worth of scratch buddy. Plus there were transportation costs, its very hard to smuggle large metal pieces into the Arctic Circle, believe you me. I had to-
Azula: Shut up! Bunch of slackers, if I didn't need your man power I'd just kill you all right now and be done with it! Well, lucky me we do have at least one 'World Domination' motivated villian. Brother Blood!
(Brother Blood, nervously, comes to the front of the assembled villians)
Bro Blood: Uh, yeah.
Azula: I want you to get as much steel as possible to smelt us that giant gun and the chassis for this Monster atillery gun, and be quick about it!
Bro. Blood: Well I suppose we could always go to Steel City or something. I mean, I tried that and failed horribly, but it definetly would have enough steel. I mean, its the in the name and all.
Azula: And you didn't mention this sooner why?
Bro. Blood: Well uh, you didn't really ask. And I didn't want to end up like all those HIVE henchmen you burnt to a crisp because they spoke out of term and whatnot.
Azula: I need steel if this damn project is going to get off the ground! I want a huge f-ing gun to blow shit up already and you idiots are delaying it! On the other hand, thank you for letting me know where we can get materials. Anybody here know someone we can call to get our steel from?
(Suddenly Ding Dong Daddy shows up)
Triple D: Hey there Kitty Kat, I got the skids on Steel City! I got a hella lotta cool cats down east side who can whip us up a batch of grade-A nuts and bolts in an hour or two! We be kicking back on the motherload in no time dog!
(Azula looks on confused)
Azula: I'm sorry, I don't speak moron. Can you repeat that again before I decide to kill you for wasting my time.
Triple D: Easy there Daddio! Ding Dong Daddy isn't Crusin' for a Brusin from you! No need be a square about my jive Cusin!
Azula: (Creates a blue fireball) Urge to kill, rising.
Mammoth: Uh, I think he means he can get us some steel.
Azula: (Calms down) Whatever, just do it already.
Triple D: You got it swinger! I just gonna ring up my brothers for yas right now!
(Ding Dong Daddy heads off to the nearest phone)
Mad Mod: Oi, this stupid why don't we why don't we just steel the damn original big guns that the Jerries used and skip this whole thing?
That would be impossible, Gustav was cut up into bits by the US army, while Dora was destroyed by the Germans to keep it from being captured. All in all, the guns are no longer in service.
Mad Mod: Didn't the Jerries at least finish a part of this machine? You know, we cut down on costs and everything that way!
Gizmo: This coming from the cludgehead that made a secret base in the belly of a oil rig.
Mad Mod: Eh, the exterior was pretty much already done. I just hollowed out the insides.
Dr. Light: Which were filled with giant moving platforms and doors that led to upside down rooms.
Mad Mod: Oh shut up. I'm eccentric alright.
The P. 1500 was cancelled by Albert Speer. Who, like with the Ratte, knew they thing was just a big waste of money.
Private HIVE: Can we tell Azula that sir? You know so we can get out of doing this sir?
I'd advise against it.
(Triple D on the phone)
Triple D: Yo there daddio! Here's the story. I needs me some fine lookin steel, 1500 tons of it cool cat. Can you do it Big Daddy? (Pause) Boss! I knew yous was one Earthbound swinger. See you in a bit, we'll have blast, maybe even take down a few square nosebleeds too. See ya then. (Hangs up and heads back to Azula) Well Dolly its all set up, we'll be crusin' on them big old treads down the road in no time. We'll have the best drag on the road!
Actually, like the Ratte, the P. 1500 couldn't be transported over roads or bridges without breaking them. Another problem of being an oversized tank you see.
Azula: No one cares. As for you Ding Dong Daddy, you have done well. I appreciate you acquiring our much needed materials, your services will no longer be required.
Triple: Say what?
(Starts up lighting attack and fires it at Ding Dong Daddy, sending him flying out the window to his no doubt painful and agonizing death. All other villians look on in horror)
Azula: He was annoying, not to mention a minor and unpopular villain in your series. Does anyone have a problem with that?
(Villains all shake their heads)
Azula: Good, now until the steel arrives, EVERYONE GET BACK TO WORK!
(Villains disperse, Ty Lee comes up)
Ty Lee: Gee Azula, that was frightening, yet inspiring as well. You always know how to motivate people, thats why I admire you.
Azula: Brown nosing will get you everywhere Ty Lee. But don't overdo it. Say wheres Mai anyway?
Ty Lee: Oh she's writing on that strange electronic thing. They call it a computer I think. Something about a livejournal.
(Switch to Mai)
Mai: (Typing on keyboard) Azula just killed another one of these Titan villains. It's starting to get a little messed up beyond the point I find reasonable. I know she's unstable, but to be honest I'm starting to wonder if she needs psychological help. Yesterday I saw her screaming at that thing they call a toaster for burning her bread and then chucking it out window before blasting it with a fireball. I seriously wish I was back home right now, Zuko may have issues but at least he wouldn't kill me at the slightest provocation. As usual I am incredibly bored. (Stops typing) Can you believe I get six hundred hits a day on this site? Honestly who wastes their time reading this stuff?
(Switch to Azula)
Azula: Well as long as she's enjoying herself... and not saying things about me of course. Well then let's move on. Narrator, continue, I command it!
Finishing off the P. 1500 Monster, it's safe to say that while it would take a lot of fire power to blow up, it would definitely be targetable from the air. Let's be honest, if it was going to be effective against the Allies and remain safe from harm they'd need to build it its own bunker or somethings out in the middle of nowhere. The cost of this ridiculous weapon is just astronomical and only a megalomaniac like Hitler or a certain fire Princess would consider building it.
Anyway, onto our next weapon. Everybody knows about Nazis and Jetpacks, for some reason the idea of that is incredibly cool. However, like NASA and everyone else on the planet we've never really got close to an actual working comic book style jet pack. Why? Because strapping what is essentially a giant jet engine to your back is incredibly dangerous and hard to control. There are of course other supposed personal flight devices out there though. For example, Leonardo De Vinci drew up plans for what was essentially a flying machine. It looked like someone just strapped helicopter blades onto a pogo stick and there was no way that it could've flown without some kind of combustible engine powering those blades why?
Robin: I am not flying this thing.
Come on it will be fun.
Robin: No it won't, I already can guess this thing is going to hurt me. It probably won't even get off the ground.
Hmm, point taken. Ahem, Deus Ex Machina!
(Thunderclap, and suddenly Robin is in the air on said old fashioned De Vinci flying machine)
Robin: You son of a bitch. (Begins to fall)
Now Robin can try to use De Vinci's hand crank in the vain attempt to spin the blades fast enough to produce lift. However, the human body is only so powerful especially one as weak and flabby as Robin's.
Robin: Go to hell! (Continues to vainly crank the helicopter blades)
Now if De Vinci's machine could somehow spin those rotors automatically with some kind of engine maybe Robin would be able to survive this fall. But knowing Robin's luck he'll probably be saved by Starfire any moment now.
Robin: Shut up and clap in a damn modern version of this thing!
And ruin Starfire's chance to rescue you? I think not. She deserves some kind of payback after being so ritually thrashed around in the Tokyo movie, along with the rest of your co-stars.
Robin: Are you ever going to let that go?
No.
(Just as Robin reaches the ground Starfire shows up and saves Robin)
See, what did I tell ya? Now, before Starfire puts him back on the soil and attempts to kill me, let's return to what this whole spiel is about. Let's imagine something like De Vinci's little helicopter flying machine and modernize it a bit. Essentially we're going to remove every bit of a regular everyday helicopter except the blades, the rotor and the engine that spins the whole thing. Then we're going to strap that your back and turn the whole damn thing on so you can experience what that big bald Nazi thought in the last few moments of his life during the "Raiders of the Lost Ark" plane propeller scene. Only hopefully your head won't turn into brain-flavoured salsa.
