Chapter 21
I wake up to Zeke gently shaking my shoulder. I jump slightly, disoriented from sleeping in the hospital all night.
"Hey," he says before pulling a chair up next to me.
"Hey."
"I'm sorry."
I shake my head. Zeke has nothing to be sorry about. "It's not your fault."
We sit in silence for a few minutes. I look down the Tobias' hand that I am still grasping. I see the ink I tattooed into his skin. The mark that shows that his fears are mine, and my fears are his.
"They said they might take him off of the sedatives this morning," I tell Zeke. Even though I get the sneaking suspicion that he is not here just to see how Tobias is doing.
I see him start to shake his head next to me. "I just talked to one of the doctors. She said they were going to keep him under for the rest of the day. He needs to rest to heal and they know he won't take to bed rest well. They said tonight, after dinner, they would try to wake him up."
"Oh," I look back down at Tobias and wish I didn't have to wait so long to talk to him, to see him awake and alive.
"I know . . . I know this is a bad time but the other leaders thought that the Abnegation who are staying to learn how to fight would find it easier to learn from someone who understands them better. Someone –"
"Someone like me," the last thing I want to do right now is train members of my old faction how to fight. Especially when I know that Marcus is likely to be one of the Abnegation staying behind, and apparently Caleb did not heed my warning not to come here when I saw him at Amity.
"I don't know if all of them will really take me seriously, Zeke. When they think of a Dauntless instructor I'm sure they think of someone more – "
"Don't even tell me you don't think they'll think you're a good enough Dauntless to instruct them, Tris. Even if you hadn't come from Abnegation you'd be the best choice to teach them. You've done things and survived situations half of us wouldn't have been able to."
I sigh at Zeke's little speech. The things I've done don't seem all that brave to me. I did what I had to do to survive. I escaped Erudite because if I didn't they would either do more tests on my brain or find a more effective way to kill me. I was stupid at Amity, going into that room outnumbered, but I don't regret that. Not when Tobias was at stake. The Abnegation invasion may have been my idea but it wasn't perfect. People got hurt, Tobias got hurt.
But, I also know that they're probably right. I know the way the Abnegation think. I know how it feels to have to push back that part of your brain in order to become Dauntless.
"Okay."
"Thanks. They'll be in the training room in about an hour."
"You have to check on him throughout the day, okay? And let me know if anything changes?" I squeeze Tobias' hand a little tighter. I know that if I didn't have to train the initiates I would spend the rest of my day in this chair next to him.
"I will, I promise," Zeke says as he stands. He gently pats my shoulder as he leaves our curtained off area. I stand up, too, once he is gone and look down at Tobias one last time. I lean down and kiss his forehead like he has done to mine countless times before I leave.
People stare at me as I walk to our apartment, but I ignore them. I don't know what they're waiting for, maybe for me to breakdown right in front of them but that is not going to happen.
When I enter our apartment I head straight for the shower. I do my best not to let my mind wander to Tobias and all of the times he has joined me in this shower. I need to focus today with the Abnegation.
Once I shower I go over to our dresser to decide what to wear. I decide on jeans, one of my tighter v-neck t-shirts, and one of Tobias' zip-up hoodies. I also pick up my discarded gun from last night and stuff it in the back of my pants. I've decided it is best to keep a weapon on me at all times. I look at my watch and realize I am already late to meet the Abnegation. As I make my way through the pit and to the training room I try and decide how to train them. Typical Dauntless initiation training could work. It seems pointless to put them through the simulations and their Fear Landscapes, though. I should stick strictly to physical training.
I take a deep breath once I reach the door to the training room. When I release my breath I let go of all thoughts of Tobias lying in the hospital and focus solely on training the people in this room.
I walk in and see about thirty people already standing in a line at the back of the room. I'm not surprised to see my parents among them. I knew, even though I asked them not to, they would stay and fight. Unfortunately, Caleb is standing next to them. Robert, Susan, and their parents are also here. So is Marcus.
I move so I am standing in front of them, in the center of the room. I cross my arms over my chest as I look at them.
"Some of you probably – "
"No, this won't work. We need a more experienced Dauntless member to instruct us," Marcus says. I look at him and see the same man who I saw in Tobias' Fear Landscape so long ago, the vile man who beat him and locked him up.
I take another deep breath to try and subdue my anger before I respond, "I get it. I'm a girl and I'm small and I've only been in Dauntless for a year." As I speak I begin to pace in front of all of the trainees before I stop in front of Marcus. Gasps are heard throughout the room as I reach behind me and pull out my gun. I aim it directly at Marcus' head before I continue, "But none of that matters when I have a gun pointed at your head, now does it?"
