Four character endings put into one chapter? This is blasphemy! This is madness! This is…a Sonic Adventure parody!

Warning: The following chapter contains many spoilers (Rosebud is the name of Kane's beloved childhood sled) about the endings of some of the stories in Sonic Adventure. In particular I'm talking about (Malcolm Crowe was dead the whole time) the ending of Gamma's story. So you may not want to read this chapter if you want to avoid being shocked (Darth Vader is Luke's father) about something that millions of other people know about. If you want to read, then enjoy your spoilers! (Snape kills Dumbledore)

Upon reaching the Egg Carrier's crash site, Gamma said "Target detected. E-105 Zeta inside Hot Shelter. I shall now open the Hot Shelter."

THE PLAYER asks "Wait…how would all of this machinery still be working? The ship CRASHED in the middle of the sea!" Gamma ignored this and went into the interior of the Egg Carrier.

Once inside, Gamma went to the drained out water storage tank and grabbed a gun upgrade that was randomly lying on the bottom there. THE PLAYER shrugs and says "Makes sense to me!" With this new weapon in hand, Gamma charged into the Hot Shelter.

The level was pretty okay...at least, until Gamma reached a part where he had to step on a button that caused a claw to come down and take him up to a higher ledge. THE PLAYER asks "Why waste all of this money on a giant claw that looks like something you'd see in an arcade for grabbing prizes? Couldn't they just build stairs?"

Gamma laughed and asked "You think Eggman could climb stairs."

THE PLAYER thinks, then says "True. That would be impossible for him."

Gamma eventually reached a part where he was on two fast-moving trains that sped through a never-ending corridor. He had to get to the front of a train to stop it, which would take forever and usually mean running out of time for the level.

As he was going forward, he passed by a compartment with a group of monkeys inside it. As his compartment sped past theirs, he shot at the monkeys and killed them all, commenting "Awesome. My first drive-by shooting."

As Gamma got closer to the front, he noticed Spiderman and Doctor Octopus battling each other on the side wall of a compartment. THE PLAYER says "A Spiderman 2 reference? Jeez, this train is really long…"

Finally, Gamma got to the front of the train and was about to press the stopping button…when he ran out of time. THE PLAYER shrieks, and has Gamma go on a mad rampage through the next attempt to get to the front of the train.

Some frustrations later, Gamma finally stopped the train in time and conveniently pulled up at the station he was planning to get to Zeta from. A little ways down, he reached a pit in the middle of a room. THE PLAYER shouts "Hurry! Timmy's at the bottom of a well!" before having Gamma jump down the pit.

As Gamma fell, he commented "I hope there isn't an ambush waiting for me at the bottom of this pit…" Upon landing, he was surrounded by a dozen monkey robots. He said "Me and my big mouth." before re-enacting The Burly Brawl from The Matrix: Reloaded on them.

One mass slaughter of monkeys later, Gamma finally reached where Zeta was…on a circular platform with the floor below it rotating around the platform. Gamma jumped onto the floor, then saw a ton of missile launchers on the sides of the platform.

THE PLAYER laughs, saying "We have to kill him on a Merry-Go-Round? Seriously?"

Zeta pointed to the missile launchers and said "More like a Death-Go-Round." He then started shooting the missiles at Gamma.

THE PLAYER shouts "Oh, (bleep), (bleep), (bleep), (bleep), (bleep), (bleep)…" while having Gamma run around the platform with a barrage of missiles following.

One round of crazy, Matrix-style shooting later, Gamma finally defeated the E-105 Zeta and blew it to pieces. THE PLAYER blinks and says "Wow…This game finally has something challenging in it! Hooray!"

After heading back outside of the Egg Carrier, Gamma said "The only robots left are…Gamma…". Just then, Beta conveniently chose to fly past Gamma, heading toward the central platform of the Egg Carrier. Gamma then said "Beta…".

While THE PLAYER is confused about why Gamma randomly decided to act like Captain Kirk in the last statement, along with how completely unlikely this event is, Gamma went to the central platform to finish the rivalry for good.

Once there, the fight immediately began with Gamma shooting at Beta. Beta flew to the side and dodged this attack, singing "Can't touch this…can't touch this…can't touch this…can't touch this…break it down."

Gamma continued trying to shoot the MC Hammer copy, but it did no good. While Beta kept dodging each shot, Beta finally fired some missiles at Gamma. Gamma shot all of them out, so Beta had to go to Plan B.

Beta flew high up in the air then started charging up energy. THE PLAYER gasps, then says "Oh no…it's his shoop da whoop! Run!"

Gamma started running around the platform like a total spazz, so that when Beta yelled "BLAHHHHHH!" and fired his lazer, it missed. It still destroyed half of the platform, but it missed Gamma.

Finally, Beta dived down and did a mad charge at Gamma. However, Gamma simply jumped out of the way and put his gun behind Beta's head as the robot passed. Gamma said "Dodge this." before firing the gun into Beta's head.

THE PLAYER applauds Gamma's use of an awesome Matrix moment, then notices Beta dying on the floor. Gamma walked up to Beta, probably to mock the E-101 for his stupidity, but then Beta suddenly lunged up and punched through Gamma.

