Chapter 21
"Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become"
Gin stares into the mirror at herself. It has been two weeks since summer vacation. She has been thinking about everything that had happened, it was probably the only thing on her mind. Suddenly at school she felt uncomfortable around the Hosts, especially Kyoya and Haruhi. But she also felt that old sadness when Honey was nearby, probably because after her visit back in the Netherlands, she felt so close to Rick again and Honey… is like him, with exception of the eyes and the material arts of course. And probably the carvings for sweets too.
So, up until now, every morning the maids had to drag her out of bed and force her to school, she didn't want to get out of the comfortable and warm bed at all, she was exhausted and she somehow felt sad and a little depressed. That was ever since Kyoya made this announcement the other day. But why? She doesn't know the answer, maybe that was the most frustrating of all things. Why does she feel this way?
~~~~~~ First day after summer vacation, during Host Club Hours ~~~~~~~
It's just another day at the Host Club, it may be the first day after summer vacation, but Ouran Academy hasn't changed at all. Nothing really changed, well nothing but the weather. Suddenly the sun decided to shine so much it felt like you were suffocating of the heat. A heat wave had hit Tokyo and was merciless cooking Gin in her own sweat.
The blonde was almost never really cold, sure, sometimes a bit cool but never really ice cold. Her blood was just like that of her father, being heated by some inner fire. If this is because of her temper or just natural… nobody really knows, but it comes in handy at cold days. However, during a heat wave like this, Gin felt like dying.
For the first time in a really long time she willingly dressed in a skirt without stockings or leggings, yes… nothing but bare legs and that black skirt. During class she does wear a short sleeved white button up with her tie, but as soon as she entered the Host Club she took those off, leaving her in a white tank top. Not like anyone could object, she even put her long blonde hair in –what could be considered a knot- on top of her head, leaving her neck and shoulders also bare.
Sitting in front of the fanner while occasionally sighing or groaning deeply, as if life is cooking her too. It's not like Ouran doesn't have air-conditioning, but it appears that during the second period it stopped. Apparently the air-conditioning was over heated. They tried to get someone to get it working again, but something important had molten and well… it would take two days to get the air-conditioner exchanged for a new one. Till Gin's greatest horror.
Even though the heat is terrible, guests showed up for Club hours and Tamaki doesn't want to call off club hours. So, the room is filled with fanners and sweating people, the hosts don't have any problem with showing some skin, using the heat for an excuse while actually trying to get compliments and squeals out of the guests.
Gin groans while watching the twins almost undress each other, the girls squealing and one even fainting. She doesn't know if that's because of the heat or because of the twins, but it's not like she cares either way.
'You would think they would be sweaty, sticky and smelly right now…' she mutters 'But it seems like these fan girls are just as bad as those of Just Bieber (A/N: No offense JB lovers!)' suddenly a mischievous idea hits her, with a small smirk she pushes her shoes off her feet and moves over to the kitchen, taking seven towels back with her and setting them on the table 'Alright, let business begin'.
Taking a huge gulp of her ice water, she gets the first towel and walks over to Tamaki 'Tamaki! You must be sweaty, here, I've got a towel for you' she hands it over to the blonde who looks at her quite surprised.
'Oh, why thank you Gin, how thoughtful of you' he takes the towel and moves it over her face and hair in a wrong way, Gin rolling her eyes and patting her foot on the ground while waiting for Tamaki to be done with the towel. His guests squeal when he sighs deeply while moving the towel down over his chest in an almost sexual manner.
The blonde takes the opportunity to sniff Tamaki's neck and he shrieks when she suddenly does, leaning away and almost falling onto one of the guests' her lap.
'Gin!' He holds his hand on his chest shocked while the female blonde frowns deeply 'Why'd you do that? You almost gave me a heart failure!'.
'Don't be stupid, I just smelled you' She looks at him 'Why don't you smell disgusting? Why isn't you sweat smelling like… well sweat?!'.
Tamaki suddenly gets into his ego-character, stars around his head while he puts his hand on his chin and looks at her in a pretty sexy way, though to Gin it looks more like a failure flirt. 'Ah, but I can't do anything about my smell, it's just that even if I sweat I smell like a morning walk in a rose garden! Even if the liquid floats down my body no one would smell anything since my body liquids all smell like roses and chocolate, like the cherry blossoms in full bloom! Like the sea wind-'.
