… Okay, apparently you can. It's time to put my foot down, I think. Enough with the fourth wall breakages. It's been torn apart and tormented enough as is. Please be more considerate of it from now, you guys… now if you'll excuse me, I must nurse it back to health. Slowly. Poor fourth wall.,. Let the story continue.
"… And that's how it is!"
Oh god damn it, we missed it. Whatever, no one cared anyway. Ang sure didn't, but he asked it anyway to just not remain in… awkward silence.
"Why did you make me the vice-rep anyway? I ain't gonna help with this, y'know."
"That's fine, I wasn't even going to ask. You're useless."
"Then why?!"
"Useless but reliable!"
How in the world she came to that conclusion was beyond Ang. She probably didn't have a clue either and just picked him out at random due to no one else really being eager for the role. Still, if he wasn't being pushed onto any responsibilities, then just having the title was fine.
"Oh, you'll need this."
And just like that, Ang had a matchlock slapped into his lap. It was kinda heavy due to the fact that it was a fucking matchlock rifle, so there was a resounding-
"Oof! … Why?"
"You sure say "why" a lot! If you're my vice-rep, you gotta look the part! Nobu-brand matchlocks are the most badass, yo."
Can't complain there. She just gave him a fucking gun. Ang is now equipped with the three-star Craft Essence "Demon King Matchlock". It was even maxed out, talk about a great deal. He holstered it on his back for later use. How was he able to carry this thing around so easily? Hey, he wasn't so weak that he couldn't do this at least. It was a universal rule that the item that a character wields does not contribute to their overall weight capacity! Well, in some anyway.
After that, they somehow ended up talking about old-fashioned rifles for an hour, though it was more Ang listening to Nobu go on about them. Probably one of her many passions. Time flew by pretty quickly, so eventually, Ang was on his way home once Nobu finally let him go.
And so he was walking home with a rifle on his back, but no one really cared because gun regulations in this city were non-existent. Mostly down to the fact that guns didn't really do anything to most of the city's denizens. Wait, why was this thing useful again? Oh well, it was silver rarity. He'd only consider dumping it if he managed to get dupes.
He had gone home alone since he left before everyone else. Standing in his room with the matchlock, he searched for the trigger… surely Shiki wouldn't mind if he played around with it in the backyard, right?
"… Oh."
It wasn't loaded with any ammo. Nobu didn't really provide any. Wow, was this meant to be for ceremony purposes only or something? He tossed it into the corner of the room in annoyance. That can now be the official "Ang's Junk" pile. Completely disregard what we said about dumping it a few sentences ago.
Now, we shall follow his mundane evening ritual of… whatever it is a low-life Avenger does after school hours. He went to open his closet and get changed-
"Hello sweetie~."
"GAAAAAAAAAAH!"
His scream resounded throughout the complex as he found a dragon girl in his closet. He bounced back but she slithered in pursuit, pinning him against the wall.
"Now no one can interrupt us~..."
"Yeah sure! MISS RYOUGIIIII! I'M BEING INVADED!"
This somehow actually worked, as the landlord suddenly appeared in the room and grabbed the surprised Kiyo by the collar. Though, the glint of that knife was pointed at Ang.
"H-hey don't point that thing in me, I didn't bring her in off the street or anything!"
"I know you didn't. She's a resident here now."
Apparently, a new flat had been designated for her, at the other end of this floor. Apparently, the complex had a new flat installed overnight or something. Ang really couldn't be asked to question it right now, especially at knife-point. That just seems like how this complex worked.
"But… we have a policy that forbids the mingling of males and females after a certain curfew, so…"
Kiyo blinked.
"I am a man trapped in the body of a hopelessly-in-love maiden."
"Unlikely story."
Thus, Shiki saved the day and removed Kiyo from the premises. That doesn't count as the first girl to set foot in Ang's room, by the way. They gotta ask or be invited, not just outright infiltrate it! Ang wondered how she even did it in the first place. He made a note to potentially check the floorboards for secret passages later.
"Oh, by the way. The rest of your stuff arrived."