I take a few seconds to stare at this man, the man who beat my husband his entire childhood. The man who locked Tobias in closets for God knows how long. My anger returns ten times worse than it was.
"I have a lot of reasons to hate you Marcus Eaton. You don't want to give me another," I lower my gun and return it to it's previous position. I walk back to my spot in front of the trainees and begin pacing yet again.
"As I was saying, some of you know me as Beatrice Prior. That's not who I am anymore, though. Here you can call me Tris Eaton," the gasps that escape the Abnegation and few Amity in the room are surprising. Abnegation are taught not to judge or really react to anything. Their opinion is not as important as someone else's opinion.
I'm not worried about the Abnegation telling anyone Tobias' true identity. They won't gossip, and if they were to gossip it would be to each other. Not other Dauntless.
I ignore the gasps and the harsh stare coming from Marcus and continue. "The other Dauntless leaders thought it would be easier for you to learn from someone who you can relate to, someone who has been in a similar position.
"That being said, we will start with training right away. Dauntless initiation usually consists of three parts: physical, emotional, and mental. As of now we'll just focus on the physical. I see no need to put you through simulations and your Fear Landscape –"
"Fear Landscape?" Marcus asks.
"A simulation where you face your worst fears. The only way out is to calm your heart rate, to overcome your fear. The average person has about fifteen."
"Is that why you have the number four tattooed on your wrist? You had four fears?"
"You're awfully nosey for a Stiff, Marcus," I glare at him. I don't appreciate all of his questions when just the sound of his voice makes my skin crawl.
"As I said, we'll focus mainly on the physical," I look at the group in front of me. They're distracted, thinking about other things. It's understandable to be thinking about the war now but it is unnecessary. They're safe here, but won't be forever. They need a proper push in the Dauntless direction.
"Follow me," I say before I start to leave the room. As I reach the door I look behind me and see all of them still standing there, staring. "Lets go!"
They all scurry behind me as I make my way through the pit. I look around and quickly find the person I need to talk to.
"Stay here," I tell the trainees and walk over to where Zeke is talking with Uriah and Will.
"How's it going with the Stiff's?" Uriah asks but I ignore him.
"I need you to turn off the alarms at the net entrance and turn on the power to the elevator," I tell Zeke before I look over at Uriah and Will, "And I need you two to be at the net ready to pull people out. Okay?"
"Knew I made a good decision nominating you," Uriah says with a smug smirk before clapping his hand on my shoulder and leaving with Will.
"And I knew it was a good idea for you to train them," Zeke says with the exact same smirk Uriah had before making his way toward the control room.
I make my way back over to where the trainees are waiting. I keep walking past them toward the elevator that will take us up to the roof. It's only turned on in special circumstances. This will be the Abnegation's first test. Abnegation do not take elevators. It is selfish to take up a spot when someone else could need it. If they go to the stairwell that is next to the elevator I'll know who is still thinking like an Abnegation, and if they get in the elevator or wait for it to come back down I'll know who is already ahead.
I can hear the elevator humming with energy by the time we get there and press the button to call it down. The doors open a few seconds later and I step in. Everyone stares for a second until my parents, Caleb, and a couple other Abnegation members get in. I see a group of them walk toward the stairs.
"Top level. Meet us up there," I say as the doors close.
"Good job. You passed the first test," I tell the people who are in the elevator with me. I see my mother smirk in the reflection given off by the elevator doors.
We make it to the top and I step out onto the roof. The wind blows softly around me. It's dark and looks like a storm is coming in. I can hear thunder rumble a few miles away from us.
I walk over to the edge of the roof. Those already up here keep a safe distance from the edge. We wait a few minutes for everyone to get to the top. A large group enters from the stairway and a group of a couple more get off of the elevator.
"After the Choosing Ceremony this is where new initiates are taken. I know you didn't choose Dauntless and you don't want to fight or hurt people, but it's necessary now. You have to leave behind your Abnegation mindset and fight for what you believe in. Fight for the right to believe in it.
"So, why are we up here? To fight?" Caleb asks, his Erudite trained brain looking for answers.
"We're up here to see how committed you are to fighting. If you can jump off of this roof you will continue training with me for a few weeks. If you can't we'll escort you safely to Amity."
The wind starts to pick up and the sound of the thunder gets louder. This storm has a nice enhancing effect on my speech.
"You want us to jump off of the roof?" Marcus asks, looking at me as if I've gone mad. Maybe I have.
