Physical Attraction, Chemical Reaction
Chapter 20 - Impossible to Forget
The days never passed so slow for Damon. He was looking forward to Thanksgiving as an attempt to stop the heartbreak he was going through.
Elena never returned his call though later she sent him a text saying she was doing well and that she thought the last pages of the script she sent here were just great. While he was happy and even relieved to have news from her he was also hurt by her coldness. Unlike him she never showed any affection or feeling. It seemed more like a work e-mail rather than a text and for that he wanted nothing more than the company of his family.
His nephews, brother and Kat always cheered him up and he was willing to be comforted once again.
Now in less than twenty-four hours he was flying to North Carolina and he had a plan in his head. He knew Elena was an avoider. Actually that was one of the first things he learned about her and he knew she felt the same way about him. She was probably doing to him what he did to Taylor and Lauren. Karma is a bitch, he thought.
He knew she was running away and avoiding her feelings and by consequence, him as well. There was nothing he could do about it but maybe he could surprise her in Mystic Falls and finally make it to her heart in person.
Truth to be told he hadn't chased her ever since she left. Actually the only attempt he made to talk to her again had been the voicemail message he left. He knew the more he insisted, the more she would run. He had to take her by surprise, to act quickly and intensely, like a hurricane. Like she had done to his heart.
So he planned to travel to North Carolina and spend some days with his family and go visit her in Mystic Falls on Thanksgiving Day. If he knew her well, and he liked to think he did, she wouldn't resist him and his invitation if he stood in front of her, with his trademark grin and wearing his heart on his sleeves. He had everything rehearsed in his head and he couldn't wait for the moment he'd see her beautiful and surprised face smiling at him. The sweet smile he missed so much. He needed to see her again for his own sanity.
A lot of weird things were happening to him ever since she left. He had called at least three women in the crowded New York streets thinking it was her but when they turned around they proved him wrong. Of course they did. She was hundreds of miles away from him but he couldn't stop the feeling that she was just in the next room.
He had been tempted to ask her doormen to let him go to her place again but he had resisted. First because he knew they wouldn't allow him and second because he could stil smell her scent in his bed sheets. He had been emphatic to the hotel staff. He didn't want his sheets to be changed. Her smell was all he had now but in a few days it would hopefully change and he would have her in his arms again. And for that he couldn't wait.
"May I come in?" asked Kate as she opened his office door slightly, interrupting his thoughts.
"Beckie, you don't need to ask" he offered less enthusiastically than he planned to. It was hard to show any genuine enthusiasm with Elena away from him.
"Thanks Dan, actually I came to wish you a nice holiday before I go back to L.A." she said as she entered his office.
"Thanks. I'm also traveling to spend it with the family" he admitted.
"Where is Elena? I thought I would meet her at some point this week." she asked missing the brunette she quickly liked.
"She moved back to her hometown but she will be here soon to help the actors build the characters and also shoot her scenes" he explained and his face lit at the simple mention of the woman he was in love with. He couldn't wait until she was back to his daily routine.
"That's just a shame. So, I guess everything is okay to start shooting in December?"
"Yes. She approved the first part of the script earlier today and as we already have the rest outlined I just need to pick the perfect lines from her book and add to it"
"She seems to be a great girl, Dan and she seems to be good for you" she smiled.
"Elena is special" was all Damon could say without revealing his feelings.
"I'm happy for you Dan. You're special too. There are only a few guys like you in the business and I'm lucky to have married one of them, the best of them I'd say" she winked and Damon was actually surprised. All the times they got out together, with or without Len, Kate was always very discreet about her personal life and she wasn't one to show her feelings for Len like that.
"Thanks Beckie. Kisses and hugs for Lily and say hello to Len for me" he said hugging his friend.
"Say hi to Elena for me" she said as they broke apart leaving his office.
Once she was gone his mind was lost in thoughts again. How could he have changed if he hadn't realized it by himself? Maybe he was a bit of a brooder as Elena would say but as far as he could tell, that was all. What did Kate mean by Elena being good for him? That she was a special girl that would be good for him or that she was changing him into someone better? The second option seemed a stretch as though he was friend with Kate's family, they weren't close and she certainly couldn't say that he was actually changing. Maybe she meant Elena would be good for any guy. And he wanted to be this lucky guy. Maybe Kate didn't know him enough to capture the changes but he knew it wouldn't escape from a certain girl
"Surprise!" she greeted as she ran from the door towards him jumping in his lap, as she would do. She hugged him tight in a very Katherine fashion. "Kat, I was just thinking about you" he confessed exultant to see his sister one day before than he expected.