She dropped that before leaving the flat completely. A plain cardboard box was sat in the blind spot next to the front door, which is why Ang didn't see it upon entry. Now changing into his trademark rags, he went to investigate the box for his goods. One could question why he even changes back into rags from an actual outfit. Must be a habit.
Ah yes, nothing but essentials in here. Here we had:
-An old laptop with a dent in it.
-A half-consumed six-pack of Mountain Dew cans
-Two dozen Pork Rib ramen cups, courtesy of Rameni Co.
-A hundred-yen kettle-Several spare sets of rags
-A set of plastic cutlery
-Finally, some worn leather book.
One would naturally deviate their curiosity towards the old book. Perhaps it was a hint to his unknown past that he had no recollection of. Perhaps it was a key to some immense potential lying dormant within him. Perhaps it was his proof of inheritance to some ancient power of incredulous magnitude…
No, it was none of these things. According to Ang, anyway. It's just some stupid book that can't be opened no matter what. So by default, it goes into his junk pile. It now has a friend in that pile, so things are more fine than usual. No one will remember that this thing exists. No one.
More importantly, his stock of ramen was now replenished. For tonight, however, he had some leftover fried rice to enjoy. Hey, it would spoil otherwise. Ang doesn't mind eating spoiled food, but it's better when its fresh.
As he reheated it by somehow using the cheap kettle in the most abstract of ways, he turned the old laptop on; his key to the internet and the limitless trolling opportunities that came with it. He missed being able to do all this as he logged onto his usual haunt, "Heaven's Fall".
Hm, seems like no one was online. No one that he knew, anyway. This was in a way a good thing, cause it meant he could spend more time trying to find a new person to bully.
Oh look, someone ripe for trolling: 034absenceofG0D. Sounds like someone angsty and perhaps suicidal. The perfect target. Ang opened a chat with him since it was a primary feature on this site to be able to just message anyone you wanted to. It's probably why it was such a hotspot for trolls like Ang.
We might as well be Chaldeastuck now.
538zarichthewolf: hey hey o/
538zarichthewolf: wlecome to the site
034absenceofG0D: WHO ARE YOU
538zarichthewolf: just a friendly lurker. Nice name you got there, does your mom know?
034absenceofG0D: MY MOTHER IS DEAD
538zarichthewolf: oh shit im sorry. Man she must be rolling in her grave right now
034absenceofG0D: WHY
538zarichthewolf: because youre such a sad piece of shit that its honestly embarassing to chat with you right now
538zarichthewolf: srsly, absence of god? So lame.
034absenceofG0D: I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THIS IS AN APPROPRIATE MONIKER FOR ESTABLISHING A FEARFUL OPINION IN THE MINDS OF OTHERS OF WHO AND WHAT I AM
538zarichthewolf: oh god your one of those types. Also caps lock man.
034absenceofG0D: WHAT IS A CAPS LOCK. IS IT A LOCK I MUST DESTROY
538zarichthewolf: i can tell what youre trying to do it aint working
034absenceofG0D: WHAT AM I TRYING
538zarichthewolf: oooh no dont play stupid
034absenceofG0D: I AM THE ANTITHESIS OF STUPIDITY. I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW MY INTELLIGENCE IS ONE THAT HAS BRAVED THE SPANS OF THE
538zarichthewolf: yeah yeah sure. The spans of the aching abyss that is your empty heart. Theres a forum for guys like you
034absenceofG0D: WHAT NO. I PRESSED THE BIG KEY BY ACCIDENT.
538zarichthewolf: you mean enter?
034absenceofG0D: ENTER WHAT
538zarichthewolf: omfg are you a moron
034absenceofG0D: NO I AM A CHRISTIAN
Turns out, Ang wasn't actually a good troll. In fact, he was being incredibly out-trolled right now. A righteous baiting! He thinks. He's wasn't actually sure whether this guy was just an outright idiot or if he was, in fact, THE master baiter. He just decided to close the tab as someone else opened a chat with him. Unlike this emo maybe-master-baiter tool, this person was one of Ang's online "friends".