Or you could just imagine the helicopter pack Gizmo uses in the Teen Titan's episode "Mother May-Eye."
Gizmo: Hey don't tell them that! It's bad enough I'm being forced to make tech for this Nicktoon Pasty-faced psycho bitch! If she touches my stuff, I'm gonna stick my screwdriver down her rectum and make her eat her own shit before... before... she's standing right behind me isn't she?
(Azula is smiling rather evilly behind Gizmo)
Azula: Oh goody, you are ahead of schedule on that. How nice, I hope you don't mind that I'm going to have to take it from you, unless you'd like to actually try that little stunt with your screwdriver.
Gizmo: Eh-heh, what I meant to say was... I'd be happy to give you my tech pack with all its glorious really cool weaponry. (Tosses tech pack on the ground in front of Azula) Here take it, I never liked it anyway.
Azula: Hmm, you know I'm still not satisfied. Mai, could you please take little baldy Mc Big Mouth here and teach him a lesson.
Mai: Do I have to?
Azula: Yes you have to, because all you've been doing this entire time is just sitting in your room sulking while I've been the one motivating these idiots to work.
Mai: Don't you mean, threatening?
Azula: Tomato, Tamata, who cares. Just throw knives at the little bastard already.
Mai: Whatever, it gives me something to do.
(Mai begins chasing Gizmo around the factory floor tossing knives and shurikens at the little bald villian)
Gizmo: Don't hurt me! I bruise easily! I'm a lot younger then you'd think!
Mai: Oh shut up and take your beating like a man already. (Throws six super sharp pointy sticks at Gizmo)
Gizmo: Mommy! (Ducks under continued onslaught)
Well he's dead. At least the little loser finally got a girl to chase him though. Where were we then? Oh yes.
The helicopter pack idea may sound cartoony, but the Nazis actually thought of producing it. It's called the Heliofly, which is essentially a helicopter back-pack. Mind you the idea wasn't to allow people to actually fly, it was more about giving humans increased speed and jumping distance. It was developed by an eccentric Austrian inventor named Paul Baumgartl who dreamed of the very idea of strapping on a helicopter and essentially flying to work. But then again, who doesn't right? Except this was before rockets became super popular, so now a days we all want a jetpack.
Paul developed his little idea out of a po-dunk little shop, creating some rather interesting designs. However helicopter technology was still in its infancy back then and he never really was able to work out the kinks. Modern day helicopters after all need a tail rotor just stay stable. The fact that this pack's landing gear is your own two feet, well, yeah landing was definitely not very safe. Unlike Gizmo's helicopter pack it can't hover and it can't go very high.
So lets list off a few things, this weapon is dangerous to the user, doesn't fulfill the fanboyish dreams of a helicopter pack and if used by the average soldier you'd probably be cut down within second when you started to land. That is of course if the landing didn't break your leg of course.
Finally, I don't understand why Azula needs this thing. I mean, she can essentially shoot fire out her arms and legs and use them like a personal jet pack! Well maybe jump pack, but she can still use them to go super duper fast! Why does she need this?
Azula: Hey, Gizmo's helicopter pack cuts down on costs, it's better than the original heliofly and it allows for every stupid non-bending schmuck in my army to rain fire down from the sky! Using guns of course because they're lowly non-benders. Besides who said I was hoping they would survive? I'm going to stuff explosives into their backpacks, so when they get close enough to my enemies they will explode taking a substantial amount of the good guys out with them!
Ty Lee: Wow, that sounds incredibly deceitful and mean Azula. Not to mention it kills our own people, why would you...
Azula: Did I ask your opinion? You just stand there and wiggle your boobs around already! It's all you're good for.
Ty Lee: (Verge of crying) Yes ma'am.
(Ty Lee wiggles her boobs, sobbing quietly to herself)
Azula: Now to mass produce my little helicopter packs. Magician!
(Mumbo Jumbo comes up)
Mumbo Jumbo: Uh, yeah.
Azula: Use your magical abilities to create more of these helicopter packs for my forces!
Mumbo Jumbo: Well I can't exactly just poof them into existence, my powers only turn cheap magic show tricks into deadly gags. I'm like an ineffectual version of the Joker.
Azula: Oh that's cute, then I guess you'll have to do it the hard way! (Stuffs helicopter pack into Mumbo Jumbo's arms) Use that wand of yours, levitate the parts required to make this thing into position and assemble them! Now before I slice your head open!
(Mumbo Jumbo runs off to do as Azula demands)
Dr. Light: Okay, why aren't you using your magical powers to kick her ass already? Come on man, get us out of here!
Mumbo Jumbo: You think I haven't tried? That little pink acrobat she carries around jumps up and smacks my wand hand whenever I start muttering a word! Don't get me started on the creepy moody chick, Azula says she'll cut out my vocal chords if I try again. Really, it's bad idea man, a bad idea.
Dr. Light: Well we gotta get out of here man! Look at Johnny Rancid! A few months ago he was in peek physical condition! Now he looks like crap!
(A skin and bones Johnny Rancid shuffles on screen carrying parts for the assembly line)
Johnny Rancid: Work will set you free, work will set you free.
Dr. Light: That's going to be us soon man! That's going to be us!
Mumbo Jumbo: How'd they do that him?
Dr. Light: It involved torture I'm not prepared to describe.
Mumbo Jumbo: Okay, such as?
(A few weeks earlier)
Azula: Johnny Rancid you've failed to meet your assigned tasks. That Maus tank doesn't have its turret on yet.
Johnny: Johnny Rancid works at his own pace lady! No one tells him how to put rides together!
Azula: Well your free spirit is lively and robust. That will have to change. Ty Lee!
(Ty Lee disables Rancid's appendages and Azula drags him over to a nearby door)
Azula: Behind this door Mr. Rancid is a fate worse than death. Here you'll spend endless hours being subjected to the worst form of torture known to the Fire Nation!
(Azula opens door to reveal Chong the Hippie Nomad and his little hippie group)
Chong: Hey there friend, we were just about to sing a song about flowers and love. It goes like this.
Love and flowers,
Flowers and love,
They're lovely and flowerly,
Flowerly and lovely,
Ignore their flowerly lovelyness
and you will miss out!
Thank you, thank you. Now here's one about fighting the man and living in harmony with nature. Lilly can even braid your hair later.
Rancid: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Azula: Enjoy!
(Rancid is thrown inside and the door is locked behind him)
Chong: Oh I hate the government,
Thats why I roam you see.
The government killed my Koi fish,
And broke my ukulele.
Rancid: LET ME OUT! (bangs on door)
(Back to normal time)
Mumbo Jumbo: Okay, I see your point, but how are we going to get out of here?
Dr. Light: I'm working on an escape plan. Don't worry, I've almost got all the kinks out. But we have to remain quiet about it.
Control Freak: Escape plan, I'm in. What do we do?
Dr. Light: Meet me here near the smelting machine I'll explain everything.
(Meanwhile back with Azula and Ty Lee)
Azula: (Consoling crying Ty Lee) Okay, I know you're not useless. You have other great qualities. I was just in a bad mood.
Ty Lee: I know Azula. You're my best friend. (Starts crying into Azula's chest)
Azula: (Pats her on the back) Sssh, sssh, it's okay. Everything will be alright.
(Billy Numerous and Private Hive look on)
Billy Numerous: You know, despite the fact Billy is a slave, there are perks to this job.
Private Hive: That's a big ten four good buddy.
Billy Numerous: You think they'll start making out soon?
