Disclaimer: Hello, hello! This is my disclaimer, and it is here to tell you –points to you in an Uncle Sam type way- that I –points to self- don't own the Twilight saga.
Hello, hello! Before I start this chapter, I would like to give/ show the characters who everyone thought were going to appear.
Jessica- Two people
Mr. Sampson- Five people (Thank you, Barbiedoll123 for suggesting this to me in the first place!)
Jacob- Two people.
A random boy who loves Bella (ex. Damon, Waldo, Cyrus, Blake, Mason…) - Three people
Mike- One person (I already have him. Tee hee!)
Lauren- One person.
Embry- One person.
Quil- One person.
Originally, it was going to be Waldo Q. Lipson the III. But, not anymore! I have changed it to the one. The only. The utterly, completely, annoyingly, totally perverted…Mr. Sampson! Round of applause everyone! –Crickets- Hell yeah! That's the spirit! For Mr. Sampson anyways.
On with the fan fiction!
Bella POV (A/N: I personally like writing in Bella's POV more than anyone else's.)
As if his wife wasn't enough! Now, I run into Mr. Sampson too! This day was honestly not my day. I turned around and groaned into Edward's chest.
"Bella! Fancy seeing you here!" I reluctantly and slowly turned around to face him. Funny, that was the exact same thing I had heard Perri say. I read his thoughts, and realized he had been one of the bystanders when Perri and her minions had been gaping at us. He must have seen the showdown with his wife, too. I fought the urge to groan again. I saw Rosalie twitch, no doubt at Mr. Sampson's resemblance to the oh-so-persistent Mike Newton.
So this is the creep that we're trying to get fired? He reminds me of someone...someone from Forks High...Eric? Emmett's thoughts were hilarious. I couldn't help but crack a smile. Edward rolled his eyes.
"Mike, Emmett. He reminds you of Mike." Edward sighed. Emmett looked confused for a second and then drew out an, "Ooooh."
If it had been difficult to fight the urge to groan off, it was twice as difficult to suppress a shudder of disgust.
"It's...er…," I look at Edward for help. I didn't exactly want to use the adjectives "great" or "nice", for fear of encouraging him. As if I needed him to be any more annoying. Edward mouthed the word "lovely" and I grimaced before continuing, "lovely to see you." I glared in Edward's direction when I finished, and Mr. Sampson's face lit up in my peripheral vision. Great. Now he was thinking that Edward and I were fighting.
"What brings you to the mall, Bella?" His gaze fell to a package in Alice's hand and I followed his gaze. She was holding a package that said To: Bella, Love, Alice. Have fun! And it was clearly from Victoria's Secret. Oh, I was going to kill her. The onslaught of thoughts from Mr. Sampson was horrifying. You would think that a man as dirty minded, and as sexually inactive as him wouldn't have such…graphic thoughts. Edward nodded his head ever so slightly in agreement.
"Victoria's Secret?" He questioned with a lusty edge to his voice. Oh Lord. I was never going to hear the end of this from Emmett.
"Yes." I mumbled.
"You know, Bella. You should really have an older man to teach you in the ways of love. Edwin seems too…inexperienced-"
"Edward, for the love of crap! Edward!" Edward cried.
Emmett shook the floor underneath us. "You love crap, Edward?" He asked, laughing.
Mr. Sampson shot Edward a withering look, and then peered at Emmett queerly before continuing to mentally assault me with graphic images. "Edwin seems too inexperienced." Edward didn't even bother to correct him this time. "You and I would make a great couple." He took a step closer, and I automatically took a step back. Edward took a step forward as well, and growled under his breath.
"Um…aren't you married?" Alice asked carefully.
Mr. Sampson made a face and asked, "You mean Gertrude LaPree?" (A/N: Why is her last name funny, you ask? Remove the "R" and there you have it. Yes, I do have a sick sense of humor.)
Rosalie muffled her laughter by coughing, and Jasper snorted.
"I…guess?"
"She stalks me. We're not married. Why do you ask?" He asked; all disgusting plans of seducing me gone from his mind, and now replaced by ones of said lady with the strange name in nothing but lingerie. Not a pretty mental picture. Let me tell you that. Edward seemed to agree with me. He was making hilarious faces.
"No reason." I spoke quickly.
Mr. Sampson raised an eyebrow before understanding. "She was here and she was talking to you, and she said we were married?"
I averted my eyes, and mumbled, "Yes."
