AN: I hope this chapter doesn't get too confusing, however my amazing beta Anbessette and I tried to avoid that. I apologize for the long lengths of time it's taking me to update this story, my work keeps getting in the way, but this story isn't abandoned. Thank you all for sticking with me, and I wish you all a wonderful 2013!
Chapter 5C: "Ex notitia victoria"
Spock was in front of them, looking terrifying. Jim noticed that he was still touching the Ambassador in a manner Spock could label as 'inappropriate', and he stopped quickly, trying to avoid looking guilty. What the hell was Spock doing here?
"Captain," Jim said, trying to sound polite instead of pissed off, "may I ask what are you doing here?"
"You invited the Ambassador to have dinner with us, correct?" Spock said in a neutral tone.
Then Jim remembered he had said 'we', and hadn't clarified that he meant only himself and the Ambassador, not all the people present during the conversation. Oh, Spock was sneaky at all ages.
"Oh, yes, of course," Jim said quickly, so Spock wouldn't think he was clueless about the situation. "But I thought you were busy tonight with the lab reports. You said so on the Bridge."
"I realized that part of being a good host is sharing meals with our guests," Spock tilted his head, "although I must say, Commander, you are showing a very thorough effort in that task; I had the idea you extended the invitation to the mess hall instead of the Observation Deck. Fortunately, Doctor McCoy corrected my assumptions and led me to the right location."
Bones' revenge, of course. Jim had been stupid enough to steal from him, and his friend knew him too well. Jim must have babbled about the memory with the dinner thing, and after seeing his stolen goods, now he had sent Spock to torture him.
"I'm trying to make the Ambassador comfortable. Besides this is a killer view." Jim smiled tightly. He was going to kill Bones.
"Indeed." Spock glanced between the Ambassador and Jim, and then he realized he had only two chairs, since it was supposed to be a dinner for two.
"Let me get you a chair, Captain." Jim stood up, resigned about the current situation. He couldn't ask Spock to leave without being disrespectful, and if he did ask the younger Vulcan to leave, he would want to know why. For all Spock knew, Jim was just being polite and attentive, not trying to have a nice, private moment. He glanced at the Ambassador, and was surprised to see him smiling, like he was amused by this madness.
Jim couldn't help feelings the eyes on his back as he walked out from the Observation Deck to go and kill an ex-friend and bring a chair to submit himself to the most awkward dinner of his life.
Spock watched Mister Kirk leave the room, then turned his attention to the Ambassador. He did not know what was happening before his arrival, but he was glad to have interrupted it.
"I thought you would be in your room, preparing your speech," Spock said resentfully.
"Commander Kirk extended a very polite invitation, and you heard me say I was honored to accept," the Ambassador said, sounding completely normal.
Spock hated that this Vulcan could snap his control faster than his own father or even Mister Kirk.
"It was courteous to agree, but you could have excused yourself afterwards," Spock argued. Surely the Ambassador understood how hard this particular situation was for Spock, having someone apparently the same and yet so different interfering in his routine. He did not comprehend the point in having the Ambassador here, meddling in his life; if he had any tact, he would understand what an imposition his presence was at the moment for Spock.
"I could have done that, however I wanted to share this meal with Jim. Is something wrong with that?"
Jim? Since when was the Commander Jim? Not even Spock called Kirk by his given name! This was unacceptable! He was about to put this man in his place, when the source of the situation returned with a chair in his arms.
"Here we go, dinner for three." The Commander smiled. "Have a seat, Captain."
"Thank you, Mister Kirk," Spock said, taking a deep breath. He had decided to spoil this dinner in order to guarantee Kirk's safety. The Ambassador could manipulate the Commander in whatever manner suited him, and Spock could not tolerate that. Kirk was bright and intelligent, but he was Psi-null and vulnerable. Hence the reason Spock's own presence was imperative every time the Commander wanted to share a moment with the Ambassador. Spock knew that it could have been more polite to get his own chair, but he thought leaving Kirk with the Ambassador unsupervised would be improper.
They started eating in silence. At least the Commander had selected a variety of food without meat and olives.
"So, Ambassador, do you think this reunion is a good idea?" Kirk started the conversation. Spock tried to avoid feeling annoyed that he chose the Ambassador instead of him to direct his attention to.
"I believe it cannot be detrimental to the current situation to try and have a civilized dialogue."
