Chapter 21
"Ron?" Harry asked hesitantly.
Hermione had run to the library to pick up some books after an incredibly long, theory based potion lesson. In the last period of a Friday. Snape was cruel.
Ron looked back. He'd met them after a short trip to the kitchens during his free period.
"Ya?" Came the reply round a mouthful of scone.
They were standing in the entrance to the school, students hurrying past them as they went their various ways in the freedom of the weekend.
"I want to go for a walk, alone" He added as Ron turned to walk out the door. His best friend looked up confused and a little hurt.
"I just want to think through some stuff. I-"
"It's cool Harry" Ron said, interrupting. "We'll see you at dinner?"
Harry smiled gratefully. Ron, at least, seemed to understand when he wanted space. Hermione had been determined on keeping on eye on him at all times since the potion's incident on Monday. Harry thought she felt guilty for it, after she had been so dismissive of Malfoy.
"Don't tell Hermione. Please? You know she'll freak out." The red head nodded.
They parted and Harry walked quietly out the huge front doors of the Entrance Hall. The grounds were empty in the late afternoon sun. It was too warm inside the castle for anyone to brave the cold wind that was whistling through the bare trees. Harry pulled his robes tight around himself. But the chill was worth it if it meant getting away from everyone, if only for a short while. He walked aimless across the lawns, down towards the lake, eventually choosing a spot to sit.
He hadn't been lying when he told Ron that he needed to think. The week had been incredibly long, despite Snape giving him the remainder of the evenings free. While the man may not have said why, Harry had had enough visions to know something was afoot in Voldemort's camp. He had to go and fetch more nourishment vials from the man after dinner. Harry had tried to refuse the potions, but Snape would brook no argument. And Harry was hardly in a position to demand. It still grated him what the man was doing: barging into his life and forcing him to comply. But there was no way out. The Potions Master had the triumph card. If Harry didn't do what he wanted, he would tell.
Harry tried to push the thoughts aside. Thinking about Snape only made him tense and edgy. He hated not being able to read the man. He watched the sun sinking slowly towards the horizon, streaking the sky with orange and purple.
But Snape was not the only worry. Hermione and Ron had been watching his every move since the incident on Monday. And what was more, Harry had the horrible suspicion that they had told Remus. The man was watching him even more intensely than usual. Ron and Hermione he could deal with. Lupin on the other hand he could not lie to.
He tried not to think about it. He wanted a few moments of solitude away from them and the mess he had made of the situation. He did not want to think about what would happen if they, like Snape, found out.
As the twilight around him began to deepen, he watched Hagrid's large silhouette emerge from his hut on the outskirts of the forest. He felt a deep affection for the bushy haired groundskeeper as he watched him lumber over the grounds towards the school. Perhaps it was nostalgia for the way things had been: a longing for the time when Voldemort was a distant fear and he could look at his newfound friends with wonder instead of guilt and shame.
It was nearly time for dinner. They would be expecting him soon. He got up slowly, reluctant to relinquish the seclusion he had found. Sighing he turned and hurried back to the castle.
He trekked across the grounds and up the steps of the school unwillingly. The castle was quiet. Most of the students were at dinner already; Harry could hear the muted din coming from the Great Hall, the laugher and clinking of plates as everyone enjoyed another delicious, carefree meal.
Taking a deep breath, he walked up to the hall to join them.
/\/\\/\/\/\
Severus' eyes tracked Potter as he slipped into the Hall to join the Gryffindor table next to his friends. He had wondered where the boy had got to when he saw Weasley and Granger walk in alone. As it was, the girl turned and starting asking him questions. Potter seemed to be trying to placate her.
He returned his attention to his colleagues who were discussing the recent modifications to the school's security. There had been more rumours of the Dark Lord attempting a show of power against Hogwarts. Severus suppressed a shudder at the thought. It was not that he was afraid of the possibility. The school's defences were far stronger than the Death Eaters could know. It was merely the thought that the Dark Lord would try and ruin the last safe place he had left.
