Finally...an update! I hope people are still interested. Thank you for all the reviews.
I owe a big apology to everyone reading this story. I had such high hopes for it, and I still do...but I am seriously struggling with getting any writing done. I've been very sick and honestly can't seem to get more done in my life than my day to day obligations and every time I think I might write something, I end up falling asleep or feeling too crummy to get anything done. So, this is a short update, and I don't know when I will get the next one done, but I promise it is not my intent to abandon this. I have it pretty much planned out, I just need to start feeling better so I can dedicate more time to finishing it.
Thanks to everyone who has taken time to read it and to everyone who continues to be patient with my slow updates. Anyone who has read my past stories knows it isn't like me to be so slow in updating. I promise to try to speed things up, but I need to get myself all well and healthy again first. Thanks for understanding.
March 18, 2015 9:30AM
Elliot was rummaging through Olivia's dresser drawers, and even though they'd been married a month he felt like he was invading her privacy. He needed to find something she could wear home from the hospital and he was having very little luck. She didn't seem to have any maternity clothes and he wondered why. He knew she hadn't wanted to wear them right away, but she was showing enough to need them when she'd ended up in the hospital, and now she needed them even more. There was no way she was going to fit into her old clothes. At nineteen weeks pregnant with twins and her nausea under control, she'd begun to put on quite a bit of baby weight. She'd asked him to bring her something comfortable to wear home from the hospital, but going through all her things he was pretty sure everything would be too tight and uncomfortable and he didn't want to embarrass her. She'd been living in a hospital gown for weeks, and he knew she wanted her own things. He opened the bottom drawer and found a pile of yoga pants and leggings, looking through them until he found the biggest pair and deciding they'd fit well enough if she situated them under her belly. Then he looked through his own clothes, piled in his suitcase and pulled out a faded old t-shirt. He hoped she wouldn't be too disappointed.
An hour later he walked into her hospital room, surprised that she wasn't in bed. In the month she'd been hospitalized she'd barely left her bed. Just recently they'd started letting her get up to use the bathroom on her own or go to physical therapy sessions, and so he'd been surprised when the doctor agreed to release her if she promised to adhere to medical restrictions at home. It was going to be a challenge and he wasn't looking forward to it. "Liv…" he called, hearing the water running in the small bathroom and assuming she was in there. "I'm back…"
The door opened slowly, and she emerged from the bathroom with her good arm supporting her back and the other in a sling close to her. "Hey…" she smiled weakly. "I missed you…" He leaned forward and kissed her softly, taking her by the arm and guiding her back to bed. "I can walk by myself, El…" she reminded him.
"I know that," he smiled, "But when I'm here you don't have to." He helped her lower herself onto the bed and ran his hand along her back, "Is your back still hurting?" he asked, rubbing it gently.
"Always…" she admitted. "I don't know why…I know I'm gaining weight but this is crazy…"
"It's not just the weight," he told her. "There's pressure from the twins and it doesn't help laying in bed so much. I hope when we get home we can find a way to ease the pain…maybe a long bath…"
She smiled a little, "We'll see…" she sighed, leaning back against the bed and pulling the covers over her. "Did you bring my clothes?" she asked with a yawn. "The nurse said I can leave as soon as the doctor makes his rounds…so an hour or so…"
Elliot looked at the bag and nodded, "Liv…I had a hard time finding anything. Don't you have any maternity clothes?"
She shrugged, "I have some bigger clothes…" she sighed. "It's not like I expected you to bring me jeans or something. I know those won't fit…but sweats…"
"I brought yoga pants and one of my t-shirts," he pulled the clothes out and showed them to her. "I think they'll work…you'll probably have to pull the pants down below your belly…"
"I'm sure they'll fit just fine," she said, her voice frustrated.
"Hey…don't get all upset…" he sighed. "The babies are getting bigger and that is a good thing, especially after all they've been through. You need to buy some maternity clothes."
"You act like I'm gigantic," she groaned. "I'm only nineteen weeks…I have time…"
"You are half-way through the pregnancy," he reminded her. "And there are two of them. You're gonna get big really fast now. You need to be ready…and honestly I don't think you have anything at the apartment that will fit. You've been wearing a hospital gown for so long that you don't even notice the changes…"
"But you do?" she sputtered. "You've noticed how fat I am now? Is that what you're saying? Then fine…I will squeeze into my yoga pants and then buy maternity clothes online when we get home. Okay?" her eyes were filling with tears.
"I didn't say that," Elliot sighed, rolling his eyes at her outburst. "Let's just talk about something else. What do you want to do tonight…your first night home?"
"Cuddle with Noah," she forced a smile and brushed away the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. "I miss him…I want to feed him his dinner and give him his bath…curl up with him and read books…"
"Liv, I know you miss him, but you're gonna need to rest," Elliot reminded her.