"Well, as Yoda said, 'there is no try'," Kirk said playfully. Spock knew it was a Terran reference, but he did not have the context to understand it. "Either we get this right, or people will revolt."
"There is a risk, of course, that misunderstandings will arise during the meeting. However I am confident of getting the point across without any casualties." The Ambassador smiled at Mister Kirk, almost like they shared some sort of mental conversation. It could not be, and yet Spock was afraid that this was the case.
"I know what you mean, sometimes people hear what they want to hear." Kirk sighed.
"Indeed. Betazoid has shown its full support to Vulcan, though. I must say we are grateful for what you have done for our race, Jim."
There it was again. The Jim thing. How dared this man be so rude to the Commander?
"Humans, while overly familiar with acquaintances, do not appreciate certain liberties from strangers," Spock pointed out. "The Commander deserves respect."
"I do not believe I am being disrespectful," the Ambassador said, looking right into Spock's eyes.
"Um.. I don't mind if the Ambassador calls me Jim," the Commander said, trying to sound placating. "I ask you to call me by my name all the time and you never do."
"It is inappropriate," Spock defended himself.
"Why exactly is that?" the Ambassador asked, sounding faintly sarcastic.
"Okay, how about we change the subject?" Kirk smiled at both of them, almost pleading with them not to extend this uncomfortable moment. "Let's get to know each other better. What's your favorite color?"
Spock and the Ambassador looked at him, both raising one eyebrow.
"What? I'm just trying to find a neutral topic for all of us. And the eyebrow thing is uncanny when you both get synchronized. So, Captain, you first."
"I do not have a 'favorite' color. There is no logical reason to favor one color over another."
"All right, no favorite color, gotcha," Kirk said, annoyed.
Spock felt a small twinge of regret. He did not like it when the Commander acted like he was trying to upset him. The last thing Spock wanted to do was cause the Commander discomfort, and the fact that he preferred this stranger over him was making him act brashly and perhaps sound cold.
"I imagine that the same goes for you?" Kirk asked the Ambassador.
Why would he say that? Unless he thought that it was a cultural feature, he had no reason to suspect that the Ambassador would have the same answer.
And to Spock's surprise, he did not have the same answer.
"Actually, I do have a favorite color." The Ambassador twitched his lips upwards. "It's blue."
"Blue, huh?" Kirk smirked. "I would have thought it was yellow."
"Yellow is a very fetching color," the Ambassador said. "Blue, however, has a special meaning to me."
"Really?" Kirk said, sounding bemused. "I have blue eyes, you know?"
Spock stiffened at hearing this. He was no expert in human courtship, but this particular situation resembled to what his mother used to call 'flirting'.
"I noticed." The Ambassador tilted his head. "And may I ask what color is your favorite, Commander?"
"Oh." Kirk looked like he had been slapped. This was distressing for Spock as well. "Mine is green."
"I thought about it, and I believe my preferred color is red," Spock interrupted before Kirk could continue with whatever he was ready to say about the color green.
"Red? It's a strong color for sure." Kirk smiled at him, and all of Spock's discomfort evaporated. "Oh, yeah! I know why red is your favorite color! It's because of Uhura's uniform! She does look good in red."
Once more, Mister Kirk had come to the wrong conclusion. Even Spock did not know why he chose red, he had just said the first color he thought of, to be part of the conversation.
And even if that was the case, Mister Kirk's uniform was also red.
"Have you contacted Betazoid recently, Commander?"
It was an abrupt change of topic, but even though there was no reason for Spock to be nervous about clarifying to the Commander that Lieutenant Uhura had nothing to do with his selection of color, he feared that if he did, Kirk might point out that he also had a red uniform.
Kirk talked about his recent communications with the Betazoid Ambassador, then diverted to talk about the Betazoid infant. Spock was starting to get comfortable with the idea of Kirk's daughter being called 'Amanda'; he was sure his mother would have approved. Sensing that this topic could not cause any trouble, Spock decided to listen to the Commander's conversation. He was a very enjoyable company.
And looking at the Ambassador, he could see they both agreed on this.
Jim was anxious at first, with the two Vulcans silent and in the middle of a very weird staring contest, but once he started chatting, things got easier and the rest of the meal was great. Sure, Spock seemed a little bit off from time to time, and the Ambassador kept making remarks that were obviously intended to provoke a response from Spock, but overall it was a success. At least nobody died, and even when his intention of having a nice dinner to talk about certain memories and the fact that Spock knew about the Ambassador was ruined, he had a good time.
