How To: Maintain Sanity

1.

This is just pushing it way too far. This is the straw that broke the camel's back. This pushed Sasuke's button one too many times. And other such metaphors.

When the dobe had burned dinner, Sasuke had merely ordered out. When he painted all of their rooms orange (which clashed with the furniture, by the way), Sasuke had just fucked him through the mattress and then ignored the heinously colored walls. When Naruto had turned all of their whites pink and bleached all the black clothing, Sasuke had just shrugged and gone shopping (he had needed new shoes anyhow). But this, this was just beyond the realm of imaginable for average couples.

But then, he was dating Naruto, so he probably should have known something like this was bound to happen.

Still, the moron had somehow burned down their apartment. And he wasn't even cooking or anything! No, Naruto had lit a few candles to 'set the mood' for the sex that would obviously occur when Sasuke returned home from his latest mission. But then he had fallen asleep while waiting for the raven to come home and he had left the candles still burning in various places around the apartment.

Really? The hell? Sasuke had come home from a long and grueling mission (he had actually just gone with his Genin team to babysit some rich brat) to find their apartment complex in ashes and Naruto sporting a lump on his head and looking properly sheepish while Tsunade made sure all of the other inhabitants of the complex were safe and assessed the damage.

And then Sasuke had had to drag the blonde to Sakura's place and mooch off of her until their apartment was reconstructs (that was, if they weren't banned from the complex) or until they found another place.

Sasuke checked his wallet, this called for a shopping spree and a fuck. And their lube had gotten lost in the wreckage. Kami, he had to go buy all new sex toys.

Sasuke needed another metaphor for the anger he was feeling.

2.

And people thought that he was the annoying one. If anyone else but him had to live with that neurotic, anal-retentive bastard, they wouldn't hold him in such high regard.

When they had first moved in together, Sasuke had mostly just screwed him too silly to notice much of anything other than missions. But then, when they finally settled down and didn't use every spare moment for sex, Naruto had began to realize something. Sasuke was fucking crazy. Not literally fucking a crazy person, but like Sasuke was truly insane, kind of. Not insane enough for an asylum, but bordering on obsessive-compulsive, he was toeing that thin line and sometimes, Naruto truly believe that he would have no qualm about throwing his lover into the crazy bin.

Okay, the first thing Naruto noticed was that Sasuke had a specific order about his kitchen. In the drawers, spoons, knives and forks never touched and he always washed cups twice. The first time Naruto did dished, he accidentally put a spoon in with the knives and, though he didn't say anything about it, Sasuke rewashed all of the knives and that one spoon.

But that freaky silverware thing wasn't the only weird thing. He ordered his clothing by color and then oldest to newest within the color groups. He kept all of his books in alphabetical order by author's last name and then in chronological order if there was more than one book by a certain author. He refused to use generic soaps, he only used brand names. He spends exactly one hundred dollars on groceries every week and he only wears socks to bed.

Naruto's a laidback kind of guy though, and he can deal with a bit of oddness, but when Sasuke tried to push some of his ways on to him, Naruto wouldn't stand for that. He didn't like that thermostat was perpetually set to seventy degrees and he didn't want to drink green tea after every mission.

So Naruto tried to change some of Sasuke's ways, he would occasionally and gradually mix up silverware and clothing into the wrong places. But then Sasuke can be a mega bitch when he wants to be, something Naruto also learned within two months of living together. He was used to Sasuke's normal bitchy, icy attitude but he could be a petty, whiny person who sunk low enough to insult ramen. And no, no, that's when Naruto learned how to cope with the insanity that is his boyfriend. Wanna hear his secret?

He cheats on him.

No, just kidding, Sasuke's the bastard in this relationship (even though Naruto would rips Sasuke's balls with a smile off he ever cheated on him, and Sasuke knows that) no, Naruto goes and trains until he can barely manage to get home before he passes out.

Yeah, he works himself into a coma-like state. Shut up, at least it blocks out the bitching. Oh, god, the bitching.

3.

If there was one thing that Sachie and Maaya couldn't stand was when their parents were fighting. They acted so childish, and they were the adults. They fought about the dumbest things most of the time, like whose turn it was to take out the trash or who burned dinner that night.

And there was no approaching their father if their blonde mother had exiled him to the couch. And even though their parents had repeatedly told them that hurting friends was wrong, they had, on more than one occasion, seen either or both their mom and dad with black eyes or busted lips the morning after the fight, but at least they were talking after they hit each other. It was better than the stony silences that had reigned before.

The only thing that gave the badness of the fighting a run for it's money as something the girls couldn't stand it was their parents acting all mushy and romantic and kissy. Kissing boys was gross, that what their dad had told them, but then he goes and kisses mom who is actually a guy too. Parents kissing is gross, the Hyuga kids and the Inuzuka boy agreed with them too.

Neither of them could understand why Aunt Sakura squealed with joy when their parents cuddled or kissed. It was really mushy and gross, like to sweet candy but more gross.

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A/N: Hope y'all like it. Credit for prompt to Give'em Hell. Thanks!