Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

Bella skipped the last day of school to attend Harry Clearwater's funeral with her father. Nearly the whole reservation attended and Bella focused on Sue, Leah, and Seth. Leah and Seth were either crying or close to tears while Sue simply stared at nothing with a dazed look on her face. The wolf pack was there, Billy sat near Sue and Billy in the front while Bella sat with most of the other younger people in the back. The service was beautiful and over seen by Joesph Redwolf who spoke of Harry fondly. The wake was silent, Bella sat in the Clearwaters living room not talking or eating. She never got the tradition of bringing food to the family of a lost one. Seriously, 'I'm sorry for your lose here's a tuna noodle casserole for your grief.' She guessed she did it so the family wouldn't have to cook for a while but Bella was a bit of the opposite when it came to death and dealing with it. She made herself busy with trivial things to avoid being alone with her thoughts or worse, people who 'understood what she was going through'. She looked at Leah and Seth wondering how she would act if Charlie or Renee died but couldn't think of it because she never went through it. When Seth stormed into his room Bella felt the wave of helpless sadness that followed him but no one went after him because they all probably thought he needed time alone but Bella doubted it. She debated getting Jacob, knowing Seth looked up to him like an older brother but couldn't find him anywhere.

"Hey." She greeted softly as she entered his room, Seth was laying face down in his bed.

"Guess it's pretty pointless to ask if you're okay." She continued, sitting on the end of his bed.

"He knew he should have been eating better," Seth snapped, "and he didn't care!"

"Yea he did." Bella told him gently, Seth shook his head fiercely.

"No he didn't! He was selfish, not caring what would happen to any of us when he died!" He shouted, Bella didn't wince and touched his shoulder gently.

"Are you really mad at him?" She asked softly, Seth shook as he sobbed.

"Yes! And I hate that I'm mad at him, I hate that I hate him!" He sat up and leaned his head in her lap and despite his recent growth spurt Bella saw him at the young boy he really was.

"It's okay to hate him for leaving you." She told him honestly and simply held him while he cried. She hadn't realize he had fallen into a light sleep until Sue walked in the room and he didn't move.

"How is he?" She asked, Bella nodded and Sue sat in the small chair in Seth's room. Sue Clearwater looked much younger than she was. Bella knew she in her later thirties like her father and she looked more in her later twenties if that.

"Mad, sad, all the usual emotions I guess." Bella said smiled warmly at Sue. "How are you?"

"I'm not sure." Sue admitted, "I guess part of me is still expecting him to walk through the front door, look at all the people and say 'What's with all the black?'" She joked sadly, Bella leaned over to touch her arm.

"I would love to tell you I know what you're going through and that it'll get better, but I don't know what your going through and it most likely won't get better but it'll get easier." Bella was obviously channeling the numerous doctors she remembered from her time in the Seattle hospital.

"Thank you." Sue said and both of them looked up when Leah entered the room. Bella gently rose up from the bed, careful not to wake Seth and hugged Leah tightly before she gave the family time to themselves. She just closed the bedroom door behind her when Jacob approached her.

"Can we talk?" He asked gently, looking worn and sad.

"Now?" She asked giving him a pointed look and s if remembering where they were and why they were here Jacob nodded.

"Tomorrow?" He asked hopefully, Bella shook her head.

"I can't I have to go see Lydia, she called and told me she found something out about me." She told him.

"Friday?" He asked, Bella shrugged.

"I'll be heading to the day camp a while for a meeting and I'll be busy packing the rest of the day." Jacob tensed immediately.

"Packing?" He sounded honestly scared, Bella sighed.

"To visit my mom," She explained. "I told you that next week was the only time off I had before my job started."

He relaxed and nodded at he remembered her plans and Bella noticed he was clenching something in his hand.

"I'll see you before you leave." He promised her before he handed her the object in his hand, the bracelet. "It's yours, so, even if you don't want me you still keep it."

