A/N. I'm thinking about combining a couple of these last chapters so that there will only be ten left instead of twelve. We'll see. Anyway, I have a question for Harry Potter fans out there. Do any of you like James Potter and Severus Snape? Because I LOVE Snape and, no offense, cannot really stand James Potter. The JERK. So yeah, that's my irrelevant question of the day lol. I don't own anything.
"We can take one of you with us," a paramedic called over his shoulder as he andhis fellow EMTs hurriedly rolled Logan out of the Palm Woods and into the parking lot.
Blinking in the bright sunlight, James gave Kendall a gentle shove forward. "He's his older brother," he whispered as he stepped back and wrapped one arm around Carlos. The two boys watched in horror, oblivious to the onlookers that had followed them from inside the lobby. Kendall was too in shock to even give them a backward glance as he climbed in the back of the ambulance. The last thing the boys saw before the paramedics closed the doors was one of the men fitting an oxygen mask to Logan's pale face.
"James?" Carlos whispered, his eyes trained on the disappearing vehicle. "James, what are we going to do?"
"We're going to-" James reached into his pocket and felt the set of car keys there. He reached past the clanking metal and found his cell phone. "We're going to call Mrs. Knight and Katie." He knew without a doubt that he would not be able to get the two of them to the hospital in one piece. The last thing they needed was- James stopped his train of thought and shook his head quickly. "Sit down, Carlos," he murmured when the younger boy started to shake.
"Hello? James?" Mrs. Knight's voice interrupted the third ring and sent a wave of momentary relief washing over James. "Is everything okay?"
He shook his head again until he realized that she wouldn't be able to see him. "No," he whispered, gathering every last bit of strength he had so he could give her the news. "Kendall and Logan are on their way to the hospital."
"What?" she gasped in alarm, the one word already containing tears. "James, what happened? Are they okay? What about you and Carlos?"
"Kendall went with Logan because there was only enough room for one of us," James said, answering one of the questions as best as he could. He tried dancing around the other one even though he knew it was a matter of time before he would have to tell her. "I- I can't drive us. We need you, Mama Knight. Please." He was beginning to lose that bizarre sense of calm that had helped him get this far.
"James, Katie and I are on the way. We'll be there shortly." She was crying harder now but somehow she sounded in control. "But please," she said, her voice gaining authority when James began to weaken. "What happened to my son?"
It was the way she referred to Logan as her son and the fact that he could no longer hide anything from her, that finally broke James. "He's dying," he whispered. "He tried to kill himself." His own words made him sick to his stomach and James dropped the cell phone and turned away to vomit in the middle of the parking lot.
Logan had tried to kill himself. He might have succeeded. After all he hadn't even been breathing on his own when they took him away. He could be dead right now. Logan. His best friend. The words didn't belong in the same sentence together so James had to separate them in broken, incomplete sentences.
He should have known. He had known. The signs had all been there, right in front of him. James had known. Yet, he had let Logan lie over and over again, telling himself that he was being incredibly stupid. Now they were all paying the price. They could lose Logan. They might have already lost him. James had never been one to dwell in the past but the future was far too uncertain and terrifying and so was the present. All he could think of is what he should have done. And what he didn't do.
"James, are they coming?" Carlos asked, his voice still a mere frightened whisper. "James?" he reached out and touched his friend gently on the shoulder, waiting for a response. "Can you hear me, James?"
James could hear Carlos. But he couldn't distinguish the strange noises he seemed to be making for words. He was still stuck in the past, replaying all the chances he had been given and all the chances he had let slip away. He had let Logan slip away too. Suddenly, he was being shaken and he forced himself out of his thoughts to look at Carlos. "What?" he asked, realizing that he had missed everything his friend had said and that it had probably scared him.
Before Carlos could repeat his question, Mrs. Knight sped into the parking lot, her face completely white. As the boys climbed into the van, they took note of Katie, sobbing inconsolably in the back seat. Wanting to comfort both of them but feeling just as scared and helpless, they just sat in the van without speaking a word, each lost in their own thoughts. Every once in a while, Mrs. Knight would plead for details but they could only shake their heads in a shocked and a numbed silence.
It had all happened so fast, but at the same time, things had been building and building up to the end result. The end result itself had been the quick part. One minute, Logan had been- James swallowed hard. Logan had been high. They had all known it at that point so why had they let it go on? As he recalled that morning, James was suddenly aware of the pounding in his head. His concussion. Logan pushing him off the stage.
Why? Why hadn't they dragged him to the hospital then? They were already going there for James' head injury. The one that Logan had caused because he had been high. Why had they let him go back to the apartment? Maybe he might still be alive.
As soon as Mrs. Knight pulled into the hospital parking lot, James and Carlos jumped out of the car and rushed across the pavement to the Emergency Room doors. They opened automatically so the boys didn't need to stop their headlong rush into the building until they saw Kendall sitting by himself in a corner.