'Alright, I'll take that towel back now' Gin snatched the towel away from him and leaves him shining with stars, the guests around him looking at him with heart-eyes. 'What a waste of time… who wants body liquid to smell like sea wind?' she quickly folds the towel Tamaki used and puts it inside a bag, writing with a black marker "Tamaki" on it and grabbing the next towel, one for Haruhi… oh yeah.
After having done the same trick with Haruhi, Honey, Mori and the twins, she takes the last towel and walks over bravely to her last and most feared candidate. 'Oh Kyo-ya!' she calls in a sing-song voice, practically running over with a smile on her face.
'No' the black haired boy says from his chair, his back towards her and his blue jacket over the back of his chair, tie loose around his neck and sleeves pulled up to his elbows.
'But you don't even know what I'm going to say or ask you' Gin states blankly with the towel in her hands, her joyous face now blank too.
'You were going to act nice by giving me a towel to wipe off the sweat, then you take the towel back and put it in a bag with my name, then you'll try selling them on the internet for a high price. Form the money you earn you'll probably buy shoes, since you happen to have an addiction to those'.
Throwing the towel away over her shoulder and having it hit Tamaki on the head, who was passing by while on his break and about to get himself a glass of ice water. She ignores the sound of the blonde behind her and fakes a smile 'What in the world are you talking about? I was just about to ask you… uh… if you… wanted some…' she looks around and sees Hikaru and Kaoru pour water over each other's chest, disgusting. '…if would maybe like some ice-water'.
'No thanks, I still have some'. Of course, next to his laptop is standing a big glass of ice water. Gin walks over and leans with her head over his shoulder, Kyoya stopping with typing when he hears her sniff, a light shudder going through his body of her breath hitting his neck.
The blonde doesn't notice this though, she only sighs deeply 'Why is it you guys are even perfect enough to not smell disgusting when you sweat?! The whole school sweats and is sticky and smelly, but you guys don't smell like anything but your usual self at all! It's annoying'.
'It's called deodorant and a shower twice a day'.
'Even so.. .you're sweating NOW, so why aren't you stinking NOW?'.
'Because Mori and Honey-senpai drink a lot, and also train a lot, the dirty smell of your sweat is actually the dirt in your body liquid leaving your body. Since they train a lot, that smelly dirt has already left, so they don't smell "disgusting" as you so carefully put it. The twins use the new Hitachiin brand of deodorant and body odor. Tamaki and I often play tennis together on Saturday's and basketball on Wednesday's, giving us also a lot of training. Haruhi… who knows, she's a natural. And you, well, you don't really sport enough so I guess it's that'.
It probably wasn't intended to be offensive, but still Gin feels a little hurt. 'I'll ask Haruhi her secret… Now use this towel or I'll find another way to get your DNA on something and sell it' she take the towel from Tamaki passing by, the towel over his arm to give it back to her.
Kyoya sighs and shakes his head 'No, I'm not playing along with your silly games'.
'Shut up!' She grabs the back of his head by his hair so he can't escape, quickly she uses the towel to wipe off his face and then over his hear so it smells a little bit like him. She let go of him and smirks 'Thank you for your assistance' with that she walks away.
XxX
After Host Club hours, Gin is back at sitting in front of the fanner. Kyoya was pissed at her for her acts earlier and as soon as the guests left he took the bags from her and got disposed of them. He's such a party pooper.
'Everyone, I have an announcement to make' Kyoya stands up from his seat, every hosts looks up from what they were doing, wondering what their evil shadow king is going to do now. Kyoya's voice is always serious but this was almost creepy.
'Well, spit it out Ootori, we won't get any younger' Gin sends him an annoyed glare from her place at the table but he doesn't even look at her at all. Making her roll her eyes.
'As you know both of my brothers and my sister have been married some years ago. This is why my father finds it necessary that I will find a bride as soon as possible too'.
Gin frowns while lying with her head on her arms, her head facing the wall and the back facing Kyoya. What is he getting at? He's going to marry some old lady?
Kyoya continues 'So we've made an arrangement of me dating Miss Christina McCurry, she's from the United States of America and will arrive within the end of next week or the week that follows'.
All color leaves Gin's face, not like anyone would've noticed because she has always been a bit paler than the others. The fear turns into a sick feeling which makes her want to puke. Which says something since she almost never pukes. Maybe it's the heat that got to her now… but even she herself knows that's not true.
'Who's that?' ask the twins, referring to the girl Kyoya is apparently going to date.
