Disclaimer: I own NOTHING at all
Chapter Twenty-One: Afraid of You
Mai Pov
"Because I love him." my mouth ran before my brain could register that Naru is staring down at me. When it finally dawns on me, all I did is gasp and covered my mouth with my hands, with wide eyes, as my heart leaped painfully.
'Oh no, he heard.' I was now petrified. So Naru and I just stare at each other, no words spoken. (Okay, that awkward silence came, for a part three with vengeance apparently.)
..
..
Naru surprises me, when he turns around, heading in the tree house, but then pause at his tracks, and his head lifts up towards the night sky. My heart racing, my hands are sweating. I have no idea how to deal with this. How he'll react.. I was so caught up in my thoughts, I didn't hear Naru.
"Mai, I..." but I blocked him off.
He rejected me once, I can't bare my heart to be broken once again. And before Naru could say anything else, I turned around, and ran down the stairs...
'He'll reject me. I can't.. I can't handle that for the second time.' My mind screamed, as my heart breaks. I felt tears leaking down my cheeks. I have no idea where I was heading, all I knew, is must be away from Naru and from reality.
Finally I stopped, looking around my surroundings, while wiping my eyes, I was standing in front of the ocean, watching the moonlight reflect beautifully in the ocean waters, as the many stars light up as well. I stare at it, as I sat on the sandy ground, and wrap my arms around my legs.
"He'll hate me now!" I protested, starting to cry once again, wanting the earth to swallow me up. My heart aches so much.
I have no idea how long I sat there on the ground, but one thing is, Naru never came after me, which proved my point. I lay myself on the ground, closing my eyes, as I cried myself to sleep. If I stayed up a little longer, I would have caught Naru sitting next to me. Cause he did chase after me.
Upon waking up the next morning, I felt a crab walking on my leg, causing me to jump up, and look around my surroundings.
"What happened?" I whispered, feeling my eyes swollen and feeling as well light headed, that I had to take a hold of my head. Looking towards my left, I yelped in surprise to see Naru sitting next to me, with one leg up, staring out at the ocean.
"Had a nice sleep?" he actually questions, but doesn't move his head, I move away from him, remembering everything that happened last night. Without a word, I stood up, only to wobble a little, causing me to move closer to Naru.
"Run away again, and this time I won't chase you." he threatens.
"I don't care if you don't chase me." was my respond, heading out, but Naru acted quicker than I, that he takes a hold of my arm, and pulls me down, making me land next to him.
"Hey!" I yelled, as finally he turns to see me, he doesn't look well at all. He looks very pale.
'Did he stay here all night?' I thought, now guilt plaguing me. I shouldn't have run away. He's sick.
"You don't look well."
"Of course not, I have a fever," he spat out, his eyes are colder than ever, I actually flinch at his words. He looks so mad.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have run away. I forgot that you have a fever. Let's go.. I'll..." but I paused, when Naru returns his gaze towards the ocean.
"You just ran away. Why?" his voice is very strict, and thick. I wanted to run away once again. I wanted to be not near him. I can't.. I can't stand it.
"Why are you asking me this?" I knew why, but I wanted out. I'm scared, no petrified right now, that my hands started to shake tremendously. Naru tighten his hold on me.
"You know too damn well why I'm asking you," was his response. I started to shake my arm away from him.
"Then let me go. I don't' want to talk to you." I bluntly told him, he turns his gaze back at me, and I gasped, from one of the coldest stares I have ever seen in Naru.
"Why the hell did you just leave me alone!" He practically yells at me, as I stopped my struggling.
"Because..." I paused, feeling exhausted already.
"Because what Mai?" He paused, as I ignored his sight. Tears once again rolled down my cheeks.
"You know.. Don't make me repeat myself." I begged him. I don't want to be rejected again. I'm scared, can't he see this. My heart is racing, but not from happiness. I can tell you that.
"Repeat yourself?" he whispers, looking at the sand,
"Yes, now let me go. This isn't going to work. Just let me go please. I'm scared, okay. I'm afraid of you." I begged this time, I started to shrug my arm, sobbing hard. Naru returns his gaze at me, but this time he lets go of me, as his eyes widen at my sudden words.
"You're afraid of me?" it seems to dawn on him. I nodded gently, hiccuping, lowering my head down.