"I thought I'd surprise you and fly with you from here. I was in the city for a workshop" she added still sitting on his lap.
"Thanks for leaving me all alone while you were here" he pouted and she slapped him, standing up.
"You know how those workshops are. I barely had time to breathe in the past couple of days. Anyway, I'm heading to North Carolina tomorrow morning, do you want to come with me?"
"It sounds perfect to me. I already released the crew, I guess they are all gone by now. I just have to make a few calls and send a couple of e-mails and we can leave" he explained with an unstoppable grin on his face. Kat appraised his face carefully. Yes, he was always happy to meet her or the kids but he never held that stupid foolish smile for them.
"What?" he asked as he saw her looking attentively at him and making some funny faces.
"Nothing. Did you change something? You haircut? Got a tan? You look different" she said still looking at him.
"That's your way to say I need a new haircut or that I'm looking older?" he joked and she just laughed. He loved to listen to her laughs. Katherine brought happiness to his brother's life and he was going to be forever thankful for her because of that. Their house used to be such a sad place before she and Stefan started dating and although they soon moved away, he could notice how she had changed Stefan's life.
"You look great actually. Whatever it is, it definitely flatters you" she said with a childish smile while she messed up this hair.
"I missed you, Kathy but don't overdo it. You know Stef is just too jealous" he teased and she only shrugged.
"Ha! I knew it. You met her" Kat clapped her hands together and a victorious grin appeared on her face.
Damon didn't totally understand what she had just said but he could only imagine it had to be related to Elena. He tried to deny it though "Who?" he asked looking straight to his grinning sister-in-law.
"You tell me who. I know what is different. It's the longing look in your eyes. 'I miss you, Kathy'? You are never like this to me, Dan. With the kids yes, always lovey dovey, but with me? Tell me, you met her or not?" she queried.
"Who are you talking about Kat?" he asked the best he could to look like good-old Damon.
"Oh, so you're going to pretend you have no idea of what I am talking about? Come on, Dan. Give me some credit here, I've known you for almost twenty years. The only time you had this loving look and actually showed any verbal affection to me was when each of the kids were born and I don't remember being pregnant now. Did I miss any of the symptoms?" she sarcastically added checking her belly but all while with a happy smile on her face. Damon more than anyone else she met deserved to be happy.
"I do have no idea of what you're talking about" he denied even though their smiles matched. He would deny but he wouldn't avoid looking at her. Was he looking that foolish? First Kate and now Kat. He probably had a sign on his forehead.
"Okay, let's suppose I believe you. So let me ask you straight. Are you with someone?" she started kinking her eyebrow to him and it reminded him of Elena again. That was something the two girls did exactly in the same way.
"Come on Dan, the mention of her has your face already lit up" she chuckled appraising his body expressions.
"I'm me, Kat, you know I'm always single. I still have no idea of who or what you're talking about" he half-lied. He was single, Elena and he were far from being a couple and he knew it. As much as he was in love with her and believed she felt the same way he was also completely aware that things wouldn't be easy for the two of them to be together.
They were in love but they were still the people they were. She was the avoider and he was the denier. He knew if they ever confessed their feelings it would still take a lot of time for them to actually move to the next step and make their relationship official.
"So she doesn't love you back?" she asked and her smile dropped. Ever since he went to UCLA she knew a lot of women were always going after her brother-in-law. Then he started his ritual with them but she heard of a lot of girls who had fell for him while she and Stefan were still in high school. He had a way with women and she couldn't believe that the one woman he wanted didn't want him back.
"She does" he confessed letting it slip. Surely he wanted to keep his sister in the dark for a little longer because it was fun to make fun of her but once he realized the words were already out of his mouth.
"I knew I was right" she winked moving back to his lap. Damon had known Katherine for longer than Stefan did. Her cousin was in class throughout all years at school and as much as he didn't have friends he still had papers to do and he had met Kat in Meredith's house more than once. As he wasn't as damaged as a young kid, he often brought the little brunette toddler to his lap and they kept that habit until Damon broken the contact. A few more years passed and they bumped on each other again, this time she was coming to his house to do papers with Stefan and much to his brother's dismay she kept sitting on Damon's lap "Tell me everything about her" she excitedly asked as she moved her arm to the back of his neck.
"Her name is Elena and she is perfect" he sappily added.
"Aw. How cute is that? Dammy is in love and she's perfect" she mocked laughing loudly.
