A/N: Lots o' dialogue for you but here we are!
Brittany was over at Santana's place, sitting idly watching Santana get ready so they could go out to the lake that night with a few of the members from Glee Club. They'd been out of school for three weeks and were already bored of summer, and had been meeting at the lake like any bored teens in a small town would have to resort to every other day or so. Santana didn't even mind spending so much time with people she once considered major losers. Rachel had tried to organize the get together tonight, but thankfully Tina and Mercedes took over, so it may actually be something worth showing up to for them now. Only the Glee Club girls and Finn, Puck, Mike, and Matt were coming, as Artie had an obvious disadvantage and Kurt had no desire to spend any time around a natural body of water. Santana was lost in her closet, rooting around for some jean shorts that would fit. After trying on her last pair to no avail, she flung them down in a fit of anger.
"I'm so friggin' fat!" Brittany looked mildly bored and was playing with her sunglasses in her hands. She glanced at Santana and shrugged.
"You look fine, Santana." Santana snorted, rolling her eyes.
"Look!" Santana lifted up her shirt, her normally flat stomach now rounded ever so slightly. To a normal person it would look like she'd just had a big lunch, but to the two normally svelte athletes Santana might as well have gained twenty pounds over night. "It's all fat!" Brittany stared at Santana's belly, her eyes wide. "I know! It's awful! What am I supposed to do now? I've got like, no shorts I can wear." Santana waited for Brittany to say something to make her feel better. She looked at her expectantly, but Brittany just kept looking at her stomach. "Brittany." A few more moments passed, and she tried again. "Brittany." Nothing. She was starting to get irritated. "Brittany! Britt!" Brittany snapped to and shook her head slightly.
"Sorry. When I'm staring, I can't hear."
"What do I do?" Santana asked, pushing past her friend's comment like normal.
"Well what's wrong with what you're wearing now?" Brittany asked, gesturing towards the cut off sweatpant shorts and oversized t-shirt Santana was still wearing from when she ran earlier in the afternoon.
"That's totally 80's and I refuse!" Santana protested. "And the shorts feel too tight," she added with a little tug at the back of her shorts, a frown on her face. Brittany sighed. Already this baby was causing Santana to act more snippy than usual, which was saying something.
"Leggings, long tank top," she suggested. Santana just looked at her blankly, but she liked the suggestion. She surveyed the contents of her closet again and plucked a heather grey tank top and a pair of black leggings out. She offered the outfit out to Brittany for approval, and after a nod quickly changed. Brittany smiled triumphantly at the final result.
"You look good! Now throw on some jewelry and let's go already. Quinn is going to be here in seven minutes." Santana grumbled to herself but continued getting ready, hemming and hawwing over what earrings to wear. She heard someone thunder up the stairs and knew it wasn't Quinn from the speed the person was going.
"Santana!" Her door burst open, revealing her brother Hendrix. "Hey, Quinn is downstairs waiting for you two." She eyed her brother with a wrinkled nose.
"What did you have to run for?"
"Just felt like it." He gave Brittany a smile before turning back to his sister. "Mom and dad are letting you go out again?"
"Yeah. And?" Her brother shrugged one of his shoulders.
"I'm just saying, maybe you should be staying home more now. Since you're-" he waved a hand in a circular motion over his own stomach. Santana rolled her eyes.
"Seriously, it's a Glee Club thing. It's as innocent as a lamb."
"It's not like anything worse can happen," Brittany added, and she giggled at her own joke.
"Ha ha," Santana deadpanned, rolling her eyes again. "Thanks for the concern, Hendrix. But we're going now." She grabbed Brittany's hand and her overnight duffelbag, and brushed past Hendrix.
Quinn was talking to her mother downstairs, chatting animatedly. Santana took stock of her friend as the two finished their conversation. Quinn looked good post-baby, almost as good as she did before she was pregnant. She was wearing a light pink sundress, and her hair was up, twisted into a ponytail and clipped up, loose tendrils framing her face. Already she was sunkissed, her cheeks and the tops of her shoulders slightly tanner than the rest of her skin. Yep, Quinn Fabray was back in action. Satisfied with her assessment, she greeted her friend. "Hey Quinn. You ready?" Quinn looked at her two friends and nodded, smiling.