"Terrified of you. Okay. I have encounter many evil spirits as well as good, all scares me, but you.. You are the one that scares me the most." I admitted, flopping down on the ground completely. Covering my eyes with my arm. I can't even see him. I felt so ashamed of myself, but it's true.
"I'm I that horrible for you to be scared of me?" his voice sounded a little hurt for a reason. I nodded.
"Its..." but I couldn't even finish, I felt too ashamed of myself.
"I heard you say that you love me. I was going to ask you something before you went on running off, but the time I found you, you were sleeping." he admits. Finally, I could feel the tension lifting of out us. As I lifted my gaze at him.
'So he did stay here all night? Why?'
"Naru, please, don't. I.. I already know your answer. Why in the world you think I ran away?" I challenged back, not knowing what to really say.
"You do? Since when you can hear my damn thoughts." he hissed out, but then huffed out, running his hand through his face, trying to calm down.
"Since you rejected me two years ago." I spit out at him, anger starting to boil in me. He turns his gaze at me, arching a brow,
"That's because I'm no ones substitute." was his real words, I couldn't believe this at all.
"Sub? What substituted? Wait. You thought that I saw you as a sub for Gene? Is that the real reason, you told me those words, Me or Gene?" I gasped out, not believing this. I mean, I knew that he thought I fell in love with Gene, but seeing him as a sub, never. They may have the same face, but they are two different people.
"Yes. I'm not like Gene, I don't smile, I am not a free spirit. So don't confuse me with him. I'm not a sub for him, nor no other man." he hissed out through his teeth. I stare at him this time, with wide eyes.
"You stupid, idiotic man. You think so little of me. I told you before, I don't love Gene nor I like him. He's like a brother to me as well. Never once, I have never, not even a minute thought of you as a sub for him. Remember, you lied to us at the beginning. I thought the one that was visiting me in my dreams was you. How the hell was I suppose to know that you had a twin brother. How the hell did I know!" I screamed at him. Feeling my chest heave.
Naru stares at me, no words coming out of his mouth, but he stands, and starts to limp towards the forest itself. I was now so mad, that I bolted up, and ran up towards him, and took a hold of his arm making him spin around.
"What?" he growls.
"Don't just leave, you wanted to talk, then lets talk about it. I think it's time. I have been holding this for three freaking years now. I think it's time." I scolded him.
"I'm leaving you alone. You're afraid of me, so let me go." he shrugs his arm, making me lose balance a little.
"Yes, I'm afraid of you. Damn it Naru." I move towards his front, spreading my arms out, so he can stop.
"Don't run away."
"Like your the one to talk." He spews out, going around me. So I turned immediately taking his arm again.
"No.. Now you're going to listen to me. Stop running away.."
"Leave me alone Mai."
"No. I'm your damn wife. Hear me out."
"I don't care if you're my wife. You just admitted you are afraid of me. So I'm giving you the space. I'm letting you run away. We'll just figure this case out, and as soon as we get out of this hell bent island, we will never see each other again. Happy." His voice is so harsh, that I actually shivered from it.
"Then what's the damn point. This is why I'm afraid of you. Can't we talk like civilize people."
"No."
"Naru stop being stubborn."
"I'm not. Just go." he waves his hand towards the ocean.
"No. No. No. No... You always want your way. I'm not having this anymore." I move forward, and shrug Naru shoulder, making him go backwards.
"Mai!" he hissed, touching his chest. I know he's wounded, but I need to stop him. For a reason, something in me, needed to get this off my chest.
"Listen to me."
"No." he starts to move again, I caught his arm, and pull him back.
"This is why... I am afraid of you. Cause..." I paused, as Naru shrugs his arm back, and starts to walk ahead..
Fears hit me again. This man makes me feel too many emotions. I can't. I just can't any more.
"I'M AFRAID OF YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TO MUCH OLIVER DAVIS! YOUR THE SAME GUY I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU ABOUT!" I screamed out, heaving hard. For a reason, this reminds me the first time around, I confessed, Naru stopped in his tracks, staring at a distance.
'Oh no, not again.' I felt nervous, my body shook. This is like a repeat. Well similar to it.