"Kendall!" James yelled, ignoring the glare he got from the nurse behind the counter. He ran over to his best friend with Carlos at his heels and flung himself down in a chair, trying to catch his breath and talk to Kendall at the same time. "Kendall, what's going on? Where did they take Logan? Have you heard anything yet?"
Kendall didn't answer James' rapidly fired questions and seemed like he didn't even hear Carlos' frightened sobs. He acted like he wasn't aware of his two friends and stared straight ahead of him, eyes opened wide and filled with a sickening kind of horror and disbelief. Finally, he spoke, his voice sounding like someone completely different. "His heart stopped," he whispered.
James' next question died on his lips and he choked on the words. An odd feeling swept over him, his entire body going numb and all the lights and sounds becoming dim and muffled. He saw Kendall's lips moving but all he heard was a vague garble or what he could only assume was words. He shook his head, trying to clear away the fog. "What?" he managed to gasp out.
"His heart," Kendall repeated in that awful robotic tone. "It stopped. On our way over here. They. . . had to shock him. But it didn't work. Not right away. They had to do it over and over again. So many times. And even when they got him back, he wouldn't breathe on his own. He couldn't."
James was glad he was sitting down because he had the feeling that he would have fallen over. He still had that falling feeling. Like he was plummeting through empty space with nothing to hold onto and stop his descent into nothingness. "Kendall," he spoke his friend's name with number lips and even to his own ears it sounded like a pathetic gasp for air.
"He died," Kendall went on, still obliviously to James and Carlos. He continued to talk to himself like he was trying to process what had just happened right in front of him. "I saw it. His heart stopped beating and they couldn't get it starter again right away. It was. . ." he shook his head. "They said it was about seventy seconds but it felt like a longer. They got him back but. . ." at last he turned to James and Carlos, his expression haunted. "He was dead for over a minute."
"No," Carlos whispered, his red and swollen eyes filling with more tears. "Kendall, no. Please."
For just an instant, it didn't register to James that the paramedics had been able to revive Logan. All he could think of was the fact that Logan had actually died. His stomach twisted in a nauseating way again and he felt lightheaded. Logan, his best friend, had died.
"Kendall! Boys!" Mrs. Knight caused yet another disturbance when she rushed in, holding tightly to Katie's hand. Her eyes swept over the boys, taking in everything. "Honey," she began shakily, focusing on her son. "What happened?"
Kendall told her in a halting voice exactly what he had told James and Carlos just a little while ago. He tripped and broke over the past about Logan's heart and finally turned to her, looking as though he was waking up from a nightmare straight into another. "Mom?" he asked, sounding as vulnerable as a little boy. "Is he going to be okay?"
James had been covering his ears during Kendall's retelling of Logan's death and everything else that had happened. But he caught Kendall's question and dropped his hands into his lap, wanting to hear the answer. Mothers always made everything better. Surely Mrs. Knight would have some words of reassurance.
But Mrs. Knight sighed and leaned over to hug her shaken son, keeping a close eye on Katie and the boys. "I don't know, sweetheart," she said regretfully. "I just don't know. The only thing we can do right now is wait. And hope."
Would hope be enough? James wondered as they all settled into their seats. Their tears had all slowed as if they had run out and were now in too great of a shock to cry anymore. His eyes wandered around the room, darting away from people when they caught him looking at them. Really he just needed a distraction. Not that anything could ever take his mind off of the current situation.
Why? Why was all of this happening? How could they have let it get so far? How could he have let it go so far? He of all people should have put a stop to it when he first began to suspect months ago. Hadn't he promises himself that he wouldn't let it happen again? He was older now, more experienced. He could have saved Logan before it got this bad. But he hadn't. He had let himself down and everyone else. He had failed to protect Logan.
James hoped. He went through all the stages of grief while he waited with the others for news on Logan. Denial. This couldn't be happening. Anger. How could Logan have been so stupid? How could he have been so stupid? So blind? Guilt. He should have been able to put a stop to Logan's drug use before it took on fatal measures. Bargaining. He begged with whoever was in charge of giving and taking life to be able to switch places with Logan or to have one more chance. Grief. His heart ached in a way that no words could describe. And finally, acceptance. Logan was a drug addict. He had a serious problem. But. But he was going to survive. This time would be different, James was determined. And this time, he would save him.
It wasn't clear to anyone how long they waited. Time crawled by at such an impossibly slow rate that it actually seemed to come to a complete halt. Mrs. Knight held Katie in her arms while her daughter dropped every pretense she ever had and cried like the little girl she really was. Kendall sat slumped over, his face hidden in his hands while tears continued to flow at a steady rate. Carlos had his legs drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around himself, trying to be as small as possible. James had one arm over his younger friend's shoulders, his back rigid against his chair as he stared straight ahead with a determined expression on his tear streaked face.
"He's going to be okay, you know." he said suddenly. Even though his voice was soft, hardly above a whisper, the sound made everyone jump. He shot a quick glance over at them and then nodded. "Yeah. Logan's going to be okay. We're going to fix this. You'll see."