"Ready as ever. Bye Mrs. Lopez!" Santana's mom chuffed and patted Quinn's shoulder.
"See you later darling. I'll see you later too, Brittany. You girls have fun!"
"Bye Mama!" Brittany chirped, using the same name for Santana's mother as Santana herself used, out of habit.
"Bye dear," Mrs. Lopez smiled, not minding it at all, since Brittany was practically a daughter to her anyway. She looked at her biological daughter and cleared her throat. "A word, sweetheart." Quinn grabbed Brittany's hand, and Brittany let go of Santana's.
"We'll wait in the car," Quinn said knowingly, and the two left the house, leaving Santana and her mother alone. Santana did not have to wait long before her mother started in on her.
"I know this is just a Glee Club thing, but there will likely be alcohol," she began. Santana made as if to say something, but her mother held up her hand. "Santana, I was once your age. I know how it works. I've never said anything before because you're my daughter, and I know you're a good girl, underneath the snark and Ice Queen image, and that you're smart. But now that you're pregnant, I need you to be even more aware of your actions at these types of things. You know it's not okay to drink, right?" she asked, ducking her head slightly so she was more on eye level with her daughter.
"Yes, Mama, I know that. No drinking, no jumping on trampolines, no sushi, and no crack," Santana told her sarcastically. She shifted uncomfortably. She wasn't home often and the past several times Santana had gone out, she hadn't been around to express these concerns. Santana's mom was not usually one for these kinds of talks. Obviously. It felt foreign and awkward for both of them.
"Good girl. And be careful, okay? Watch out for yourself." Santana nodded, sensing she was almost done. "You're a smart girl," her mother reiterated. "Use that to your advantage."
"Can I go?" Her mother kissed her forehead and sighed.
"Yes, you can go. Have fun, baby." Santana gave her mother a smile and walked towards the door and opened it.
"We'll probably crash out there, or at Brittany's or something," Santana called over her shoulder as an afterthought. She was about to continue on her way when her mother stopped her.
"I'd prefer it if you stayed here tonight," she said tentatively. She wasn't used to giving rules and boundaries just as much as Santana wasn't used to her doing it. Santana turned her shoulders slightly, rooted where she stood halfway out of the door, one hand on the doorknob.
"It's just the lake, Mama. It's not Vegas or whatever."
"Baby, it's just with you being pregnant, I don't know that you staying out all night and all that... It just doesn't seem appropriate." Santana rarely saw her mother unarticulated, but this dealing with her pregnant teen daughter seemed to be her undoing in that department. She knew if she pushed she would get her way, but she was debating on if it was worth the upset.
"Maybe," she said tentatively, pausing because she really wasn't sure what she was going to say to that. It seemed stupid to her, but again, probably not worth the fight and Quinn and Brittany were waiting for her in the car anyway. Her mother let out a deep sigh, placing a hand over her face as if this conversation were hurting her.
"This is silly. You go and have a good time with your friends. Stay out at the lake or at Brittany's. I just stood here and told you you were smart and that I trusted you," she said, placing her hand on her hip. Santana gave her an odd look, confused but not willing to extend this conversation by asking what exactly was wanted of her.
"I'll text you and let you know where I am for the night?" she said, lilting her statement as a question. Maybe that was a good compromise but she couldn't be sure. This had never been an issue before.
"Yes, that works," her mother agreed quickly. Santana could tell she didn't like doing this, at all. Which frankly was fine with her. She could handle herself anyway. She waited a few more seconds before gesturing towards the door. Her mom nodded her head and waved her arms. "Yes, yes, go on. Be safe." With that Santana flew from the house, happy to get away from that scenario as quickly as possible.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Rachel had come up behind her, disturbing her introspective reflections. Santana scooted over so there was room for Rachel to sit on the end of the dock, even if she didn't exactly feel like her company right now. Or ever. But the fact that she didn't want to shove Rachel into the lake was still progress, right?