Bella took the bracelet and didn't say another word before she walked away from him. The rest of the day went as usual, well, as usual as a town in mourning could be. It was quiet even for Forks and near empty, no one out or on the road. Charlie stayed at the Clearwaters after Bella and most of the people had left. When she entered the house and kicked off the black heels she'd worn to the funeral, Bella sank onto the couch and stared at the blank television as she tried to figured out the proper things to do after attending a wake. Should she call the Clearwaters and say sorry for their lose again? Just go to sleep and wake up tomorrow like nothing happened? Bella palmed her camera that Angela dropped of the day after prom and flipped through her pictures pausing at one that was of her dad, Billy, and Harry Clearwater. If she healed Billy why didn't she help Harry? She should have stayed around him, apparently her being around people helped them so she should have stayed around. Why would she have been around him anyway? She wasn't close to Leah or Seth so it would have seemed odd if she just stuck around. She sighed and put her camera down before she went up the steps to her room.

"Lydia?" Bella called as she opened the stores unlocked door, despite the closed sign flipped on the window. It was a hour after opening time and Bella could smell the burning incense and saw candles burning. No Lydia in sight. Bella walked around the counter and saw a small puddle of blood followed by a trail through the curtain leading to the back room. She shakily pulled back the curtain and screamed out.

Lydia was laying on the floor, dead, cuts and slashes all over her body. Despite knowing she was dead, Bella collapsed and gather Lydia's cold body into her arms trying to feel for a movement, a pulse, and breath but she got nothing. She tried to summon her powers, do anything to get Lydia back to life but nothing happened. Crying and smeared with blood that wasn't her's, Bella stumbled back to the front and called the police.

"And you opened the door it was unlocked?" The policeman asked her fifteen minutes later as Bella watched them haul Lydia's dead body into the coroners van.

"Yea." She responded in a daze, Charlie wrapped his arms around her.

"But the sign was flipped to closed?" The man questioned, giving her a suspicious look.

"Yes, Lydia called me and asked me to come up to see her, when I got here I saw the sign said closed so I buzzed her apartment above the store. I called her apartment then the store before I turned the knob and saw it was open." She explained, the policeman looked at her sharply.

"What did she call you for?" He asked, Charlie grew tense as he recognized the tone the cop was using.

"That's enough." Charlie said firmly. "I saw the body and there's no way she could do that in the time she arrived, hell, I don't even think a human could do that." The policeman obviously agreed and let Bella go but she knew what had done that to Lydia. A vampire, Bella had gotten one of her friends killed and couldn't save her. Charlie recommended that she ride back with him and he would make his deputy drive her truck, Bella agreed. Half way home, she asked him to pull over as the nausea over took her. After she emptied the contents of her stomach, Charlie handed her a bottle of water to rinse her mouth out.

Lydia had most likely because of Bella and because of what Bella was. Her blood was literally and figuratively on Bella's hands and Bella was helpless to do anything about it now. She should have gotten there earlier, been there at opening and maybe she could have done something, use her apparently useless gift to save Lydia. She didn't talk all the way home and didn't stop to breath until her body hit her mattress. She didn't even move, watching the light disappear outside of her window until her dad came up with a bowl of soup and glass of water.

"Maybe I shouldn't go to Jacksonville." She stated. Charlie shook his head, obviously not leaving her room until he saw her eat something.

"Nah, you should get away from all this death." Charlie told her sternly, Bella thought a moment and nodded in agreement. She finished the soup and Charlie left her alone. Bella showered and watched the blood she had on her upper arms wash away and go down the drain. She decided to just throw the clothes she had been wearing away and opened her window to get the metallic smell of blood out of her room. She hated to admit that she wanted Jacob to come through her window, or door, Charlie liked him enough to let him in. She pulled a cigarette from her drawer and held it between her fingers because it's very feeling comforted her but she didn't smoke it.

The next day following the meeting she had with Tammy, the woman who ran the Forks Day Camp, Bella was packing up her suitcase for her trip when she heard the doorbell ring. She sighed and marched down the stairs and to her surprise (sarcasm...mostly) it was Jacob.