"I love you so much. I don't know how. My like for you turned into pure love. I tried so much to forget you completely. I tried to move on. I didn't want to be one of those girls clingy to one guy. Ever since we have been stuck in this island, my love for you grew and grew so much, that I just can't take it anymore. When you left me for four months. I thought I had died, you took a piece of me. I know this doesn't seem realistic, but I love you so much Naru. I don't care how rich or famous you are. I wouldn't care if you were poor. All I know is that, I love you. I know how cold you are. I know how irritated you are. I see pass that, cause you're not perfect, nor am I. I know what a good man you really are, you do have a soul, you do have a heart. I just know that my heart chooses you. Maybe others will say, I'm just too young, and this is passing. I don't think so. I know, that I will love you forever. I just feel it in my heart." I cried out. Taking in a big breath.
Naru continue to remain quiet, as my fear kept spiking up.
"So, that's why I'm afraid. Cause you rejected me once. I can't deal it with it again, I doubt my heart can take it, call me a sadist or something like that. I know that you're not interested in me. I know that you have some other girl in mind. I know that I'm just a burden to you. I know that..." Naru turns around, making me pause at my sentence.
"How do you know? Since when? Since when you can know my own real feelings Mai?" He questions, staring at me deeply. I hiccuped.
"Since you rejected me two years ago!" I screamed at him. Naru huffed, yet no emotion seems to pass his face, just coldness. If you can call that an emotion.
"Let's do what you said earlier. Let's solve this case, and then when we return. We can go on our separate ways. I can survive that. Eventually, (and hopefully to God) I can fall in love with another man. I won't be a burden to you any more. You don't even have to be my protector nor husband, and I will quit. So you won't be anything to me." I gasped out.
Naru moves slowly up towards me. I just couldn't move any more. I felt my legs paralyzed. As he stands now in front of me, his cold eyes search mine, but I lower my head.
"Is that so?"
"Yes. I knew loving you from the beginning is not going to end well. I hate it, cause you make me feel so much, how dare you." I started once again, anger filling me once again, and rose my sight, and started to shrug his shoulder.
"How dare you think, even for a slight moment in your life that I see you as a sub. How dare you make me fall in love with you. How dare you, walk into my life in that classroom." I kept shrugging his shoulder.
"How dare I?" he whispers, so low, that I stopped shrugging his shoulder, looking up at him. My eyes widen, at his strange look.
"Yes, how dare you steal my heart. Damn you. I never gave you permission to do so." I whispered so low, that I felt like bagging my head against one of the trees that surrounds us.
"Are you done?" he simply questions.
"Yes. You already heard me, now let me go." I tried to yank my arm away from him, but he held it tighter.
"No. Now it's time for you to listen to me." He simply suggested. I actually glance up at him, and gasp, to see a strange emotion pass his eyes. It looks like sadness.
"Now hear me once Mai. I won't repeat myself..." he paused, moving me closer to him. That I actually slammed against his chest.
"N.. Naru?" My voice shook, looking up at him.
"Are you willing to hear me?" he lowered his head, feeling his warm breath brush against my ear, causing me to shiver.
"No, cause you're going to reject me. I already know what you're going to say, just let me go." I shrug him off, but he adjusts me, wrapping his free arm around my waist. I leaned my head against his shoulder, crying hard.
"Fine, don't' listen, but I'm still talking." he threatens, as he gently holds me in his arms. I felt my heart hammer hard against my chest, hearing him take a breath.
"Fine. Let separate when we return to Japan. Fine, be afraid of me. Fine, blame me for loving me. Fine, blame me for everything." His voice hashed out.. I bit my lower lip, hiccuping.
"Then let me go." I told him, but he adjusts me once again.
"You know, I'm a man with few words. I just act on instinct. I just talk when necessary." he started.
"I know that, that's why I'm saving you the trouble." I cried. I can't hear it. I just can't. He moves his legs, so I started to walk backwards with him, until I felt something firm behind me. I use my free hand, and move it behind me. My eyes widen. To feel the bumpy, rough skin of a bark.
'Did he just pinned me against the tree?' I thought, but I didn't dare to look up.
"Ha, saving me the trouble? Of what? I was a kid back then Mai."
"Kid? That was two years ago,"
"Now I'm twenty. I have grown up a lot since then." He admits.
"I know.. Yet your feelings hasn't. I know you too damn good, just let me go." I pleaded.