'Christina, is the heiress of an American Hospital company. Miss Crow should know all about her. If I remember correctly her grandfather has had business with the McCurry's for ages. Unfortunately, I myself haven't met them yet'.
Gin huffs, causing the hosts to look at her directly, her arms crossed and her back slumped on the chair 'Don't talk about me like I'm not here. And since when do you call me Miss Crow? Jeez…' she feels anger rise within her while she at the same time feels like she's breaking from the inside. What is this sudden irritation? This twisting jealousy?
'So is this girl, Christina… is she nice?' Tamaki curiously questions the other European, who appears just as annoyed as she has been all day because of the heat, though now her reasons are different.
'She's alright, not my type though' Gin shrugs 'She's… a little bit of an airhead in person, but she knows a lot about business I guess. She's very beautiful too, she has like… long red hair and green eyes, and such a fair skin you may think it's made of porcelain… come to think of it, she's exceptionally beautiful. But… I don't know if she can handle the Shadow King though, then again, I don't know if anyone can' it was meant as a silent joke, to make everyone less suspicious about her annoyance towards the Shadow King.
'You've met the girl before?' asks Kyoya calmly, not seeming surprised at all though.
'Yeah, before summer vacation when they were in Japan for some business, we've had tea with them' Gin stands up and stretches 'I have to go, my granny and I are going to make apple pie together, now grandpa's not at home we've the kitchen all to ourselves without him eating all the apple with cannel. Not to mention… the air-conditioning works there' Gin fakes a smile and grabs her bag 'See you tomorrow'.
~~~~~~~ Present ~~~~~~~
She doesn't know why. But the news of Kyoya dating an airhead like Christina made her feel sicker than the idea of Hikaru dating Kaoru, or even Queen B* and her ex-crush-Jerk's relationship. Christina will come to Ouran next week and Gin doesn't know if she wants to face the red head ever again, she may be an airhead but something about her reminds her of Queen B.
So one evening, she told her grandma about her sudden discomfort and sickness of Ouran and her grandparents became worried about her not having a good time, or maybe something that happened. So they asked her if she wanted to transfer to Lobelia, the nearest school for rich girls.
At first Gin didn't feel like leaving Ouran and go to Lobelia, but after another horrid day of school she made the decision to at least try on the uniform, fill in the application form and get a tour through the school to see what it's like. She would have two days to decide whether or not she will transfer after the tour. And today will be the day of the tour.
Gin swallows while tugging on the skirt, she doesn't like the skirts all too much, they go up till her ribs and the loose shirt gives her less form and thus makes her look more massive, but either way, she feels more confident around all these girls, there's no boy to look good for at this school, there's no one to impress but girls. She would enter the school with instead of musical performance classes and classes that have to do with singing or playing a music instrument, with baking and cooking classes since she likes that kind of things. Besides, she doesn't play any instrument and her mother made it all too clear that she sings like a dying cat.
Stepping out of the dressing room and seeing her grandmother talk with the president of class 2A and the dean, she takes a deep shaky breathe and looks at them unsure.
'Look at that! It looks gorgeous on her!' Shouts the Vice-president of class 2A in excitement.
'Yes, it sure looks good on her' the dean agrees and turns to Gin's grandmother 'Mrs. Suwashi, what do you think?'.
'Well, Gin has never been one of the skirts…' he grandmother looks at Gin uneasy 'Is there anything you'd like to change, dear?'.
The blonde European looks into the mirror, she wants to wear her Ouran uniform since that's comfortable and practical, but… if this is going to be her new school, she doesn't want to stand out too much by changing the uniform. She would start over all again, make no friends and become smart, one of the smartest of the school preferably.
Yes, she would throw herself into the books and keep tab of everything happening around her, she would strive to become a great heiress, a smart, business like woman, with a poker face and the knowledge about her business and company, she would starts to drink wine if she has to. Maybe… Ouran was her time for being a teenager, a child, now that would be over. Being at Lobelia made you much more… feminine and classy, this would be her last ticket to a heiress.
She shakes her head with a loud thumping heart 'No thanks, I think I'll keep it this way. I don't want to stand out again, now do I?' she fakes a smile at the four ladies in front of her.
'But you will stand out anyway, my beautiful maiden!' The brunette with the short hair says, she looks somewhat familiar but Gin can't really place it, she's the president of class 2A 'Your beauty will over shine those of all the other girls like the moon over shines every star'.