"Hey." He greeted when she opened the door, "I heard about Lydia, I'm so sorry."

"Yea," Bella dead panned and led him up the stairs so she can continue to pack. He sat on her desk chair and watched her movement through worried eyes.

"You know?" She began as she folded and tucked. "I only cried about it for a few minutes at most, has death become so common around me that I'm not phases about it anymore?"

"I hope not." Jacob said softly, Bella shrugged.

"Maybe I have, blood and chaos follow me everywhere. I could have saved Lydia if I arrived a little earlier, hell, I could have maybe saved Harry if I was around him." She told him, still folding and tucking clothes away.

"No you couldn't, if you had been with Lydia when she was attacked it would have taken a vampire all of two seconds to kills you with or without your gifts and Harry had a heart attack two years ago and didn't do anything different so that was out of your hands." He insisted then noticed the other suitcase already packed, "You are sure taking a lot with you." He commented, Bella shrugged.

"I'm kind of thinking about not coming back." She admitted and at that Jacob did rise from the chair.

"Don't," She told him firmly before he could speak, "Let's get some basic facts down, just by me being here you and your friends were forced into becoming werewolves! I find some gift of mine that proves pretty damn useless most of the time! At least one person is dead, died a horrible death, because of whatever I am and all of you are at risk. Why the hell would I stay here and watch everyone I love die!" She slammed her suitcase shut and covered her eyes in frustration. She heard Jacob walk over to her before she felt his warm hands pulled her hand away from her face.

"Look at me," He ordered as he cupped her face gently. "None of this is your fault, none of it."

"The vampire turned Dax because she wanted me, Dax is here because he wants me. Anything that happened after they showed up is my fault." She told him while backing away from him and sitting on the bed.

"Bella." His eyes pleaded with her but she exhaled roughly and stood up.

"I have to pack." She told him in a clearly dismissive tone and Jacob opened and closed his mouth four times until he moved to stalk out of her room. Bella turned her head when she heard the distinct sound of a fist hitting the wall.

"Dammit!" Jacob snarled and looked at her with pleading eyes. "I don't like this! I see you there, in pain and feeling helpless and I want to hold you and kiss you and tell you everything will be alright but you won't let me, I don't know what to do so will you please tell me."

Bella sighed and moved to her desk to disconnect her laptop and the wires, Jacob watched her movement closely. She placed her camera in its protective case, and fingered Jacob's grey hoodie that was flung over her desk chair before she turned back to him.

"I need time," She admitted. "I know I said I would stay and fight for this, for us, but that was when I thought I was the only one who was at risk." Jacob sighed and opened his clenched fists.

"Do you time and space?" He asked her softly, Bella shrugged and shook her head. At her admission, Jacob wrapped his strong, warm arms her tightly and rubbed his jaw along her hair lightly.

"Have fun in Jacksonville," He told her, not releasing her yet. "Just call me when you get there, to let me know you made it."

"I will." She promised and didn't move until he released her and pressed a light kiss on her forehead. With his werewolf speed he was out of the house in a second and Bella was left alone in the cold silence of her bedroom. All packed and nothing else to do, Bella logged into her laptop and student email to see if she had missed anything on the last day. She frowned she saw her message from Mr. Hurans.

To:

I found out what kind of flower it was that you gave me it's called Radyr Hawkweed. It's rare and is only found on the coastal towns in Wales.

From:

Wales? Again with Wales? Bella groaned and closed her laptop. Wales was literally a sea away from Ireland, so it's possible the Healys went from Wales, to Ireland to American but their last name was Irish so could they have changed their names too? If so why? Should she be looking into Irish and Welsh mythology? Charlie was Italian and Renee was supposedly of Irish descent, wasn't she? Frustrated and no where to go, Bella called Embry and asked him to do an ancestry search for the Swans and Healys by using any means legal or not. As she felt another headache coming on, Bella walked rifled through her drawers until she found an old pill bottle with her pain medication in it. Sitting on the couch, Bella let her eyes close to dream about a day she would have nothing to worry about.