Damon only chuckled back to his sister's mockery. He knew he sounded sappy and lame but he couldn't help how he felt. And sharing it with his sister made him realize how great it was to feel like he felt.
There was a mix of feelings, only good feelings. He was proud of who Elena was. He felt like she was the most amazing person in the whole world. He thought of her and he actually felt butterflies in his stomach. He could see her beautiful face and think how lucky he was to 'have' someone so beautiful in the outside and even more beautiful inside. He wanted to protect, to love, to help, to flatter, to kiss, to touch, to honor her.
And this mix of feelings made him feel like a better man. It made him feel like a superman. He felt important knowing that one life could depend on him. And all he wanted was to have his girl in his lap now, instead of his sister. He wanted to make her the happiest woman alive and that feeling was fulfilling and amazing.
"Earth to Damon" Katherine chuckled as her brother-in-law zoned out. He looked at her and smiled looking down and she couldn't remember of something so adorable.
"So why aren't you a couple? You love her, she loves you. Are you waiting for my approval? Because you know you're going to need it" she mused.
"It's complicated. It just happened. We met and it was so fast and so intense but none of us wanted a relationship let alone feelings. She moved back to her hometown this weekend but she is working with me on the movie" he explained.
"Oh my God. Did you meet the She-Damon?" Katherine laughed and clapped her hands.
"No. Elena is nothing like me. She is just hurt and afraid, I guess" he shook his head.
"Hmm… High maintenance girl? I'm not sure if that's what I had in mind for the first girl you'd ever fall in love" Katherine pensively added
"Elena is anything but a high maintenance girl" he disagreed "Actually things were never as easy as they were around her"
"Oooohhh, Dammy, you're so cute in love" she half-mocked him. She was happy for her husband's brother but she wouldn't lose the chance to mock him.
"Now, let's stop with the moment of the heart. I have some work to do. Why don't you sit in the chair or walk around?" he suggested.
"What's her full name? Last question" Katherine asked raising her hand showing him her palm, scout alike.
"Elena Gilbert" he answered with a broad smile.
"Let's see what Mr. Google says about Ms. Elena Gilbert" Katherine said as she got her iPhone leading Damon to shake his hand laughing. Katherine would never change.
"Oh my God. Dammy is dating a writer… wait… did she write The Vampire Diaries? Stefan already read that book twice" Katherine commented as she frenetically typed on her iPhone.
Damon ignored her comments and focused on the work he still had to do before he was officially on holiday vacation.
The day finally came and Elena was a pile of nerves. She was going to meet Tyler and Vicki for the first time in four years and no matter how long it took she wasn't ready to see them. She didn't know what to expect from them and from the situation, especially knowing that they were now pregnant. But especially she didn't know what to expect from herself. She didn't even know what to wear. She didn't know anything about tonight and she honestly thought about just bailing on Jenna and Alaric but she couldn't do this to her family.
She put on the best brave face she had, wore her usual high school attire: plain long sleeves top and some black jeans. Instead of the usual converse she preferred medium heels and trying to hold her head as high as possible she headed to the Saltzman's place.
Despite her insecurities and her second thoughts about the night she was one of the first to arrive there and it felt like a blessing. She was going to have time to distract herself, maybe drink a little to wear off the tension and face the developments the night was going to bring.
She distracted herself by helping Jenna with the last touches and adjustments and then talking to Sophie. The little girl was so goofy and funny that it was the best distraction Elena could ask for. For the thirty minutes she had been with Sophie she totally forgot about Tyler and Vicki but the same person who made her forget, made her remember painfully of them.
The moment the couple entered the house and Sophie noticed them, she abandoned Elena, without any further warning and running towards the doorway she threw her little self against Vicki's legs.
"Auntie Vicki!" the girl excitedly cried out as she held the biggest smile Elena had ever seen on her goddaughter's face.
"Hey Munchkin" Vicki's voice sound much sweeter and softer than she remembered. Actually her whole appearance looked different than it used to. Vicki was a rebel teenager and she even did drugs before Alaric came to town to help Matt who was still a teenager himself and couldn't properly take care of Vicki. The teenager she knew was reckless and there was only one thing that Vicki was serious about and it took Elena a long time to find out what it was.
But now the brunette looked serene, peaceful and even like a family girl. She was wearing a long cotton dress that showed off her small but still noticeable pregnancy belly. The young woman leaned over to bring Sophie to her arms but Tyler promptly intervened. "Sophie is too big, Vic. You can't pull weight like that" he offered and bringing the little girl to his arms and then handed her to Vicki who was now sitting on the couch. Jenna and Alaric were in the kitchen and Elena in the adjacent dinner room so she was the only one to notice anyone's presence. The rest of the adults were pretty much oblivious to one another.