As Gamma stumbled back from this fatal blow, Beta collapsed on the ground and blew up. THE PLAYER says "What?! A rip-off of the end of King Arthur's tale?"

From Beta's remains, a bird started flying up. Gamma noticed it, and THE PLAYER says "Hold on…a good metaphor of life's circles? In a Sonic game? What next?"

Gamma then collapsed on the floor. THE PLAYER says "Whoa, whoa, whoa…SEGA would never kill a good Sonic character! No way! That's just impossible for a Sonic game!"

At that moment, Gamma blew up, saying as he died "Haha Beta. My dying explosion is bigger than yours." From Gamma's remains flew up another bird, which joined the first bird as they flew off happily together, leaving behind the two dead robots that had symbolized fierce rivalries and conflict. This scene demonstrates how in the long run, love outlasts conflict.

THE PLAYER is completely shocked. He/she says "How can this be…the Sonic games did an ending that was actually INTERESTING?! And had real-life applications of philosophical thought?! In a Sonic game?! Who put the writers off of their drugs? Who got those writers thinking? With scenes like this, maybe the Sonic games will become better in 3-D after all..."

This notion was completely ruined when Amy arrived on the Egg Carrier for the end of her story. Upon arriving, Amy went onto the central platform, where the two birds from earlier showed up, revealing the shocker that they are Birdie's parents.

M. Night Shyamalan randomly appeared and shouted "What a twist!" before disappearing again.

Birdie flew up to them (mostly in fear) when the parents started chirping to each other. What they were arguing about was whose fault was it that their child turned out so bad. Hanging out with crazy people like Amy…what was Birdie thinking?

Just then, the argument escalated into a fight between the parents. As they pecked at each other fiercely, Amy sighed with happiness, saying "They must be in so much love…"

Zero jumped onto the scene, saw what was happening, and hit Birdie with a punch shot out of Zero's arm, succeeding in keeping the child away from this problem. Zero saw how far he had hit Birdie, and commented "Wow...I would good at Badminton! But now to the current problem…"

Amy turned and shouted at Zero "How could you do this? Getting Birdie out of harm's way?"

Zero replied "I just did. Now I shall resolve this domestic dispute by putting these two birds under citizen's arrest, and then we shall contact the proper authorities to sort them out."

Amy drew out her hammer and hit Zero, saying "No way! I shall destroy you for trying to do an honest thing, stalker!"

Zero replied "You're calling me a stalker? You must be finished, fan girl!" And so the battle began. Zero first set up an electric fence around the central platform, saying "Now I shall show my intelligence in battle by setting up the one thing that could potentially destroy me in this fight! And I'll never take it down, even if it seems to be killing me!"

Zero's first devastating attack…was to hop around like a bunny! This did send vibrations that could hurt anyone standing on the ground, but it looked stupid. THE PLAYER is too busy laughing to notice Amy getting her ass kicked.

Finally, Amy took control and hit Zero with her hammer, sending him flying back into the electric fence. After being zapped, Zero fell down, now being completely stunned.

Amy said "Do I smell something burning? Hmmm…now I'm thirsty! But where do I drink from?" She looked at Zero's shape, thought about it for a second, then said "Mr. Giant Soda Can!"

She jumped onto Zero and pried open his top…to find no soda in it. Instead it was Zero main control computer, which was vital for Zero's survival. Amy's first reaction to this was laughter. "Ha…he's bald! Couldn't you find a toupee?"

Zero blushed, saying "No. There weren't any spare ones on the Egg Carrier!"

Amy continued laughing, then said "Alright, alright…I guess I have to start killing you!" She hit the "brain" once with her hammer, then was knocked off by Zero as he closed his lid again.

Zero then went to the middle of the field and shot out his arms to their full length, which happened to be the diameter of the platform. How convenient! Zero then spun around his arms, forcing Amy to jump over the lines that make his arms like jump ropes. THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

As Amy was jumping, she was saying "1 and 2 and count to 3, how many times will I kidnap my bishie? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...' and so on. With the motivation of thinking about Sonic on her side, she had no problem jumping over them all. When THE PLAYER attempts to do this while controlling her, it's pretty much impossible.

Some frustrations later, Amy finally opened Zero's lid and destroyed his "brain" with the last hit it could take, causing Zero to blow up. As Zero died, THE PLAYER is sobbing, saying "He was a good robot…much better than Beta or Gamma or anyone else in this game! This generic villain shall be missed…"

With Zero's death, Amy approached the wounded Birdie and told it "Get up! Please start flying again, Birdie! Defy gravity like the rest of us Sonic characters do in these games!"

Birdie, after some struggle, finally flew up with his family. The two birds up there were still arguing, and THE PLAYER comments "That little bird is going to grow up with a lot of issues…"

Afterwards, Amy started leaving the Egg Carrier, saying "Time for my rant to sum it all up! Now that I've done my own adventure, I'll be able to stand up to Sonic! And by the time he realizes this, it will be too late!" She then started laughing maniacally, exactly like the type of evil laugh heard by any villain in a horror movie. THE PLAYER is scared.