"Yes," I say before I toss my body over the edge. The seconds that I am free falling through the air help me clear my mind, at least until my body collides with the net at the bottom. I take a few seconds to orient myself before I let Uriah pull me out of the net.
"First to jump again, Tris? At least let someone else have a chance," Will laughs.
"You think anyone out of a group of mostly Abnegation would have jumped off of a building?" there is a reason so few Abnegation have ever transferred to Dauntless.
Just as the words fall out of my mouth two more bodies land in the net. I look over and see my mother and father. I help Will and Uriah pull them out. I am surprised to see the excited smiles of both of their faces.
"Good job," I say with a small smile of my own.
"You're doing a good job, Beatrice," my father says, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. I don't have time to respond before the sound of screams echo through the area followed by the thump of a new body landing in the net.
~.~.~
After about an hour we have everyone off of the roof. I'm surprised every person jumped. I thought we would have had some take the elevator or stairs back down. I release everyone for lunch and tell them to meet me back in the training room in an hour. As soon as they all enter the dining hall I make my way back to the hospital. I don't like how familiar the route there has become for me.
I don't hesitate to make my way through the curtained rooms to where I know Tobias is. I close the curtain behind me as I enter and take my seat in the chair next to him.
"Hi," I whisper. I don't know why I feel the need to talk to him. It just seems to calm me down even though I know he is not understanding what I'm saying, or even going to respond.
"I shouldn't be so confused and lost just because you're sleeping for a few hours . . . . That's what I've been telling myself. You're just sleeping, not sedated in a hospital bed because you were stabbed. I just don't know what to do about all of the Abnegation trainees. That's what I've been calling them instead of initiates. I just . . . don't know."
Everything is too frustrating for me. I feel like we're just waiting for the next disaster to happen. Maybe it's just the uncertainty, not knowing when Tobias will wake up that is making me feel this way. Or maybe it is the stares I've been receiving all morning from Marcus.
The door opens and the same woman who talked to me about Tobias the night before enters, the woman with red hair and the button nose.
"Hello again, Tris," she says before she goes over to the machine hooked to Tobias and starts adjusting numbers.
"When will he wake up?" I ask her.
"We'll start weaning him off of the sedatives tonight. After that he could wake up any time. He'll need to take it easy for a few days but with the medication we'll be giving him he should heal quickly. I'm Riley, find me if you have any other questions" she says with a nice smile. I've never appreciated the Amity's kindness as much as I do now.
"Thank you. For saving him," I tell her before she leaves. I kiss Tobias on the forehead again before I leave. I pick up one of the apples the Amity brought with them and placed in the hospital for those checking up on patients and nibble on it as I make my way back to the training room.
I toss the core of the apple into a nearby trashcan as I reach the training room. When I enter I'm pleased to see everyone has gotten back on time. I don't say anything as I make my way over to one of the storage closets and pull out the rack of guns we use for training.
"The first thing we'll do is teach you how to shoot," I start talking as I press guns into each person's hands. "It goes against everything you've ever known, to take someone else's life. But taking someone else's life could save the rest of your faction, the rest of every faction."
Once everyone has a gun I take one, saving the bullets in the one I have on me, and aim at the one of the targets. "Legs apart, shoulders steady. Breathe in, shoot, then breathe out."
I shoot until I don't have any bullets left. Everyone looks at the target and sees my cluster of holes around the center.
"Your turn."
The rest of the afternoon is spent watching the trainees attempt to shoot at the targets. My mother is the only one who managed to hit a target within the first hour. Eventually people start to get the hang of handling a gun. Susan has the hardest time, though. I spend most of my time with her, helping her position herself right and work through the part of her brain that tells her not to pull the trigger.
Right before I am about to release all of them the door opens and Tori, Harrison, and Zeke all enter. My heart drops when I see them walk in, thinking they're here to tell me the worst news anyone could get.
Zeke sees the horror on my face and reassures me with a shake of his head that they're not here for that. I sigh as my heart rate starts to slow back down.
"Hello, everyone. We just wanted to remind you that tomorrow we will be escorting a group back to Amity. If, after what you learned today, you no longer wish to fight with us this is your chance to back out," Tori says, looking over the Abnegation in front of her.
"We'll be needing a new instructor," Marcus says.
"Why is that?" Harrison asks, his voice gruff and intimidating.
"Why do you all think this little girl can help us learn how to fight? If we are going to stay we need someone more reliable."
