La Douleur Exquise

The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.

A/N - Feedback is gold!

Chapter Twenty one

It didn't take us long to get back to the motel, and I kept hold of the book as we walked into the room.

Sam was sat in his usual position, at the table with his laptop in front of him, the food Dean had brought back next to him. Dean was lying on the bed, propped up by the headboard, his ankles crossed and shoving fries into his mouth as he watched some crappy tv programmes. He looked up as soon as we entered. "Did you get it?" he asked.

I nodded and showed him the book, moving it out of his grasp when he held out his hand. "I don't think so, pretty boy. Get your greasy hands away from the very rare, very much cursed book."

He scowled at me and pouted. "I only wanted to have a look."

"Look with your eyes, not with your hands."

Sam looked up at me. "Can I?"

Nodding, I handed him the book, along with the laptop. "Stacey thought it would come in handy, we might be able ti find something to figure out why the book only cursed the vics and no one else who had touched it."

He smiled and looked over at his girlfriend, who was leaning back on the bed they shared. "Good thinking babe."

She beamed at him. "Thanks."

"Hey! How come you let him hold it?" Dean complained, sounding slightly offended that I'd given the book to Sam.

"Because he's not currently inhaling greasy diner food," I said, scrunching up my face at the burger he was holding.

"This is amazing," Sam said in awe, totally enthralled by the book. He kept turning it over in his hands, stroking the spine and being very careful not to damage the book. "For being a hundred years old, it's still in a pretty good condition."

"So, what now?" I asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed Dean was lying on."

Stacey shrugged, moving to stand behind Sam and resting her hands on his shoulders. "Research I guess. We still need to figure out what to do with the thing and why it only affected these guys and not anyone else who touched the book. I mean, it hasn't affected me, you or Sam, so it must be something they did, maybe?"

"Seen as we have the last vics laptop, I can go though it and see if I can find something. Ada you could look into how to destroy the book." Sam said, pushing over his laptop for me to use. "Babe, do you think you could manage to get the other vics computers too? It might give us a bit more insight into what the vics were up to."

She kissed his cheek. "I'll change into my suit and see what I can do."

"What about me?" Dean asked around a mouthful of fries.

"You can help Ada research on how to destroy the book, if that's ok with her?" Sam asked, looking over at me.

I shrugged. "Sure, I don't mind. As long as he doesn't annoy me."

As smirk spread across his face. "Can't promise you that, sweetheart. I've been told I'm very annoying."

Rolling my eyes, I flipped him off before grabbing the laptop and getting down to work.

There wasn't really that much to learn about the book that we didn't already know. The curse seemed to only effect men, with deaths starting only a year after the book was published. "The book seemed to claim at least 3-4 victims a year from 1920, the deaths, which were all classed as accidental, that seem to be connected to the book until 1967, when it disappeared, resurfacing when Mr Park bought it." I said to no one in particular. "And the deaths were all men."

"Why just the men? That's a little sexist, ain't it?" Dean griped, glancing over at me.

"No, maybe it knows most men are dicks," I retorted, looking at Sam apologetically.

He just rolled his eyes and carried on hacking Mr Clarke's laptop.

"I'm offended by that statement. Not all men are dicks."

Smirking, I tilted my head. "And you're the expert on that, aren't you Dean?"

He raised his hands in surrender and went back to reading his book.

"Why those men in particular though?" I thought out loud. "I mean, most people act dick-ish at times, but they must have done something bad enough to activate a bloody curse."

"I think I have an idea," Sam piped up, "I've been going through Mr Clarke's emails from the last few years, seeing if anything flagged as unusual," he said as he turned the laptop, "He was involved in the hit and run of a little girl. He was driving drunk when he hit her, killing her. She was only 11 years old. He was sentenced with community service and a slap on the wrist."

My eyes swam with tears. "11 years old. I just...I can't believe he got nothing for killing a young girl. He deserved the curse."

Dean shook his head. "How the hell did he get off with that?"

Sam pulled the laptop back to face him. "Money. Turns out he knew the judge from the country club. There was an appeal regarding how lenient the sentence was, why he didn't get any prison time, but it ultimately lead to nothing."

"Unbelievable." I muttered angrily.

Stacey walked through the door, immediately stopping as she noticed the somber feel of the room. "I managed to get both laptops...what happened?"

Sam showed her the emails and articles on the computer, the colour draining out of her face as she read the articles.

"That's just..." she shook her head sadly. "He's lucky the curse killed him. That poor girl."

The room went silent as we all continued to research, Stacey handing one of the laptops to Sam and kept the other as she sat on the sofa.

Every now and again, I could feel Dean's eyes on me, watching me work. It was irritating the hell out of me and when he started to continuously click his pen, I lost my temper. "Dean, do you know the human body has 7 trillion nerves?"

He looked over at me. "Yeah, and?"

"And you're getting on every single last one of mine." I snapped. "Stop clicking the god damn pen!"

Stacey laughed, Sam smirking at Dean.

His mouth twitched. "You mean like this?" he clicked the pen again quickly and I clenched my jaw.

