Chapter Twenty One
You're like brothers. But people always like him best. You're used to people peering round you to look for the boy with the bright smile. 'Cept now when they look, there ain't nobody there.
"You look after everybody for me. 'Specially Lily and Ponyboy, okay?"
You stand at the bus station with everybody else, watching him say goodbye to them in turn. Everybody finds some words to say but you got nothing.
Darry hugs him and then shoves his hands in his pockets, telling him to 'Come home safe now'.
Two-Bit gives him a silver zippo lighter and when he refuses to take it, shoves it in his shirt pocket saying he'd 'bought it just for him with a five finger discount'.
Ponyboy's up next.
"I read that Vietnam's thirteen hours ahead. So when the sun's rising there, it'll be setting here."
You should have known the kid would be imparting facts in his goodbye speech. Even in a crisis, he knows just how to get on your nerves. You wish it would be okay with Soda for you to clock him one.
"I'm not going to Vietnam just yet, Pone." Soda tries to sound cheerful but all of you know it's just a matter of time. He's passed his medical and he's off to basic training. AIT is probably the next step then before he'll know what day it is, he'll be shipped to another world and see sunrises where he should be seeing sunsets.
For a second, you wish Lily was here to take the heat off you a little. She'd told Soda 'I ain't into long goodbyes' and you wish you'd been graced the same excuse. When you'd told Soda you weren't coming, he told you 'to stop being such a pig headed jerk and get in the damn car'
When Ponyboy steps away, everybody seems to clear off. You don't like the feeling that they think the two of you need privacy, like you're Soda's chick whose gonna start bawling at any given moment.
But then you look at him and you're glad as shit no one's watching.
"Look after everyone for me. 'Specially Lily and Pony, okay?"
You sigh.
"Well, shit, my two favourite people."
He grins at you and punches you in the arm, but he may as well be punching you in the gut.
"Look after you too, Steve. I got enough to worry about."
You look into his serious brown eyes, will back tears and nod, before he pulls you into a tight hug.
"You look after you, Curtis. You don't come back and I'll never forgive you." You say the words softly, but with him holding onto you the way he is, he hears you anyway.
"I'll be back, Stevie." His embrace is so tight you can scarcely breathe. "I'll come back for all of y'all."
You don't give a shit who he comes back for. As long as he comes back.
888
The days are long without him. In Soda's absence, Al gets you in full time at the DX. They hire some kid called Troy to do your old hours and the place just don't feel the same. You clock watch during every shift, straining to hear Soda whistling under the hood of a nearby car, thinking you hear his laugh out front in the store.
It's never him though, although your heart jumps every time. It kind of reminds you how you felt about the rodeo and Dallas. But you can't avoid Soda's memory like you can Dal's. He's engrained into your entire life.
"Hey, Randle, grab us a coke, will ya? I'm dying back here."
If you'd thought about it long enough, you would have told Troy to get his own damn coke but you're on auto pilot. You finished your last job a half hour ago and you've been minding the cash register and pumps ever since.
You and Soda always yelled at each other for a drink in the middle of a hard job, and you don't even think as you pull a coke from the fridge and walk out back, shaking the coke vigorously, back and forth as hard as you can.
When you pass it to Troy and he pops the lid, the liquid sprays all over him, something Soda would have fell about laughing over. But Troy just stares at you with wide shocked eyes, dripping with coke, and completely confused.
"Did you drop this or something?"
You start to tell him he's an idiot and you shook it up of course, but you realise he's not gonna get it, he's not gonna see the funny side, he's not Soda.
"Yeah, I dropped it. Sorry, man."
Fuck, you miss him.
888
Two-Bit is throwing a tennis ball against the Curtis den wall. It hits the floor on it's return before he repeats the action. Bang, thud, catch. Bang, thud, catch.
"How long's he been gone now?"
Bang, thud, catch. Bang, thud, catch.
The noise should be pissing you off, but maybe you're past getting pissed about the small things.
"Six weeks, three days." It's Ponyboy , of course. That kid could probably give you the time in hours and minutes.
Bang, thud, catch.
"Feels like longer," Two- Bit says. "Say, ain't we due letters today?"
Soda writes each of you once a week. You have this week's letter inside your jacket.
"Yeah, we got ours this morning. Mine's on the table if you want to read it," Ponyboy says. You've read the letter he's sent his brothers, cheery to Pony, reassuring to Darry. It seems he's got a tone for everybody.
Bang, thud catch.
Two-Bit pauses in his throwing and curses.
