Thanks for your reviews guys :) Now that you've seen what JJ is like with Harry, and how things could have been with Louis, please review and tell me who you think she should be with (: thanks for reading guys, and I will keep uploading whenever I can (: I'm sorry if you think the story is dragging on, but I feel like I have so much more to give with it (: maybe I should leave some of it and write a sequel? Decisions, decisions…

Chapter 21: Sadness, Grief and Despair

"Baby, you need to wake up." Harry whispers in my ear. I slowly open my eyes to see Harry lying next to me and smiling sadly. Then I realise what today is, and I roll onto my front and bury my head in the pillow. "C'mon, JJ." He plays with my hair and sighs softly.

"I don't wanna get up." I whine into the pillow. I guess being childish is better than bawling my eyes out… Or at least that's what I think; Harry see's right through me, and he pulls me so I'm lying on his chest.

"It'll be okay." He whispers to me, running his hands through my hair. "I'll be there, the boys will be there, my parents will be there, and…"

"And my Dad will be there, won't he?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah; Mum wasn't sure whether to invite him, but after you made up with him the other day, she thought it would be okay."

"Good. He has a right to be there." I'm not sure whether I'm saying it as a statement or I'm trying to convince myself that it's true. Sure, I'm letting him back into my life, but I'm still not sure whether it's a good idea. "What about Louis?" Louis came home last night but he's been resting in his bed ever since. Harry sighs and takes his hands out of my hair.

"I don't think he can go, JJ. He's not really supposed to move because of his rib." He's only broken one rib, thank God. I'm slightly worried that Harry's annoyed with me, and I grasp his hand in mine.

"Oh, okay. What about Liam?" I ask quietly.

"Urm, he's doing okay, which is why they're letting him come home in about…" he checks his watch, "oh; now. I'm not sure if he's strong enough to go though…"

"Harry… I'm not sure I'm strong enough to go." I whisper it so softly that it takes him a few seconds to realise what I said. Then he wraps him arms around me and I take a deep breath, pushing back tears; there'll be enough of them later.

"It'll be okay, sweetheart." he whispers into my ear, and I giggle at his corniness. "C'mon; we better get dressed."

"Okay." I sigh quietly. I don't want to get up and face today, but I know that I have to, and I have the support I need. I kiss Harry on the lips and then get out of bed. He follows me, and I turn away from him and grab my bathrobe.

"I'm going for a shower." I smirk to myself, knowing what's next. Sure enough he slides his arms around my waist and pulls me close.

"Mind if I join you?" he whispers seductively into my ear.

"I thought you'd never ask." I whisper back, sounding equally as seductive. He leans down and kisses my neck and I shiver with anticipation. It's just what I need; a distraction. Maybe if I don't think about today, it won't happen… Yeah, right…

Two hours later…

"C'mon, JJ, we can't wait any longer; we need to go!" Harry tugs on my hand in an attempt to get me to walk to the car faster.

"Harry, just give me a minute, okay?" My eyes are already burning with tears and we've only just left the house.

"JJ…" Harry pulls me into a bone crushing hug and I bury my head in his chest. "I know you don't want to do this but you have to. You've got to be strong, okay?"

"But I don't wanna be strong! She's my mum… she was my mum…" On the word "was" my voice breaks, and tears start to flow steadily from my eyes. I'm just going to spend the whole day crying, aren't I? I think to myself. I bury myself deeper into Harry's embrace and sob quietly, and he rubs my back and whispers "It's okay" repeatedly in my ear.

"Jordan?" I hear somebody say, and that someone places their hand on my shoulder. I attempt to compose myself, and when I turn around I'm met with a familiar pair of deep brown eyes.

"Liam?" I hiccup, trying to control my tears. He grasps my hand in his, and then I notice he's wearing a crisp black suit, and his usually-curly hair has been straightened. "You're coming to the… the… the church?"

"Yeah." he nods. I start to protest but he smiles and places a hand over my mouth. "I don't wanna hear it; you need friends, and here I am." He pulls me into his arms and I hug him tight, careful not to hurt his side.

"Are you sure?" He nods and kisses my cheek, and I smile.

"I'm glad you're okay, mate." Harry hugs him tight, and he laughs. Then he walks over to Anne and leads her to the car, and Harry takes my hand in his. "C'mon, baby; let's go." I take a deep breath and follow him. Then another black car pulls up, and Chloe steps out, closely followed by Niall. She wraps her arms around me tight and I can feel tears threatening to fall. When she pulls back I look into her sparkly blue eyes and see that they're tinged with pain and sadness, and I realise that I'm being selfish; sure, she was my mum, but other people knew her and loved her too, not just me. Harry's right; I do need to be strong, but I don't just need to be strong for me, I need to be strong for everyone else as well.