"I keep asking you, how do you know?"
"Cause I know you for three years Naru. Since the day I have met you, everything you do is a lie." I defended, that I actually felt Naru go stiff.
"A lie? Everything I do for you is a lie?"
"Not everything, but your background information was."
"You know the real reason why. Just drop it."
"Then stop hesitating, and tell me already. Tell me that you reject me. Okay. So I can move on. I need a wake up call. Please, I'm begging you." I begged him, taking a hold of his shirt. Naru stare down at me, as hurt pass his blue eyes.
"You want the truth.. What I really think? Or you want me to pretend. You sure love to pretend." he bitter spat me.
"The damn truth Naru. I can't handle this anymore. Just get it over with." I heard him pause, as he moves away from me, freeing me from his trap, for a reason, that cause me to shiver, and feel so alone.
"Truth you say." he turns around, just like last time. I just can picture him wearing his inseparable black jacket, instead of this white shirt.
"Yes, damn it Naru. This isn't a drama." I growled out, leaning myself against the tree. He just stares at the ground for a brief second.
"I have never been in love." he started...
"I know that."
"I don't know how to say it, even if I am." well that caught me off guard. I blinked, turning my gaze at his back.
'Is he talking about the other girl? Wait, he fell in love?' that was it, that was the final cut, my heart is broken.. I was breathing hard. Trying to control my heart, it felt like is just becoming into shatter glass.
"Did you fall in love with the other girl?" I wanted to know.. Naru nods softly, turning to face me. My heart. Damn it. It feels like is being pierced.
"I see."
"I see nothing Mai. I will tell you once now. That girl that I mentioned that's been very important to me.. She has been plaguing my thoughts so much, that it ran down my heart. Its like a disease, I can't even get rid of. I want her more than just a friend. You said I like her, but at this point in my life. I have fallen in love with her. Do you want to know her name?"
"Yes, please so. So I can go up to her and congratulate her." I hissed out, hating this, and it's not her fault. Naru is like this, and I envy that for her. He actually admitted that he loves her.. Its... Its a shock.
"Alright, congratulate her if you want." and before I could register anything at this point. Naru moves up towards me, pinning me against the tree once again.
"Ne?" I asked, confused as ever, and Naru grasp my cheeks, looking down at my eyes.
"Naru, what are..." but my eyes widen, as Naru lowers his face, and press his soft lips against mine.
My heart jumps rapidly, to feel his lips against mine. I felt my body warm up.. As Naru tighten his grip around my cheeks, and starts to move his lips against mine. I wanted to struggle, to push him away. But, this is my first kiss. Why does this feel right? I shouldn't submit to him. No, but my body is betraying me, I closed my own eyes, and kissed him back, moving slowly with him. My tears started to become a mixture in our kiss. I place my hand on his arm, and gave it a tight squeeze. We just kept kissing as he smoothly graze my lips with his. So gentle, yet so powerful, anything I ever felt before, I felt like I was melting, my knees buckle a little, that I felt Naru run his hand down, and wraps it around my waist, to pin me against him, deepen the kiss...
This felt familiar, like we did this before. We haven't right? His lips felt so soft and warm against mine. I just love it.
'Is this a dream? Or a nightmare?'
I have no idea how long we kissed, but it felt like forever, until I couldn't' breath anymore. He finally lets go.
"You.. You took my first kiss." I complained, looking at him, as I touch my lips, my cheeks flared up, as Naru wraps his arm around me, pressing me against his chest.
"Her name is Mai Taniyama. She's my nineteen year old assistant and now wife, she's a little klutzy and always a danger to herself. She sees the dead, and helps me solve cases. Since the moment I met her in her high school, she has intrigued me like no other woman in this world. Without realizing it myself. I started to fall for her. Until I realized a few days ago, that Mai has taken over my heart. So I'm not good at expressing myself." he whispers, pressing his chin on top of my head. My eyes were so wide, as fresh tears run down my cheek.
No words are spoken, I was in shock. Purely in shock.
…
..
"You... Love me?" was my first words, this I have to be a dream. An unrealistic dream. Naru will never. No.
"Yes." was his answer, moving away from me. He captures my cheeks, wiping my tears away from my cheeks.
"I was a fool back then, and a little too young to understand it completely." he admits. Feeling my heart warm up, my anger leaving me. I took a hold of his arm.
