Chapter 00-14 – Set Me Free
[As I go back making second passes at these chapters, I'm trying to deepen and expand the connections between the characters. In this case, I'm now building on the Aiko character. In the previous chapter, he recounts to Old Joshu how traumatizing it was for him to find Ayane near death. In this chapter, he finally opens up to her that it was he who found her.]
Ayane was sitting on the wide window ledge above the kitchen sink in the small one room guest house. There was something about the thick wood frame of the window surrounding her – the way the top curved gracefully above her head and the light streaming and sparkling through the window - that made her feel secure and at peace.
Having the ability to see out into the yard and watch the stream flowing into the valley below where the monks travelled through the gardens was reassuring. She could even hear the waterfall behind the house that fed it, and the sound of the running water was like music.
That water is so relaxing to listen to. It really helps keep me in the –
She let the thought roll away and inhaled evenly.
She loved that spot, spending an hour or more each day just sitting on her little round cushion in the lotus position looking out over the garden. As she sat there letting her thoughts float away like smoke on the wind, Ayane kept from being distracted by watching her breath go in and then out again, letting it anchor her to the moment.
The long rays of the morning sun were coming through the window and it felt good as it soaked into her loose black robes, warming her body. She was dressed in the garments of the Zen monks who had taken her in. Her hair had grown out from when she had first arrived, but it was still several inches above her shoulders and hung loose. She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window pane.
Wow! I keep forgetting how short my hair –
She allowed the thought to drift off and exhaled.
It had been a couple of months now since she had been found by the monks. Her mauled and shattered body had washed up by the bend in the creek down in the valley below. She was lying there face down in the silt on the bank, her life swiftly ebbing away. She had never known who had saved her.
It was a strange feeling for Ayane – to know that she had been saved from certain death and not be able to express the gratitude she felt to the person who risked so much to spirit her away. She had been pulled out of the mud and carried off to the monastery just as the shouts and crashing sounds of her swiftly approaching pursuers became audible in the distance.
Kouta, afraid of what would happen to him if he did not find her, was having his men tear up the countryside. They were searching everywhere up and down the creek for any sign of Ayane. The small farms and villages along the mountain valley were being terrorized as they looked relentlessly for anyone who might have been hiding her.
I can't believe how Old Joshu and Aiko fooled them into thinking I was dead. So brave – they took such a huge risk hiding me. I can never repay that kind of -
Ayane let the thought float away as she watched her breath come in… and out.
Since the Night Rain Monastery had taken her into their community, Ayane had spent the last couple of months recovering her strength as she lived and worked among them. She had even begun to spend time sitting with them, joining in their evening Zazen practice. She was an excellent gardener and worked hard tending to the trees and plants along the many paths with little Yugen, who she had taken on as her student and constant companion. Ayane and Yugen had grown close and their bond was strengthened by the trials they had both faced.
When I've dealt with Kouta and Hayashi – I'm going to ask Old Joshu about adopting Yugen… If he says yes – Then I'll need to talk with Ryu… if he says yes… will Yugen want to –? Agh, too many questions.
Concluding her meditation, Ayane hugged her legs, pulling them close to her chest. Then, resting her chin on her knees she began to watch Yugen, who was playing with his friends in the front yard. She smiled as they ran and splashed in the stream and chased each other around the trees in the sun.
Although Yugen was still soft spoken and very small, his growing skills were giving him a quiet confidence and she could see it reflected in how he played with the other children. They were climbing in a small tree pretending to be fearsome yokai, ninjas and mystical priests. Yugen had a large stick he was using as a magic staff and was trying to banish a couple of boys pretending to be demons. When he touched them they flailed and fell down with great dramatic flourishes and terrible growls.
A couple of ninja's played by two of the girls from the village cart wheeled into the scene. Ayane's smile turned wistful and her eyes softened as she thought of how she and Kasumi used to play together in the mountains so long ago. The girls swiftly dispatched the stunned yokai with short sticks that they threw like kunai. Then they all laughed and discussed the battle and traded parts.
As they continued to play, Ayane's mind began to wander. Like a magnet it flew back to the fortress on the mountain where she was abused and tortured. She saw the chains and Haruka slapping her face, Kouta leering at her and walking up with the –
No. I am not there… I am right here, right now watching Yugen play with his friends…
Yugen was thumping his "magic" staff on the flagstones of the path and it was making a sharp cracking sound. The other children danced around and pretended to be caught in a whirlwind spell he was conjuring up.