Elena was nearly hyperventilating as she watched Sophie, Tyler and Vicki interact. They looked like a family of their own and when the young girl started to caress Vicki's belly Elena couldn't take it anymore and quietly entered the kitchen and then headed to the backyard, not answering when Jenna said something to her.
The moment she reached the balcony, she held the wood fence strongly and gasped for air. She felt like was going to throw up and not a minute later she was joined by Jenna but Elena asked kindly to be left alone. She just wanted to take a little bit of fresh air before coming back inside. Her aunt didn't buy it but she gave her space anyway. She knew she shouldn't be pushing her now if she wanted Elena to ever go inside.
Elena regained her composure for the second time that night, although the latter was much harder than the former and finally entered the house again. When she reached the living room she knew Jenna or Alaric had said something about her presence to Tyler and Vicki as they were still sat on the couch but looking very much uncomfortable.
"Aunt Elena, Auntie Vicki have a baby in her tummy" Sophie said as soon as she noticed Elena was back in the room and everyone there looked uneasy.
"Really, Soph?" Elena asked and her voice was much calmer and easy than she expected.
"Tyler, Vicki" she greeted the couple who answered back and the air could be cut with a knife from the amount of tension there. The three adults weren't the only ones in the room but everyone in town knew well what had happened just a few days prior to Elena and Tyler's wedding day.
The night passed slowly for Elena and as much as she tried to be the bigger person and show Tyler and Vicki that there weren't any grudges being held anymore she couldn't hide her pain. She soon realized that her goddaughter was much closer to Vicki than to herself although it was her fault. If she had been part of Sophie's life while she lived in New York the small girl would be as much connected to her as she was to her cousin, although they treated each other as aunt and niece instead.
Elena's escapes to the balcony in the back of the house were becoming more and more frequent as they night wore on and much to her dismay in one of her attempts to control her nerves, Tyler followed her.
"Elena" he cautiously asked behind her.
She didn't need to turn around to know who was there. She would never forget his voice. It still haunted her, especially his 'I love you's'. He used to say it so many times to her and she truly believed those words back then and that was one of the many reasons why it was so hard for her believe she would ever trust her heart to someone else again. She was more sure about Tyler's love for her than she was about the sun setting and rising every day and still it was a big lie.
"Tyler…" she wanted to ask him to leave but she couldn't bring herself to say another word otherwise the tears would fall and she refused to cry in front of him. She didn't when she broke up with him and she wouldn't now.
"I know you want me to leave and I will, I just have to say a few things to you that I never had a chance to say before" he looked down, avoiding her figure, though she still had her back turned to him.
She wanted to say that there was nothing he could say or that she wanted to hear but she wouldn't risk breaking down in front of him.
"What I did was wrong but I will always love you… but I was in love with Vicki and you know those are two different things. But you were the first girl I ever loved and I never wanted to hurt you but I was too stupid, too much of a coward and too weak to do the right thing. But I'm happy now even though I know I should be miserable. Somehow fate was merciful to me but I will never be truly happy if I don't know you're happy too. I think about you almost every day because I know I destroyed your life, I broke your heart, I embarrassed you in front of the whole town. I can't be truly happy knowing that I stole your happiness. I know your parents' death had been hard on you, I understood it better when I lost my own father although we had a horrible relationship. You've been too hurt by losing them and then by losing me, especially under those circumstances and I'm not here to ask for your forgiveness. I didn't ask for it back then and I won't ask now because I know I don't deserve it and deep inside I don't even want it. It would make me feel even worse about what happened because then I'd know you're capable of doing it. It would just hurt me more because I would see even clearer that you didn't deserve everything I did. When I pray at night I don't ask God for you to forgive me Elena, I just ask Him for you to be happy and for Him to give you twice of every good thing I'll ever have. I ask him to send someone that will love you more than I did, more than you loved me, more than Vicki loved me, more than I loved her. Because out of us, you're the one who deserves to be loved the most"
Elena finally took the courage to turn around and face him and she was surprised to see that he had tears shimmering in his eyes.
"Be happy, Lee. Not because it'll make me happier and less guilty but because that's what I honestly wish for you" he turned to leave but her voice stopped him.
"Ty" she called, using his old nickname just like he had just used hers.
He turned around again and although there was a distance between them, they felt close to each other.
"Thank you… for praying for me" she tried to smile but all she accomplished was a tear to fall down her face, leading his own to also fall.