'I'm sorry, could you please not do that? I'm kind of straight and I'm not in any need of a new Tamaki Suoh at my new school' she pushes the girl off of her. Her grandmother chuckles softly.
'Gin, if you'd like I'll give you and your grandmother a tour around the school. Unfortunately Miss Amakusa and Miss Maihara have to go now and make themselves ready for their performance of this afternoon' the dean says with a gentle smile 'They're holding a great show and if you would like, you could stay and watch'.
'Oh, that would be lovely' her grandmother answers lady-like. Gin feels like her grandmother has the same charming abilities of Tamaki sometimes.
The brunette kisses Gin's hand 'We're so sorry, we have to leave my fair maiden, but we'll see each other once again, and we'll make passionate love and show the world… For now, da-du' the two girls stride away and Gin rolls her eyes before plastering a smile on her face and nodding to the dean.
'That would be great' she was referring to the tour, but she couldn't help but feel a little bit uncomfortable about all the girls liking girls in this school. She has never been hit on by another girl.
During the tour, Gin can't help but feel watched. While walking all around campus, she's shown several clubs, the canteen, ball rooms, several classrooms, the sport building with pool, tennis fields and even fitness room besides all the material arts dojos and the usual gymnasium.
She also joined a class with etiquettes which was quite an impressive set up, and she even picked some things up on the way. Lobelia doesn't seem to be as bad as it was when the Zuka club first came to Ouran, because apparently the Zuka Club is popular here but just like the Host Club there are normal students. But then again, there's no say yet, she thought Ouran was a hell and that turned out to be a quite exquisite school. Maybe this is the other way around.
'Now, our most beloved club, the Zuka club, is performing a play, would you like to watch the set up and the technic behind all these things? I heard you're a writer Gin'.
The blonde nods absentmindedly 'Yes, before I wanted to become a physiatrist I wanted to go to a Script writing school, but I'm not all that good and since my future is now already set… it became just a hobby' truthfully, she likes the dean, it's a nice woman.
'Ah, but don't you worry, if you choose to join Lobelia, you can take a piece in the musical business, maybe as a script writer or any other job behind the scenes if you would like. It's a waste for a writing talent to not be used'.
'That would be lovely' Gin replies with another fake smile, the dean may be nice, but she's also a pain in the ass. But as long as it's not a play like a hopeless romance where the character dies all the time but comes back alive every time, it's good enough for her to work with. But her genre has always been something more like paranormal, or horror, and of course mostly with a slight bit of romance since she's still a girl in such aspects. But her romance stories were pretty good too, so maybe she could pull this off after all 'Miss, I would really like to see this performance. If I do choose Lobelia, I may be willing to take a role behind the scenes. It would be nice to see how you work'.
'Then to the stage we'll go' Smiles the brunette woman.
As they walk into the building, the show hasn't started yet. They walk to a small room on overseeing the theater to control the lights and the music. Gin sits down in a comfortable chair and takes a look at the set-up, smiling lightly when she changes some backgrounds on some sort of screen and play a little with the lights. She stops though when the dean starts telling about the history of the group performing, the Zuka club.
The name is just like that girl familiar, like she'd heard it before. But again she can't place it exactly.
She stands up from the chair to look at the theater with a watchful eye and thus turns her back towards the door and the dean. She nods some times when the dean looks at her or tells something important, pretending to be interested and listening while in reality the words float into her one ear and out of the other.
Suddenly the door opens. And hearing by the footsteps two people come in.
'It is such an honor to have one of the Ootori boys dropping by to pay us a visit'.
'Very nice set-up, and that's the Orchestra pit I take it'.
Gin freezes and closes her eyes as if that's going to make a difference, her face facing the technical board. She would recognize his voice anywhere, but today isn't really the best day to suddenly run into him. She just hopes her grandmother doesn't decide to make a nice conversation. But of course… just like her mother always was, her grandmother has to be the social one too.
'Well, well, who do we have here? Kyoya Ootori, I never imagined to run into you here at Lobelia Girls Academy' Her grandmother says with a light chuckle in her voice. Damn that woman! Can't she just shut her mouth and not talk with everybody! Why couldn't she just stay outside anyway? Gin could pretend not to know Kyoya and leave this room immediately after his arrival, but I guess it's too late now her grandmother has started a conversation with the bastard.
WAIT! Since when do I hate Kyoya? Since when do I call my Best Japanese Friend a Bastard? Why do I feel so torn up when he's near like he slapped me in the face and then spit on my head telling me horrible things? He never did that anyway so why would I feel so…Why do I feel like this?!