(Azula sees them)
Azula: Hey, back to work slaves (Shoots a fireball at them, forcing them to run away)
Ty Lee: (Backing away from Azula) I'm glad we had this talk Azula
Azula: Yes me too, now go paralyze a few useless lackeys. You'll feel better in no time.
Ty Lee: Okie Dokie! (Cartwheels away)
Azula: Alright then, to the next weapon!
So it's time for an incredibly whacky weapon folks. This thing is so ridiculous that it's two thirds of a plot device from Three Stooges movie involving Martians! Said plot device was a flying amphibious submarine that when under the control of Martians tried to blow up Disneyland. Well there's no possible way you could make a submarine fly, however amphibious submarines that is at least plausible.
The Germans called it Project: Seeteufel. Originally what was suppose to be a German Mini-sub, became a sub with tank treads. Why? Well I guess it would make defending rivers a bit easier, but to be honest the entire concept is stupid. Its was even stupider in the Three Stooges film because they made a half assed attempt to make us think anything like a submarine could fly! Then again we're talking about the Three Stooges.
Only armed with two torpedoes or two landmines and a Machine Gun, its doubtful how much damage this thing could've done. Of course I'm sure it would've given the Allies a decent laugh before a ship or two began sinking.
Don't get us started on how land operations would've faired. Its chassis is a submarine, a mini-sub to be frank. The treads were so narrow it made manoeuvring rather pathetic. At its top land speed of 30 kilometres an hour, it's safe to say that if it ever came across a tank or any Allied soldier with an anti-tank weapon the sub's crew of two would be dead within seconds.
What's surprising is how it got to a developmental prototype stage before being scuttled by the Germans. They could've saved themselves the money and just dropped the idea altogether. Like I said, the Nazis made some pretty whacky stuff, I didn't say it was all good.
Which again begs the question, why the hell does Azula want one? I mean I know she's crazy, but stupid? No, I don't buy it.
Azula: Ha! Shows what you know. Anything can be of use to the Fire Nation, even a submarine that goes on land.
Let me guess, suicide vehicle right?
Azula: Why not? A few dozen of these could blow up a fortress wall or maybe even an enemy ship if they got close to one. Just pack some explosives into the torpedo tubes and BOOM! Instant fiery death for all those near.
Okay, I have to honestly ask this, what makes you think of your fellow Fire Nation brethren are actually going to go along with this?
Azula: We're a country of nationalistic imperialists with a military dictatorship, perverse code of honour and little regard for those we consider inferior. That and we apparently worship some fire god known as Agni. We're WWII's Japan with a side of Nazism! I'll just tell my subjects that if they kill themselves they'll be remembered as martyrs and go on to some paradise with... I don't know... virgins or something. I can probably tell them that when they die they'll receive a dozen Ty Lees in the afterlife. They'll believe anything, they're idiots.
You're really scraping the bottom of the Nazi weapons barrel now Azula. I'm just saying. That and you've probably just made some rather offensive remarks that are going to piss off a whole bunch of people.
Azula: I'm Princess Fucking Azula, they have a problem they can take it up with my fireballs and lightning bolts!
Okay, its official we need to get you some psychological help.
SCENE TRANSITION!
Well its two hours later and I've gotten Azula into a sit down session with a psychiatrist. I had very little money though, so I just dressed up in a beard and decided to be said psychiatrist. Worked for Sokka.
Now Azula, it's time to get to the source of your megalomania and well... your insanity. Tell me of your childhood.
Azula: I had a normal childhood. I spent summers on Ember Island with father and mother. Those were happy days. I remember how I'd run off, kick sand in people's faces, take buckets of water and wash away unsuspecting sand castles and entice other children to swim half way out to sea. And my father just laughed and laughed at the end of the day when I told him about it all. Good times, good times.
Hmm, so your father let you run amuck then.
Azula: I wouldn't call it running amuck. I was expressing myself, through the pain and torture of others. Of course, not many of the other girls wanted to play with me... except some of my parent's friends' daughters. Ty Lee and Mai, they've always been such good friends. Mai was always so willing to do anything I wanted, just as long as it was something. Ty Lee, I was always a role model for her. She looked up to me and I tried to teach her how to become a better person.
How exactly?
Azula: Why by giving her Indian burns of course. Also noogies. It's even better when you can actually set the skin on fire. Ty Lee always said she'd tell, but I made sure she told her parents that a torch fell on her by accident. I remember this one time we got this whip and-
Did it ever occur to you that abusing Ty Lee like this could be harmful to her? Or perhaps normal children don't do these kinds of things?
Azula: No, I was showing Ty Lee the hard facts of life. If she wanted respect she had to step over all others in her path to get it. That's at least how I saw it.
Hmm, I see. Well then tell me about your parents a bit, your father for example. What was he like?
Azula: Oh he was demanding and forceful. I always gave 100 percent. Until of course that wasn't good enough, I then started giving it 110 percent. He always wanted me to become a Firebending prodigy. I always had to be perfect, always. Father demanded perfection, obedience, loyalty to him before all others. You know, the normal things fathers ask of their children.
And your mother?
Azula: Yes, mother. She was always... disapproving, so distant, so... detached. She didn't like staying next to me. You know she was always like... like a porcelain doll or something. She was valuable... beautiful... but she didn't want to be around you... because she was afraid you'd kill her. She just stood, watching me, shaking her head, wondering what was wrong. Those dead sad eyes of hers... just boring into you. Pretty much you get to point where you want to grab her like any regular doll and shake her AND SHAKE HER AND SHAKE HER!
(Grabs pillow and starts pounding it to pulp before setting it on fire and tossing it the window where it slams into Mumbo Jumbo)
Mumbo Jumbo: My face! It's on fire! AHHHHHH!
Well... uh huh... hmmm. I think we're done for the day.
Azula: But we haven't even discussed my loathing of Turtle Ducks yet.
No, no, I think we're good. Let's just move on shall we?
(Control Freak walks over to smelting machine where Dr. Light is)
Dr. Light: Good you're here, stand on this stool.
(Control Freak does so)
Control Freak: Alright so what's the plan?
Dr. Light: This. (Light holds up a rope)
Control Freak: Ah, an escape rope. We can use it to tie off to the side of the building and...
Dr. Light: No it's not that, (ties ropes into noose and places it over pipe overhead) Suicide is the only way out of this. I'd have done it already but I can't go alone. Here's what you're gonna do, you're gonna stay here while I grab a knife from the moody chick as well as some booze and painkiller from the supply cabinet. Meanwhile you'll be hanging yourself from this pipe.
Control Freak: So what's the knife for?
Dr. Light: Figured I could just stab that guy Adonis in the back just once. I hate him, nothing personal. Well, see ya Control Freak.
(Dr. Light places noose over CF's head and kicks the stool out. Control Freak simply falls, taking the rusty pipe with him)
Control Freak: My chubby bod saves my life once more.
Dr. Light: Darn, looks like we'll both have to take the painkillers.
Control Freak: Look we can get out of here Doc, you just have to calm down.
Dr. Light: Calm down? I'm being tortured slowly to death by some Nicktoon chick with serious mental problems, do you really think I can take this anymore? We're slowly becoming an allegory for the Holocaust man!
Control Freak: Oh for the love of crap, don't go that way. We're barely even an allegory to the sweatshop labour in third world countries. Listen, this is bad. But if know anything the Titans will soon be here to put a stop to Azula and we'll be saved. Just be patient.
(Meanwhile back in the Titans area of the studio the Titans sit around and do nothing)
Cyborg: So should we be like, stopping that Azula person yet?
Robin: Nah, I don't feel like it.
Starfire: Who wants more brownies!
Titans: I DO!
(Back with Azula)
Azula: Ty Lee, Mai, how is the Amphibious Submarine production coming?
