A/N Human - Daughter

21.

A month has passed, a beautiful and blissful month. Primrose has grown some and she even started laughing sometimes. And Haymitch.. He has never been doing better.
''So you're absolutely okay with me leaving Primrose here?'' I ask him one more time. Haymitch pats my cheek reassuring. ''Of course, I won't leave the little girl out of sight.''
''Promise?'' ''Promise.'' I give them both a kiss and turn to the door, and almost run to Jack's door.

Today we are finally going out hunting together. When I spot him I fling my arms around him. ''Jack, missed you,'' I mutter in his hunting jacket. I hear him laugh as he pushes me off him. ''Come on Lims, we got a whole day ahead of us.'' Together we walk to the fence, the sun not even risen yet. We retrieve our bow and arrows, and make our way down to the snares Jack set some days ago.

I quickly spot several rabbits hanging up by his snares. I sniff in the fresh air. It makes me feel alive again. ''It's been so long,'' I say, caressing my own bow and looking around me. Jack nods and pats my head.

Then, without another word, we go off hunting. It is amazing to be outdoors again, though the air is still somewhat chill. After a few hours, we have come up with 5 rabbits, three squirrels, 20 fishes and a variety of roots and berries.

We settle down at the small like by the stone house. I close my eyes and feel my joints relaxing, when I realize this has been the first time in months I have been truly relaxed and at peace. ''Lims..'' I look to my left where Jack is sitting, and he is looking at me funny. An expression I can't quite place. ''About Haymitch..'' I scowl as he starts to talk. ''Does he make you happy?'' I shrug and look down my lap. ''Guess so,'' I mutter.

Why did the conversation have to land on him? Of course, we have happy moments and he does make me happy.. But.. I still don't feel like I can trust him. He can be so sudden. One fight and he would be off to drinking again.

Jack sighs and takes my hand between his, forcing me to look up to him. In between all the business, and, hell why not admit it.. depression, I forgot to look at him. Jack. My big brother, who got older by ten years in a few weeks. But then again, haven't we all? And for the first time, I look at myself.

I look at my slightly deformed reflection in the water, and I feel shock. Of course, I grew up early. Too early. But.. I swear I looked younger when I got reaped. I'm only 17, but I look like I'm 25. I look extremely tired and worn out. There is nothing child-like left in me. ''Jack.. I..'' I'm in shortage of words, as I slowly touch my own face. My hollow eyes. My cracked lips. I can feel Jack move beside me as he puts his arm around me and pulls me to him. ''Why me.. Why does everything have to happen to me?'' I whisper hoarsely.

It is unlike me to drown in self-pity.. But I feel like I have the right too. Up until now I have lost almost everyone I love, and now Snow is threatening to kill another one. Sweet little Primrose. ''Because bad things happen to good people,'' Jack mutters in my hair, but I shake my head. ''I'm not good. You saw me in the Games. I killed innocent children. I am selfish. No good person ever wins the Games, Jack,'' I mumble.

Jack sighs once more. ''Don't talk like this, Lims.. You got a kid and yourself to take care of. And you can do it, I will always be there to help you!'' he says, smiling somewhat. I'm about to smile too when a paranoid thought clouds my mind. ''Jack.. As long as we're close, Snow will only see you as another piece he can destroy to destroy me. I.. I think it is better for us to cease the communication. Better for you, and Mary and Katniss..'' And as the words leave my lips, I can feel my insides crumble and fall apart, in to a hollow pit which formed right after Hadrian's death.

I can feel Jack's body stiffen as my words hit him, and he pulls his arm back. He forces me to look at him again, and I can barely stand it. ''You.. You can't, Lily, this is nonsense!'' I shock of his sudden outburst. ''For all these years, after all these years, it has been you and me, and now you're telling me we can't see each other anymore?!'' he yells.

And I can't take it. I can't take the pain in his voice and the hurt in his eyes.

''Jack..'' even though my voice is nothing more than a whisper, barely audible, he stops ranting and looks at me.

''You have your own little family now.. And I want you to live so you can see Katniss grow up, maybe Mary and you will get other children! I don't want you to miss that. And do you really think this isn't hard for me too? I'm breaking, Jack! And there is nothing more I can do than suck it up!'' He looks at me, slightly confused. Then the words hit him and he looks heartbreakingly sad. And we both stand up, and he hugs me hard. And I won't cry. I won't let myself. But then again, I'm feeling more numbness than sadness. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe not. Right now, it is more than I could wish for.

Together we go to the Hob where we trade together one last time. I let him take all the food, and I hit back home. Without saying goodbye to Mary or Katniss. I don't think I would be able to bear that.

When I arrive at home, it sinks in that I'll have to distance myself from Haymitch too. More pieces fall down the hollow pit. I take over a sleeping Primrose from him, and tell him to go home. He objects, but I won't let in.

And so he leaves, and I'm left with the last person I allow myself to love.

I take her upstairs, and lay down on my bed with her, stroking her soft cheek and little brown curls. I kiss her nose as a tear silently rolls down my cheek.

''My little Primrose.''