"I'm not dreaming this?" Naru shook his head.
"No." he assures me.. I kept staring at him. My head started to feel so lightheaded.
"So.. You really love me?"
"Yes." he simply says once again. Knowing very well, that he won't admit it again, just this.. Is enough. My head is spinning now.
"Mai?" Naru seems concern now, as my heart is racing so fast, that I took a hold of his arm.
"You're not making this up?" I hiccuped, crying harder. Naru shook his head.
"Since when do I lie about how I feel?" was his question to me.
"But.. But I thought you were going to reject me, just like last time. I was prepared for that, not this." I was still in shock, that I had to take hold of the tree. This wasn't what I expected. No. I was ready for reality. His rejection. His cold words.
"Mai, are you okay?" he seems more concerned. I shook my head, sliding down to the ground, holding my head. Its spinning a little. I didn't know how to take this. This is new. Naru bends in front of me, getting on his knees, so he won't put pressure on his injured ankle.
"No. I.." I started to heave, I'm not sure how to react to this. I should be happy, thrilled, but I'm not. I' scared. Very scared, it's not even funny.
'He loves me. Naru, The great Shibuya-kun loves me. He admitted to me. Why is it not registering in my head.'
"I think you need.." Naru started, but I stopped him.
"You love me.." was all that came out of my mouth. Covering my mouth, as more tears kept running down my cheeks. Naru gently takes a hold of my shoulder.
"You need to rest Mai." He simply stated. I glance up, his blue eyes seem so soft for a reason.
"I don't know how to register it. I'm scared Naru. Very scared.. How do I register this? What if you decided that you get tired of me. What if you just lie to me. What if.. I am petrified." I admitted, hiccuping, wiping my eyes. I don't want to sound melodramatic, but.. This is Naru.
"We'll just take a day at a time." he whispers. I glance up at him, as he moves, and gathers me into his arms, and hoist me up once again. I leaned my head against his chest. He turns, heading for the tree house. No words have been spoken since.
O.o
I stare at him from his corner watching him read. I had already taken a shower, and he prepared me my medicine and I place it on my legs, as his fever went down. Its already midday, and we haven't spoken about what happened yesterday morning. I still can't believe it.
I overcame the shock after this morning. All I did was stare at him, and that's all, pinching myself, but finally I returned to reality.
'He loves me.. Why isn't he doing anything? Or was it a dream? No, he took my first kiss. Well, it was his as well. That should count right?' I touched my lips, still they burn from Naru lips. I still taste him.
'If it wasn't' for Ayame, I would never have confessed...' then something dawns on me, as my eyes widen.
"Oh no, I forgot!" I shout, standing up, heading downstairs. Naru place his book down, and watch me go down. Going towards the door, I slammed it open, and started to call out for her.
"Ayame, please come out." I pleaded, but nothing, I felt my heart tighten.
"What are you doing?" I heard behind me. I turned around, to find Naru leaning against the door, grasping his chest. I felt my cheeks burn up, but lower my head.
"You're going to die. Ayame said so. I forgot to ask. I need to find a way to save you, and..." I felt my voice tremble, feeling Naru hand on my shoulder.
"You should rest, I'm not dying any time soon, I doubt Ayame meant it literally. Okay." his voice seems tender. I glance up, shaking my head.
"I don't want to lose you. I don't even know where we stand right now. We have admitted we um... Love each other, but we act as nothing happened. I don't even know how to begin. I not sure what you want. I don't even know if I have to act like your wife, your assistant, or what? We haven't discussed this at all. You even took my first kiss." I felt so frustrated right now.
Naru stares at me,
"Actually, you're the one that took mine," he murmurs, so low, that I had to squint my eyes, to make out what he just said.
"What?"
"Nothing," He stated, turning around placing his hands inside of his pockets, and headed in. I hiccuped, going in as well. Naru now stood in front of the window, looking outside. He looks so far in his thoughts. I sighed, turning to go upstairs, but Naru cleared his throat.
"I have been thinking." he started, causing me to stop in my tracks. I turned to face him.
"Can you come here." he asks, placing his arms on top of the window flat portion. I bit my lower lip, but I did what he asked. I move to his side, and stare at the ocean.