Spock pointed out that it was time for them to retire, and Jim hoped to escort the Ambassador back to his quarters; of course Spock ruined that as well.
"I can help the Ambassador back to his accommodation," Spock said in his 'this is an order' tone. "Perhaps it would be best if you stay and put these things back where they belong. Doctor McCoy said that if you did not returned his favorite scented candles he would…" The Vulcan seemed uncomfortable with saying the rest of Bones' threat, but Jim knew his friend. All the things he borrowed from him were at risk of going up his ass if he didn't return them on time.
"Let me guess, he would stick them up my ass next time I visit Sickbay," Jim said to help Spock with his dilemma.
"Correct. McCoy seems fixated on that particular course of action," Spock said. "Such action does not seem suitable for a doctor, as it could damage your rectum."
Jim was tempted to answer that not all things inside the rectum would be painful, but Spock was focusing on the medical point of view.
"Don't worry, Captain; he's all bark and no bite." Jim smiled. "I'll clear the Observation Deck. Good night, Ambassador, I hope you enjoyed the dinner."
"It was a memorable time, Commander. I must thank you for your kindness."
"Oh, it wasn't all me, the Captain helped as well," Jim said quickly. It was unfair that Spock was left out when he was the Captain and, well, he didn't know Jim knew about the Ambassador's memories.
"I am afraid the Commander is being extremely modest. He often shows initiative and he is far more capable than what he gives himself credit for," Spock said in a very fond tone. It made Jim wonder if there had been something extra in that meal. There was no way Spock would willingly admit he was good in front of others, and the fact that both Spock and the Ambassador wanted to reassure him of his qualities was frightening.
"Yeah, well, I just try to do my job," Jim said, fidgeting a little. This was getting uncomfortable. "Good night Ambassador, Captain."
"Good night Commander."
"Good night, Jim."
Spock looked taken aback when the Ambassador used his given name again, but he didn't say anything and they walked away from the Observation Deck.
This round went to Spock.
After cleaning things and sneaking into Bones' room again (good thing his friend had decided to stay in his office to do whatever he did when he was pissed), Jim changed out of his uniform and started thinking of another strategy to be alone with the Ambassador without Spock meddling and being suspicious. It was going to be a big challenge. Spock had shown great talent in ruining Jim's plans, and there was no way Bones would agree to help him again, not after today's events with Spock giving him homework and Jim stealing (borrowing) his things. Uhura was Spock's friend, so she was out of the question. Maybe if he asked Sulu?
Jim's personal terminal started blinking, which was weird. It was a little late to be receiving calls. He tried to track down the signal, but it was blocked; weirder. Perhaps he should just ignore it? His curiosity overpowered his distrust, and he decided to answer the call, hoping that it wouldn't come back and bit him in the ass with Spock. He wanted to be on the Vulcan's good side to make it easier to have a private moment with the Ambassador. The last thing he needed was to create some sort of intergalactic problem by answering calls from unidentified signals.
He took a deep breath and turned on his terminal, hoping he wouldn't see Komack in his underwear or something like that. He was surprised when Giotto's face appeared. He was as bald and frowny as ever.
"Giotto, you scared the crap out of me. What the hell are you doing, calling me on my personal terminal, from a blocked signal?" Jim asked.
"Kirk, always a pleasure," Giotto snarled. "You taught me how to do this, remember? For when we need to communicate with each other while concealing our location."
"I assume this isn't a social call then. Shame, I was about to say you seem to be growing hair." Jim smirked.
"Yeah, you are fatter." Before Jim could respond, Giotto lifted a hand. "Look, I don't have much time. We need to talk about that Vulcan Ambassador you are transporting to Betazoid."
"What about him?" Jim suddenly was very interested in whatever Giotto wanted to say.
"This Captain Mitchell character is weird, Kirk." Giotto said softly, almost like he was afraid the walls could hear this conversation. "He's incapacitated half his crew already."
"I thought only his Commander and one member of the security team were down on the Archimedes."
"No, those are the ones he reported. I've been asking around, a bunch of people kept getting hurt on missions that shouldn't be dangerous, and he keeps bringing his buddies from the Academy to cover for them."
"I doubt the Admiralty wouldn't notice this. Particularly Komack."