Mai: Okay I guess. We have like several now, I think seeing me chasing that bald kid around motivated the others to step up the pace.
Mammoth: I am not going to end up as a knife throwing target, no way!
Gizmo: This is bullcrap, (Gizmo picks pointy sticks out of butt) we're being pushed around by a girl! Its like having Jynx in charge of us again.
See-More: Where is she anyway?
Gizmo: Duh, she's a good guy now. Where do you think she is? Avoiding this back breaking labor!
See-More: Ah it ain't so bad, I mean sure we're slaves but at least she not killing us.
(Everyone looks over to pile of dead henchmen)
See-More: Well... she's not killing anyone who was an actual villian.
Mammoth: Hello, Ding Dong Daddy.
See-More: She's not killing us! You can't argue with me there.
Gizmo: Well not in a literal sense at least.
Azula: I don't pay you idiots to gossip! Back to work! Schnell!
Atlas: You don't pay us at all!
(Azula charges up a lightning bolt and fires it at Atlas sending him flying into the wall)
Azula: He can take it cause he's a robot. Anyone else wager they can?
(Villians feverishly return to work)
Azula: Excellent, now Ty Lee let's see one of these Seeteufels shall we?
(Ty Lee brings out a Seeteufel... painted pink)
Azula: Uh, Ty Lee, what did we discuss about the color?
Ty Lee: But Azula it's so eye catching! Besides, I drew a frowny face on the front
(Ty Lee points to said frowny face)
Azula: Be that as it may it's still pink.
Ty Lee: Well, Mai made hers all black. That's her favourite color after all
Azula: At least that makes sense somewhat. This is just silly. From now on let's not paint them pink.
Mai: Whatever, just as long as it's not orange.
(Meanwhile in Konoha Naruto suddenly stops in mid walk)
Naruto: Hmm, I have a sudden urge to punch something pale and moody... oh well Sasuke will do I guess.
(Back with Azula, Ty Lee rushes up to Mai)
Ty Lee: MAI! Why did you have to do something Azula likes!
Mai: You brought it up, I didn't even care. So what if she prefers black, whoop de fucking do. No one cares.
Ty Lee: Azula cares! That's what matters! Why do you embarrass me in front of her! (Starts to sob)
Mai: Ty Lee, get a hold of yourself. You're trying to win the approval of a psychopath! Don't you think that's just a little bit dangerous? Besides, Azula's never satisfied with anybody's work but her own. You know that.
Ty Lee: But she's MY psychopath.
(Mai just stares at Ty Lee with a perched eyebrow)
Ty Lee: In a completely platonic way of course.
Mai: Right... Ty Lee, I know you're not REALLY gay. But... you come close to sounding like it sometimes. Just so you know.
Next weapon, now we're finally connecting with something practical and reasonable. Night-vision! Well okay maybe not true night vision, but trust us, this is totally cool for once we swear!
Late in the war around February 1945, Germany passed out a some new support equipment c to help its soldiers see better in the dark, most of them in the Eastern Front where the Russians were pushing up. It was called the Zielgerat 1229, codenamed and more popularly known as the Vampir night vision scope. It was designed to fit on top of a Stermgewehr 44, one of the world's first Assault rifles.
It was a battery back pack that attached to a telescope one could put on the top of the rifle. The Battery itself was hooked up to a large funny looking searchlight ontop of the telescope, what was special about this light, however, was that it could help one see in infared.
Control Freak: COOL! Like the Predator! (Puts on Predator mask and makes rasping growl noises) Let's go hunt some Austrians!
No, not like the Predator.
Control Freak: But... but you said...
There are two types of infrared, the lower form we see in media now a days is what tracks human body heat. The Vampir couldn't see body heat, it detected Infrared light. It's invisible to the naked eyes, but when viewed through the special lenses of the telescope one can see the night illuminated. It still primitive by our standards, but back then it was a breakthrough. Of course considering Germany's position back when it was introduced it wasn't much of a tide turner. As powerful as the StG 44 automatic rifle was, by time the Russians were on Berlin's doorstep there weren't enough German bullets to keep them at bay.
(Johnny Rancid with a German helmet on and Vampir night Vision scope)
Johnny: Time to send the Ruskies back home crying!
(Looks through scope to see approaching Russians)
Johnny: Wow, that's uh... that's a lot of tanks and soldiers. Uh what's with that truck? Oh god... are those... they are! Rockets! RUN!
(Johnny rushes out of trench, Brother Blood watches on dressed as Nazi General)
Bro. Blood: Hey you can't run! That's desertion! Get back here and defend the Fatherland till your dying breath! You have an oath to Hitler and all that other bullcrap.
Johnny: Screw that Bohemian Corporal! I wanna live!
Bro. Blood: Fine screw you then, I'll defend this line myself (Takes up Vampir night vision scope) Hey what with all those plumes of smoke coming from the Russian lines?
(Katyusha Rockets slam into the ground near Bro. Blood and explode! Azula claps)
Azula: Excellent, excellent, that was most entertaining, what do you think Ty Lee?
Ty Lee: I suppose it was great, but there was nothing pink or fluffy in it.
Azula: (Sighs heavily) Ty Lee, you never pay attention do you? Look, cute and fluffy is boring. Pain and destruction gives one a natural high that not even opium or marijuana can induce. Let me show you, come to my room.
Ty Lee: Oh boy! Azula is going to teach me things! I hope she won't use the whip again.
(Later...)
Azula: Now you see the rack is a great instrument of torture, if you're lucky enough you can dislocate body parts and cripple someone for life. Like this poor sod.
(Billy Numerous strapped to a Rack)
Billy: Heh, heh, Billy figured you were into this kinky German sex stuff. So, uh... when do you tear off my clothes?
Azula: Shut up.
Billy: Okay, okay... hey aren't I suppose to wear a gimp mask?
Azula: See this is when you turn the rack Ty Lee. You have to pull it tight, like so!
(Azula cranks the rack, Billy gets stretched out and screeches)
Billy: OW! Wow, that did feel good. So when does the whole silk strap beating begin again?
Azula: See that wasn't tight enough, if they don't feel enough pain in the first pull thats bad. First impressions are a must, but you can make up for it like so!
(Rack pulls tighter)
Billy: YEOW! Jesus, that stings, okay can we get to the next part I think I'm secure enough.
Azula: Now that they're beginning to sweat we pump up the anty! You getting this Ty Lee?
Ty Lee: Yes Azula, but did we really need to use one of the villain workers for this?
Azula: Yes, we did, he was pissing me off. Speaking of which we're not done!
(Azula begins cranking the rack faster)
Billy: Okay, Billy wants off now! Billy isn't having fun! SAFEWORD! SAFEWORD! AAAHHH! WHAT'S THE GOD DAMN SAFEWORD!
(Later..)
Azula: And that was essentially what I did today.
Mai: Azula, we know, we were there.
Azula: I'm aware, I'm just reminding you all of how bad ass I am. Now let us enjoy our delicious dinner banquet.
(Table is full of high class gourmet food)
Azula: Ladies, to evil.
Ty Lee: Wow this looks great. What are the workers eating?
Azula: Huh?
Mai: You know, the villains we enslaved. You are feeding them right?
Azula: What? And waste all this perfectly good food? I think not. Don't worry there's a dumpster down there somewhere, I'm sure they're okay.
(Downstairs...)
Control Freak: Whats in there guys?
Gizmo: We got Banana peels and some yogurt tops.
Mammoth: Theres still some crumbs left in this bag of chips!
(See-More tries to grab bag from Mammoth and they fight over it)
Control Freak: Knock it off, we're not gonna survive by killing each other.
(Billy Numerous is wheeled in by Private Hive, arms are in slings.)
Billy: Billy's arms burn... worst S&M experience ever.