"I haven't been home in a month," she argued. "I need to take care of my son, El. You can't stop me from spending time with him…"
"Whoa…" Elliot stood up and stared angrily at her. "Who the hell said I was trying to stop you from spending time with him? You have to rest…that's all I'm saying…"
"And I will…but you don't get to tell me what or how to do it," she sputtered. "I'm a grown woman. I can make my own decisions…"
"You can…but you have to take care of the twins too and sometimes I really wonder if you even think about putting them first," Elliot admitted with a sad sigh.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she groaned. "God Elliot…all I think about are these babies. I just want to go home and have one night to devote to my son…and it's like you don't even recognize that he needs me too. He's eighteen months old and he hasn't had me home with him for weeks. And everything is going to be so different now…you're there…the twins are coming…"
"I'm there?" Elliot shook his head in defeat. "Is that what this is about? You don't want me there?"
"No…" she cried. "I just…I'm not sure how to take all these changes…it scares me." She closed her eyes, "I've been single for a long time Elliot…and now…you think I'm too fat, and you think you can tell me when to rest, and you'll probably try to tell me what to eat and how much and…"
"Shut up!" he yelled. "You are being fucking ridiculous! Do you even hear yourself? I never said any of that and there is no way in hell I'd try to tell you what to do…cause Lord knows you wouldn't listen, even if it was for the best…"
"And you always know what's best…" Olivia snickered.
"You know what…I can't do this…" Elliot ran his hand across the back of his neck. "You are too hormonal or something…but I'm not gonna stay here and fight with you. I love you…and I love our kids…and I need to get away from you before I say something I'm going to seriously regret…" He walked toward the door, but stopped when he heard her sobbing. He turned to look at her, "Liv…just rest, okay. Call me when the doctor comes and releases you and we'll go home…okay?" She nodded reluctantly and he gave a sad smile, "I love you…" he whispered as he walked out the door.
March 18, 2015 12:00PM
Elliot walked down the hall toward Olivia's hospital room carrying Noah in his arms. After their argument earlier, he decided having the little boy with him when he picked Olivia up would go a long way towards making peace with his emotional wife. "Mommy's coming home…" he kissed the baby on the cheek and Noah giggled as he pushed the door open and smiled seeing Olivia sitting on the edge of the bed dressed in the clothes he's brought her earlier, his red t-shirt stretched across the swell of her stomach. "Hey…you ready?" he asked, putting Noah down and watching the little boy toddle over to his mother.
"Yeah," she sighed, reaching down and hugging Noah close with her good arm. "Mommy missed you…" she said gently and Noah whined and reached for her to pick him up, but with only one good arm she couldn't. Elliot walked over and picked up the baby, sitting him in his mother's lap and she kissed the top of the boy's head, "Thanks El…" she said tearfully. "I'm sorry about earlier…"
"It's okay," he forced a smile and sat next to her. "Are you feeling better?"
She shrugged, "I guess…"
"Liv…what's wrong?" he asked seriously. "You're coming home…you should be happy…"
"I don't know," she admitted. "I just…I feel so scared…about all of this." She exhaled slowly, "Can you take him?" she asked anxiously, and Elliot picked up Noah, situating him on his own lap while Olivia ran her hand on her stomach. "They're moving around…" she smiled. "It still feels so weird to me."
He put his hand on her stomach, "I think I felt that…" he smiled. "I think they're trying to tell you there is nothing to be scared about…they're ready to go home too."
Olivia smiled, letting her hand rest on top of his. "El…I'm not scared about the babies. I love them…I wanted them…I got pregnant with them on purpose…spent a fortune on it…" she looked down at the ground and sighed, "I'm scared of us…being married to you…I don't know how we're going to make this all work…"
"You asked me to marry you," he reminded her. "I thought it was what you wanted…"
"I did," she insisted. "But while I was in the hospital it was easier…going home…trying to live as a married couple…I don't know if we're ready for that…we barely know each other anymore…"
"I don't think that's true," he argued. "We've known each other forever…better than we've known anyone else…" he sighed. "I told you we could take things slow…and that's fine. If that's what you want…I'll be there to help out and nothing more…"
"Okay…" she said sadly. "I'm really sorry, El…"
He shook his head and stood up, resting Noah on his hip and taking her good arm and helping her up, "Come on…" he said. "Let's go home…"
March 18, 2015 1:15PM
"I'm so hungry…" Olivia groaned, sitting down on the sofa and opening her container of Chinese food. They'd stopped on the way home for lunch and it had taken all her willpower not to dive into the food containers in the car. A month of hospital food behind her, she was more than ready to get back into a normal routine. "This is so good…" she said between bites and watched as Elliot put Noah in his crib, noticing he'd moved it from it's old spot and put it near the window. "Why'd you move the crib?" she asked. "I liked it where it was."