The cracking of the wood on the stone brought Ayane back to the mountain. It was Kouta's bat she heard smacking against the hard marble of the floor as he circled her in the gallery on the mountain. Ayane remembered how she set her jaw while she hung there suspended by the chains just waiting for that first strike… wondering when it would happen... how it would feel.
How long will I be able to withstand the pain before I… before I… oh, please no, not on camera – No! No… I am NOT there anymore. I am not there! I'm right hea–
"Miss Ayane..?"
!
A thread of electric fire pulsed through her surprised body as Ayane spun around on her butt like top and in one continuous motion she sprung to the floor like a jaguar from a tree, and was on him.
Ayane took the intruder down to the ground in an instant and brought the thick edge of his robe's collar across his throat in a lethal choke position. She was on a hair trigger – her eyes were only seeing prey – it was… It was Aiko!
He had been standing only a few feet away from her perch above the sink next to the counter and now, he was a hair's breadth from oblivion.
"There's a package for you down at the main office…"
He rasped through his constricted windpipe.
Ayane stared at him for a moment… Her eyes were wide and wild. Suddenly the flames in them cooled – then as quickly as it had started – she released him and helped him to his feet.
"Aiko I – I'm sorry, I'm just a little keyed up I guess. But really, you shouldn't sneak up on people – me like that. It's very dangerous."
"I didn't sneak – I knocked, then just walked in."
"I didn't hear you!? That's impossible, I always… always am – I was…"
Ayane trailed off bewildered… confusion and a hint of real fear etching her striking features. Aiko stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Ayane, you are still trapped up on that mountain aren't you?"
"…Yes."
She looked out the window at the children who were now sitting on the lawn talking.
"I think I'll be there until… until I face them and end it…"
Then getting her composure back she asked,
"You said there was a package for me?"
"Yes, it was delivered in the strangest way. By a ragged, foul mouthed drunkard riding a large three wheeled bicycle… Very odd. He seemed to know you though and said Ryu wanted you to have it now…"
Wong…
"Let's see it."
The office was part of the main monastery and was just a small tidy room with a simple wooden desk and a few chairs. There were some nice wooden cabinets that held documents and other official papers. On the desk was a very large, black lacquered oak box. No note, no return address… completely unmarked. It had a large, imposing locking mechanism that was green with age. There was a large slot for a key. Aiko handed her an envelope.
"I was told the key was in here, and was rudely instructed in its use."
I can imagine... Ayane smiled as she thought of Brad's irreverent nature.
"I can leave while you open it." Aiko suggested respectfully thinking of Ayane's privacy, then headed for the door.
"No. Please stay. Aiko, you and Master Joshu have taken me in and protected me – I have no secrets from you. Please…"
Ayane took him by the hand and led him back to the table with her. Then looking at the mysterious box, she said quietly,
"Okay. Let's see what's we have here."
Ayane paused for a moment in the stillness of the office and glanced over at Aiko. Returning her glance, he raised his eyebrows expectantly then looked from her to the box.
"So, um – should we – I mean, are you… going – to?"
She answered by ripping one of the ends off of the envelope and sliding the large brass key out into her hand. She weighed it for a moment then inserted it into the lock. She gave it a quick, solid turn and made heavy clunk.
She put her fingers to her lips, paused and looked at Aiko with an expression of mock fear. Then she began undoing the side latches. As Ayane unsnapped them, she was curious about what Brad may have told Aiko.
"Did the person who delivered the package give his name – or say anything to you?"
"No, he just said to give this to you. Then he scratched himself in a most inappropriate place, belched loudly and staggered back to his tricycle. As he wobbled off down the steep mountain road, he lost control and barreled away out of sight. I could hear him shouting and cursing to himself. I fear – he may have been operating that conveyance under the influence of alcohol and could be a danger to others as well as himself."
That's, Brad Wong alright… Ryu must have told him. Strange – he has placed a great deal of trust on his shoulders. But then… what did he bring me?
She popped open the last of the latches and opened the lid. There was a strong smell of leather and Aiko heard a soft, sudden intake of breath as her body visibly stiffened.
