**written by: blueTshirts**

I'm fine Berthold.

I frown at the glowing screen of my phone that's half tucked into my coat pocket in efforts to hide it from Reiner. No matter how many times she says the phrase, it just doesn't feel right. I mean, she's alone, on campus, during Christmas. It just seems wrong. I can't help but offer her a warm place for the holiday or even just to meet up during the long break, but she doesn't take it.

I sigh through my nose and try to type out a careful message to Annie with one hand. I manage to make it half way through the phrase "Are you sure?" but Reiner nudges me in the arm and grunts an, "Am I right?"

I clumsily stuff my phone back into my pocket and choke out, "Heh, yeah yeah, of course." I have no idea what he said, but if I disagree with him then he'll want to start an argument about a topic that I wasn't even listening to.

Reiner turns and raises an eyebrow at me. I shrug out an awkward smile, one of the ones I know he has a sweet spot for, and he drops it. He sniffs and looks around at the snow covered trees and twinkling lights. He links an arm around mine as he continues with his story.

"So anyway, she bet that I couldn't do it. So obviously, we put money down on it. Well, I put five bucks down but she only wanted a bag of potato chips…"

Reiner continues with the story that I faintly remember him sputtering drunk to me a few months ago. Something about Sasha and Connie doing this bet to see who could drink the most shots in a row or something. Needless to say, I'm pretty sure Reiner doesn't remember half of it let alone Connie or Sasha.

As he gabbers about his night, I try to finish out the text to Annie. If I don't text her back, it'll be stuck in the back of my head until I do. Only two letters in, Renier pulls at the arm he was wrapped around.

"Hey! What the fuck?" he barks, yanking me hard enough for me to lose my balance and almost trip. I look up, doubled over in front of him, with the glowing screen illuminating between us.

"Um...uhhh," I manage because I can't say anything else. Besides the fact that Reiner looks like he absolutely wants to kill me right now, it's always kind of adorable when he gets all angry when I don't pay attention to him. My lips curl into an innocent smile, "Sorry?"

He glares at me for a moment then puffs out a breath of anger. I giggle and straighten back out next to him. He digs his elbow into my ribs and looks down at my phone. "It better be fucking important," he mutters.

I sigh finishing out the message and sending it. "It's Annie, she says she doesn't want to hang out for Christmas or New Years."

Reiner snorts and looks down at the snowy trail, "Probably because she has a different little blonde friend she wants to spend her time with," he mumbles.

I look at him, "Who do you mean?"

He looks back up at me and does his best to not be completely disgusting. "You know who I mean," he says in a low voice with a raise of an eyebrow and a bite at his bottom lip. I roll my eyes at his inability to not act like a teenage girl when it comes to talking about relationships. I remember when he first started getting comfortable with flirting in early high school years, it was a reval that I actually got past it.

I shake my head and stuff my phone back in my pocket, almost positive that Annie will give up on texting me back. "I doubt she'll do anything with Armin, she's acting like a shut in," I shrug catching onto his hint about Annie and Armin's brewing...relationship? I honestly don't know what's going on between them. I always had a hard time imagining Annie in a relationship, even when I had a crush on her. But Armin has-what's the word for it, intrigued?-her lately. She doesn't look at him like Mikasa looks at Eren, or like Jean looks at Marco. She looks at him like a skeptic, or a project, or an abstract painting.

"I don't know," Reiner slurs kicking some snow into the grass, "She seems interested."

I smile down at my boots, it might actually be cute if they got together, maybe even a little funny. Annie, the stone hard stoic mystery, and Armin, the cookie that's soft on the outside but oddly crunchy in the middle. I think they'd make a cute couple. "I think it'd be good for her," I hum.

Reiner grunts, "Sure, if you enjoy a puddle of man tears." I look at him grinning to himself. He looks back, offended, "What? She would totally rip him apart. Annie doesn't feel love, and that boy is as tough as a glass of milk."

I snort as his remark, "I don't think you're giving him enough credit."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but he's just nice, I don't think he can handle her."

"I think his kindness might be a nice change of pace for her, she doesn't have a lot of people like him in her life," I shrug.

Reiner chuckles and nudges me again, "You romantic."

I shrug and the conversation is dropped.

We stroll through a patch of woods behind a park that's by my family's house. The trees are lined with sparkling white lights in celebration for Christmas. Reiner and I have been coming here ever since middle school, it's even where we had our first kiss, it's our little place to remember how far we've come and how much we enjoy being together. His arm is warm around mine and the only sounds are the crunch of our boots and our soft breathing. It's always so peaceful and calm against my house that has a record of twelve people staying for the holidays now.

I remember bringing Reiner here for the first time. I thought he'd hate it. To this day, he puts on this Tough Guy act that usually make people think that he's an ass, so back in middle school I thought this might've been too calm or boring for him, but he loved it. We talked a lot back then, learned a lot about each other, and even taught each other a lot about the other. I'd never had a friend like him. I'd never had a real friend, ever, until then. He helped me with my anxiety and going out of my comfort zone, and I taught him how to accept who he is and live his life for himself.