He finished his meal and excused himself. He had to fetch potions for Poppy and take them to the infirmary. Potter also had to fetch his nourishment potion. Severus stood and swept out of the Hall.
/\/\\/\/\/\/\
"Hermione, I was fine. I just went for a walk down to the lake." Harry snapped, and immediately regretted it. Hermione looked away, lips pursed. Ron looked at him reproachfully.
"I'm sorry, Hermione." He said, getting up. He had lost whatever appetite he had regained. "I'm going to collect that stuff from Snape." With that he turned and left. He just wanted to get away.
Hermione was just being a good friend, he knew. She was worried and wanted him to be safe. But nonetheless it irritated him that they thought he couldn't be alone for a few minutes. He had dealt with much worse on his own. Not that it seemed to hold any water with them. He gritted his teeth. It was their constant watching that made it so hard. And on top of that the mixed feelings… He couldn't let them continue to care for him. It was selfish and it could only end with them getting hurt. Yet it was so hard to push them away. He wanted their support and friendship. But he couldn't have it. The price for it was too high.
His feet had carried him mindlessly down the steps that led to the dungeons. Still absorbed in his train of thought as he walked down the dimly lit passages that led to Snape's classroom, he turned a corner and walked straight into them.
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle evidently must have been waiting there for him, although they were surprised by his sudden appearance. Harry collided with the taller, slight blond boy, sending them both reeling back. Malfoy recovered himself quickly, a sneer curling itself on his thin lips. Harry's heart started thudding hard as he realised what was going on, hand plunging into his robes and dragging his wand out. The blonde mirrored his motion, although the other two boys were slower, looking at their leader and clearly waiting for instructions. They loomed behind Malfoy, small malevolent eyes pinned on him.
But even as he drew his wand, Harry felt the fear starting to curl in his stomach. He could handle Malfoy, although a duel might be close. But pitted against the other two… the memories were trying to push their way through, worming themselves into his consciousness.
"Get him!" The blonde hissed, his wand starting a twirling flick as the other two lunged forward.
Harry yelled a shielding charm as he turned, bolting back the way he had come. He flew down the passage, the others running hard after him.
"Don't let him get out the dungeons!" Malfoy shouted. Harry careened around a corner, only to find that Malfoy was somehow standing in front of the stairs that led to the main castle. He ducked down a corridor, narrowly avoiding a jet of light the blonde shot at him.
He had no idea where he was running. He'd never had the chance, or the desire to explore this area of Hogwarts. But clearly the other three had. He could hear them just behind him; he ducked and swerved, trying to making himself a harder target for spells…
Out of nowhere, someone grabbed him, pulling him into what had been wall. Arms clamped over him, pinning his own arms down. He desperately tried to twist away. A hand pressed hard over his mouth…
"Quiet, Potter." Snape's voice whispered urgently in his ear. Even as he heard hom, he heard his pursuers come pounding down the passage. It was not recognition of the Potion Master that made him stop fighting, and stay rigidly still. He hardly dared breathe.
"Where'd he go?" Came Goyle's slightly slurred speech.
"He can't have gone far, Crabbe check the main corridor, Goyle go that way." Malfoy ordered, the footsteps hurrying away.
Still pinned, Harry saw that they were in some sort of small dark, stone enclave, hardly bigger than a broom cupboard. Evidently the three Slytherins could not see it. Harry shook his head, trying to dislodge the hand. But instead of releasing, it pressed harder. The panic which had been so near, reared again, and he tried to thrash.
"Still." Snape breathed commandingly into his ear.
Then as another pair of feet walked slowly passed, Harry understood why. Malfoy had not gone with the other two. He obeyed, and the pressure on his mouth eased. But the footsteps had stopped. Harry could hear the other boy breathing, could imagine him looking around, scrutinisingly, for a clue… He realised also, that he was shaking. His heart was thundering in his ears. He had to stamp on the impulse to struggle to get out of the man's grip again.