Mumbo Jumbo: For the last time idiot, it wasn't a damn S&M experience! You were being tortured!
Billy: Sure did feel like it.
Mumbo Jumbo: God you're stupid.
Dr. Light: Remember guys, we still have the suicide option.
Control Freak: I did not live half my life wasting away reading comic books and watching TV to be killed by a Nicktoon Villainess and her psycho friends! I'm not going out that way! I'm gonna march right up there, right now and kick her ass so hard she'll be sent flying back to the warped dimension she crawled out of.
Gizmo: Hey genius, remember Ding Dong! There's no way in hell we can take that bitch on! She's flippin crazy and she shoots lighting out her fingers! Forget it man! Just forget it! We're gonna die, accept it and deal with it.
Control Freak: Alright, fine you have a point. Azula is a far better villain then all of us put together. Especially since most of us were just villains of the week.
Atlas: Hey I got another episode... didn't I?
Control Freak: No, you didn't. I got three episodes, you got one. And might I add it was a pretty weak showing. Seriously, robots who think they're better than humans, big flipping whoop. Seen it, done it, no one cares.
Atlas: Oh and your nerdish episodes were so much better.
Control Freak: They were fan homages... plus they were funny. Look we all may not be the greatest bad guys, and we may get beaten six ways to Sunday whereas Azula kicks everyone's asses without much trouble. But as any big fat nerd will tell you, every good villain has a weakness, a weakness that ties into their character traits, what makes them who they are, what-
Gizmo: Get to the point.
Control Freak: Gentlemen, our only hope is to find Azula's weakness and exploit it before we're all in a mass grave. I know just how to do it!
(Holds aloft a DVD box set)
See-More: A movie, you're kidding right?
Control Freak: This is the complete box set to Avatar the Last Airbender Season 3. It contains every episode of the final season, including the four part finale!
Gizmo: Four part! We only got a two part finale with a shitty epilogue episode! What the-
Control Freak: Stow it, in this DVD is the secret to Azula's downfall, I'm sure of it. We just need to watch all the episodes and discover what her weakness is!
Mammoth: How'd you get that anyway?
Deus Ex Machina people! Who is the narrator here! Me! I'm in command here! I have the keys to the kingdom! Me! I! I AM THE GOD! I AM THE GOD!
Control Freak: Right, whatever. Come on guys we got a marathon of cartoons to watch!
So it looks like our little Villains have a plan. I'd tell Azula... but that wouldn't be fair. So then with this half of the story wrapped up its time for the second half. And yes... its gonna be a long... long chapter. See, less than a few paragraphs on each weapons, most of this chapter is story and now the rest of it is going to be one really big story about the fall of Berlin... or at least part of it.
Enjoy the explosions!
April 20th, 1945, the outskirts of Berlin
The trains stopped near the assembly era, each car carrying dozens of new soldiers to join the battle. Commander Kovar watched as they piled out and took positions for the charge into the corrupt heart of the Fascist Reich.
Kovar had come a long way, they all had. From the ruins of Stalingrad they had cut a path striaght through the countryside to the heart of Germany. They had lost many men, but it was all worth. Today was the day they had all been hoping for, revenge.
How fitting it was that the offensive would start on a day of celebration for the architect of Russia's misery. Hitler's birthday present this day would be to watch as his precious thousand year Reich crumbles before his eyes.
The Allies would inevitably be helping them of course, they would be closing off Berlin from their own side of the battle. But Kovar was assured that Russia would be left the Reichstag... and that he would have the honour of taking part in a very important mission for the Soviet Union. He moved his OT-34 tank into position with his comrades, they'd burn a path into the city for their comrades and meet up with an American to help them in their mission. A one, Victor Stone, an African-American he was told. He didn't think America allowed people of color into their army? This war was full of surprises.
"On the Fuehrer's birthday," shouted the kommissar "a barrage of Katyusha rockets will tear his wretched capital to pieces! The Allies attack from the west, smash the German resistance, and push them towards us! Our tanks will tear down their monuments, their homes, everything! With bullets, with your bayonets, with your BARE hands! Do the same to their wretched soldiers! No mercy for the fascists! No mercy for anyone of German blood! Today, we have our vengeance! For the Motherland! ATTACK!"
The battle cry went up amongst the Russian lines. The battle had been joined.
Thousands of Russian soldiers poured straight into the fray, gun fire and rockets could be heard all around. Commander Kovar didn't seem to notice. He surveyed the carnage, his head in plain sight for all to see. He could spot a building across the way, along with the outlines of German infantry men.
"That building is keeping our comrades from advancing." he said "Move up, let us burn the rats out of their hole."
Kovar ducked down into the tank, joining his men. The OT-34 approached the building, the Germans wasted their bullets in vain trying to shoot through its armour. One of the Germans tried to desperately ready his X-7 launcher ready in time to fire... but it was already too late.
Kovar ordered the crew to let loose its flamethrower. The flames spewed out from the tank's nozzle and engulfed the building. The Germans inside screamed in pain, falling out of windows and onto the cold hard ground below. Russian soldiers cheer with glee as they rushed over to the dying Germans, firing off rounds from their guns as the Fascists rolled in agony. Kovar merely laughed.
"Observe the so called Master Race comrades." he said "To think they thought they could bring the Motherland to its knees."
Suddenly there was an explosion that shook the insides of the tank.
"Are we hit?" asked the driver
Kovar looked around, he saw no damage, no fires. The rocket must've missed them.
"No we're okay." Kovar said "I'll take a look up top."
Taking out his pistol, Kovar opened the hatch of the tank. He saw a small crater next to them where the rocket had hit. From the look of things it had come from the very roof of the building they had just burned. Perhaps one of the rats had escaped up there. Suddenly, what sounded like an engine was heard overhead, Kovar looked up to see what was probably the weirdest sight he had ever seen. It was a German soldier... in mid-air... flying with some kind of backpack.
He heard of these soldiers, suicidal flying infantry they called Gyro-troopers. They had been used in small groups back in Stalingrad to leap from building top to building top. The Germans were hoping to out flank them that way. They didn't count on Russian snipers taking them out.
Now one was flying downwards, towards him. He had tossed away what looked like Panzershreck and now pulled out his MP-40. The German landed ontop of the tank, before Kovar could possibly hope to shoot him out of the sky. The flying man hit Kovar in the face with his gun, and then tried to shoot him with it. Kovar grabbed the gun and two men began to struggle. While he was lower then the German from his position, Kovar was not as top heavy as his enemy was. He forced the MP-40 back into the German's gut. The man could not keep his balance with the heavy rotor blades sticking out his back and tumbled onto the front of the tank. Kovar called down to his men.
"Shoot the flamethrower!"
His men obliged and let loose a stream of fire. The German was engulfed and rolled himself off the front of the tank screaming. Kovar merely grunted, he had won the fight... but he felt as if the German hadn't suffered enough.
"Forward!" he ordered
The Tank moved ahead. The German, still screaming and rolling on the ground trying to put out the flames, could only watch as it came closer to him. The tank treads silenced his screams.
"Keep an eye out for more of those flying Germans." Kovar warned "They could be anywhere."
The tank pressed forward through the city streets. The Germans were retreating into the buildings for cover. The fools, they had only made Kovar's job easier. Another blast from the flamethrower set the building up in flames. Kovar repeated the action all the way down the street, burning the German vermin out of their holes.
A blast rocked the ground ahead of him. He peered through the visor to see a Maus tank guarding the corner of the street. It had already pinned down a squad of Russians with its machine gun fire and now it was looking to kill them. Kovar ordered the tank into an alley way, just before a shell slammed into the street where they were.
"We can't kill that thing head on," Kovar told his men "drive through this alleyway and come up behind it."