Rachel settled herself down beside her, and removed her flip flops so that she too could dangle her feet into the water. They watched the boys try to drown each other for a long time, Brittany and Tina cheering them on from a safe distance. Santana smiled when Finn dunked Puck, and gave a small chuckle when he hollered in triumph. She noticed that Rachel was also smiling. Ah. She sighed lightly, shifting her weight more forward.
"You love him, don't you?" she asked of Rachel softly. Her toe trailed the water as she swung her foot over the top of the lake, skimming it's blueish surface.
"I don't really know any more. I thought I did, and sometimes I still think I might," Rachel admitted, her normal high and mighty air completely gone. She must have taken note that Santana wasn't her usual bitchy self and let her own guard down. They were just two girls sitting on a dock, not the dangerous popular girl and the high strung Gleek, for a few moments at least. "With all of the baby drama going on, he's changing," Rachel said with a hint of sadness in her voice. She looked at Santana pointedly. "In a good way, for you and your baby. He's going to be a good father, you know." Santana nodded, still watching Finn in the water. Yes, even she could tell Finn was going to be a good dad. He would be there for his child, and support it. Love it. "But as he shifts from being this awkward teenage man-child to the man he is becoming, he's making it harder for me. I like kids, but I can't be overly involved in this." Rachel gestured to Santana's baby bump, but Santana wasn't offended.
She hadn't felt the same way about Puck when he got Quinn pregnant, but she could understand that it was an entirely different scenario, first of all because all that was was sex. Secondly, they'd known that Quinn wasn't keeping Beth from the start. They'd also known that Santana was keeping her baby. It wasn't the same as sharing your guy with another girl, emotionally at least, for nine months. Finn was going to be committed to her in one shape or form for the rest of his life if they had this kid together. He was already weaving his way into her life as it was, calling to check on her daily and teaching her how to drive. Santana wondered how much Rachel had thought about this, but didn't feel the need to ask. It was obviously enough.
"It's selfish, but I have dreams and goals of my own, and they don't revolve around kids, my own or my significant other's. Not yet. And he is going to be raising a child with you. You're going to be an intricate part of his life. And I refuse to try and compete with that. I simply won't do it." Again Santana understood where the brash brunette was coming from, prickling her nerves slightly. Since when did she "get" Rachel Berry? She pushed past the disgusted feeling and nodded with a sigh.
"Does Finn know this?" Santana asked, turning her head slightly to face Rachel. She wasn't sure if past that giant scene in the choir room if the two had actually spoken or not. Rachel nodded her head slowly.
"He does. We've talked about it... in great detail. I think we're really over for good this time."
"I'm sorry for that, Berry. I thought you guys really had something." Rachel just smiled sadly, her gaze returning back to their friends in the water.
"I thought so."
"I'm sorry for... what I did. While you were dating..." Santana was spared from having to apologize when Rachel cut her off.
"Santana, it's seriously almost a non-issue now. Let's just... move past it. But I accept. For the team, we can't have any more animosity than we already have." Rachel looked back out at the water pensively, and Santana followed her gaze. Rachel continued to speak, neither girl making eye contact. "We weren't dating technically anyway. And it's not like you didn't get punished in some way, shape, or form." Santana nodded. True enough. Getting pregnant was the ultimate consequence for having sex with someone else's... whatever Finn and Rachel are to each other. Or were. She understood why Rachel held her no ill will.
The two conceded to mutual and not unfriendly silence, and when the others emerged from the lake they rejoined their group of friends and they all proceeded to build a fire. And by "all", mostly the guys, as the girls ordered them around as the boys found timber to start their fire and declared pieces of wood too wet or too dry, spawning plenty of immature jokes from both genders. They went on and had a grand time, everyone but Santana drinking and getting pretty far gone for the most part. Santana didn't grumble, knowing full well she couldn't partake even if she wanted to. Besides, Tina and Mercedes were absolutely hysterical drunk, and she got enough laughs in over the course of a few hours than she felt she ever had when they were in school.