"Oh… wow… This is…oooh." She mumbled to herself.
Unable to resist, Aiko peered over her shoulder and looked into the box.
There were thin red, heavily lacquered wooden dividers separating the contents into compartments. In the largest space was a black body suit. In the spaces next to it, there was the glint of dark metal, subtly tinged with the faintest touches of deep purple. He could just make out the hilt of a killing sword – katana in an ebony colored graphite sheath, with a handle bound in deep purple silk. He could also see the handle of what looked to be a huge revolver…
"…my kit…I thought it was gone, but – it's all… here – !"
Ayane felt a shiver run through her body as she reached for her gleaming Smith and Wesson .50 caliber pistol. Then, hesitating for a moment – she pulled her hand back as if she nearly touched something extremely hot. Her hand bunched into a small fist and hovered in front of her chest as she considered something. She stared for several seconds in deep thought.
"Miss Ayane..?" Aiko tentatively queried, wondering what was giving her pause. "Is… something wr – "
Ayane interrupted quietly, almost to herself.
"No… it's not right… I can't touch this yet… any of it. I don't want to pollute these items. I've got to come at this clean… I've got to…"
Then, quickly turning to Aiko, she said decisively,
"I have to go to the village and pick up some things."
Aiko's eyes widened.
"Miss Ayane, I – it's not a good idea for you to go into the village. It is too dangerous – you are… very recognizable, even in your robes, you stand out. And this is problematic because I have heard from some of the villagers that a few of Kouta's men have returned. I do not know what has brought them back here, but... I will go. We need to stock up on rice anyway."
Aiko turned to leave when Ayane stepped solidly between him and the door putting her arm on the doorframe.
"Not a chance, Aiko. I've been talking to the others in the garden. I know about the men from Kouta's group in that village. Shin told me just this morning that those guys have been beating up monks when they go for supplies."
She looked down at her feet for a moment. Then taking a breath, she looked back at Aiko and continued.
"So… I'm aware of this, which means it stops… now. Just give me one of those straw sun hats. It will hide my hair – then they won't know me until it's too late."
"Absolutely not."
Said Aiko firmly. Then adding patiently but with the undertones of authority that being the senior student gave him –
"Ayane, you know you are not supposed to be having discussions with the other monks. You are all supposed to be bringing your Zen practice into your daily lives – we all need to be mindful of our roles here. Now you will stay right here. I will be fine, they are only foolish bullies who – "
Foolish bullies..!?
Ayane was barely able to control the rage she felt as she stepped in close to Aiko and spoke very quietly – not much above a whisper.
"Do you remember the condition I was in, when I was brought here from the river bank?"
Aiko nodded almost imperceptibly.
"The terrible abuses that had been inflicted on me? I was drugged and brutally used and beaten for two days. The deep bruises, ruptured stomach and neck muscles, the countless lacerations? Cigarette burns… Scratch marks - bite marks?"
He nodded a little more visibly as he vividly remembered how she had appeared to him on the river bank when he had first found her. At first Aiko had thought she had been attacked by animals. In a way, he was correct…
"I had a concussion - cracked jaw and shattered ribs… fractured pelvis – remember that!?"
He swallowed hard as he recalled every detail. It brought back all his feelings of deep remorse for his initial inaction when he had found her.
"Okay – that was what they did for fun Aiko – that was just a light hearted romp for them! When they did that to me, they were laughing and joking. But then, they got serious and told me how they were going to cut and rip pieces off of me. I tried to get away and – well, that was when the nearly fatal wounds to my back and shoulder were inflicted. We are NOT dealing with 'foolish bullies' here."
"I understand." Aiko said quietly. He was just staring off at a spot on the floor. He felt such shame.
"Then understand this…"
Too angry to notice the change in Aiko's demeanor, she clutched the collar of his robe and with a surge of strength, held him immobile. Ayane stood on her toes so they were nearly nose to nose and growled menacingly.
"They are mad, vicious dogs that need to be put down. Now, I am going down there. You can choose to join me or not – but if I see them, they will die – and you will stay safely out of the way. Do you underst –"
Ayane stopped - she noticed Aiko was looking down and away blinking slowly. Avoiding eye contact.
Oh no – I've been too intense… I've scared him. This is terrible –
Then, Aiko spoke quietly. It was barely a whisper, but Ayane heard it clearly.