"Why do you think they left me here? It sure isn't because Mitchell wants me so bad. Pike wants me to watch this guy. He keeps having these secret calls, he acts weird, and he monitors our personal communications. He's up to something."
Jim suspected the same thing. It was too much coincidence that the same day the Enterprise had a shore leave, Gary needed a Commander. The way he acted around Spock, how he wanted to show that he and Jim had some sort of personal relationship… it was too weird.
Giotto just confirmed what Jim had been thinking for a while. Gary was up to something big. And needed his help, otherwise he wouldn't have risked talking to Spock and requesting him.
"What does this have to do with the Vulcan Ambassador?" Jim wanted to know.
"The Archimedes was the ship originally in charge of getting the Ambassador to Betazoid. When Mitchell found out Pike and Komack had decided to give the mission to the Enterprise, he lost his shit. I'm telling you, he was acting like a psychopath; he yelled at Archer, and said that it was favoritism because the Enterprise had Captain Spock. He accused Pike and Komack of wanting to 'kiss the Vulcans' uptight asses', and he said that the Archimedes deserved a mission like this after being treated like a cargo ship for so long."
"Gary said that in front of you?" Jim was surprised. Usually, even when he didn't agree with his orders, Gary knew to pick his battles and not to make a fool of himself in front of others.
"No, I spied him. When the call was transferred to him, he didn't allow anyone in the Communication room, and I happen to know someone who knows how to obtain private information when needed." Jim shook his head. Only Giotto would apply what Jim taught them just for emergency use to spy on Mitchell. "Anyway, after he threw shit around, he started making mysterious calls, and he volunteered the Archimedes to transport some of the representatives from Andoria."
"What? I thought USS Pegasus was assigned to get the Andorian representatives." Jim frowned.
"They declined at the last minute because of some sort of emergency with the research they were doing at the time. Komack agreed for the Archimedes to get the Andorians, but Pike told me I should watch Mitchell. Carefully."
"I agree." Jim nodded. "Do you think he wants to ruin the negotiations?"
"I don't know, but I'm telling you for sure, he wanted that Ambassador of yours on his ship, badly."
Giotto didn't mean anything by it, but when he said 'yours', Jim felt a small thrill of excitement.
"For the first time in my life I'm grateful for Komack's paranoid tendencies." Jim sighed. "How are you holding up? You know you're staying on the Archimedes to keep Gary under surveillance, right?"
"Yeah, the guy is seriously disturbed. I can't believe you slept with him." Giotto snorted.
"Does everyone know about that?" Jim complained. He thought he had been discreet.
"Kirk, you were a Cadet, he was already First Officer… the whole fling had 'juicy gossip' written all over it. Anyway, I thought you should know that he was up to something. He makes the mysterious calls in his room, so I don't know what the hell he's planning, but it can't be a welcome party."
"Thanks, Giotto. You did good, we'll be careful. I'm glad you learned all the deceit and tricks I taught you this well." Jim grinned. "My boy is all grown up. I'm proud."
"Save it, I don't need the condescension." Giotto glared. "Just be careful, this guy… he's a bad seed."
Jim was beginning to think that Bones wasn't as mistrustful as he thought. He'd never liked Gary, and had warned Jim several times about it, but he had imagined Bones was just being his possessive, overbearing self. Jim knew Gary had his own agenda most of the time, and that he disagreed loudly about the diplomatic relations the Federation had with some planets, but it was a long stretch from that to traitorous bastard. Giotto had good instincts though, and if he felt it necessary to warn Jim about this, he wasn't going to dismiss it as paranoid delusions like he did with Bones back then. Besides, this whole situation was edgy for him as well.
"I'll take it into consideration, Giotto. Look, you be careful too; if Gary finds out you've been playing spy on his ship… I don't want you incapacitated as the rest of his crew."
"He doesn't suspect me, I play the good security officer very well. Like I did it with you." Giotto smiled. "I've to go; if anything happens, I'll inform you. Watch your back."
"Same to you."
Giotto ended the communication, leaving Jim wondering what to do next. Should he talk to Spock and tell him about this? What if he just got the Vulcan suspicious for nothing? He and Gary weren't on the best of terms, the last thing he needed was for Spock to get paranoid in his very logical way, and pass his doubts on to the Admirals. But if he didn't tell him, and something happened, then it would be his fault for keeping Spock in the dark. Maybe the Ambassador could tell him about the original arrangements for his transportation. Yes, of course, that was the best choice. The fact that it also gave him a pretext to be alone with him was just a coincidence. It was late, but from what he had seen in the Ambassador's memories, he liked to stay up late at night; there was a good chance he was still awake. Dressing again, Jim smiled widely. Spock was meditating, he was sure of it, so he wouldn't interrupt them.