By that, he meant someone he wasn't always insulting that he'd met online and has no chances whatsoever of meeting them in person. It was the not-so annoying one too. They were cool cause their number was close to Ang's.
Ding.
Seems they had similar plans, for they have messaged him first.
530nosmoking: where the FUCK have you BEEN
538zarichthewolf: oh hey. Going to school and shit.
530nosmoking: I thought you got NABBED like a bitch. AGAIN.
530nosmoking: wtf you go to SCHOOL?!
538zarichthewolf: inorite? Pretty ok tho. Lotsa cuties evrywhere :D
530nosmoking: fucking PIG
538zarichthewolf: theres a girl that says pig too
530nosmoking: oh fuck thats my THING. I guess i gotta say something ELSE now
530nosmoking: like like
530nosmoking: oh how about NERD
538zarichthewolf: old school. I like
530nosmoking: hehehehehehe
530nosmoking: anyway im sending you an IMAGE
538zarichthewolf: wtf is this
530nosmoking: this is me BURNING the fucking shit outta YOU
530nosmoking: senpai :3
538zarichthewolf: i am fairly sure i could consider this is a threat against my life
530nosmoking: uuuuh kinda the POINT?!
538zarichthewolf: hilarious as usual. And stop calling me senpai its weird wtf does that even mean
530nosmoking: it means youre my SENPAI duh. I dunno its some dumb thing that bhole says all the TIME
538zarichthewolf: bhole?
530nosmoking: 042Blackhole_. My actual REAL-LIFE friend. Gosh youre dumb sometimes
530nosmoking: senpai :3
538zarichthewolf: ok the :3 is the worst part. Its just weird coming from a dude
530nosmoking: for the last time im a GIRL jeez
538zarichthewolf: ok sure and im the count of monte fucking cristo
530nosmoking: you have the qualifications so i believe you :3
538zarichthewolf: im so unbelievably awesome at everything and i get revenge on EVERYONE
530nosmoking: hehehehhehehehe
538zarichthewolf: anyway imma eat now
530nosmoking: send me some
530nosmoking: actually if its the shitty ramen, DONT
538zarichthewolf: one day i will show you how great ramen is
530nosmoking: absolutely NEVER. I hate that shit
530nosmoking: actually i hate grilled MEAT even more fuck its GROSS
538zarichthewolf: dya even like anythin?
530nosmoking: pudding :3
530nosmoking: anyway enjoy your food etc
530nosmoking: laterz
538zarichthewolf: o/
Always a pleasure to speak with "nosmoking". Let's just them Smoke. Just like the mystery of what's in the canisters, that person is just an alias with a personality to Ang. Just like everyone else on the internet and that's how things should be. Otherwise, Ang would have an unnecessary amount of enemies to ruin his life. It was pretty shit already as is. They kept saying they were a girl, but ever since that one time… never. Never again would Ang ever make that assumption.
No, no flashback. It's way too traumatic to recall!
Ding.
034absenceofG0D: DID YOU DIE
034absenceofG0D: I HOPE SO
034absenceofG0D: BECAUSE NO ONE WILL CARE
034absenceofG0D: AND THAT EXCITES ME
Ah, it seems like his new friend had quickly become accustomed to the ways of this site. How fucking terrible.
034absenceofG0D: NO REALLY DID YOU DIE
034absenceofG0D: I DEMAND A REPORT ON THE DETAILS OF YOUR UNTIMELY DEMISE
034absenceofG0D: TRULY IT WILL MAKE FOR GOOD READING MATERIAL TO PASS THE COURSE OF MY AFTERNOON DEFERRAL OF RESPITE
Oh lord, shut up. Ang muted the tab, since blocking people was bad conduct on this site. Take trolling like a man, is the general thing the veteran dwellers say. If you block someone, you are weak. You do not belong. Thus, Ang will never block anyone. He wanted to belong in the same place as these internet heathens.