Meanwhile, in the Mystic Ruins jungle, Big the Cat was celebrating his and Froggy's survival from crashing the Tornado into the jungle. Defying pure logic, Froggy was still hanging around with Big. This was because Froggy had become permanently brain damaged from his time spent being drowned by the water inside Chaos. The poor bastard…

Anyways, Big was right then celebrating by standing on top of the temple in the middle of the jungle and doing what looked like a bunch of pimp gestures. THE PLAYER is confused, and assumes that Big must have found some imaginary girlfriends. This probably isn't far from the truth.

At another part of the Mystic Ruins, Knuckles finally reached the broken Master Emerald on Angel Island. He first looked at the hole in the Master Emerald, then tried to fit one of his new Chaos Emeralds into the hole. When the first one didn't work, he tried to fit in another Chaos Emerald that was the exact size and shape as the first one.

Once discovering that this somehow didn't work, he finally knew what to do…try to put in a third Chaos Emerald that was the exact size and shape of the other two! Imagine his shock when this didn't work either.

Finally, the Master Emerald got bored with this and summoned the remaining pieces of the Master Emerald out of Knuckles. The pieces floated up, then flew right in to seal up the hole on the Master Emerald. Now complete, the Master Emerald started glowing, causing Angel Island to break off from the mainland and start rising from the sea into the sky above.

Nearby this, a certain teenage boy named Sora and his beloved childhood friend Kairi had found each other at last. Sora rushed up to Kairi, still tired from his defeat of Ansem a minute ago, and was about to embrace her when the ground started breaking between them.

Sora shouted "Aw, come on! What (bleep)head caused this island to suddenly start breaking away?" Although he didn't know it, the answer was a certain red echidna.

Kairi then shouted to Sora "I'll never forget you! I'll be waiting here for you!" She then noticed a shiny object on the ground and said "Hey...what's this?"

Sora yelled "Aw (bleep)! My keys! What will I do without them? This is going to suck for me…"

Kairi said "You think that sacrifice is hard? I'll have to be waiting here with everyone else for you! It'll be hard to resist others…but I'll try!"

Sora rolled his eyes and said "Oh, you think that's hard? I'll have to put up with them!" indicating to Donald and Goofy nearby, who were both currently engaged in a fight over a penny they found on the ground.

Kairi responded "So it's going to be like that, huh? Well, then…maybe I'll break into your house while you're gone and steal your teddy bear!"

Sora shouted across the widening gap "YOU WOULDN'T DARE!"

Kairi grinned and said "Watch me!"

Sora then said "I HATE YOU! When I get back here, I'll make sure to burn your Britney Spears records!"

Kairi gasped and said "You bastard! Why would you do that?"

Sora shouted "I've got some news for you: You're a bitch!"

Kairi shouted back "Well, I've got some news for you: I'm pregnant!" This caused an awkward silence for the next twenty seconds.

After this silence, Sora said with a weak tone "But…but that was one time! And you said you were taking the pill!"

Kairi responded "Well, I lied!"

The next scene showed Sora running past Donald and Goofy toward the Gummy Ship, shouting "RUN! Let's get away from this place…far away!"

Back on the now-floating Angel Island, Knuckles saw a flying ship made out of gummies pass by him at an unusually fast speed, but ignored it. Instead, he looked at the Master Emerald and finally realized something: the hole was gone. Knuckles shouted "NO! You (bleep)blocker!" Now he would be stuck as a lonely echidna forever and ever and ever...or, until SEGA got bored and decided to come up with some other bullcrap twist to get him off the island!

Several days later, in some remote area, Eggman and several robots were attending the funeral for Gamma. A robot went onto a podium and began reading Gamma's will.

It said "To those who are here: If you are hearing this, then this means I am gone. But remember: I died for your sins."

THE PLAYER shouts "You're not Optijesus Prime! Don't you dare compare yourself to him!"

The will then got to the good part: "Now for the distribution of possessions. To Pi-B7: You shall get that oil can you always wanted. To Theta X-117: You shall get any bolt of mine you want. To Dr. Robotnik…"

Eggman looked up with glee at what could be given to him.

The will continued "A boot to the head."

One of the robots kicked Eggman in the head, causing him to shout "OWCH! Damn it…"

The will continued "To Kappa O-61: You shall get the new gun I was showing off that day we all got drunk on electricity. Remember. Hehe…And now, to Dr. Robotnik: Another boot to the head."

Another robot promptly kicked Eggman in the head. He started grumbling, and was now hoping for this funeral to end soon.

The will continued "For Mega Phi P-82: You shall receive a new wardrobe of my old armor. Oh, and let's give Dr. Robotnik another boot to the head."

Eggman ducked, but still got kicked in the head by one of his miniature robots. He muttered "I hate this set of Monty Python jokes…"

I have to admit…I had a lot of fun writing this chapter! And to those who haven't played Sonic Adventure: The funeral scene was completely made up by me! So don't spazz out if you don't find information on Gamma's funeral in Sonic Adventure, okay?

Anyways…as usual, tell me what your favorite jokes were in this chapter! And I would also like to start hearing what are your favorite characters from this whole parody! I'm just curiously wondering what characters I wrote well in this…