He could inform Spock tomorrow, when he had the Ambassador's information so he could to give a more thorough report about whatever Gary had in mind.
As he walked to the Ambassador's room, Jim couldn't help feeling happy. It had never occurred to him to just go and talk with the Ambassador in the privacy of his room; thank God Giotto called and gave him the perfect reason to do it in case someone asked why he was walking around the ship at this hour (someone meaning either Uhura or Bones). He was thinking of a clever greeting like 'we have to stop meeting like this' (and then chastising himself for being ridiculous), when he heard someone behind him.
"Commander?"
Shit. Was Spock a mind reader or what? Last he heard, Spock needed some sort of touch to be able to do his Vudu, as Bones called it. What the hell was he doing hanging around the hallways, scaring the hell out of Jim?
"I thought you were meditating." Jim hoped Spock wouldn't interpret that as 'I've memorized your schedule in order to have sneaky sexy times with the Ambassador'. Because it wasn't like that; he wanted to have sneaky time with the Ambassador, but it was all innocent and… and he'd better stop this train of thought in case Spock could read his expression as well.
"While that would certainly be a logical conclusion, I chose to take a walk over here in case the Ambassador needed anything," Spock said calmly, raising his eyebrow of doubt.
"If the Ambassador needed anything, don't you think he would call the Yeoman assigned to him? Who was that again?
"We discussed it several times, Commander," Spock chastised, and for once he was right. When Spock requested meetings to discuss the Ambassador's accommodations, Jim spent most of the time imagining the encounter. It was no surprise that he was clueless about what Spock decided and he agreed to.
"Sorry, it slipped my mind. Sanders, right?"
"Affirmative."
Lucky guess! And Bones said he was out of luck lately.
"Commander, while I have explained my motives for being in the hallways at this late hour, you have failed to elucidate what encouraged you to disturb your sleep cycle and start wandering around the ship. Humans need their rest."
"I'm not a child, Spock. I can manage to be up a little late."
Spock tilted his head. Of course he wanted the long, juicy explanation.
"We need to talk." Jim sighed, knowing very well that his plan was already ruined. By Spock, again. This Vulcan was really starting to get on his nerves.
"Should we go back to your quarters?" Spock asked politely.
"Yeah, I think that's best."
Spock's room was a sauna, but Jim felt like an insensitive bastard if he asked to change the temperature. That room was the only place where Spock could feel comfortable, as the temperature on the rest of the ship was set to satisfy the human's requirements. Jim had talked about this with Spock, suggesting some sort of schedule; him, Keenser, M'Benga… just because most of the Enterprise crew were from Earth, it didn't mean the rest should just suck it. Spock decided it meant exactly that, and refused to change it. M'Benga was accustomed to it already, and Keenser was happy as long as oil was involved.
So, in order to feel like less of a bastard, Jim never asked Spock to modify the temperature in his room, and Spock acted like Jim wasn't being stupid and let it slide.
"Very well." Spock clasped his hands behind his back, clearly indicating that Jim should lead the way.
He nodded and started walking back to his quarters, trying not to sigh too loudly. So close, and Spock ruined it. He should make the Vulcan wear a bell or something. He smirked; the image of Spock with a bell around his neck was hilarious.
"Are you feeling well, Commander?" Spock noticed Jim's smile.
"Yes, I'm fine. I just thought of something funny."
"Doctor McCoy wearing only undergarments?" Spock asked, genuinely confused.
Jim laughed. Spock never got why he chuckled at the most stupid things, so he just said that it was like imagining Bones in underwear. For some reason, Spock had concluded that every time Jim laughed at something that wasn't explicitly funny, he must be thinking of Bones in his unmentionables.
"With a bell around his neck," Jim added, grinning.
"Why would Doctor McCoy wear such a thing around his neck?" Spock kept his confused eyebrow up.
"Like the cats? To hear them when they're coming? Cats are sneaky, when you least expect it they jump you and scratch the furniture. It's a very good idea."
"I admit it has its merits," Spock agreed. He sounded relaxed and calm, unlike a few hours ago when it looked like he wanted to choke someone. "However I doubt the good Doctor would agree to wearing it."