Well past midnight, the fire had died and everyone else had fallen asleep under the stars. Santana lay awake, one arm under her head and the other at her side. It was hot, so she'd simply laid on top of her sleeping bag instead of between the insulated layers, like most everyone else as well. She plucked grass with her free hand and tossed it back at the ground in an anxious manner. She wasn't sure she'd be able to sleep out here, as she normally didn't, at least not with the threat of all the bugs and coyotes and whatnot lingering in the back of her mind. She'd conceded this once, mostly because Brittany had wanted to. Just as she closed her eyes to try to sleep, she heard a rustling of tall grass.
Her eyes shot open, wide with fear. Turning her head quickly, she saw what she thought was Finn crawling nearer to her across the ground, avoiding a sleeping Tina and Mike in the effort. When it became obvious it was a person for sure, she relaxed. As he got closer it was clear it was Puck and not Finn at all. His presence might not be exactly welcome but he wasn't a coyote or axe murderer, at least.
"Scoot," he slurred when he got to her, motioning with his hands. She could smell the alcohol on his breath still and couldn't resist the urge to chuckle. He'd had probably more beer than anyone else and was plenty drunk. She scooted anyway, and let him lay close to her on her sleeping bag. He roughly adjusted her so that she was laying her top half on his chest, and she normally would have protested except for the fact she knew she could run faster than him if it came down to a bear jumping out of the woods or something. Especially since he would definitely not be steady on his feet. She lay her head down on him and brought a hand up to rest on his shoulder.
"Hi," she whispered, not wanting to wake anyone else. She could only imagine how this would look if anyone saw, but wasn't overly concerned. What worse could they possibly think of her?
"Hey," he whispered back. She angled her head up so she could look at him, and he smiled. "Can't sleep?"
"Not really," she admitted, laying her head back down. She wasn't going through the effort of being a bitch; she was wound down for the night and she was sure he wouldn't remember this tomorrow anyhow.
"Me either."
They lay there together, simply breathing in the night air and being. After a few minutes and without warning, he kissed her. It was quick, but the force behind it meant something. What, she wasn't sure, but definitely something. She debated on reciprocating but before she could decide he did it again, this time longer, harder, and with tongue. She reached a hand up for his face and gave in, closing her eyes and enjoying the kiss as it deepened. He wasn't with Quinn right? She wasn't with anyone... This was okay. Them kissing, this was okay. It'd been so long since she'd had the chance to be physical with anyone, let alone Puck, and she really didn't feel like passing up what seemed like a prime opportunity to release some pent up sexual frustrations.
She could feel his hand creeping up between their pressed bodies, and didn't think to stop him as he easily slid a hand up her sleep shorts through a loose pant leg. She felt her heartrate quicken; it'd been so long (for her) since she'd been touched in that way. All sexual activities had stopped once she'd found out she was pregnant, as per Finn's request.
Finn. Stupid Finn! Stupid Finn and his stupid rules! They'd said no sex. This was definitely, definitely heading that way. What was she thinking anyway? She was pregnant. She didn't need to be fucking Puck. That's what got her where she was now, sex without thinking about consequences. And if she didn't stop this now, she'd just be perpetuating this cycle of dumb choices.
"No," she said quickly, using both hands on Puck's chest to scoot herself away from him. When there was a good foot or so between them, she crossed her arms over her chest and drew her legs up, a frown on her face. Since when had Santana ever said no? She knew he was thinking the exact same thing when he looked at her confused, his eyes still hazy from alcohol.
"What do you mean, "no"?" he asked, and if Santana wasn't sure she was sober, she'd have thought she had imagined the hurt tone of his voice.
"Puck, I can't. I promised Finn."