'Miss Suwashi, what a surprise. What are you doing here on this beautiful day?' he asks smoothly. Jerk. SHUT UP!
'Because of Gin of course' Answers her grandmother straight to the feared point and as cheerful as ever. When Kyoya frowns into a questionable face she stops smiling and puts a hand over her mouth in realization. Too late. 'Oh dear, didn't she tell you boys?'.
'No, I didn't' Gin answers coldly, not wanting to turn around yet in fear of facing Kyoya, she clenches her hands into fists and stares down at the technical boards like it's the fault of that lifeless thing for everything going on in her head, heart and body.
'May I ask what this is about?' asks Kyoya with an unsteady voice, though no one would've noticed this unsteadiness of fright with exception of Gin, who knew his voice like her own. Ugh, since when do I know his voice like that?!
'Oh, I'm so sorry Gin. I didn't know… now I've almost already told him' her granny apologies. Well it's too late for that you sociable carrot. Yes a carrot, mind your own thoughts.
'Told me what?' Kyoya's voice is still unsteady but more demanding now, demanding the truth, as if he's afraid of something he doesn't know about yet, which he has no reason for since it's not about him in any way 'Gin…What is this about?'. Desperation. Probably floating through both bodies of the two teenagers in that room.
Silence is deafening. Desperation is making her determined. Determined to tell him the truth right now even though she'll probably regret it later.
'It's about me leaving Ouran for Lobelia' Gin snaps and turns around looking at him pissed for no reason 'You guys weren't supposed to know until the end of the week'. Why am I talking to Kyoya like it's his fault? Why am I so stupid? Why am I on the edge of crying and screaming?
'What do you mean, Gin?' he asks coldly, his voice turned into ice. He's hiding his emotions behind an ice wall, an ice wall she was determined to melt. She promised Haruhi she would melt Kyoya's heart of ice? But did she fail? Did she let her ego speak again for her? It's like she has a split personality, the one time she's full of herself, stubborn, proud and has the biggest ego of all. And the other side of her, the vulnerable, unsure, shy and scared side of her, alone and afraid, self-conscious to death.
Gin closes her eyes holding her breath to think, suddenly she looks at the three older women looking at the couple as if it's the last episode of their favorite TV-show playing life in front of them. The headmaster, her grandmother and probably one of the teachers. 'Could you three, please… just leave us alone for a minute?' she asks nicely but with an cold undertone that warns them that the wrong answer will cause hell to burn them on the spot.
'Sure, the dean and I'll be going to talk about… the entrance exam you've taken' Her grandmother walks hurriedly over to the door with the dean after her, the other woman following outside with a small wave.
'Yeah, sure' Gin rolls her eyes and waits until the door closes again before she can take another breath, then she repeats calmer what she basically said before 'I was going to tell you at the end of the week…'.
'Why?'.
Gin looks up from the ground at Kyoya, surprised when he's suddenly standing right in front of her, his body only a few inches away from hers 'Why are you leaving Ouran so suddenly? I thought we were your friends, I thought you were actually having fun at the Host Club besides your comments'.
'I am. But… Ouran is starting to bore me' she looks away from him knowing that's a lie. It's not boring her, Ouran is frightening her, the Host Club is frightening her, Kyoya is. They're all bringing the vulnerable and scared person up in her, and she doesn't like it.
'So you change schools just because you're bored?!' He's almost shouting at her, making her cringe a little bit since he's never shouted at her before. Come to think of it… he hasn't ever shouted at anyone in her presence. He has never been angry like this before, never sounding so full of emotion, so… human. Not on Theresa's roof, not under the tree in Karuizawa, not in the hotel or when she felt like dying in that ally, not when she fell off the hill during that class run. Geez, he scolded her before, he made her suffer before from her acts but he's never shouted at her like this with that glint in his eyes.
'No…' she whispers, feeling tears sting in her eyes for no good reason at all, she bites on her lower lip 'It's because… I don't know… I'm starting to feel uncomfortable at Ouran'.
'Is there anyone bullying you?' asks Kyoya now with a suddenly soft and gentle voice. Touching her cheek with his fingertips as if trying to soothe her.
'No! of course not!' she answers shocked of that assumption, she would never let anyone bully her off a school, even her vulnerable and self-conscious part of her has too much pride to let herself be bullied away. He should know that better than anyone! 'It's just… I'm… feeling like Ouran isn't the place for me to be right now. I don't feel at home… I feel like an outsider'.