034absenceofG0D: OKAY SERIOUSLY ARE YOU DEAD OR NOT
034absenceofG0D: BECAUSE YOU HAVE STOPPED TALKING
034absenceofG0D: YOU ARE EITHER CONSIDERABLY RUDE
034absenceofG0D: OR CONSIDERABLY DEAD
034absenceofG0D: THE FORMER IS A PRELUDE TO THE LATTER SO PERHAPS IT MAKES NO DIFFERENCE
The urge to forsake his membership was great, but he resisted. He made sure to turn off pop-ups for the chat in addition to muting it as he nommed tasty fried rice and watched some cat vines on Youtube, which was strangely not rebranded like other things in the story because it was so widely used that it has established itself a presence in the Throne of Heroes. A so-called "Heroic Application". It's the same case with Mountain Dew, a "Heroic Beverage".
He decided to check the news on HFall after finishing his food. Sometimes there were some semblances of interesting things on there, but usually it was just a bunch of SJW opinions being blown out of proportion, incredibly biased polls that provoke flame wars on the public chats and boring "normie shit".
Unsurprisingly, it's all pretty bland today too. The most curious thing on this page right now was the fucking ad. Ang had ad blocking plug-ins but it didn't really work half the time since everything was updating every hour. It was too much hassle to keep the plug-in caught up with it all.
Ang decided to take a moment and appreciate how mundane his room was. Typically an academic such as him would have a room decked out in all kinds of trendy merchandise and memorabilia. Not Ang, for he was hipster and liked a more "minimalistic" approach. That is to say, he was poor as shit and didn't have much say in how he decorates his room due to lack of funds.
SMASH!
To be honest, Ang wasn't even surprised by this. Glass pieces scattered all over the place as he frowned. It was quite typical that to add some "excitement" to this boring scene, something would just come hurtling through his window. He peered out the hole that was made, but saw no one in the courtyard that could be a potential culprit. Unless the trees were growing tired of their existence as inanimate entities. Now that would be terrifying.
Anyway, might as well check what the projectile was. Fortunately, it wasn't anything boring like a plain old rock. It was a plain old rock with something attached to it via tape. Ripping the tape off, Ang received…
A vintage No More Heroes poster.
…
No one was sure what to think of this. Some kinda video game? The guy with the sunglasses seemed cool though. He had a lightsaber or something. Like Star W*rs, except way cooler. He figured might as well not look a gift horse in the mouth and just accept this stranger's gift as he plopped the poster onto the wall and re-used the tape to hold it there.
Now his room felt substantially more ridiculous to be in, but hey. More incentive to maybe go outside and explore the city, eh? Maybe Nobu would know more about the series… or even Kiyo. No, no Kiyo. She would probably try to mount him rather than just listen to the words coming from his mouth. Well, any words that weren't "I", "love" and "you". He got chills just thinking about it.
Oh, the open window? Eh, the breeze is nice. Shiki might get mad but it wasn't really Ang's fault so he wasn't too worried. She seemed like the reasonable sort of landlord when she wasn't threatening Ang with sharp tools of slaughter.
Ding.
He could've sworn he muted that guy. Maybe the site was bugging out. He checked his tabs and saw a new one that was blank. Usually, this meant a spambot of sorts. Pretty common occurrence, though he figured he might as hell humor himself with the spam message…
_: You really should help with the festival, Angra.
…
He looked at the window, then at the door, blinking. He slowly turned his head back to the screen, before carefully creeping his hands over the keyboard…
538zarichthewolf: suck a dick fag :oooo
Get a load of that sizzler, cause that guy just got owned. Trying to get into Ang's mind with that cryptic, "I know where you live" jazz? Nah, fam. Ang was one step ahead. He was ALWAYS prepared for the feds to show up at his doorstep, so some closet hacker didn't scare him either. There was one thing Ang could be proud of, and that was the number of fucks he gave about his own security on the internet. He frequently surfed the Alter Web, after all.
That seemed to silence the would-be creep, so Ang left it at that and closed his laptop down. As much as he'd like to waste more of his life away on the internet, it was good sleeping time right now. Hey, school was draining for someone that used to do nothing all day. He flopped onto his futon, checked the closet for creepy stalker dragons and sprawled out before falling into slumber quickly.
The wind whistled at him as it blew through his broken window… in case you forgot about the fact that it was broken.