"We have more room this way," he answered. "And Noah was getting distracted by the TV sometimes and this way he can't see it anymore so he'll go to sleep better at night."
"Well you should've asked me," she said seriously. "I don't like the crib by the window. It isn't safe."
"It's fine…I'll put it back," he said with irritation. "I was just trying to help." He glanced at the baby, "He'll be out for a while," Elliot said, sitting next to her and opening his own food. "I'm glad I fed him before we went to the hospital."
"I wish you would've waited and let me feed him," she said, taking another bite. "I'm feeding him dinner tonight…no arguments. I love that time with him and I've missed it."
Elliot looked at his wife, shoving food into her mouth and sighed, "You might want to slow down," he suggested. "Chinese hasn't settled well with your stomach since you've been pregnant. I can't believe you asked for it."
"I just had a ridiculous craving for it when we passed the restaurant," Olivia admitted, taking another bite. "Besides, I haven't been sick in a couple of weeks." She grabbed an eggroll and took a bite, grinning at the taste, "Oh my God…this is so amazing…"
"Too bad I can't get a reaction like that from you," Elliot snickered, taking a bite of his own food and then sitting the container on the coffee table.
"What are you talking about?" she laughed.
"I'm talking about how you act like you're gonna have a damn orgasm from eating an eggroll, but you don't want to be intimate with me at all…" he sighed.
Her eyes widened and she put down her own food container, "I…" she sputtered. "I don't know how to respond to that…" her eyes filled with tears. "Why are you being like this?"
"Why am I being like this?" he snickered. "You're the one who asked me to marry you, said you needed me and you didn't want to lose me, but now you act like I'm invading your space by being here…"
"That's not fair," she argued. "You said we could take things slow…I can't have sex with you right now anyway…I haven't been cleared by the doctor…"
"I'm not talking about sex," he sighed. "This is about way more than that, Liv. You don't want me here. You don't want me in your space or taking care of your son or being a part of making decisions with the twins. It's like you wish I wasn't around so you can go back to the way things were before…"
"That's not true," she cried. "I want you here…I just want to make my own decisions about my own life."
"Exactly…about your life…" he said sadly. "This is supposed to be our life…together…" he stood up and walked to the window, looking out blankly. "I thought we were going to be a family...and I'm starting to realize you don't want that."
"I do want that…" Olivia stood up slowly and walked to the window. "El…I do…" she cried. "This is so scary for me. I don't know how to be a wife…I barely know how to be a mother…" she put her hand on her stomach, "I didn't even notice how big I am now…how much the babies have grown…and what kind of mother doesn't realize her babies are going to be smooshed…" she sobbed, pulling at the wasteband of her yoga pants that were too tight. "And you had to remind me that Chinese food makes me sick…I can't do anything right…"
"Liv…" he closed his eyes, feeling guilty that he'd made her cry. "You're a good mommy…the babies aren't smooshed…and if you are craving Chinese food then it must not be making you sick anymore…"
"I'm so fat…" she cried. "And when they move it always surprises me…like I forget they're there or something…how can I forget they're there when I'm so fat…and I feel a little queasy now…"
"Hey…calm down…" he put his arm around her and tried to soothe her. "You are not fat…and the movement surprises you because it doesn't happen a lot yet…and if you're queasy it's probably because of all the crying…" He guided her back to the sofa, "Here…sit down and finish eating…everything is okay…"
"No it's not," she cried. "You hate me. I didn't mean to make you so miserable. I didn't want to hurt you…"
"I'm not hurt," he lied. "I knew you wanted to take things slowly and I let myself get caught up in the fantasy of being married…it's okay…we'll be fine…"
"Really?" she asked. "Because I love you…I really do, El…and I need you to help me through this, but only if you feel like you can. I don't want to hurt you."
I don't want to hurt you either," he leaned forward, kissing her on the cheek and letting his hand rest on her stomach. He smiled weakly, "I wish they'd kick again…"
She nodded, "Yeah…they pick the most inopportune times…like late at night when I'm trying to sleep." She sniffled and picked up her eggroll, taking another bite. "Maybe if you talk to them…" she suggested. "If you put your mouth next to my belly and talk to them they might kick…"
"Maybe later," he said sadly, leaning back and taking a bite of his own food. "You should finish eating and go lay down for a while. If you want to get up and feed Noah dinner, you should rest first."
She reluctantly nodded, "Okay…" she took one last bite and closed the container and let him help her up from the sofa. "El…I love you…I really do…I'm sorry…" she whispered, walking toward her room.
"I love you too and you don't have to be sorry. We'll work it all out…I promise," he forced a smile and watched her make her way down the hall. Then he leaned back and closed his eyes, wondering if they'd ever figure out their relationship.
More to come...eventually...