Chapter 21
My Yeerk instincts immediately panicked when I woke up. Electricity from a host's brain, but no pressure on my body!
≺You're awake again?≻ Jessica thought to me slowly.
≺Jess! What happened?!≻
≺I think I'm dying… But at least I ruined that guy's day, right?≻ She smiled for a second, but then became depressed again.
She was lying curled up in the corner of one of the dimly lit Yeerk holding cells, staring dead ahead. Her arms and feet were tied together behind her back. Everything about her body hurt, her head most of all, and I could tell from my body temperature that she had a high fever. Her thoughts were sluggish.
≺Yeah, but –≻
≺I see someone get hurt, I stand up for them. I'm going to be a police officer later, like Dad. Help people in need. Like superheroes in comic books. That'd be nice.≻
Through her imagination, I saw her flying around through a comic book world. Nothing made any sense, but Jessica didn't seem to notice in her delirious state.
It was so heartbreaking to sense her like that… She was slowly slipping away, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it.
≺Jess…≻
Talking to her popped the fever dream like a balloon.
≺I guess real life isn't like the comic books. Evil won.≻
≺I-I feel terrible for asking… but… did you end up telling Visser Three about my friends?≻
≺I don't think I did. I woke up in here. I… I think my skull is gone…≻
≺If we get out of here… I promise we'll make you morph. Morphing heals everything. We just have to get through this, somehow…≻
≺You don't believe we'll get out of here. I can sense it. But thanks for trying. You're nice. I think we could've become friends.≻
≺I'd have liked that…≻
Jessica retreated back into her imagination for a while after that. This time I didn't interrupt her.
I'd gone through the process of coming to terms with dying a couple times before, but all those times I had my usual friends with me, or was at least in a morph whose instincts I could surrender myself to. But not only would my Yeerk instincts not have made me feel any better, they'd probably have tried to hurt Jessica into submission again. So I was stuck with my own thoughts for a while. In hindsight, mine didn't make much more sense than Jessica's.
≺You should morph, Cass,≻ Jessica eventually interrupted my thoughts. ≺Find a way out. You and your friends should keep fighting.≻
Her thoughts were more coherent now. She'd been thinking things through. But I didn't like her conclusion.
≺Jess, we're not dead yet…≻
≺No, we're not dead yet. That's why you need to get out. They'll be back to question me, and I don't… I don't know how long I can keep your secrets like this… I-if he finds out who I am and hurts Kim or Dad to get me to talk…≻
≺Jess, please…≻
≺I think they bound me up like this so I can't… I think they sort of covered my head, but they probably know that I could just… If I'd fall on my head or something, I'm pretty sure I'd die.≻
≺You want me to demorph and kill you…≻
She didn't respond directly, but her emotions confirmed it.
It was like with the Yeerk, but so much worse… Like the Yeerk, she knew she was going to die sooner or later, and preferred the former. But the Yeerk did it out of spite and because it was logical. Jessica wanted to do it because she figured she'd save the most people that way. And despite how brave she tried to be, she was terrified. I could sense her subconsciousness crying and screaming for another way out.
Not to mention that the Yeerk ultimately killed itself. This time I'd actually have to be the one to do the killing, or at least actively help Jessica do it.
≺I can't kill you… I just can't…≻
≺Yes, you can. It's easy. Just morph back while you're still wrapped around my brain. I'm sure that'd do the trick.≻
≺I won't! I'm at least not morphing back until I have to. Show me the time.≻
She reluctantly moved her wrist and looked down to show me. 4:50 PM.
≺I have about twenty minutes left in my morph. Maybe… Maybe we can still figure something out!≻
≺Cassie, I'm done figuring things out… And I'm done hurting, and I'm done being angry at myself for getting Kim and Mom and all of you guys into this mess!≻
≺Jess, twenty more minutes… Don't give up, don't do this to me… If we get back to Earth, we'll make you morph. You'll stop hurting. Your mom will be there. Then we'll go find Kim and your dad!≻
≺You're a terrible liar, Cass. The Yeerks know who I am. Even if we get out of here alive, they'll just hurt Kim and my parents to draw me out of hiding before we can do a thing about it. If I die here, and they know it, they wouldn't have any reason to do that.≻
≺But I can't go from one morph directly to another. If I morph here and they see me, they'll do the same thing to me!≻
She was silent for a little while.
≺Maybe I can hide you somehow while you're morphing,≻ she said eventually. ≺Like, maybe you can morph with your head under my shirt behind my back or something stupid like that. Then you morph something dangerous and wait for them to open the door.≻
≺That wouldn't really work if they're monitoring the cell…≻
≺Hey, at least you wouldn't die a Yeerk, right? And you could wait until the last moment to kill me when they decide to try to make me talk again.≻
I spent the next few minutes thinking it through.
The Yeerks would get everything they need to find me and my friends out of Jess if she stays here like this. So I either had to get her out of here, or, as much as I didn't want to even consider it, she would have to die.
There's no way I'd be able to do any of those things in Yeerk form, especially not while crippled by the lasting effects of Jess' immunity. So when the time comes, I'd have to morph out, one way or another.
If the Yeerks would see my face, it'd probably be all over for my friends and family, but, who knows. Maybe Erek would be able to hide them in time.
If Jessica's plan works and the Yeerks don't see my face, my friends would be more or less fine. The Yeerks would surely start looking for strangely behaving kids, so they'd still have to hide… but they'd have a lot more time.
Finally, I guess I'd rather go out fighting in a more pleasant morph alongside Jessica, than do nothing and get tortured to death with her while stuck in Yeerk form.
≺Okay. I'll do it. I'll wait to the end of my morphing window, then I'll leave and crawl behind your back to demorph. Then I'll immediately morph wolf. They're too small to be infested and I know I can do some damage in that form. We'll go out fighting. Okay?≻
≺Deal.≻
Nothing else happened until 5:10 PM. Five minutes before I wouldn't be able to morph back. That was as close as I was willing to get.
≺Let's do this then, I guess…≻ I finally said.
≺Cass?≻ she said weakly.
≺Yeah?≻
≺Save Kim and my parents for me if you get out?≻
≺I-I will…≻
With that, I commanded my Yeerk instincts to leave her.