Now, we've grown up so much since then. We have each other's backs. We know each other almost better than we know ourselves. Half the time we don't even have to talk, we can tell each other thousands of things with just a look or a touch. And it's still just as amazing. I can't imagine the rest of my life without Reiner in it. He's a part of who I am now, we're a team, two halves of a whole.

And once again, Reiner doesn't even have to say anything for me to know something's up. I've known he's kind of been in his head ever since his mom made a surprise visit at campus a few weeks ago. I've been worried about him ever since. He never actually told me what's going on, but I know it's bothering him. The one thing I do know is that his parents are getting divorced, and I honestly think he would've been able to handle it if it would've been his father making the surprise visit, not his mom.

I've been waiting to bring it up, mostly because I don't want to impose, but I also know that Reiner has the tendency to bottle up stuff and explode. I decide to approach the conversation with great caution.

"So…" I hum, "my mom wants to send your parents some cookies for Christmas, she has this vendetta to get them to like her so I thought we might want to make a visit to your dad or something," I mumble.

Reiner is silent for a moment, I almost start to reel back but he clears his throat. "Tell her to keep them," he says coldly. His voice send warning signs flaring through my nerves. He's definitely not okay.

"Oh, well, I-uh, I thought you might want to see him anyway, for Christmas and all," I mumble again, feeling his body start to go rigid next to me. If I don't play this right he could completely shut down and do this scary compartmentalizing thing he does with his emotions sometimes when he doesn't want to deal with them and avoid talking about it for another three weeks.

"I can't," he says, "He's left. He's living in Seattle."

I almost choke on my tongue, "Se-Seattle? ….Washington?"

"Yeah, with my uncle."

I blink at the news. Washington state is on the other side of the country, why would he go so far? And why hasn't Reiner said anything?

I ask the only thing I can manage. "Why?"

He shrugs, standing straighter and looking forward to the trail beyond us, "Don't know, don't care. He can do what he wants," he spits, "I don't blame him for wanting to be thousands of miles from my witch of a mother."

I frown at his growing defense, I bite my lip. "Yeah, but it's also thousands of miles away from you."

Reiner freezes.

He stops in his tracks and lets go of my arm, the sudden lack of his warmth sends a chill down my spine, these woods don't seem so welcoming when he isn't by my side. His gaze is distant a dazed aimed unfocused at the frozen ground. A shaking and panicky feeling rattles up my rib cage. I didn't mean to make him feel this way, I just want him to talk it out, and work things through. I only want him to be happy. Regret and guilt wrap it's familiar claws of anxiety in my gut.

I shouldn't have said that. I'm so stupid.

"Reiner, I'm s-"

He stops me with his hand. I swallow a thick ball of panic down my throat. He looks up at me, odd shadows from the lights in the trees are cast over his face. His eyes change from distant and dark to wary and tired as looks at me. He closes the space between us and sighs.

"Don't you fucking dare," he growls. I clamp my teeth together and hope that I don't start sputtering out apologies against his wishes. "I'm fine, Berthold, it's done with. There's nothing I can do about it," he says with finality and confidence. I just nod because I can't trust myself to not apologize if I open my mouth.

He takes my hand and we continue down the snowy trail, the silence louder than ever.

Once I've practiced what to say enough times, I speak in an even tone, "Just promise me you won't forget about him."

Reiner squeezes my hand and smiles at me, "I won't," he sighs, "And besides, he still owes me ten bucks for cursing at my mom."

I raise a wary eyebrow at him, still uninformed on the whole story. He just shrugs and I make a mental note to ask about it later. "It's whatever, I don't think my dad could last very long in Seattle anyway. Too many people, not enough sunlight," he says.

I nod, "I don't think he could stay very long from you too."

He nods pulling me a little closer. The guilt that was squeezing at my gut has fizzled away, leaving the same throb of unavoidable worry I feel for the people I love. I've learned to live with it, I think worry is better than anxiety. I'm sure Reiner would argue against that.

I spot the tree I've been looking for ever since we started the trail. I pull at Reiner's hand and smile down at him once we are under it.

He shakes his head at me but smiles, "You're a dork," he mumbles, "Too bad it's fucking adorable." He says grabbing at the front of my coat and pulling me down to close the few inches that separate us.

"Too bad you're adorable," I whisper on his cool lips.

He pulls back, offended, "Please, Bert, I am a man. I'm not adorable, I'm a sexy fu-"

I cut him off with the kiss we were both yearning for. He smiles into it, always stupidly proud whenever I can muster a sense of boldness to him. My hand curls around the back of his neck to slide through his short hair. He tilts his head to take a nip at my lip. I can't help but to smile.

It's our tradition. Every year, we walk through these twinkling woods at dusk, hand in hand, to this very tree. The tree where we had our first kiss.

It's this kind of kiss that makes me ache for another and another, until I forget that we're standing at a tree or that we're in public or the anxiety I might've had. I forget the world around me and am enveloped with everything of Reiner. It's him. It's us.

I pull back and Reiner gives a whine. I look down at him in my haze, "You know we're forever, right?"

Reiner raises his eyebrows, "I sure fucking hope you didn't just come up with that."

I smile and dive back in.

I was just a kid when Reiner and I had our first kiss, the thought of forever wasn't even an idea in my head yet. But now, here, with him, it's a whole world more than what I could've asked for.