The tank began its journey through the alley way, Kovar went up top to man the machine gun in case they were attacked from above. Once more he saw those flying Germans bounding from roof to the next over him. They were tossing grenades down on the tank. Kovar ducked back into the tank as the grenades bounced off and exploded around them.
Kovar popped out once more, he heard the rotors of the flying Germans start up again, readying for another run. Kovar aimed his machine gun and watched as the flying Germans appeared again. In their hands this time were Panzerfausts, good for only one shot but that would probably be all they needed. Kovar shot at the Fascists. They fell from the sky, slamming into the very buildings they were leaping to. Some of them slammed into their squad mates, their blades still rotating as they hit their fellow soldier's flesh. Instead of panzerfausts blood rained down on Kovar. One of the rocket launchers dropped on top of the tank. Kovar grabbed it before it fell off.
"Could be useful." he thought aloud
They exited the alleyway and now were directly behind the Maus tank. Kovar fired the Panzerfaust's one shot at the tank, in unison with his own tank's cannon. The blast smashed into the back armour of the Maus tank and ripped apart one of its treads. The Maus tank's turret now tried to turn to face the new threat, but it was futile. Another shot slammed into its back and the Maus tank went up in a pillar of smoke and fire.
"Hitler's wasteful spending on these monstrosities will be his downfall." Kovar said
"Sir," shouted Kovar's radio operator "orders from command! There is some kind of... giant artillery gun halting our troop's advance! It is situated five blocks away from our position."
Kovar took up his binoculars and peered at the horizon. Through all the smoke and rubble he could see a large gun rising up into the sky firing shells at the Russian lines. He could see the results as large explosions slammed into the buildings amongst the Russian lines.
"We must destroy that weapon," Kovar said "if we do not the advance will slow!"
"Allied planes are preparing to bomb the gun itself, but they are facing heavy anti-air fire from around the gun's position." explained the radio operator "We need to take them out."
"Where is this Anti-Fire coming from then?" Asked Kovar "We will see it falls silent."
"A set of fortified German buildings near the guns," the operator told him "if we take them out we can open up a path for the Allied bombers."
"It shall be done." Kovar boldly stated "And since we speak of them, what about our Allied friends in the west?"
"They begin their crossing of the Elbe river as we speak sir."
Meanwhile at the Elbe River...
Victor's tank squad advanced on the river crossing, the make shift bridge that would take them across the Elbe and into Berlin was almost complete.
Vic could see the plumes of smoke rising up from the city itself. The Russians must've started their attack already. Other Allied forces were pushing up south the city right now, within a few hours Berlin would be encircled.
That is if things went according to plan. That was something Vic knew was very rare, especially in this war.
As the bridge crossing began Vic spotted something heading towards the river... in fact it was several somethings. Vic peered through his binoculars... and he could hardly believe his eyes.
Subs, submarines were headed towards the river. Vic had seen a lot of weird German tech in the past few weeks... but this took the cake. Submarines that could drive on land. Victor couldn't help but laugh aloud.
Everyone else apparently saw the tanks too, as they were soon laughing at the sight as well. At least he knew he wasn't crazy.
Whatever the case, the German subs were headed towards the river, apparently they were planning on destroying the makeshift bridges and halting their advance. Despite the absurdity of the situation, Vic simply shrugged and got his men back under control.
"Alright boys," he said trying to contain his laughter "enough laughing at the stupid Jerries. Put them out of their misery already before they wreck our offensive."
The Shermans rolled towards the river bank and began firing on the subs. It was a turkey shoot, the land subs simply exploded with one shot. A few made it to the river, but even then it didn't do them any good. Infantrymen with bazookas simply fired into the water, the explosions damaged the craft and forced them to surface. In the end the entire force of land subs were either destroyed or disabled on land. The still living Germans among the subs surrendered and the offensive continued on unabated.
It did, however, give Victor an extra bit of confidence. If this was the best the Germans could do in the opening salvo perhaps encircling and taking this city would be easier then he thought.
Meanwhile in East Berlin...
Kovar's tank pushed forward through the German lines, accompanied by other loyal Russian soldiers and tanks. They were beginning their attack on the fortified German buildings, known as flak towers. Destroying these would ensure the Allied bombers a clear path towards that giant gun firing on them.
Kovar could still see the beast, blasting away at the Russian lines. It was so far the biggest obstacle in their way right now, destroying it would ensure the day's victory.
Then he spotted the Flak towers, their tracer fire looming in the distance. Kovar looked up to see several smaller planes overhead. Apparently the Allies were trying to destroy the forts before them.
"Sorry my flying friends," he chuckled "these Fascists are ours! Men burn the flak towers, show no mercy!"
The Russians rushed the flak towers, its defenders desperately fired back. Kovar could see more of the flying Germans leaping across the battlefield and onto the forts roofs in attempts to outmanoeuvre the Russians.
One flying German managed to leap to the top of a small building, but another tank's cannon ripped the top of the structure apart, sending it crumbling to earth. The German tried to fly off... but as he did he was shot at by Russians from the ground. He collapsed into the pile of rubble below.
The Russian tanks now pounded the German flak towers with all they had, but soon they faced another threat, crashing through several buildings, with little regard for anything in its path German, Russian or otherwise, came another one of Hitler's monstrous machines. A Ratte tank, it was firing its guns randomly in every direction its huge turret could swing. It wasn't apparently intending to hit anything as long as it hit something.
"That Ratte's driver is mad!" Kovar said "He'll kill us all, even his own countrymen!"
Indeed, the Ratte did kill his own countrymen. Several of the German tanks defending the flak towers found themselves crushed by the Ratte in its frenzy. One of the attacking Russian tanks tried firing on it, but the shells simply bounced off its armour. The Ratte fired back, but at such a close range the bombardment from their massive guns did more harm than good. While the attacking Russian tank was destroyed, the blast also killed many Germans situated nearby and even took out a huge portion of the flak tower.
"We must take him out before we all die!" Kovar shouted, he looked down at his radio operator "Call in a Katyusha rocket strike on that thing's coordinates!"
The radio operator did so. As the Ratte prepared to fire again, another volley the rockets sailed in, slamming into its side and ripping its armour apart, but it was still alive.
Luckily, for Kovar and the Russians, the Allied planes overhead decided to enter the fray. They began dropping their bombs and firing their rockets at the machine, slowly tearing the landkruzer vehicle apart.
"Follow up on our western Comrades attack!" Kovar shouted "We've wounded the monster! We must finish it!"
Kovar had their Tank get up closer to it. Now they were too close to be hurt by the giant gun. The other Russian tanks joined in on the assault. They began firing at its treads and turret, hoping to destroy the beast quickly. The Ratte began driving forward, intent on crushing the Russians under its treads. Eventually the engine was taken out by another volley of Katyusha rockets and the Ratte stopped dead. Another well placed bomb from an Allied Aircraft blew apart the heavy gun of the Ratte and the entire vehicle was now in flames.
Kovar breathed a sigh of relief, that was pretty close. The Russians resumed their assault on the flak towers... but by now it was merely a clean up job. The Ratte's frenzied attempt to defend them only forced the Germans to abandon the fortified structures. The Russians now only had to ensure the guns on the building would never be used again.
The Skies above Berlin...
"That was insane," Dick said in awe as he flew over what was left of the flak towers and the Ratte "that giant tank just came out of nowhere! Why did it do that?"
"Suicidal soldiers I guess." shrugged Wally "Still at least it had a nice explosion."
"Knock it off you two," Korian ordered "we need to get to that artllery cannon, the faster its destroyed the easier it will be for the Russians to advance."
"Alright," Dick assured "no problem Korian. Where are the heavy bombers?"