"I failed you - when you needed someone most..."
Wait – he's not scared… he – HE'S the one who – oh, oh my…
Ayane relaxed her grip and released him, smoothing his collar straight again, she said gently -
"Aiko… it was you? You were the one – at... at the river bank?"
He nodded and looked at her. When he spoke it sounded almost like an apology.
"I thought I was too late… That I found you too late to do anything to help."
Aiko looked up and left, then down to the right – anywhere but where she was standing. She could read his actions and realized to her dismay.
He's ashamed. Ashamed to look at me...
Ayane realized that her words had brought all the horrors of finding her, back for him.
He's so gentle and kind. And I just hurt him – with the violence of my emotions when he was only trying to protect me.
Choosing her words carefully – picking only the ones that were most real and truthful in that moment, Ayane spoke from the heart directly to the troubled monk.
"Aiko – you weren't too late. You saved me. You did it. I'm here talking to you."
Aiko's face was nearly inscrutable. Only the faintest change in his breathing and the smallest release in the muscles around his eyes indicated that her words had helped him to relax. His eyes shone as he blinked back the powerful emotions he felt.
Ayane reached out and took his hands in hers as she continued to speak. She talked softly to him – the way she used to speak to the small forest creatures as a child. It was the same soft tone she would approach them with before freeing them from the hunters' traps.
"Because you carried me away to safety – and took great risks to keep me here – I saw the moon rise over the mountains last night. I got to do that as I sat on the front step with Yugen. Then, thanks to your kind heart, I have been able to sing him to sleep each and every night by the firelight. It has been these experiences that have shown me a whole new way to love. Aiko - all thanks to you."
She squeezed his hands hard and as she released them she added,
"Thank you for my life."
Aiko looked down at the floor contemplating something. He took a deep breath and smiled at Ayane.
"You are welcome... I am not like you. I do not know how to behave in a crisis. But your words have helped to still the conflicts of my mind. I am thankful to you. I am so glad you are alive and a part our order... of Yugen's life."
They stood for a while staring at the box with its lethal contents for several moments. Then uncharacteristically, it was Aiko who broke the silence.
"Ayane – I am still concerned about this trip to the village you want to take. I know that there are at least three of Kouta's men down there… It is truly not safe. You and I both know that you are still not fully recovered. However, I can clearly see that you are not to be denied in this. And I understand why. So… I will go with you."
Ayane nodded in agreement and patted his arm.
"Sounds like a plan – wait a moment, I'll make us a list."
Grabbing paper and a pen from the desk, she sat down and quickly started scribbling away. When she finished, the pen made a smart click as she placed it with finality on the hard surface of the table. She stood up and stretched her arm out, and with a rattle of paper, presented the list to Aiko.
Aiko glanced at the unusual items .
Large muslin bag, white silk cord, white robe… hyssop, bay leaves, juniper, chamomile, rosemary, large white candle…five pound bag of salt?
He peeked over the top of the paper and regarded Ayane curiously…
"Some of these things may be difficult to procure in the village… Nirasaki would have them of course, but that is so far away and we have no car."
Then dropping his hands to his sides, Aiko asked slightly puzzled, "I don't understand why you suddenly need these things. What are you planning to do?"
"Aiko, I need to leave that mountain behind me for good. This is the only way I know of to do that… to come clean."
She walked over to the wall and pulled a large straw hat off of a peg and put it on. Then looking at Aiko from under the low brim said softly,
"But before I can – even think about… this – or begin to move forward, I'll need to remove a dark stain that burdens my spirit."
"But what if we cannot find all of these items - ?"
"It's okay, if there's something we can't find, we can always improvise. We'll get what we can and then bring them to the waterfall at the spring behind the guesthouse. Then we can start preparing for this evening."
Gently closing the lid of the box, she headed for the door.
Folding the list, Aiko followed her out. When they reached the gate, Ayane paused and peeped out from below her large hat. The day was beautiful and clear with only the occasional puff of white cloud passing overhead. The sun felt warm and she looked forward to the walk. Turning to Aiko, she placed her hand on his shoulder. Giving it an affectionate rub, she said warmly.
"Aiko – thank you."
"You are most welcome Miss Ayane. Let us hope we do not run into anybody you have to kill today."