'You're from Europe! What'd you imagine?!' he asks angrily .
Well the feeling is mutual.
'Pardon me? And what does THAT have to do with anything?! Tamaki's European too! And I'm very sure Honey-senpai isn't one hundred percent Japanese either with the blonde hair!'.
Kyoya groans in frustration 'That's not what I meant! Tamaki came here a lot earlier than you speaking Japanese fluently. Honey-senpai is born and raised here. Jeez Gin, why are you always thinking and acting without asking for anyone's help?! You always do everything on your own while you're feeling scared and vulnerable!'.
'Because I don't have anyone to turn to who I want to burden with my own problems!' She shouts, for the first time looking him straight in the eyes. The tears visible for him.
'Fine. I guess we're not as good friends as I thought we were… I guess you lied to me underneath that tree after all'. The cold voice rips her heart apart like a lion eating a zebra. She never imagined Kyoya to say such a cruel thing, she never imagined that in the end she was the Zebra and not the Lion.
He turns around to leave, his black leather jacket still giving off his scent to her nose. She always loved his smell, not sweet, not too strong, not too fake… just Kyoya. And for some reason it makes her even sadder, it makes her feel even smaller and more vulnerable.
'No, Kyoya…' She grabs the leather on his back to keep him from walking and throws her face into his back like a backwards hug 'You are my friend. You're my best friend. It's just that… every time I'm near you, I feel broken and vulnerable, ever since the summer vacation I feel weird and all Tamaki, and it's not only you I feel so many mingled emotions about. But it's also Honey-senpai, every time I see him I want to cry just because my trip to the Netherlands brought up all the painful memories and all the things I've lost. And I can't handle the twins or Tamaki in this state since they twins are a… Hikaru and Kaoru. And Tamaki is so… Tamaki' a silent sob escapes her lips and she curses herself for her weakness to be unable to control her tears 'I just don't want to feel broken anymore Kyoya, I just couldn't tell you… because you wouldn't understand'.
'And what if I did?'.
Gin doesn't replay, her hand still holding the jacket tightly. Tears still streaming but no sobbing or sniffing, not a sound.
'What if I do understand you?'.
'Than I've made a mistake and I'm sorry. But is it so wrong for me to for once choose a decision on my own? For myself? Only making a difference in my future?'.
He snorts coldly 'But this isn't just for once, is it? You always make decisions on your own. You never ask for anyone else to help' He turns himself to her causing her to let go of his jacket, grabs her wrists and trapping her between himself and the wall. Her heart beat speeds up, his mint breath against her face, his warmth against hers. And worse of all, incredible, cruel pain of remembering he's seeing someone else. Some bimbo names Catherine. She feels that the tears don't stop and wonders how much litters she has cried this year, at least a bath full.
'I know myself best Kyoya' her voice is so soft and breakable it caught him off guard. She was unsure about this statement herself.
'No. I think you don't. You think you do but you don't Gin. Because you're only trying to run away, like you always do, run away from the pain, the sorrow and all the hardships. And everything I apparently give you for no reason at all!'.
Ouch, she was never called a runaway before. A runaway is the same as a coward. And Gin was never a coward, was she? Maybe she is… maybe she is a coward. Maybe that's why she runs away from problems, runs away from fights, runs away from everything to stay out of it but in the end she just didn't have the courage. Than what was she doing when she stood up for her friends? Dis everyone found her a coward when she broke Queen B*'s nose? Or when she sat down next to Theresa that one day.
Did they all think she was a coward? IS a coward? Every one of the Host Club? Everyone from her old school?
It hurt.
'Let me go… you're hurting me' She whimpers when his hands tightens around her wrists, she tries to escape his grip but he's pissed and stronger than he looks. Gin couldn't bring herself to kick him, she would never try to hurt Kyoya, she would never hurt him intentionally.
'Gin… can you tell me one thing? One thing I want to know ever since the moment we sat underneath that tree'.
She doesn't replay, looking down in fear of him seeing her tears again. She's trembling in fear and pain. Still, the tears run down her cheeks and are visible for everyone in the room, fortunately this is only Kyoya.
'Do you love me Gin?' he asks softer 'If you do, I agree you should go to Lobelia. Because there's no chance for you'.