The footsteps resumed as the blonde continued down the passage, clearly finding nothing.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
"Follow me." Severus spoke softly, releasing his hold on the boy, who he had not failed to notice, was shaking. Potter spun out of his grip, backing up against the far wall. The boy's eyes were wide. Severus stepped through the wall into the hallway, and begun walking quickly, not giving the teen a say in the matter. He could hear from the steps behind him that Potter was obeying.
He led them through a maze of passages, stopping suddenly in front of a blank stone wall. He laid his hand against it and felt the wash of warmth as the wards protecting his chamber recognised him. A wooden door appeared immediately. He opened it and gestured Potter in, glancing around to check they were unseen.
The boy stepped hesitantly over the threshold, despite their obvious need for haste. Severus closed the door swiftly as he came in, holding the sharp remark on his tongue. Potter had evidenced that he was panicky enough as it was.
The door had opened into his office lounge, as he had wanted it to. The room was of medium size, decorated with green and silver furnishings. Like all the Heads of Houses, he had been given it to use as a venue for meetings with parents and the like.
Potter was looking around uncertainly. He pointed his wand at the hearth and the fire relit itself obediently, illuminating the room in its warm glow. He gestured for the boy to sit.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Harry didn't know what to make of the turn of events. Things had happened too quickly. One second he was running desperately away then the next… They appeared to be in some sort of Slytherin sitting room. Snape motioned him to sit. Four, elegant black armchairs were positioned around the hearth. He chose the one furthest from his professor, looking around nervously. He felt edgy and anxious in the unfamiliar setting, even more so with being with a man he could not predict.
He had to force himself not to squirm as Snape settled himself opposite, black eyes regarding him over long, steeped fingers. They sat in silence, Harry carefully avoiding eye contact. He did not want the man to know just how uneasy he was.
"Why was Mr Malfoy chasing you around the dungeons, Potter?" Snape asked tersely.
"I-I don't know sir." He answered truthfully. He had no idea what the blonde boy wanted from him.
"Explain what happened."
"I was walking down to your classroom to get the potions you wanted me to take and when I went round the corner I walked straight into them. They kinda looked surprised. Then Malfoy yelled at them to get me and started shooting spells-"
"Just the three of them?"
"Y-yes, I th-"
"Why didn't you fight back?" Snape interrupted, black eyes boring into him.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
"W-what?"
"As far as I know, you've never backed down from a duel with Mr Malfoy." He asked, watching the boy's reaction. "Why didn't you fight back?"
"I did. B-but I was outnumbered." The boy said, looking up defiantly, clearly thinking that he was doubting his courage.
"Potter, I find it that… difficult to believe." He didn't believe it at all. Goyle and Crabbe were hardly a threat to one as magically talented, although he would hardly admit it aloud.
"There c-could have been others, I mean obviously they had planned t-"
"Potter," Severus spoke quietly, menacingly. The boy flinched and pressed himself further into the couch, refusing to look at him. The teen was lying to him. He wanted to know why. "You said they were waiting for you?"
"Y-yes. I think…" The boy trailed off.
"Did you attempt to defend yourself?"
The boy hesitated fractionally before muttering, "Yes"
"I see." He paused pensively. Potter hadn't a clue how much he had just risked. If Draco told his father or any other Death Eater was to find out that he, Severus, had passed up so salient an opportunity… He was intrigued that the boy would run so easily. While the teen certainly was prone to it around him, he'd never seen Potter back down around anyone else, regardless the situation. Brainless courage was, after all, his specialty.
"Are you afraid of Malfoy?" He asked calmly, gauging Potter's reaction to the question.
"W-what?" The boy looked up, genuinely confused. Severus arched an eyebrow. "No, why would I be afraid of-"
"Then why were you running from him?" Potter had been panicking, of that he was sure. He had sensed it, felt the raw, icy feeling radiating off him before he had pulled him out of the corridor.