"I forgot to check the mail this morning. You get yours today, Steve?"
You feel Ponyboy look at you too, and you shrug nonchalantly.
"Maybe. I didn't check yet."
You wonder if Ponyboy knows you're lying 'cause he looks at you for a real long time before he looks away. The truth is you are regularly standing by that mailbox way before the mailman gets there.
But Two- Bit buys it.
Bang, thud, catch.
"Shoot, I think I'll go home and see if mine's here."
He's getting up to leave when the phone rings and Darry comes in and picks it up.
"Pony, it's for you. Maryannne?"
Two-Bit whistles and shoves Ponyboy as he comes forward for the phone, ears flaming red. He follows Two-Bit into the hall, stretching the lead as far as it will go and hurriedly closing both the living room door and the front door after Two-Bit.
You look at Darry.
"Who's Maryanne?"
"His science partner," Darry says, darting a look around for the truck keys. You know he's looking for the truck keys because whenever Soda loses them he gets the same exasperated look on his face. He's frantically lifting papers and cushions to look for them.
"Science partner, or biology?" You smirk, but Darry doesn't hear you. "Keys are on the hook," you add.
He glances up at the key hook on the wall that nobody but him ever uses.
"I thought I looked there," he says, with a sigh. "Usually at this time…" he trails off but you know what he's gonna say. "Usually at this time, Soda's had the truck last."
He grabs the keys, mumbles something about groceries and high tails it out the back door, avoiding the front so as not to interrupt Pony. Satisfied you're alone for a while, you pull out and quickly scan Soda's latest letter.
Dear Steve,
Yeah, you're right. I got a weekend pass last week, but I didn't wanna home. Please don't tell Lily or the guys but I just can't handle saying goodbye all over. When I come back, I wanna know I can stay. Me and a few other guys had a few beers in town instead. Please understand.
I've put in the only picture I have of me with short hair. Thought it might cheer you up. Serves me right for all the jokes I made about Pony's hair after Windrixville.
Miss you all,
Sodapop Curtis.
You hadn't believed it when Billy's brother from across the street had told you about the weekend passes. And when you'd read the letter this morning, you'd hated Soda with every ounce of your soul. But then you'd pulled out the photo of that goofy smile of his and you couldn't hate him anymore. He's wrong about his hair. He pulls it off just fine although you'll rib him something awful anyway.
You're startled by the noise of the living room door and hastily shove the letter back in your coat.
"How's the biology partner?" You raise your eyebrows at a red faced Ponyboy who can scarcely look at you.
"Fine." He sits down on the sofa and looks at the television but you can tell he ain't really looking at it. God, you miss Soda.
"Something on your mind, kid?"
You can tell he's wrestling with himself. Just like you have to, every time you have the urge to ignore his teenage dramas. Then you remember your damn promise to Soda.
"Well, uh- Soda said-he said while he's gone- if there was something I couldn't talk to Darry about then- I could talk to you?"
So Ponyboy got the same speech you did. You're his back up guy. Confirmed.
"So spit it out already."
He probably wants to ask where he should take the science partner on a first date. You wonder whether she's pretty or not, and whether Pony will have the balls to kiss her.
"Well, uh- Maryanne wants to go to the lake this weekend. Someone's having a party in one of the lake houses, ya know, but she's a little older than me- she's had a boyfriend before. I'm just a little worried about…going all the way."
Your eyes nearly pop out of your head and you realise why he hasn't gone to Darry or Two-Bit with this. Darry would flip his lid and Two-Bit would never let him live it down.
"First thing's first." You whip your wallet out and hand him a couple of condoms. "No matter what, Pony, you stay safe, okay?"
He goes even redder but he shoves them into his pocket immediately.
"So, what are you worried about?" You ask him. "If she's a decent girl, she probably won't wanna do it the first time anyhow. Just remember to relax, take it slow, and let her show you what she wants."
"It's just-" he's biting his lip now. "It's not exactly the first time we've uh- got together. I mean, we've done stuff, most everything I think. Just not all the way."
You stare at him open mouthed and wonder who the hell he is.
"Glory, Steve, don't look at me that way. I'm not a kid anymore."
But he will always be a kid to you. Soda's kid brother. You must kind of drift away because the next question catches you off guard.
"He didn't want to say goodbye again, did he?"
Maybe he's right. He ain't such a kid after all.
888
You hate going over to the Parker's. Ronnie Parker likes to give you a hard time and Lily is never grateful. But you promised Soda.
The house is like every other in the neighbourhood. Small and run down with an overgrown front yard.