"C'mon, Twin; you're coming with us." Chloe takes my hand. "Niall's driving, I'm in the front, and you're in the back." She turns to Harry. "You're going with your mum, Zayn, Gemma and Liam, okay?"

"Oh, well, I'd rather…" he starts, but she cuts him off with a glare. "Yep, that's fine. I'll see you at the church, then." He presses his warm lips to mine, then he kisses Chloe's cheek, nods at Niall and saunters off towards the other car.

"Why can't he come with us?" I say as Niall walks around the car to the driver's door.

"Don't worry. Just get in the back." She slides into the passenger seat and closes the door. I hesitate slightly, and she winds down the blacked-out window and tells me to get in. I sigh and slide into the car, careful not to mark my dress or catch my heels.

"Hey you." Says one person I really didn't think I'd see today. I shift slightly in my seat and am met by a familiar grin.

"Louis?" I gasp. Chloe chuckles slightly, and as Niall drives off, Louis entwines his hand with mine. "You're supposed to be in bed!"

"I know, but I couldn't stay there knowing that you- and Harry- need me." He smiles and I let go of his hand so I can put my seat belt on.

"Are you sure you're well enough for this? You should be at home, resting!" I want him to stay, but I know he shouldn't.

"Just shush, okay?" He cups my cheek with his hand and my eyes brim with tears. "I'm staying."

"Okay, but you have to promise to take it easy, okay? You sit down and shut up, and don't go saving anybody else, okay?" I put my hand on top of his, keeping it on my cheek. "I don't want you to get hurt again."

"I won't." He wipes a tear from my eye, looks at the front and then drops his hand. I turn and see Niall glaring at us in the mirror, and I blush; I know what that must have looked like. Why do things have to be so complicated?

After the funeral…

I stand at the door of the community hall, saying goodbye to the guests and thanking them for paying their respects. My Dad is stood next to me doing the same, but it's like we're both on auto pilot; we're doing all the motions right, but it's like we're not really here. My Gran (my Mum's mother) stands in front of me, her bloodshot eyes full of tears and pain, and I hug her one last time and watch her leave. Most people are leaving like that; crying and sniffling, knowing that everything is final and Caroline Maria Jones is never coming back. I'm one of the only people that aren't crying; I've cried so many tears for my mum that I don't seem to have any left.

Dad says goodbye to the last guest and turns to me, his forehead creased in worry and his eyes tinged with sadness, and I do the only thing I think I can do; I hold out my arms. He pulls me into a hug, which triggers tears I thought I didn't have, and I sob hysterically while he holds me.

"Why did this happen, Dad? Why her? Why us? Why did she have to die?" I spit out all of the questions I would have asked if he had been there when she died, and in his arms I feel like a small child again.

"I don't know, Jordy. I'm sorry; I just don't know." He whispers through his tears. I pull away and look into his eyes, and all I see is pain.

"Dad… where are you staying at the moment?" I ask, without really thinking.

"A mates… why?" He wipes away his tears and looks at me, puzzled.

"Will you… do you… Do you want to move back in with me? Mum left the house to me, but if you get a job and stuff, you could live there?" I see hope shine in his eyes, and I have to say a few things before he answers. "But I'm 18, so you can't order me around anymore, okay? And it is my house, so if things get bad again, I have the right to throw you out, okay?" I know they're very rude, and even harsh, things to say, but he has to know where I stand.

"Are you sure?" He asks, and when I see the hope in his eyes again I know… well, I think I've made the right decision.

"Yes. Can you wait until tomorrow though, please? I just really don't wanna have to deal with grown up stuff right now."

"Okay." He shifts uncomfortably, unsure of what to do. "Shall I go now? Will you be okay?"

"Yeah; I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" He nods and says goodbye, hugs me one more time, and then leaves. As soon as he's gone I'm gathered up in a strong pair of arms, and I start crying again. So much for not having any tears left…

"Oh, JJ." Harry's stuck for things to say, so he settles for just hugging me tight while I cry myself out. I pull away from him, and he's just about to say something when I get a sudden feeling that something isn't right. One word pops into my head, a word that burns me from the inside; Chloe.

"JORDAN!" She screams my name, and it's like a stab in the gut. I follow the sound of her screaming, and not being able to find her is one of the most agonising things ever. I hear a clatter of plates, and Niall sprints up behind me.

"What the fuck is going on?" His eyes are wide with panic.

"I don't know! Where is she?" My hands start to shake, and I feel sick with worry. Niall starts to speak, but I hear Chloe scream again.

"The kitchen. She went to the kitchen." Niall runs towarsd the kitchen and I hear Harry running behind us. I get to the kitchen first, and the scene before me makes me drop to my knees in horror. Oh no, please, no…