"There's that," Jim said, enjoying this calm and blithe Spock. Since they found out the Ambassador was coming aboard, talking to Spock had been like walking on eggshells. Even when you were extremely careful, things could go to hell in a second. He entered the code to his room, waiting for Spock to walk in. As soon as the Vulcan stepped inside, Jim noticed he was surprised. Last time Spock had been there, he complained about the lack of organization in Jim's room. Of course he did it in his passive-aggressive Vulcan way, but still, Jim felt like a child having to explain his mother that if he wanted to live in a pigsty, it was his choice. He'd endeavored to improve that for when Spock decided to change their usual chess games to his room. At least he wasn't going to complain about the dirty laundry anymore.
Jim took his shirt off. Noticing that Spock hadn't said anything, he glanced at him and saw the Vulcan watching him with a guarded expression. Right, he didn't like it when Jim undressed in front of him, no matter that he was just taking his uniform off, not the undershirt. Spock was weird about it; the first time he did it, the Vulcan got up and left the room. He didn't know why taking clothes off would offend Spock's sensibilities, it wasn't like he was getting naked in front of him, but whatever, he tried to respect that. Except that Jim was too used to taking his shirt off in front of anybody; sometimes he did it by force of habit.
"Sorry." Jim smiled apologetically. "Do you want me to put it back on?"
"We are in the privacy of your quarters, and your shift ended four point ten hours ago." Spock said.
"So… is that a no?"
"We are having an unofficial meeting, correct?" Spock asked.
Jim was hoping that was rhetorical, meaning "there is no need for formalities."
"Okay, it's a no." Jim shook his head. Spock always made things more complicated than they had to be. "Take a seat."
Spock sat near his desk while Jim sat down on the bed. He was tempted to take off his pants to rile Spock up, but deep down he knew that could backfire spectacularly. Lately he had been really shy around him; he blamed the memories and the fact that Spock had been attached to his hip when he was a child. That experience creeped him out and made him wary of how he acted around Spock. Maybe it was the same reason he'd decided to start cleaning his room, updating reports and behaving extra efficiently.
Spock was looking at him, waiting for Jim to talk. He cleared his throat, thinking the best way to approach the subject without raising the Vulcan's suspicions.
"Giotto called." He decided to open with that.
"I was not aware of that particular communication." Spock lifted the 'the whole truth, now' eyebrow. Jim had to stop classifying Spock's eyebrows. It was kind of eerie. "I asked the skeleton crew and they said there was nothing to report. If Mister Giotto hailed the Enterprise and the officer in charge of transferring the –"
"I have to interrupt you there, Spock, before you skin the poor girl alive." Jim lifted his hand to stop Spock from issuing another lecture on correct procedures. "Giotto used a private channel… one I taught him how to create and block."
"I do not understand, Mister Kirk. Are you suggesting Mister Giotto hailed the Enterprise by creating a signal that was not tracked by our ship, in order to communicate with you? And you are also freely admitting that you taught him this questionable skill?" Man, Spock made everything sound bad.
"When you put it that way, it kind of looks bad. Look, security teams need to have an ace up their sleeve, it's not like Giotto is using it to have phone sex with me or something." Spock's eyes became murderous when Jim said that. Dammit, he had to stop babbling. He took another breath, trying to regain control. "What I meant is that I taught him how to do this in case we needed to communicate and our systems were compromised. We have ethics, you know? I'm aware that to you I'm just a freeloader who got lucky and has no moral qualms about breaking the rules when it suits me, but being in charge of the Security team requires me to have certain skills and backup plans in case things go to hell. How are we supposed to protect all of you when others don't play by the rules? I have to do what I think it's best for the department, and I trust Giotto unconditionally; we resort to questionable skills only when the situation demands it from us, not for our amusement. There is no black or white in the Security department, like in your fancy labs; sometimes gray is what you use to get the job done."
That was a big speech. Jim stopped for lack of breath more than anything. He was about to move on to the whole 'and I'm the Commander of the damn ship' argument, but he was feeling too hot and if he didn't stop to get a mouthful of air he was going to start hyperventilating. He was looking down at his hands, knowing that he had lost it again, and in front of Spock… again. Something about Spock's disapproving tone made Jim snap; he wasn't sure why he hated it so much when Spock was disappointed or condemned his actions. He was doing his job, not trying to impress the Vulcan. But whenever Jim heard that tone, it made him feel like he could never be friends with him. Each time Spock didn't agree with him, or criticized his decisions, it made Jim feel like there was a wall between them and it would never come down no matter how much he tried.