"I-" Harry floundered, shifting uncomfortably. "They started running at me and I jus-"
He stopped, shaking his head and looking down at his hands.
"Are you afraid of me, Potter?" Severus asked the question, his voice still calm.
Potter went still. He reminded Severus very much of a rabbit caught suddenly in the light. He waited, not moving, feeling the boy's uneasiness and the ever present anxiety swirling around him. The silence stretched, broken only by the quiet crackling of the fire. He wondered if he should repeat the question, although he knew Potter had heard. Perhaps it hadn't been wise to ask it in the first place. It had simply slipped out, following his line of questioning. He sat, contemplating the boy, feeling the spikes in his emotions in place of an answer, when the quiet whisper came.
"Yes."
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Harry turned his face away, wanting to hide it. He wanted it to be over, to be away from his professor. He'd hoped the man would somehow withdraw the question, give him a way out of answering it. But Snape's silence dictated otherwise. And he couldn't lie. The man had already caught him out for it when he didn't answer the other question. He couldn't have told Snape that he'd run because the memories, so stirred by the sight of Crabbe and Goyle, had made him panic. He wanted the man to stop questioning, to stop digging away at him. He was shaking again. How he despised himself for his weakness.
"Why?" Snape's voice was still calm and even. Why had he admitted it? Why had he given the man more power? Why hadn't he just stayed quiet? Why was he so afraid?
Harry shook his head, looking down at the rug before the hearth, his eyes following the lines of intricate green. He didn't look up. He didn't want to see the Potions Master's reaction to this insolence. He wasn't going to give the man any more leverage over him.
Again the silence began to lengthen. Harry fought the urge to hug his knees to his chest. He would not show his professor how vulnerable he felt.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Severus was still watching the boy, who refused to look up at him. Potter's anxiety was mounting. And still he said nothing. He did not want it to come to a contest of wills. It would not engender the boy's trust.
"You're still wearing your amulet, Potter."
The teen's head jerked up at the sound of his voice. "We're n-not in your classroom or o-office, s-sir." He stammered in what was clearly meant to be a defiant tone, as his hand moved protectively to the peculiar rock.
Severus was amused. The boy wasn't going to give an inch unless he had to. "Indeed. However, in future, you will refrain from wearing it any of my rooms. Understood?"
"I don't see why I can't wear it, s-sir." Potter said defiantly, and seemed to realise what he said as soon as it left his lips; he blanched. Severus noticed he was starting to tremble again.
"Because Potter, I will not have you operating under the illusion that everything is just fine. You cannot simply pretend that whatever happened to you, didn't happen. Which is exactly what you appear to be trying to do. Do I make myself clear?"
"Y-yes." The boy added a quick 'sir' at a glance from him. Severus could see that the response was not given freely. Nonetheless it would do.
"You cannot leave the dungeons via the main stairway Potter, in case Mr Malfoy has not yet given up his search. I will escort you up to a short cut to the second floor. You will have to find your own way from there. Follow me." With that Severus swept gracefully up from his chair and out the door, which had located near the appropriate passage. Potter cringed as he stood, but followed him out regardless, pale and shaken in the firelight.
...
Severus sank tiredly back into his armchair, reaching for the tumbler of fire whiskey he had left besides it. It had been a difficult week. First the incident on Monday, then the endless worrying about the Dark Lord and now this. If he had not been walking back from the Infirmary, who knew had a disaster might have occurred. Draco seemed bent on Potter. Two incidents in a week was not something to be taken lightly. When he heard the shouting and saw Potter bolting down the passage, he had realised what must be happening. He knew a great deal more about the dungeons than just about anyone when it came to hidden passages and shelters. He had spent most of his school life hiding in them. The walls in the dungeons were riddled with secret passages and hidden nooks, if you knew were to find them.
Potter hadn't asked how he'd found him but then, the boy refused to even look at him. The boy had flinched at every shadow. Severus had the suspicion that their next lesson was going to be even more difficult than usual.