AN- Hey everyone, I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. Things have been pretty rocky here.
Lena laid in bed with her eyes closed and her arm thrown across her face, wearing one of Stef's camis and a pair of shorts, debating to herself if these hot flashes outweighed the lack of menstrual cycles or not. Basically, the chemo had thrown her into early menopause. She must be driving Stef crazy by now, she went from irritable and not wanting to be touched to a sobbing mess. At the moment Stef was laying in the recliner next to the hospital bed, Lena was mad at her, but at the moment she couldn't remember why, "I'm sorry," Lena sighed as she looked over at Stef who was reading a book.
"For what, Love?" Stef asked sitting the book down and sitting on the edge of the bed, running her hand up and down Lena's leg, looking for any signs of discomfort from Lena. Lena shrugged with a small sigh.
"Can I lay with you?" Stef asked carefully, sliding in next to her when Lena nodded with a small 'please'. Leaning up on one elbow Stef smiled at Lena who was looking at her with a look between anxiety and adoration. "Are you ready to get this over with?" Stef asked as she ran her pointer finger over the lines that would help the radiologist align the radiation beams. Lena would also be put in a body frame that was made for her specifically. They were doing SBRT, a treatment that was given all at once every cycle instead of over a week. That way Lena had time to recover before her next round of chemotherapy.
"I'm ready to see if I can go home. It's not as scary as the first chemo," Lena shrugged as she squirmed slightly, pulling the shirt down from where it had ridden up. Stef moved her hand up to Lena's scalp which she let her hand ghost over. Lena closed her eyes and gulped back a cry. She thought Stef used to be gentle when she played and let her hands get lost in Lena's hair, but the touch to her bald head was even more so. Stef had said she loved it, it was a new area of Lena's body she got to discover, after years of learning every other part of Lena. "Can you get me a blanket, please?" Lena said after a moment. Her hot flash had started subside and she was getting self cautious.
"Of course, My Love," Stef said as she got a blanket off the table and draping it over Lena before getting next to her, sensing the discomfort of Lena she opted to lay outside of the blanket.
"I love you," Lena smiled and she worked to rest against Stef's side.
"I love you too," Stef said as she kissed Lena's temple, "Do you want your beanie?" She asked. Lena nodded and let Stef slip on the old gray beanie of Jesus' on, chuckling slightly at the head wear that had caused many discussions with teachers about him wearing it in class. They spent some time in the quiet. Stef had thought that with a week off of Chemo Lena would start to gain back energy, but she hadn't much. She still slept most of the day, waking up for an hour or two at a time. Stef smiled slightly at Lena let a hand roam over Stef's body, caressing her hip and moving slightly to graze her covered chest, "Feeling better, Love?" Stef asked leaning down to kiss her gently.
"Thinking about what we could do when we're home," Lena smiled.
"Yeah?" Stef asked with a smirk.
"At least what we can try," Lena smiled, "I don't know if I can go like we used too."
"When we're home in our own bed we can do whatever you feel up to, yes?' Stef said as she kissed Lena's temple before resting her head on Lena's.
"Sounds great," Lena murmured as she closed her eyes with a slight smile. Taking lotion off of the side table Stef gently started working it into Lena's hands, careful of Lena's fingertips which had become sensitive with the dry and cracking skin, her nails paper thin. "You don't have to do that," Lena said with her eyes still closed. Stef smiled as she watched Lena's body become more relaxed as she worked the lotion up Lena's arm.
"I know, I like to," Stef said, kissing Lena's knuckles. Stef never wanted to become used to this, the new lotion that had no smell, Lena's arm thinner than she ever thought possible, the circles under Lena's eyes. If she was used to it, it would mean giving a part of them away. Her nose still crinkles slightly at Lena's scent, the perfume she always wore no longer lingered on her skin like it used to, even right after a shower the scent still clung to her wife. She was forever trying to balance the two, helping Lena feel beautiful in her skin, and not letting this become comfortable to her. Stef turned her head to wipe a few tears off on her sleeve as she rubbed circles into Lena's palm, watching her in the silence.
"Hi Lena, Stef, how are we doing today?" Stef looked over to see the radiologist, James Smock, walking in with a wheelchair for Lena.
"She's alright. The nurse drew blood and checked vitals an hour ago and said Lena was good to go," Stef said as she gently shook Lena's thigh, "Love, Smock is here," she said as Lena opened her eyes groggily, "You ready, Love?" Stef asked. Lena nodded. Standing up Stef raised the head of Lena's bed as much as she could and fought with herself to let Lena get out of bed on her own. It was part of her physical therapy, and regrowing muscle in her underarms and chest. So Stef clenched her fists to stop herself from helping Lena stand. Once she was standing Stef wrapped her arms around her wife, kissing her temple, cheek, neck, anywhere she could get to, "I love you so much, you're going to do fine and hopefully by morning we'll be on our way home for a week," Stef whispered in Lena's ear.
"I love you too," Lena forced a smile as Smock held the back of the wheelchair as Lena settled into it and Stef wrapped a small throw blanket Laura had made Lena across her lap.