"A few minutes out, right now we need to keep the skies clear of any possible German aircraft. Lets head on over to the cannon and see if we can take out any additional anti-aircraft guns."
Dick and Wally took point in the formation with their Shooting Star Jet planes, Korian took up the rear in the de Havillan Vampire. Passing through the smoke rising up from the city they looked down to see the giant artillery piece.
Giant was an understatement, this thing was a monster. It dwarfed all the buildings around it! It was even bigger than the Ratte was.
"Look at that thing!" shouted Wally in amazement "How the hell did they get that thing here?"
Korian looked off to the side of her plane, she spotted a long trail of tread marks, crushed roads and bulldozed buildings. It stretched practically for miles.
"The bastards drove through their own buildings just to get into position." Korian said "They really have gone mad."
"Desperate, mad, whatever," Dick chimed in "we have to take this thing out now."
Wally searched around near the the Monster of a cannon. He didn't see much, but he find what looked to be a stash of artillery shells nearby.
"Guys, look!" he said "Near the left rear tread of that thing, it's the ammo dump."
"Those shells are so big they have nowhere to put them," Korian observed "not if they want to keep up the fire."
"This makes our job easier." Dick added in with a smirk "Do we still got rockets left? I only got guns."
"I got two," Wally replied "Korian?"
"Three," she replied "if we aim carefully we can set them off and stop the gun from firing."
"Worth a shot." Dick said "Lets strafe these bastards."
Dick augured the Plane down, Wally and Korian followed. The Germans on the gorund desperately fired up at the planes, but their rifles and MP-40s were useless against the speed of the jets. Dick fired his guns into the pile of shells and Wally and Korian launched their remaining rockets. They pulled up as the rockets hit home. As they did their planes began to shake wildly. Wally looked back to see a huge explosion rock the side of the Artillery gun. Who knows how many Germans had been killed in the blast. The gun stopped firing at last, but it still stood. Not for long though.
American B-17 flying fortresses soon flew out of the smoke. They dropped their payload on top of the gun. It took a lot of bombs... but eventually the cannon toppled over and the chassis of the machine exploded.
"Good show everyone." Korian said "I think we can leave this city in the Russians capable hands. Let's get our bomber friends back to base. We need more rockets anyway."
"Yeah, I have a feeling this battle isn't over yet." Dick replied "We're gonna need all the firepower we can get."
Back on the Ground...
Kovar watched the explosions, the entire cannon fell like a mighty oak cut giving under the lumberjack's axe. It was a glorious sight. Now nothing stood in their path.
"Onward comrades!" Kovar shouted "Our victory is assured!"
The Russians pressed on up the street, further into Berlin. Germans began retreating in droves from their position, even the flying ones. The Russians shot them in the back as they ran and out of the sky as the leaped from roof top to roof top.
A commissar rushed up to a Russian armoured car. It was outfitted with a speaker system. As it drove on with the advancing troops, the Commissar gave its operator an order.
"Spread the word comrades!" he shouted proudly "Let the German people know what their great leader has brought upon them! Let them hear our warning!"
The car began shouting its proclamation in both German and Russian for all to hear.
"Citizens of Berlin! A ring of steel surrounds your wretched city!" announced the car "The Allies to the west close the gap with each passing moment and our own troops will soon seal off all escape! There is no victory for you here! Only death! We shall crush all who oppose the will of the Red Army! We will have vengeance!"
The Russian soldiers cheered at the declarations. They continued slaughtering the retreating Germans as they did.
"The crimes of your leaders shall be repaid in full!" declared the speakers "Abandon your posts! Abandon your homes! Abandon all hope!"
Later that night...
The offensive had gotten off to a good start on its first day, better then anyone could hope. In a few short hours, the combined strength of the Western and Russian armies had encircled Berlin. If any Nazis wanted to flee the city it was too late. German forces were surrendering in droves to the advancing Allies, who were by now pressing forward to meet the Russians. By the time the sun set on the 20th of April, Berlin was effectively surrounded.
But the fight didn't stop when the sun went down.
Ravenna and Logan had already been inserted into the city, a small squad of Americans would be escorting them. Their orders were as followed, head to the SS HQ in Berlin, find Deathstroke's documents about Operation Final Vengeance. There they'd find out what Deathstroke was planning and hopefully be able to stop it.
The city was by now in ruins. It had been bombarded so heavily it was barely even recognizable as a city.
"I remember old newsreels of what this place looked like." Logan said softly "Now that I'm here it doesn't look as good though."
"Quiet," Ravenna told him "you'll give us all away."
They suddenly heard music coming from down the end of the street corner. It was a German Military march, from what Ravenna knew it sounded like the song "Last Crusade". The squad quickly ducked into an alley. They watched as a German armoured car drove past them.
"Idiot," Ravenna whispered as it passed "the driver is only going to get himself kill by my people or yours."
"I thinking he's hoping to find mine." Logan elaborated "I don't wanna be him if the Russians find him."
"You wouldn't." Ravenna assured "Come on."
As Ravenna got up to go, a shot rang out. One of the American soldiers among them went down, clutching his leg. His friends pulled him back into the alley way.
"Sniper." Ravenna stated pulling out her rifle and cocking it "From the looks of he's on the otherside of the street."
Ravenna took the downed American's helmet as the medic treated his wounds. She propped the helmet on her rifle's barrel and pulled out a mirror. She manoeuvred it to reflect the other side of the street, then she let the helmet slowly peer out of the corner of the alleyway.
Two seconds later another shot fired and the helmet spun off the barrel.
"I know where he is." Ravenna told the others "Wait here."
She left the Americans and went around to the back of the building they hiding behind. Entering through the backdoor she scrambled up to the second floor. She propped herself up against the window and looked out at the building she had spotted the German in. She peered through the scope, looking for any sign of movement, a speck of moonlight shining off the Fascist's scope.
She spotted it, for a brief second she saw a flash of light. She fired.
Ravenna returned shortly, she found the others staring out freely at the building across from them.
"I think you got him." Logan told her
"I know got him." she replied "Now come on, we need to check on the body."
"Why?" Logan asked
"I wanna know how he saw us." Ravenna answered
They looked down at the dead German, Ravenna had got him right through the heart. His gun was sprawled out next to him. It was a StG 44... but different. This one had a weird large contraption attached to its scope.
Ravenna looked through the scope... and saw entire room lit up.
"This weapon can see in the dark," she told the others "like some sort of night-vision. Could be useful."
"Alright, let's just head on over to the SS HQ already. Get this damn mission in the bag and all."
"It should be far now." Ravenna said "A few blocks north of here and we should spot it. I can use their own precious wonder weapon against their guards as well."
"I do love poetic justice." Logan mused "Some of the German own tech is gonna help us bring them down. Man ya gotta love that."
Vic's tanks had done well today. They'd pushed pretty far into Berlin and captured quite a few Germans along the way.
However, now they had to stop. After all, they were meeting up with the Kovar fellow around here. He'd have their mission, the one that was oh shrouded in mystery for some reason.
Eventually he saw what he believed to be Kovar's tank approach his Sherman. Kovar popped out of the top of the Tank and looked down at Vic and his squad as they rested against their tank.
"I'm look for Commander Victor Stone, see him?" the Russian asked
"That's me," Vic replied "I'm guessing you're Commander Kovar."
"Precisely," he replied "strange... I expected someone... else... I did not know America allowed coloured people into its army."
"We're segregated but we're allowed." explained Vic "I'm part of an all African-American company."
"Hmph, the same group of people the Nazis believe as inferior as us Russians." Kovar mused "How appropriate you've been assigned to help us in our mission."
"And what exactly is this mission?" Victor asked "I've been told to come out here and no one is telling me why? So if you can tell me what our mission is please do."