Spock as a child was easily impressed, and Jim liked the devotion. The Ambassador was confident in Jim's abilities, and he liked the unconditional trust. Spock… he just wanted to prove Jim wrong, and he hated the lack of confidence in his actions.
There was a big chance Jim was blowing this out of proportion. He envied what Ambassador Spock had with his own Kirk (minus the sex, although it had looked pretty mind-blowing), but he had no reason to resent his Spock. It wasn't the Vulcan's fault that Jim got him in the raffle. And it also wasn't his fault that Jim had a 3D experience of how things could be different if they backed down a little and learned to trust each other beyond work situations.
It wasn't Spock's fault, and it wasn't Jim's either, but it seemed like they were both suffering the consequences.
"Commander – " Spock began, but Jim held his hand up to stop him. He didn't need Spock's condescension right now.
"I was out of line," Jim backtracked, trying to save some of his dignity. "I must be stressed or something, I'll work on that. I'm sorry I was disrespectful, I was trying to explain why I taught Giotto how to create and block signals. The rest, ignore it. I must be PMSing."
"I do not know what PMSing is," Spock said neutrally. "However, I will not ignore it, Commander."
Yeah, it was too much to expect that Spock would just dismiss what Jim said. This was going on his disciplinary record. It was going to look great next to Komack's report back when he defied the guy about language decoding.
"I thought so," Jim bit out. What the hell, he was already in trouble, why not push his luck a little more.
Spock kept giving him this weird look, and Jim was getting edgy. He hadn't said anything in a while, which made him fear that this time he'd really crossed the line and Spock was going to discharge him. Fine by him, he could apply his time toward getting the Pegasus, hope that this incident didn't affect him that bad and Komack wouldn't decide to punish him like Archer did with Scotty when he lost his dog.
"Well?" Jim asked, losing his patience.
"I was considering what topic I should approach first," Spock said, and to his credit, he did sound baffled.
"Okay, how about I help you out? I know I was rude to my superior, so I apologize for that; you can write a complaint, or report my lack of professionalism. You could ask for my discharge, but to be honest, that seems too much, I didn't punch you or anything, I was just stupid. And if I forgave Uhura for slapping me, I think you can just give me a disciplinary complaint for being an idiot. Then there's the whole secret communication thing, which Starfleet considers morally reprehensible, but not forbidden, mind you; I read the entire code, and while it's frowned upon, it doesn't say it's illegal like when I hacked the Kobayashi Maru to teach you a lesson. Wait, scratch that last part… dammit, I think I'm making things worse, so I'll shut up now."
Jim blushed, feeling like an idiot. Spock lifted his brow, and Jim could see the corner of his lips twitching. That couldn't be… was Spock trying to avoid laughing at Jim? Well… better than choking him, that was for sure.
"While I appreciate your enthusiasm and your initiative, I am afraid that your arguments were not the ones I wanted to approach." Spock's eyes seemed warmer; Jim thought that was a good thing. "Commander, I am aware we have had this conversation before, nevertheless I must ask… do you fear that if you express your opinion, my response is going to be off-putting?"
"Well… not off-putting… more like logical, and my opinions are the opposite of that."
"It is true that I appreciate logical arguments, but even so, I do not expect you to always follow my train of thought. The reason why you are second in command is to bring a balance between logic and intuition, and if you feel you cannot express your thoughts freely, I do not think we can understand each other. Have I done anything to make you this defensive? I was merely inquiring to clarify, I did not suggest disapproval."
Wow, now he felt like a jerk. He'd just assumed that Spock didn't agree, he said the skill was questionable, and well, his voice was all negative… like Spock sounded 90% of the time. Okay, there was a slight chance he took things the wrong way because Spock didn't applaud what Giotto did.
"I – um –" What could he say to reassure Spock that it wasn't his fault? Honesty usually worked when everything else failed, so… "Look, here's the truth. I've been craving your approval since we started the mission. I know, I'm a grown man, I shouldn't need my Captain telling me what a good boy I am, or what a great job I am doing, but you are… well, perfect. And I wanted to be what you expected from a Commander, and not disappoint you. Every time you disagree with me, I get upset because I'm failing to impress you, and that means that any given moment you can throw me out of here and prove the entire Admiralty right; that the post was too much for me, and how can I be a Captain if I can't handle being your second in command? I thought we could be friends and you know, get the job done and be nice to each other, but we are so different that the whole friendship idea was probably hoping too much. And I'll shut up again."