"Promised Finn what?" he pressed, sitting up on an elbow and giving her a hard stare. It wasn't hard to tell he was displeased.
"That I wouldn't have sex until after the baby is born," she explained softly, crossing her arms tighter. She wasn't entirely happy about this sudden moral integrity she was forced to have, but she couldn't break the rules she'd made with Finn. She was carrying his baby. That pretty much settled it in her mind.
"Oh. The baby." The change in his voice made her frown into the darkness. What was with everyone and feelings today? He sighed deeply and held a hand out towards her stomach, laying it on the sleeping bag and not touching her at all. She moved herself backwards a little more so that there was no risk of him touching her, even accidentally.
"Yeah, because of the baby." She watched his face for a few moments, trying to decipher it. Unhappy, check. Still drunk, check. Regret? "It wouldn't be right. Do you understand?" He nodded, the hand that had been laying too close for comfort now straying up to her face, cupping her cheek. He ran a thumb over her bottom lip as he looked at her sadly.
"I do."
"What is it?" she asked in a barely audible whisper. If she wasn't one to get all touchy-sensitive-feelings, then Puck definitely wasn't. But she asked anyway.
"I just really wanted a fuck," he answered flippantly, removing his hand quickly from her face and turning to lay on his back again.
"Puck..." She knew that for sure wasn't it. Or at least not all of it. She was prepared to wait, and she did, the silence just about as pregnant as she was. That's what she felt like she'd done all day anyway: wait for people to spill their guts out to her. It was getting old but she supposed there wasn't much she could do about it.
"Is it bad to say I kind of wanted her to be mine?" Puch said after a few moments. Santana didn't answer because the answer she had was harsh and scathing. So she said nothing. Puck didn't seem to mind, and then she realized it was probably a rhetorical question as he went on. "Just... Quinn didn't really give me much of a chance to be a father. And I know I could do it. I'd be a good dad." Santana couldn't contain the scoff she felt pressing at the back of her throat. He turned his head and looked at her with a hurt expression. "Hey. I never said a good boyfriend. A good dad. I'd be a good dad."
"Puck you have no business being a father. You're seventeen. No one needs that," Santana told him, trying to use a soft voice but failing at hiding her disgust. Who the hell would want to be a parent at this age? If she could rewind, she'd never have slept with Finn, would get on birth control, and keep her legs closed. Puck was just so stupid sometimes.
"I know. But. Everyone just thinks I'm this fuck-up..."
"You are," Santana interjected, trying to tease him, but Puck didn't pay her any attention.
"And having a kid practically forces you to not be a fuck-up."
"Your logic is a little skewed, but okay," Santana admitted. True enough. Once you were about to become a parent, you weren't allowed to be a screw up anymore. Look at her, she'd started a job, was slowly but surely learning how to drive, and she'd just denied sex. She would never admit she was a screw up to begin with, she felt she wasn't, but she was definitely on the right track here. "But why don't you just try not being a fuck-up? Stop throwing kids in dumpsters, stop vandalizing cars, whatever else you do. No eighteen year minimum commitment involved. You don't need a kid to force you to change. Just do it for yourself." Puck's eyes were wide at the end of her comments, and he looked at her as if she were Jesus or something.
"How'd you get so smart, Santana? That was actually good advice," he said in a shocked voice. Santana smiled and uncrossed her arms, scooting closer to Puck again. She promptly rested her head back on his chest and sighed.
"I've always been pretty brilliant," she teased. Puck gave her a small, friendly kiss on the top of her head.
"Well remind me of all of this in the morning, will you? I have a feeling this conversation will be not much more than a fuzzy memory by the time I sober up fully." Santana nodded her head against the fabric of his shirt and closed her eyes. Now Puck was silent, and she too said nothing, instead listening to the steady beat of his heart underneath her ear. As their breathing became more shallow, the night sounds that surrounded the lake filtered in, creating a soothing lullaby. No longer worried about bugs or coyotes or axe murderers, Santana nuzzled herself under Puck's arm and fell promptly asleep.