"Thank you… for forgiving me" he also offered her a smile and wiping his tears away he left.
Elena headed downstairs, to the backyard and walked until the very end of it.
She took a deep breath and taking her cell phone from the back pocket of her pants she called him.
"Kitten?" Damon answered the phone dumfounded, he didn't expect her to call at all especially after the cold e-mail she sent him earlier.
"Dan…" she couldn't hold her emotions back anymore and she knew she didn't need to do it with him.
The moment he heard her crying voice and how broken she sounded he remembered the girl he saw on the roof of the publishing house and his heart broke with her.
"What happened, Elena? Where are you?" his voice was full of concern and he was thankful that Katherine had already headed to her hotel. She left only a few minutes ago and he certainly wanted privacy to talk to Elena now.
"I… he… I" she tried to say something but she couldn't formulate any words and it drove him crazy. He needed to be with her now but he knew it was probably impossible.
"Elena, honey, I'm here, okay. I wish I was there with you but I'm not. Now don't think about anything else, whatever happened, let it go, focus on me, on my voice, okay?" his voice was soft but nearing desperation.
"Okay" she gasped and he could feel his own eyes getting misty. He could barely stand to talk to her when she was like that.
"Okay" he said just above a whisper.
"I miss you. I could say a lot of things now but the only thing I can bring myself to say is that I miss you so much" he said from the bottom of his heart and she could sense the truth in his words.
"I wish I could be there with you right now, holding you close to me, feeling you snuggle until you find your spot on my chest. We could be watching a movie, or just cuddling on the porch, while I talked to you about my week. I would smell your shampoo, strawberries and champagne, and I would just lose myself in your hair. You smell so good, Kitten. It's not about the shampoo's scent but your own mixed with it. It's so sweet but with a hint of sensuality. You have no idea how much I miss your scent. While you told me about moving into the new house I would reach for your hand and trace the lines in your palm and kiss them because I miss the warmth of your skin. And then I would hold you tight, almost breaking your bones because I just miss you that much. And when it wouldn't be enough anymore, I would bring your lips to mine and kiss you the rest of night because I miss the taste of your lips, I miss kissing you. That's what I miss the most" Damon said with his eyes closed, just like Elena, and the two of them imagined the events he just described. They wanted nothing more than them to be true.
"I miss you too, Dan" she admitted her feelings, as she finally found herself able to speak again. Vicki, Tyler and his words just a small memory in the back of her mind.
"Five days were just too short" he confessed.
"Still it was enough" she cryptically answered and he didn't know how to interpret her words. Enough for what?
"How are thing going in Mystic Falls?" he knew that could be a loaded question but she called him for a reason, especially when she sounded so heartbroken.
"More difficult than I expected" she honestly answered and although the memories of the night was brought to her mind again, she didn't feel like she did before talking to him.
"But not harder than Elena Gilbert can handle. You're fierce and strong, Elena and I know you can take down everything that ever stands in your way. If anything I can say how brave you are. Only someone as brave as you would think about getting a baby and face it all by yourself. You're determined, you're stubborn and you're deserving. You deserve good things and they'll come to you but when you feel fragile, vulnerable, sad, tired, exhausted, broken, come to me. I may not be able to hold you in my arms physically but I hold you in my heart and I'll remember you of all those truths. I'll remind you of who you are when you forget it" he said full of determination but also tenderness.
"Damon… I…" she tried. She really tried to share her feelings towards him but she couldn't do it over the phone. He had been just wonderful to her but she couldn't confess what she felt for him when she couldn't be in front of him and be with him. "I gotta go" she said instead and Damon was actually surprised and nearly hurt. Surely he didn't want her to give him anything when he tried to comfort and give her strength to go ahead but he didn't expect her to just dismiss him like that.
"Are you feeling any better?" he asked honestly, ignoring his own disappointment.
"I am. Thank you. You saved my day" she offered but in her mind she went further, You saved me.
"That's my job here, call any time you need"and as much as he wanted to ask her what was that about he knew it wouldn't do any good to remind her of what he had just done his best to make her forget.
"I will, sorry for being so distant these past few days but I'm going to change that soon, I promise"
"Take your time, Lena. I love… listening to your voice" he quickly corrected himself.
"Me too, bye" she answered back and hung up. Talking to him as harder than she thought but she was going to hold onto the fact that he made the pain go away, momentarily, just like that.
AN: Thanks a lot for the reviews, I'm sorry it took longer but I'm really busy lately.
Also special thanks to my beta May.
Let me know your thoughts about this chapter.
xoxo
Babi