Jim felt really vulnerable, and he wondered if he did the right thing in saying all this to Spock. The Vulcan probably didn't care why Jim was acting all defensive.
"First of all, Commander, I am not, by any means, perfect. I appreciate your sincerity, and in order to reciprocate, I must admit I understand what you may have been doing, as I was trying to achieve the same goal. We both are aware that we started 'on the wrong foot', to use the human vernacular. I chose you as First Officer because I admire your abilities and I wanted the best, which you are. However, I admit I have been difficult as I am unaware of your needs, and whereas I try to reach a common ground, I have also disregard our friendship bond. I apologize for that."
Wait, what? Friendship bond? What the hell? Spock was saying they were friends? And Jim didn't even know?
"Um… apology accepted?" Jim said hesitantly, in case Spock said that he was being sarcastic.
"Very well. I would not like it if you chose to end our friendship bond because you feel I am being judgmental. About the work related issue, as I have told you in the past, you must not be afraid to express yourself. I understand that being the head of the Security department must involve some particularities that you do not always tell me about, and in those cases I will ask in order to comprehend what is happening. I know you would not do anything without a reason."
"Remember how we agreed on talking about everything without giving a shit if we hurt our sensitive souls in the process?" Jim asked, feeling a huge weight lifting from him. "What happened to that?"
"I believe that between the Advani mission and the unfortunate event where I was turned into a child we seemed to forget our agreement." Jim knew Spock was just being nice, there was no way he forgot about that; but he was compromising, and Jim could do the same.
"Well, it's back on. I'm sorry for venting my frustrations on you."
"Apology accepted." Spock said sounding normal again. "I do not mind if you 'vent' your frustrations. If I remember correctly, that is a sign of friendship. I only request that you stop making assumptions about what I think. I do not believe you are a 'freeloader', nor do I think you lack moral qualms. You are one of the most straightforward and honorable beings I have the pleasure of knowing."
Okay, back to blushing then.
"Right back at you," Jim said for a lack of a better response. He wasn't aiming for Spock to compliment him.
But it was nice knowing this Spock was his friend now.
"Now that the big release of feelings is over…" Jim decided it was about time to get back to the topic. "I already told you very explicitly why I taught Giotto to create and block signals, so no need to go back to that. He didn't want Gary knowing about his call."
"And why was that?" Spock seemed really curious now.
"He wanted to warn us."
Jim explained everything Giotto said, including Gary losing his shit in front of the Admirals. When he finished, Spock was looking thoughtful.
"Giotto said he'll give us a heads up if anything happens," Jim reassured him.
"I do not doubt Mister Giotto's loyalty, Mister Kirk," Spock said. "However, I am concerned about Captain Mitchell."
"He's strong-minded, I give you that." Jim nodded. "We could ask the Ambassador about it? If the Archimedes was originally the ship that would transport him, maybe he knows something else?"
"It is a good idea," Spock conceded. "I will talk to him tomorrow."
"Oh. Well, I was hoping I could talk to him; we both can be there, don't you think?" Jim knew that if he insisted on being alone with the Ambassador, Spock was going to get weird again and deny his petition. This way at least they skipped a few steps.
"You and Mister Mitchell shared a social group, correct?" Spock asked out of the blue.
"Yes, we have a few acquaintances in common."
"Perhaps you could make inquiries of your acquaintances about Mister Mitchell to see if he has shared his plans."
"And you will talk to the Ambassador. Alone." Jim sighed. There was no way to beat Spock at this game, was there?
"I am glad we understand each other, Commander," Spock said, apparently happy with the outcome of this chat.
"Yes, it's amazing." Jim tried to sound sincere.
Jim felt both, annoyed at Spock for ruining his plans, but also happy because he and Spock finally reached a middle ground and the Vulcan considered him a friend. He was valuable enough for Spock to try and talk things out instead of just dismissing him. It was a big deal for Jim, who had never imagined things could be this easy if he just shared his thoughts. Maybe it wasn't the epic friendship the Ambassador and his Kirk had, but it was something of their own.
Something they both agreed to on their own terms.