Those words shot her like a bullet in the chest. He wants her to go away if she loves him? What's that for reasoning? She feels hurt, more than ever, for no reason at all. Is she being rejected once again? Just like with James? Was she rejected without even loving him? And even though she's very aware of the pain those words cause her… she doesn't even know what love feels like anymore. The difference between the crush she had on James, the love she feels for her family and friends, she just couldn't tell the difference. Not only that, she can't figure out what she feels right now besides hurt.
'No, I don't love you' She answers 'I don't love you because you're my friend'.
'Am I?' he asks more roughly.
'Yes!' She looks up at him, not caring is he sees her puffy eyes and puffy cheeks, heck her whole puffy wet horrible looking face! 'You're my friend and you're hurting me!'.
It's silence for a while, he stares at her with wide open eyes, than the light catches his glasses as he moves back and let her go. She groans and rubs her wrists before wiping away her tears.
'If you don't love me. Than why are you going to lobelia?'.
'I already told you Kyoya… I just… can't bear the pain and confusion'.
'Fine then, have it your way' he steps away from her and moves towards the machines, facing her with his back. Gin takes a deep shaky breath and then leaves the room, to wander around campus for a while. Somehow landing behind the scenes and being grabbed by her arm.
'Miss Crow! You've decided to join us!' Shouts Tsuwabuki excited.
'No… I was just searching for the bathroom…' she tries to lie, not feeling very comfortable with the "Join us" part.
'Your make-up is so realistic! Like you've really just cried! You're already in your role! How good of an actress you are! Let's go! We need to get your dress ready!'.
'Wait a second, what's my part anyway?! No! Wait I'm not playing the part! Get off of me!' She feels her stomach turn in fear as she's being dragged down the hall to the dressing rooms, changed into a most beautiful gown. A blood red strapless ball gown with a princess-like skirt and tight bodice. Her hair is being pulled up and brought in a beautiful knot while her make-up is being changed a bit, with exception of the eye make-up, because they're "Gorgeous!". Her feet are put in some high heels and during all that she's being told what to do and what to say. It's not much, only one scene, another actress had already started her role, but she apparently sprained her ankle wearing the heels and somebody else had to take the part of Madeline for the last two scenes. ( ww w. Margilowry wp-content/ uploads/2009/06 /BallGownRed2 .jpg)
Madeline is supposed to be the princess of Iceland. The most beautiful princess in Europe and the only one not agreeing on any question of marriage.
Apparently she fell in love with Lord Frederick's younger brother, but he doesn't return her love for quite some time, until in the end when she leaves for Iceland because apparently her land needs her, while in reality she's leaving because Robert is marrying another woman. She tells to royal duchess Leonessa about her leave and the girl tells it to Robert, who appears not to care in the least an let her go.
As she's pushed onto the stage and the moment light touches her face she feels watched, she scratches her throat and runs towards the stairs to see Robert standing there with his fiancé.
'Robert. I bid you farewell. It's my time to leave to fulfill my duties as a princess and take over my country… for my father has been laid in his death bed' She looks up at the two 'My father's congratulations for your marriage. We'll see each other again at the wedding' she bows and leaves the stage. The background changes into her room and she's standing on the balcony when Leonessa enters the room.
'You received the news from your father a week ago. But ever after the announcement of Sir Robert marrying Lady Gladys you've been smiling like a night without a moon'.
'I do not understand what you're saying'.
'You're not happy. Maybe… you loved Sir Robert?'.
'I did and I still do. Leonessa. My only love has not been able to love me back, and he'll never will. It is best for me to leave'.
'Without telling the Lord about your feelings? Is that not a little bit weak hearted milady? '.
'That may be so. But my own feelings… have only been clear to me for a short amount of time, and as much as I want to deny them… I can't anymore'.
'So you are running away from them? Like you ran away from everything since your late mother died. How weak for such a strong princess and soon to be queen'.
'I've never stated I am strong Leonessa. My mother had been my bones to keep this weak body up, and now you're scolding this broken woman for not telling her one and only love of her unreturned feelings. I do not care what you think. You'll think I'm stubborn but eventually… I'm being selfish for the first time in my life'.
'And all the men you have turned down? Will you become a cold hearted Ice queen? You're much too beautiful and you have much too character for that'.
'Because of my character I will be able to do just that, and my beauty will be my wall of ice. I apology Lady Duchess. But I have already made up my mind. Robert will never come for me Leonessa. I'm sorry to have disappointed you'.