She's sitting outside smoking when you get there.
"Tell you what?" She calls over the porch rail. "I'm fine. Ain't got a car that needs jumping or some jars that need opening, so why don't you go home and write your report to Soda, huh?"
You're used to this kind of shit from her.
"How about you shut your mouth and go get me a beer?" You only half mean it. You know you'd have to change your tone drastically for her to even get you a glass of water.
"I hope you don't talk to Evie like that," she snipes.
Ronnie's coming out of the door at that moment and he grins at Lily's comment.
"I bet Evie likes that kinda talk. She looks like that kinda girl…"
Rage sweeps through your torso but you know he wants to get a rise out of you, so you don't bite. Sodapop Curtis, you better be fucking grateful…
"Watch your mouth," you growl, but Lily chips in too.
"Evie's got more class in her little finger than you have in your whole body," she snaps at Ronnie. "Now go and commit a big enough crime for a decent jail sentence. This house ain't big enough for the both of us."
He says something to her that you're sure you shouldn't say to any girl, let alone your sister, but then he's gone.
"Your brother's a fucking gem," you tell her, settling beside her in a porch chair.
She waves your comment away.
"Fuck him, he'll be gone soon."
"Gone where?" You light up a cigarette and let your head fall back against the back rest. The sky is a dull grey and the wind has picked up since this morning.
"Canada, maybe? He got his draft notice yesterday."
You blow out your smoke thoughtfully. You still keep waiting for your own draft letter courtesy of Tealbury. But neither yours nor Two-Bit's has got here yet.
"So you probably are gonna need someone to jump your car and open jars?"
She scoffs at this.
"Like Ronnie ever did either of those things."
"You know he'll go to jail if they catch him, right?"
She tosses her cigarette into the nearby hedges.
"He's used to jail. And I'm used to him being there. Sure beats Vietnam" Her eyes cloud over. "I just hope this damn war is over soon before Frankie gets old enough."
Frankie's her younger brother. He don't seem to be around much, but he's a damn sight more friendly than Ronnie.
You watch her looking up at the bleak sky, the despair in her face reminding you of the way Soda looked when Pony was gone. Glory, you wish he was here. You could step back quietly into the realms of not giving a shit and hand over Lily and Pony to their rightful owner.
"Everyone's feeling the same way," you tell her. "Pony, Darry, Two-Bit."
"You?" She questions sarcastically and you shrug.
"I'm good. I'm always good."
"Would you be good if you knew he had a weekend pass he gave up?" She's hurt and so she's trying to hurt you but you ignore it.
"I don't give a shit," you say.
She gets to her feet angrily and when you realise your groin is on the same level as her knees you decide you better stand too.
"Don't give me that shit, Randle. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be here. I'm pretty sure this is the last place you want to be."
She's angry, even for her. And part of you gets it, but part of you is running out of patience.
"What's up your ass, Parker? 'Cause to tell you the truth, I'm starting to wonder what I am doing here."
"Then leave!" Her hands shove at your chest and she's strong for a chick. You almost lose your balance.
"I'd love to but I made a dumb promise so you ain't getting rid of me. What the fuck is your problem?" Maybe your comment would come across as slightly more supportive if you weren't yelling in her face.
"I'm pregnant, you fucking moron. That's my problem!"
Your anger evaporates into shock in three seconds flat. You are taken back to a scenario not much different from this when Sandy told you she was pregnant outside of her house.
"Is it Soda's?"
If you thought Lily Parker could shove for a girl, you hadn't seen nothing. The small but tightly clenched fist in your face catches you off guard and she actually draws blood from your nose. You're cursing and spitting when she grabs the front of your jacket and hisses up at you.
"How dare you! How fucking dare you!"
You're pretty sure the kid is Soda's after that, but that don't help the situation none.
"Alright, I shouldn't have said it," you mumble, tilting back your head and pinching the bridge of your nose to stem the bleeding. Muttering to herself, she goes inside the house and comes out with a towel that you clamp over your nose.
She sits down on the porch steps with her back to you and feeling sick to your stomach, you sit down beside her. Nobody says a word until she starts to cry and you reluctantly wrap your free arm around her while she cries her heart out.
You imagine the two of you are quite a sight, her bawling, you bleeding, but you manage to hold onto her until she quietens down. But still, neither of you say nothing and once you release her, the two of you sit there and the silence remains.
Inwardly, you are cursing Soda for the mess he's left behind. Clearly Ponyboy wasn't the only Curtis in need of a condom.
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