Mr. Sampson chuckled, and answered, "She just likes to say that. She stalks me."
Now what I wouldn't give for Bella to stalk me instead.
I cringed. Ew.
He took a step closer to me, and I took another step back. Mr. Sampson smirked, and took another step towards and Alice gasped. Edward's eyes widened, and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett looked confused. I gasped as I hit the edge of something and toppled over into a fountain that was behind me. I was completely soaked, and Mr. Sampson was looking down at me with lust and embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, Bella." He nervously ran a hand through his spiky blond hair at the sight of Edward glaring at him, or at least, he tried to. Edward turned to me and leaned down and held out a hand for me.
"Are you alright, love?" He asked, wrapping an arm around my waist. He averted his eyes from me, and I confusedly asked him, "What?"
Alice pressed her lips together and looked pointedly at my chest. It dawned on me. I had a little problem. My black bra was showing through the T-shirt I was wearing...and my nipples were sticking out because of the freezing water despite the fact that I was a vampire.
"Oh...dear." I snarled, and glared at Mr. Sampson whose eyes were not surprisingly glued to the front my shirt. They snapped up to meet mine, and then he gulped and stuttered,
"W-w-well, I'd better be going. Wouldn't w-want to keep Gertrude waiting. Y-you know how she gets." He laughed a bit hysterically when he met Emmett's glare and then ran off. Alice smirked happily; Rosalie's expression mirroring her's exactly.
"Well, Bella. Looks like you need a new outfit." Alice giggled and clapped her hands.
"Aw, dammit." I moaned. I glanced around and buried my face in my hands. For what seemed like the millionth time today, we had attracted a crowd. We were a group of insanely beautiful people (or at least my family was anyway) and here I was, soaking wet right smack dab in the middle of the mall with a little problem not so subtle. Furthermore, the crowd's majority was men.
Hmm...I wonder... Emmett thought. Before I could scream, "Emmett, no!"
He yelled at a volume so loud it was sure to be heard in Australia, "BREAK IT UP, PEOPLE!" And the fact that practically everything that you said in a mall echoed was not a huge help.
Rosalie smacked Emmett on the arm and hissed, "God dammit, Emmett!"
But the crowd was already gone.
"Yeah, uh, Emmett?" I asked sweetly. He turned to me, happy that I was the only one who wasn't pissed at him. I continued, "I don't think the extraterrestrials (A/N: I didn't feel like writing "aliens") on Mars heard you."
He blinked. "Extra what?"
I sighed and muttered, "Forget it."
"I found it!" Alice squealed, and ran over to me with a pair of jeans we had bought today and a shirt.
"Go, go, go." Alice said, pushing me in the direction of the public bathrooms.
I sighed, and walked over there, holding the jeans and shirt. I tried to be as inconspicuous
as possible, but way too many women and teen girls stared at me, Alice, and Rosalie as we walked in for my comfort.
"Make this quick, Bella, okay? We have to get to the next store soon, so we can get back home and start planning your outfits." Alice said, waving me towards the biggest stall in the bathroom.
"Outfit, you mean. Not…outfits, right?" I asked nervously, as I shut the stall door, and stripped out of my jeans, and T-shirt.
"No, no. I mean outfits. For the whole entire week." I could imagine Alice grinning in her own, special, maniac way and Rosalie smirking.
"Ugh."
"Oh and here." A black bra and a pair of panties flew over, hitting me smack dab in the face.
"…Thanks." I mumbled, and pulled the garments off. It was helpful, having a future telling pixie as a best friend and sister.
I put everything on, and stepped out. Alice handed me a pair of boots, and I hugged her quickly along with Rosalie before tugging on the boot, and standing up.
"There, happy?" I sighed.
"Yes, yes I am." Alice squealed in delight. Some of the women washing their hands gaped at Rosalie.
"Time for the next store!" Rosalie sang, and started to tow me and Alice to Abercrombie and Fitch. I groaned. It wasn't over.
Yay! New chapter! New chapter! New chapter! :D So, it was Mr. Sampson after all! Eh, eh? How'd you like it? I thought I did a-okay. Also, this was awfully short. I know. But, I hope you enjoyed it all the same. If you read "A Whole New World", or even if you don't, go to chapter 19 and read the opening author's note because I honestly don't feel like repeating everything here. :D Also, Julia and I are going to try to get out two new Darkeinu chapters! So, everyone be happy, and review. Thanks to you!