"You sound as ready for battle as I am." Kovar observed, a pleased look on his face
"I just want to go home," Victor told him "thats all I everyone here wants. We've proven we can fight as good as any white man, now all I want is to get back state side. If doing this mission means we can go home then so be it."
"Don't worry, it does." Kovar told him "If we're successful then we'll effectively end this dreaded conflict once and for all. We're going to heart of Berlin together Comrade, you and me both. Further then any American is allowed. And together... we're going to kill the person who started this damn war in the first place."
Vic was startled, this Russian couldn't have been serious. If he was suggesting what he thought he was suggesting...
"You... you mean...?"
"Yes." Kovar nodded
"Why me?" Vic asked "Why not anyone else?"
"They told me I'd figure it out when I saw you." Kovar said "He needs to die begging and pleading for mercy, running scared like the dog he is from the very people he thinks superior to. We're going to kill him Victor Stone... and make sure it's as inglorious as possible. It will be an example to all those who try to follow in his footsteps, his death will be the downfall of Nazi ambitions. Adolf Hitler will die by our hands."
Ravenna took up position on the roof of as nearby house. The SS HQ was only across the street. There weren't many guards, just a few regular SS soldiers and infantrymen wearing those strange flying contraptions on their backs.
She'd pick them off while Logan and the other Americans stormed the building. The signal would be the first shot she'd fire. In any other circumstance she wouldn't be able to see the Germans as clearly. But with this night-vision scope... she could make them all out very clearly.
A shot rang out, and one of the SS troopers fell to the ground. That was the cue for Logan and the other Americans to rush in. They took cover behind the wall and began firing at the SS troopers in the courtyard. One of the flying Germans launched off from the roof towards Logan and the others. Ravenna fired another burst of shots and hit the man's head. The German slammed into the ground and died in a heap.
Bullet after bullet slammed into a different Nazi's chest. Logan and the American soldiers slowly advanced on the building and Ravenna covered them all the way. Taking out the flying Germans and those on the ground with ease.
One of the flying Germans did get past Ravenna though and landed on Logan. She watched in horror for a moment or two when the German did land on him. She thought he was done for as the blades chopped around getting close to his head. But a burst from his Tommy Gun ended the life of the German and Logan tossed him off.
Logan and the Americans then entered the building. Unable to cover them now, Ravenna headed down towards them.
Inside, Logan and the American troops closed in on the head office of the HQ. They heard rustling from inside. Logan knew that could only mean someone was destroying documents as they spoke. The mission in jeopardy, Logan burst into the room. He trained his gun on the man ripping up secret files from his cabinet.
He couldn't believe, it was Heinrich Himmler, the actual head of the SS. The quick encirclement of the city must've trapped him inside Berlin.
The SS leader went for a luger on the table, but Logan fired at it flinging it away. Then he rushed up and pinned the German against the wall.
"Don't kill me!" he pleaded "We can negotiate!"
"Save it!" Logan shouted
Logan slammed the butt of his gun into Himmler's stomach and the Nazi bended over onto the floor.
"Secure him," Logan ordered "he's got a lot to answer for when this war is over."
There was a rustling from one of the closets. The American soldier nearest it opened it up and pointed his gun inside.
"Hey we gotta another one!" he shouted
He pulled out a grubby little man in a dirty lab coat.
"Don't shoot!" he cried "I'm unarmed!"
The Americans searched him to see if he was telling the truth, while they did Ravenna showed up. She was stunned by the scene before her.
"Is that..." she began "is that Himmler?"
She looked over at the SS Leader, now curled up into a fetal position with American guns pointed over him.
"Damn straight." Logan said "We got this one to."
Ravenna looked at the lab coat German now. Her eyes shot wide open. She walked over to the man, staring him straight in the eye.
"Look at me."
The German refused.
"Look at me!" She screamed
The German still refused
Ravenna now grabbed his head and pulled him into his line of sight.
"LOOK AT ME!"
The German finally shifted his eyes into Ravenna's... and then broke down in sobs.
"What's going on?" Logan asked "Rae you know this guy?"
"No," Ravenna replied "but I know of him. Meet Josef Mengele, the Angel of Death of Auschwitz concentration camp. He performed sick experiments on people... living people. Stuck needles in them, cut off limbs, sterilized them with x-rays, performed shock treatments, every horrible thing imaginable. We only found out about it when we found the camp and retrieved some of his documents from the buildings."
The German didn't say anything... he just sobbed to himself.
"Why are you crying?" she asked "Are you sorry? It bit too late for that."
"I'm crying because I'll never finish my work." The bastard sobbed "You fools have ruined it all. All those years wasted-"
"Shut up!"
Ravenna shot him once in the foot and watched the Nazi fall over in pain. Neither Logan or the Americans voiced any protest.
"You and Himmler will be held accountable for your crimes." She told the pathetic wailing man "There's no running off to some far away land, no cyanide pills to escape justice. You'll hang from a noose by the time this all over."
"It doesn't matter."
They looked over to Himmler, who raised himself off the ground.
"We'll all die soon anyway." he explained "Deathstroke will make sure of that."
Logan marched over to him and pulled the man up to his eye level. Time to get what they came here for.
"What is Operation: Finale Vengeance?" Logan demanded
"Its our last throw of the dice." Himmler said "We're going to lose, but we're going to take as many Allied lives as possible. Moscow, New York, London, Washington DC, and Berlin itself. We're going to kill you all along with us!"
Logan threw the man to the ground. He was sickened beyond belief now. Not only were these bastards planning to kill American, Russian and British civilians, they were planning to kill their own people! These people were insane.
"We'll see about that." Logan said defiantly
After the Nazi war mongers were properly tied up Logan and Ravenna searched the SS archives. They found blueprints, plans, everything and anything about Operation: Finale Vengeance. There were so many weapons involved in the mission, some the Germans only had enough money to make a handful of. Bombers that could cross the Atlantic, subs that could carry rockets, airborne aircraft carriers, even something about a bomber that could reach sub-orbit. All the documents referred to a grand weapon that could wipe cities of the map with one blow... but didn't say what it was.
"Almost everything is here, but it doesn't tell us everything." Logan said "We know how they're getting across the ocean but what are they dropping?"
"The documents say that the weapon's identity is only known to a few select members of the Reich's chancellery." Ravenna read "So then where are they?"
"Where else?" shouted Himmler from across the room "The Reichstag itself. We haven't used it for anything but propaganda and storing our files in it. You want to know about how we're going to blow you all up go ahead and go there. We're die anyway! I don't care anymore!"
"Shut him up already!" Logan ordered
The American soldiers did so. But even though Himmler was annoying he had been helpful.
"If the Reichstag is where the information on this secret weapon the Nazis are going to use is then we'll have to bust in there and find it." Logan reasoned
"Which means we're headed into the heart of the Reich itself." Ravenna added "Sounds risky."
"You're not scared are ya?" Logan asked "I mean its only the heart of the greatest evil empire in the world."
"You kidding?" Ravenna asked "I want to be there, I want to see our troops take that building for the Motherland. I was going to make sure we went there anyway just for that, this just means its part of the job now."
"Good enough for me." Logan said "We'll send to boys back to Allied lines with our prisoners. It's time we find out what Deathstroke has in store for us."
AN: So the war is coming to a dramatic close, trust me it is, and Ravenna and Logan are headed to the Reichstag to watch the Nazi Regime fall for good. But what is this secret weapon Deathstroke is planning to drop on the Allies, Soviets and his own people? And separately will our Titans villains escape Azula's clutches? Find out in the next dramatic pulse pounding chapter of...
Titans of War!
See? Wasn't that a hell of a lot of story? And the next one will have even more! We're in the homestretch now... just around two chapters left.