"James," Mrs. Knight's voice was ragged with tears. "Honey, listen to me. We all want Logan to be okay. But you-"
"No!" James shook his head stubbornly and shifted away from the hand she tried to lay on his shoulder. "I don't need to be prepared for anything except to help Logan get better. Don't try to tell me anything else. He'll be fine. Eventually. He just. . . the doctors will save him and we'll do the rest." He turned to look at her, pleading for her to nod and agree with him and say that he was right. She didn't say anything and he turned away to focus back on the door in a sulky silence.
Finally, a doctor seemed to be headed their way. "Family of Logan Mitchell?" the gray haired man asked, looking down at his clipboard.
Mrs. Knight cleared her throat and stood shakily. "That's us," she said softly. "I'm his adoptive mother, Lacey Knight.
The doctor nodded. "I'm Doctor Martin Freeman." he introduced himself, holding out his hand for her to shake. He gestured at the chairs. "Mrs. Knight, why don't we have a seat while I inform you of Logan's condition."
His condition. James let out the breath he had been holding. Logan was alive. Sure, things could be really bad, but he couldn't be in stable or poor or even critical condition if he was dead, could he? No, that would be absurd. "He's alive then," he whispered, his hope and determination only growing.
"Yes," the doctor said hesitantly. "But I'm afraid that he is in an extremely grave condition. Mrs. Knight, your son was brought in because of an apparent suicide attempt. He overdosed on a combination of drugs commonly known as uppers and ecstasy. There are also traces of ketamine, anitdepressants, and Ritalin in his system."
"Ritalin?" Carlos repeated, his eyes going wide. When the doctor nodded, he sighed and brushed a hand roughly across his eyes. "How bad is he?" he asked, clearly reluctant to hear the answer.
Doctor Freeman sighed heavily and shook his head. "His organs were very badly damaged," he said regretfully as if he hated to give them such horrible news. "Mostly, his kidneys, lungs, and his heart. On the way to the hospital, he stopped breathing on his own and went into cardiac arrest for nearly two minutes. The paramedics were able to revive him, but his lungs have yet to begin functioning on their own again enough to have him breathing on his own. Right now, we have him hooked up to an oxygen machine."
"Well?" James asked, growing impatient. "What are you going to do for him?"
"I'm afraid that we've done all we can for the moment," Doctor Freeman said with another sigh. "It's not looking very good for Logan right now. His heart is failing along with his kidneys and his lungs. To put it bluntly, he's on life support and without it, I don't believe that he would last the night. You can all go in and see him right now but eventually I'll need to talk to you, Mrs. Knight. About keeping Logan on life support." At the expression on their faces, he rushed on. "But please, go see him first before you make any decisions. Come with me. I'll take you to his room."
James stood up first and was right behind the doctor as he led them through double doors and down the hall. They reached an elevator and he stepped inside, willing it not to stop because he was sure that any delay would push him over the edge. Thankfully, nothing of the sort happened. It only seemed to take longer than it should. Logan's room was close by and Doctor White opened the door then stepped aside to let them in. James brushed by him and rushed over to the bed.
He stopped short when he was hit with the unavoidable reality of how bad things really were. There were tubes and wires hooked up to machines, going every which way. One tube in particular had been carefully forced down Logan's throat as the awful sound of artifical oxygen filled the otherwise silent room. His face held no color and when James reached out to tentatively take his hand, he jerked back at first, startled by how cold the skin felt. "Logie," he whispered. "Can you hear me?"
Carlos stood next to him, staring at Logan before he spoke. "That. . . tube down his throat," he whispered. "Is that what helps him breathe?"
The doctor stood in the doorway and hesitated before answering. "It's not exactly helping him breathe," he said quietly. "It's breathing for him completely. It's keeping him alive."
James felt Carlos tense up next to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. "Right now anyway," he said, refusing to give up completely even though their situation seemed devoid of hope. "He'll be okay. I know he will."
Mrs. Knight led Katie in the room, holding onto her tightly as if she was afraid of ever letting go again. "James is right," she said, not sounding as convinced as James did. "Logan is a strong boy. We have no reason to give up on him completely." She took Logan's free hand and held it gently, rubbing it between her fingers as if trying to generate heat and life into the boy.
Kendall was there too but completely silent. He hadn't said a word since he had asked his mother if Logan would be all right. He stared at Logan's face, searching for a sign of real life, trying to see past the tubes and wires and machines. It was impossible though. Logan was dead. He wasn't really alive. If the machine next to his bed was turned off, he would be gone in mere minutes. But if they lost him again like they had in the ambulance, would they ever be able to get him back?
A/N. Okie dokie. I'm thinking nine more chapters after this one for a total of. . . lol thirty chapters. Math whiz. My goal is to have it finished before September. I have about seven future chapters already written, they simply need editing. So it's actually a pretty realistic goal lol. We'll see. Then I have a TON of one-shots to write as well as a couple of "series" and another multi-chapter fic that I. . . just have to figure out how to write lol. Because I know what is going to happen. The plot is just. . . a little out there. Which actually makes me excited! Anyway. That's all for now, folks! Canwemaybegetto300reviews? -shot-