'You've not disappointed me, Lady Madeline. You're only bringing darkness and shame upon yourself'.
'What a silly thing to say'.
'You state you're not strong. But I see that differently. Once you set your mind on something you're determined to get it done. It's… a gift. And I'm grateful to have known you since we were just little toddlers'.
'I am too. Lady Duchess Leonessa. But now, I must take my leave' she turns to the girl 'May my tears be worthy of crying for this man'.
'They are, your Royal Lady crown princess Madeline of Iceland, they most certainly are'.
In the next scene Madeline leaves in her carriage and Leonessa tells Robert, but he just waves her away and let her be. Telling her he does not care for Madeline. He however writes a letter to Lady Madeline about his true feelings for her. Before he can send the letter away, the news comes that Lady Madeline has been killed during a robbery of her carriage and Robert gives the letter to his older brother with whom he often spoke about the princess but never admitted to him he was in love until now.
When the part goes to Haruhi and Benio, when Frederick will die. Gin just stands there in the back. Playing for guest after nobody pays attention to her anyway. All eyes are on poor Haruhi whom Gin never got to talk to since the backstage people kept feeding and repeating her lines.
Suddenly hell breaks loose and Gin is confused about all that happens.
When Tamaki has "Caught" Haruhi after he told her to jump down. A hand grabs her wrist an pulls her behind the curtain. She's shoved up against the wall and smells his cologne when he leans close in.
'Don't leave Gin. The host club would be broken without you. Tamaki would blame himself for this, and everyone would be sad… even I. Don't leave Gin, don't leave us just yet'.
'I… I'm no-' She answers but she's stopped by something soft on her lips. Her eyes widen but it feels so good at the same time. His lips on hers. Her stomach almost blows up from a tingling feeling, she tries to push him away but her arms turn limb and she closes her eyes. What should she do? Her first F* kiss! She's never kissed before, what should she do? Should she put her tongue in his mouth? Should she put her hands on his neck or chest or hair or whatever?! AAAAHHHH!
When she opens her eyes she's staring at Kyoya with a shocked expression. He let go of her and walks away. Unaware of holding her breath until her lungs start to scream for air and she takes a deep breath, staring at the door through which he left. Damn, did I do it wrong? Wait why do I care about the kiss anyway?! KYOYA kissed me!
Her body has turned normal again verbally. But her spirit is numb and her mind has turned into overdrive causing her cheeks to turn red and steam to escape her ears if that was even humanly possible. He kissed her. Her first kiss. Why did he kiss her? He doesn't love her! She doesn't love him! What the hell is this feeling?! And why does she care if he found her kiss good or not?!
But one thing becomes clear to her when somebody pulls her into a tight hug, that even though he reminded her of her little brother, she couldn't leave Honey-senpai or the others like her family left her so suddenly. They're her family, and maybe… she would just have to choose for others instead for herself again this time. She should stop running and stop being a coward.
Since Gin's still frozen on the spot with faraway look on her face, red face, steam coming from her eyes and her mouth slightly open. The twins wave in front of her face trying to get her attention, Honey looks up at her with his arms around her waist, Mori just stands there and Tamaki tries to find the place she's looking at.
She will stay. And that's exactly what she told her grandparents that evening. Who appeared to be slightly… relieved.
TBC
A/N: Alrighty people1 I'm BACK from vacation and I don't reflect sunlight anymore with my legs!
I'm SSOOOOO SORRY for not updating in three weeks. I was on vacation for two weeks and returned last Tuesday, but the week before I went on vacation I should've updated this chapter and I didn't. I've made this chapter longer though so I hope that makes up for it. Around 7,500 words and 14 pages! I think I'm turning these chapters a bit too long.
Right, anyone objecting to these long chapters?! I want to cut them in half if I must, but that means it'll take twice as long for the epic drama to come along. Really, there's going to be huge drama.
Also, I've decided to put the second part of the story (Which is Gin's story that goes on AFTER the end of Episode 26) just in this story, I'll probably start with new chapters though, so just see it as a "Part 2" or something. Oh and something else, this "Part 2" won't follow the hosts to Boston and stuff, I'm not following the Manga in any way though I'll put some ideas (Like Kyoya searching for Tamaki's mother in France) into this "Part 2". Just so you know.
Now I don't want to sound like an attention-seeking, review-obsessed writer. But who doesn't LOVE reviews? Besides… I would be lying if I told you I don't have a slight obsession XD