"You keep clicking that pen and I swear to god I will stab you in the throat with it."

He grinned and clicked it again. "I'd like to see you try sweetheart."

I knew he was teasing, but he was just annoying the hell out of me. I turned to Sam. "Can I kill him?"

"No." he said, not even looking up from the computer.

"Just a little bit?"

I saw him smile. "Maybe later."

Dean's grin widened. "Somebody's cranky."

I scowled at him and narrowed my eyes. "Somebody needs to shut the fuck up."

Stacey was watching the two of us bickering, her smile just as wide as Dean's. I glared at her. "Don't you start."

She looked at me innocently. "I didn't say a word,"

My eyes narrowed at her. "But you want too."

Her eyes sparkled with humour, and she gave me a lopsided grin.

"Get this," Sam interrupted, making the whole room turn to him. "Turns out Mr Carter hired someone to kill his wife."

My brows shot up. "What?"

"The burglar who 'accidently' shot him? He was the hitman meant to kill his wife on that same night. He shot the wrong person."

"That's just...wow. Karma at it's finest." I shook my head in disbelief. "Looks like the book cursed the right people."

Stacey nodded. "Well, Mr Park here was spending up a storm with his company's money. Refused to increase his employee's wages and spent the money on," she looked back at the laptop, "prostitutes, drugs, and very extravagant holidays according to his emails. And I mean extravagant. He was paying one hotel $10,000 per night for a room."

"Nice," Dean said, "what a way to fuck over your employee's and drag your family into debt."

"I've not found much on a way to destroy the book," I frowned. "It was shipped here in a metal box, which I'm assuming is a curse box but it could be anywhere by now."

"Little gasoline...blowtorch...no problem." Dean said, putting down his book and smiling at me.

"I wish it was that easy. Looks like people have tried to destroy it in the past but, obviously, it hasn't worked. Hence the curse box."

Sam shut the laptop and stood up, Stacey following suit. "We'll go back to the houses, see if we can find the box the book came with, if not, we will probably have to make our own."

"Have we got everything we need to make our own?" I asked.

Dean nodded. "Should have in Baby."

Sam looked at me. "Are you ok staying here..." he nodded his head towards Dean, who had gone back to flicking through the tv channels."

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just find that damn box."

They quickly left the room, leaving me alone with Dean. "So..." I said awkwardly.

"Thanks for letting me stay on the sofa last night," he said, looking over at me.

"Oh...er...no problem." I murmured, biting my bottom lip, pretending to carry on researching. I don't know why, all of a sudden, I felt shy being here alone with him. Being with Sam and Stacey, I felt more comfortable, more confident and at ease with him being around. But alone? I was like a giddy, shy, nervous teenager.

"Ada," he stood up and walked over to me, sitting in the chair Sam had been sitting on. "I'm sorry if I upset you last night. I didn't mean to..."

"I know," I smiled softy. "I just..." I looked down at the table, fiddling with my t-shirt. "I felt rejected, like I wasn't good enough for you." I mumbled quietly.

"More like the other way around sweetheart. I'm not good enough for you. I was an idiot to let you go and I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you." He stood and fell to his knees in front of me, reaching out and hooking his fingers under my chin and raising my face so I was looking at him. "I should never have let you go."

His hands cupped my face and he leaned forward. "I love you Ada," he whispered before pressing his lips gently against mine, his eyes seeking permission to keep kissing me. I moaned softly, my arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer, his hands dropping to my waist, the kiss slow and sensual, not wanting to rush or give in to the primal need we both felt.

I didn't realise I was crying until he pulled back, his fingers wiping away my tears.

"Ada, did I...I'm sorry...I shouldn't have..." he moved to stand up and I grabbed his arm, pulling him back to me.

"No! I mean...it's just..." I sighed, "It's all a little overwhelming. I love you, Dean, I do, but I'm still angry at you and it's confusing me and frustrating me and I...I'm sorry. I'm not making much sense."

He pulled me into a hug, my head coming to rest on his shoulder. "No, I get it, I do. I know you need time and I'm sorry if I'm pushing you into things too quick." He ran his fingers through my hair, making me sigh against his neck. "I want to make it right again. I need to show you how sorry I am, but I can wait. I'll always wait for you."

I closed my eyes, smiling as he squeezed me closer to him before I pulled away and stood up. He looked confused for a second, and I nodded towards the bathroom. "I need to...you know,"

As soon as I closed the door, I turned and pressed my back against it as I touched my lips and closed my eyes. The feel of his lips, of his body pressed against mine...it was just as I'd imagined. Letting out a sigh, I walked over to the mirror. What was happening? Tears filled my eyes again as I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed pink, tear marks running down my cheeks. I looked and felt exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up with Dean under my blanket and sleep the rest of the day away.

Splashing my face with water, I took one last look in the mirror before turning and walking out of the bathroom, looking over at Dean. He was holding the book, his posture changing, and he stood up to his full height, the book flipping open in his hands and I gasped, my arms stretching out towards him.

"Dean, no!"