"That little girl has done more for this city than any of you. She escaped Erudite after they tried to kill her. She was held at gunpoint at Amity a week ago. She is the reason we got all of you out of Abnegation; it was her plan. She is a leader of this faction. You shouldn't be criticizing her; you should all be thanking her. I would want the person who escaped multiple life or death situations training me, wouldn't you?" Zeke asks, his voice hard and serious. I don't like seeing him so serious all of the time now, but I do appreciate his words of praise even if I don't deserve them.
"I don't know if you have as many followers as you think you do, Mr. Eaton," is the last thing Tori says before the rest of them walk out, leaving me alone with the trainees again.
I look at Marcus as I start to speak, "You would all do well to remember that Abnegation is gone," I look directly into Marcus' dark eyes as I keep going, "You're no longer the leader of anything. You hold no clout here. It's not a good idea to piss off the people who do make the decisions," I sigh as I look at the rest of them, "Same time tomorrow morning."
I leave the training room and don't hesitate to make my way to the hospital. Christina is waiting outside the entrance when I get there. She takes my arm and starts to pull me backwards, away from the hospital.
"What are you doing?" I ask, agitated.
"I already talked to them. They'll be taking him off of the sedatives in an hour. You need to eat something," Christina loops her arm with mine and we start to walk to the dining hall.
Once we get our food we sit down at a table with our friends. I just pick at my food, only eating a few bites of my burger as I lose myself in the hum of conversations in the dining hall. A heavy arm swinging around my shoulders breaks me out of my trance.
"You okay?" Zeke asks me.
"Yeah, thanks. For what you said, I mean," I actually manage a small smile up at him.
"It was all true."
"Oh, well, if you feel like you need me to . . . I can train you, too," this time I manage to laugh a little bit at my joke.
"Ha ha, Tris. What's Marcus' problem, anyway?"
"I don't know," I shrug, wanting the subject changed. I don't know what Tobias is going to do about his father being here. Will he still be able to keep it a secret?
"I should go," I stand up and throw away a majority of the food I got. I don't leave the dining hall, though. I head over to the table where my mother, father, Caleb, and Marcus are sitting.
I take a seat next to my mother with Marcus across from me. My mother wraps a comforting arm around me and gives me a small squeeze. It's nice and not really something she's ever done before. Displays of affection, even between parents and children, are not very common among the Abnegation.
"Congratulations," she tells me. I look up at her with my brows knit together in confusion. "You and . . . Four got married. Congratulations," my mother says with a smile. I have a smile of my own as I remember waking up from my nightmare and signing our wedding papers.
"How is he?" she asks me.
"They say he'll be okay. They're going to try and wake him up soon. He'll need to rest though, which will be hard for him to do. He's not the 'take it easy' type," I tell her before I lean over the table a little closer to Marcus, "If you go near him . . . If you so much as fucking look at him, I will kill you. Do you understand me?" I keep eye contact with him. His eyes are almost the same shade of blue as Tobias'. It is a color that usually comforts me, but on him it just angers me.
"I don't know what you're – "
"Don't. You know exactly what I'm talking about, Marcus."
"Beatrice! You have no right to – "
I stand up from the table. I've gotten my message across. I look down at my parents who seem shocked and upset with my words to Marcus, "The Erudite weren't wrong about everything," my eyes flit to Caleb who is sitting next to my father before I leave the dining hall.
As soon as I get to the hospital I head directly to Tobias' curtained off area. Riley is in the corner, pushing buttons on the machine attached to Tobias again.
"Are you taking him off of the sedatives?" I ask her.
"Yes. It will probably still take him a while to wake up, hours most likely."
I nod and take my seat next to him. I hear the curtain slide back into place as Riley leaves and I wrap one of Tobias' hands in both of mine. I lean my elbows on the edge of the bed and start to talk to him again.
"Your dad is here. He doesn't like me very much. I also may have told him we got married. I hope he leaves so you don't stress yourself out about him when you should he healing, but I know he won't," I sigh as I look down at him. Just a few hours. Just a few more hours and I'll be able to actually talk to him.
A/N: This story hit 200 reviews the other day! Thanks, guys! I wanted to post a surprise chapter, but I've gotten a bit behind on writing. I'm rereading The Hunger Games series to get in the Catching Fire spirit because the movie is out on DVD/Blu-Ray tomorrow. Once I finish Mockingjay I'm going to reread Divergent (only the first two books…) so that should put me back in the writing mood for this. The training scene with the Abnegation was one of the first ideas I had for this story so I hope you like it. Leave me a review and let me know!
(ps there are weekly teasers posted here if you're interested: divergentrebel13 . tumblr youngvolcanoes)