"That was a lot of thinking," I murmured, as he just wraps his hands together.
"Like I said before, we take a day at a time. No rush. This is very new to me, and to you. One thing you admit your feelings another is acting on it." actually Naru had a point. This is a very big step for us.
"Then how do you see us? I'm willing to do anything you tell me. Even if you ask me to continue to be your assistant and nothing else." I mumbled under my breath, even though in reality I wanted more.
"I'm not a touchy guy, and a relationship is more than just kissing and um.." he paused to clear his throat. I blushed, lowering my head.
"Making love?" I whispered, as Naru nods in agreement.
"I know. Reality, sucks, doesn't it." I murmured, leaning my head on my now cross arms, looking out. For a reason, I felt at ease now.
"It does. I won't be romantic to you, I won't even try." he started.
"I know."
"For work, I will treat you as always, no favorites.."
"I know, you don't' display emotions. I told you before, loving you is not easy, and I know that in work is just professional. " I felt sad, it looks like he doesn't' want anything with me. My heart jumps once again, a painful one that is.
"Having a relationship will be hard,"
"I know that. Fine, just say it Naru. Say that..."
"I want you next to me Mai," Naru words, stop me from completing my own sentence, as I glance up at him with wide eyes.
"Next to you?" I am a little confuse by his words, as Naru turns his gaze at me.
"Its going to be hard, but not impossible. We'll give it try." All I knew I stare at him with wide eyes, not believing this.
"You want me to be your girlfriend?" I gasped out, feeling my hands shake.
"I think Girlfriend is a little outdated for us at least. Since we are married. I want you to be my wife, my best friend, and my assistant, and above all.." He paused, I saw his Adam apple move swiftly as though he was very nervous. For a reason I found it cute. Its rare to see him like this.
"Above all things? What?" I asked, feeling my heart pound hard. Naru turns his gaze back towards the ocean view.
"My lover." he mumbles, as my tummy warms up at his words and my heart jump. I felt tears running down my cheeks.
"I'm still afraid of you.." I admitted, placing my forehead on his arm now, not daring to look up at him.
"Why? I thought.." but I shook my head at him, taking a hold of his arm.
"This is why I'm afraid of you. Cause.. You can either make me, or break me. You have no idea how much I like you. I'm afraid to wake up one morning to find out everything you told me is a lie. Or my own dream. I'm so petrified of you right now. Cause that's how much I love you. I know it won't be easy, your words are right. Love isn't what you see in Tv, nor what you read in a manga, but it's there. I promise to be a good wife, a best friend, a good assistant, and above all things, a good lover. I don't promise, I won't be perfect though, cause I am not, but I will be faithful to you. I want you to feel like you have a home with me. That you can rely on me on anything. I might not be perfect myself, but I want to try, I accept your conditions. Just do me a favor." I whispered,
"What?"
"Do the same for me. Be my loving husband, my best friend, my normal regular boss, and my lover. Just promise me that you'll be faithful, and if you actually start to get tired of me, tell me beforehand." that ending part made me shiver not in the right way.
"Trust me, you never get me tired. There's always something to do with you. I'll try to keep that up to date. One thing though. I will be faithful. That there's no doubt in that." he whispers. I glance up at him, and hiccuped.
"Thank you so much." I murmured, licking my lips. Naru nods, looking out once again.
"So, where do we stand now?" I actually ask, not understanding where exactly. Naru actually chuckles at me, as he turns around, and places his hands on both of my arms. Slowly, he moves forward, and my heart started to jump.
'He's going to kiss me again?' I hope, but he doesn't, he gently kisses my forehead, and leaned his forehead against mine.
"Sometimes you're so naive." he whispers, wrapping his arms around me.
"Hey, I am not. I am just lost." I admitted, blushing madly. Naru tightens his grip around me, and his eyes softened.
"We stand on a relationship Mai. From now on, you're my wife and my woman."
Thanks for the reviews which was a lot, it's rare for me to get a lot of reviews, but hey thanks. The more the merrier, cause I know how you guys think, and I can improve more.: ). This chapter for me personally felt emotionally drained. Let me know what you think about their actions? I try hard to keep Naru in character without breaking him too much, and Mai. And yes. Finally, they are in a relationship, now the real fun starts. hahaha. And I will return back to the case.. : )