A/N: I was not super taken with the Emma/Neal scene in the 100th episode. That is the kindest way I can phrase it. So, as my own sort of response, I decided to rewrite the scene in the Echo Cave and the one right after it from the Neverland arc. When they get out of the cave, Emma tells Neal that there isn't a future there for them. What might have been is only that, a possibility that never came to pass. Then she seeks out Killian. Inspired by the song 'Quicksand' by Madeline Juno, which is a killer song!
"I kissed Emma." Emma couldn't help the eye roll at the statement. They were in a cave, where they were supposed to spill their darkest secret and he was making it some sort of joke. And the worst part of that was that the mention of the kiss brought those butterflies back, the same ones that had been there when she'd given in to that wanting and pressed her lips to his.
"You did what?" David was really angry at that, but Mary Margaret reigned him in quickly.
"David, now is not the time."
"I already told Mary Margaret, so technically it's not a secret. But it was just a kiss. How's that your darkest secret?" She couldn't explain the zing that coursed through her at saying it was just a kiss. The question caught in her throat and she looked at him, really looked into his eyes and saw the raw emotion there.
"It's what the kiss exposed. My secret is, I never thought I'd be capable of letting go of my first love – of my Milah – to believe that I could find someone else. That is until I met you."
In the moment between the words leaving his mouth and the ground shaking between them, Emma had felt like the entire universe was spinning into chaos. She kept stone faced, clutching at her walls to keep them up, to keep her feelings guarded, but that was the thing about Killian. He made her feel. Despite all the crap here in Neverland, the mind games and the constant worrying about Henry, Killian had this way of making her smile, or keeping her calm. There was something about him that was pulling at her and she was trying like hell to fight against it.
Needing to stay strong against a man who could break through, Emma stayed quiet. Look what had happened when she'd let someone in the first time. Neal was sitting there in a cage across this god-forsaken cavern looking at her like there was a chance for them and she couldn't see anything more than lies and wasted potential. She was so angry at Neal, and so beyond terrified of Killian, but she stayed on task. Henry needed her to be clear headed. Henry had to be her priority.
Her parents spoke their awful truths and heaped a world of hurt into her swirling current of internal emotions. Her mother wanted another kid, just like everyone else had when she was a little girl, when she'd been craving a home. She wasn't going to lie and pretend it was fine, because it wasn't. She deserved better, but this was what she had, and she had to hold onto the fact that this life – this timeline of events - was what had brought her Henry. She'd do it all again if only for him.
And David – her father saying that he couldn't ever leave. It was unimaginable. Her parents were so ridiculously in love, they fought for each other all the time, never letting go, even when it had meant leaving her behind, and now there was no chance for them. Watching it happen, watching the truth unravel in front of them helped her put the wall back up, steeling herself against the idea that love could really win out.
She looked at Hook before going to see Neal, and tried to be brave but each step towards her past had her feeling like she was going to hurl or scream or something. She didn't want to speak her truth, because the truth was that he'd hurt her. No, Neal had destroyed her, and she'd been left to pick up the pieces, something she still hadn't fully done. But the cave demanded the truth, and so she gave it to him. She loved him – there was a part of her that always would, but she wished he was gone so she could move forward. The plan was to move on, and looking in his eyes, saying the words out loud, and knowing in the back of her mind that Hook had felt the same spark that she did, Emma felt for the first time like that was possible. She didn't say that though. That was a truth she couldn't speak for now.
When they finally exited the cave, Emma kept Neal back, to talk about what she'd said, to clarify.
"I wish I could change how I feel, more than anything but…" Okay maybe this was an exaggeration, but she could be kind for Neal. He was Henry's Dad after all "I can't I'm sorry."
"Don't be. After everything I put you through you don't ever have to apologize to me about how you feel. I'm glad you told me. I have a secret too, Emma. I'm never going to stop fighting for you. Never." Emma looked at him and realized that kindness wasn't going to work. She shook her head.
"Neal, what we had is in the past. You want to make things right? Let me go. This is never going to be what you're hoping, and…" Emma didn't know how to say this next part. It wasn't just her anger keeping her from wanting Neal. It was the fact that there was hope for something better than what they'd had.
"What Hook said, in the cave. You felt it too." Emma looked down at her feet, still not wanting to admit to what Hook's words had meant, but she wasn't a coward.
"Yeah. I did." Neal looked stricken but Emma didn't move forward to comfort him. "Sorry you had to find out this way." With that Emma turned back to join her family and Hook. Only a short distance away, she ran straight into the latter who pulled her through the tall grass away from the path.
"Swan, about what I said before." Emma couldn't bear the look in his eyes, like he was going to apologize to her. Before he could, she pulled him to her again, just as she had before. The result was just as fantastic and petrifying. She felt like she was breathing for the first time since they'd lost Henry, like things were going to be okay but also like she was sinking, caught up in some sort of riptide that was trapping her. She was terrified of the closeness but hated the idea of space between them. She pulled back, breathing heavy and kept her eyes on his mouth.
"It wasn't a one time thing. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't that." She expected to see him smirking at that but he didn't and her eyes flicked up to his. He looked stunned but happy, and that was when it hit her. This thing between them, it had the potential to make her happy, even here on this hellish island, in one of her life's darkest hours. Why was she fighting that?
"I made a plan a long time ago, Swan. I was never going to let anyone in again." Emma nodded.
"I made the same promise to myself." Her voice was breathy, and she nearly laughed at the change in her composure just from a kiss.
"Maybe we shouldn't fight it." His tone was so hopeful that Emma smiled, actually smiled at him.
"Maybe not."
"We need to find your boy, get off of this bloody island."
"Yeah, that would be good." With the reminder of Henry, Emma made to step back but Killian held onto her quickly.
"Best to watch your step, love." Emma looked behind her to see a strange sort of substance.
"Quicksand," she whispered and he nodded.
"Aye, love. Dangerous stuff to meddle with." With that, he led her back to the others and Emma thought to herself that there was no better analogy for how this attraction felt. The harder she fought, the deeper she seemed to sink.
…
You know I made a plan not to fall in love again I'm sinking slowly while my pulse races So keep on pulling me in, under, under You know I can't pretend I'm not in over my head If you're sinking slowly while your pulse races So keep on pulling me in, under, under And I'm not even fighting this gravity So keep on pulling me in, under, under
And it should've been easy, guess my heart didn't hear me
I just don't understand how the hell I'm so attached
Cause I don't even know you, but I can't cut myself loose
And down I go, but I don't want saving
Wish you would hold me, but I can't say it, I can't say it
So keep on drawing me in closer, closer
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
In quicksand
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
In quicksand
Maybe I'm being selfish, but I just want you to tell me
And down you go, but you don't want saving
Wish you could hold m, but you won't say it, you won't say it
So keep on drawing me in closer, closer
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
In quicksand
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
In quicksand
Because you've rearranged my reality
And maybe we don't have to bury our, our fights
And maybe we don't have to be alone anymore
So keep on pulling me in, under, under
So keep on drawing me in closer, closer
So keep on drawing me in closer, closer
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
In quicksand
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
In quicksandSo keep on pulling me in
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
Keep pulling me, pulling me in
So keep on pulling me
In quicksand
Post-Note: Hopefully you guys enjoyed. I don't usually rewrite past scenes (unless prompted to), but I don't know, I felt like I needed to undercut some of the tension that existed in last night's episode. I had an already scheduled chapter for another story today, so expect that later as well!