AN: So sorry for the terrible delay! My university is on a quarter system, so it was the end of the quarter and finals week. Now that finals are done, there should be some quicker updates!

Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! You are all the best, and I can't thank you enough!

Please enjoy!

Chapter 21: Thank You

Loki could see his breath as he sat outside on the platform on Stark Tower. Down in the city below there were dozens of multi-colored lights and bows in celebration of some Midgardian holiday. It was repulsive watching everyone be so jovial—it was sickening hearing all the music and seeing all the lights.

For the first time in a while he actually missed Asgard. He didn't miss the pain that wretched realm brought him, but he missed the luxuries of home. His place in the palace was an escape, his own expanse of serenity that he sorely missed. He missed going to the libraries and traversing the many gardens that surrounded the palace. He missed leaving everyone behind for days and exploring the many forests and mountains.

He missed being a prince.

"Brother, why do you torture yourself in this weather?!" Thor bellowed from behind, "Tis bitter cold out. Come inside."

Narrowing his green eyes, Loki growled.

"Leave me alone, Thor."

From behind, Loki could hear Thor let out an audible sigh as footsteps became louder. Thor was one of the last people he wanted to see right now. Thor represented everything he didn't have—the approval of Asgard, his royal title, friends—it was maddening. He didn't need Thor trying to make him feel better whilst flaunting his good fortune. He didn't need Thor showing up and making him feel worse.

"Do you remember, brother, that time we went to the dwarves?" Thor asked quietly, "When we sought a gift for mother?"

Avoiding eye contact, Loki let out a bitter laugh.

"You mean when she scolded us for days?" Loki muttered, eyes still fixated on the city below, "If so, then yes."

There was a silence between the two for a moment. Casting a quick glance towards the God of Thunder, Loki noticed a distant sadness in his eyes. It was just like Thor to wear his emotions so openly on his face. Even as children, Thor could never keep a secret—could never hide his feelings. Thor was a pathetic liar, and Loki knew he didn't come to simply remind him of the weather.

"Do you ever think back to those days, Loki?" Thor wondered, warm drink in hand, "What happened to us?"

Loki almost wanted to laugh at the audacity of the question. The true inquiry should have been what hadn't happened. They had grown up under the false pretenses that they were kin. They had grown up under a constant rivalry—always trying to outdo each other to get the approval of Odin. It was a volatile situation, and he wasn't surprised that things ended up how they were now.

And when Loki did think back to the days Thor spoke of, it brought nothing but a bitter taste to his mouth. Stories from a time long past were a painful reminder of so much, and Loki liked not to dwell on them. He didn't want to remember the family he had. He didn't like to remember the friends and the life he loved. He didn't like to remember the shadow that he grew up in.

He wished Thor hadn't brought it up.

"Brothers grow apart naturally." Loki decided, "Considering we are not truly kin, you should be happy we made it this far."

"You are my brother, Loki." Thor insisted, looking towards him now, "Birthplace means nothing to me."

This time, Loki couldn't hold back the angry laugh.

"Oh, how you lie." He spat, "If all of Asgard knew the truth of my parentage, they would disown me like the lot of you!"

In the corner of his eyes, Loki could see Thor's hurt expression.

"None of us think that way." He whispered, "Jotun or not, you are my broth—"

"I am not!" Loki screamed, finally reaching his breaking point, "I am not your brother!"

Loki could feel his jaw clenching and his nails digging into his palms as he spoke. Thor didn't know what he was talking about when he spoke about family. He was always the favored child, always loved to the fullest. He didn't know what it felt like to be lied to, to be told you were part of a race that all of Asgard despised—a race he despised. Thor could never understand that simply saying they were brothers changed nothing.

Saying the phrase didn't make him feel like it was true.

"At the end of this war, I will be slaughtered at the hands of Thanos." Loki hissed, glaring into Thor's shocked irises, "I will die like the animal I am, and none of you will mourn the loss of a monster."

Thor looked down at his hands and shook his head.

"I remember much mourning, Loki." He explained quietly, "I recall your dearest friends in tears for days. I remember Sigyn—"

"Don't you dare mention her." Loki interrupted angrily, "The only thing that harlot was mourning was the loss of her chance at royalty. Do not try to fabricate emotions that were never there."

Perhaps sensing something in his tone, Loki was grateful when Thor decided to drop the subject.

"Regardless." Thor started slowly, "I never want to feel the pain of losing you again, Loki."

Thor paused for a moment to collect his thoughts.

"I never wanted you to hate me." He continued on, "I am sorry for whatever I have done to make you feel this way."

Casting a brief look over to Thor, Loki let out a frustrated groan. From the tone in his voice and the look in his eyes, he could tell that Thor was speaking the truth. Despite everything he had done to him—despite trying to take over Midgard and Asgard—Thor truly loved him. Despite everything, Thor seemed to forgive him.

And for the first time in a while, Loki felt as though they were truly brothers.

"I know not what you want me to say." Loki admitted at barely above a whisper, "I cannot bring myself to say the same."

To this, Thor simply sent him an understanding look.

"You need not say anything, Loki." Thor smiled sadly, "I simply wanted you to know."

They sat in silence for a while, just listening to the orchestra of sounds from the city below. Loki wanted so badly to be able to say the same to Thor—he wanted so badly to be able to apologize for everything—but his mind wouldn't let him. For the first time, Loki felt as though he was not in control of himself. He felt as though he was truly damaged, as if some sickness had captured his mind. For every time he contemplated help, another piece of him screamed the thoughts away. Every time he considered apologizing, some side of him told him he would be weak for doing so.

He was tired of feeling so disjointed.

Sending a look towards Thor, Loki simply gave his brother a small smile.

"Thank you, Thor."

"What about this one?"

Eir raised an eyebrow towards the mortal as she held up another shirt. The woman had gone through every color and asked her how it looked—to which she replied the same exact answer: "Lovely, Miss Jane". It was absolutely maddening, and it just reaffirmed why the Asgardian never spent long days with the other handmaidens. She detested this game, and Jane was playing it perfectly.

"Why don't you try on something nice?" Jane urged, "Don't make me do all the shopping."

"Tis alright, Lady Jane." Eir muttered picking up a green scarf, "I need not look nice for anyone."

With that, Jane walked off towards the dress section and started putting various pieces up to her body. Eir knew well that Jane didn't come with her to simply go shopping—she had been around liars far too frequently to be so easily fooled—and it was maddening watching Jane dance around the real question on her mind.

"My mother was a doctor, you know!" Jane remarked from behind a dressing room door, "I always respected what she did. I figured if I didn't make it as an astrophysicist, I would go to school for nursing."

Eir let out a yawn as Jane walked out and did a twirl in the dress.

"What made you want to become a doctor?"

Rubbing her eyes, the Asgardian let out a sigh as Jane walked back into the room.

"I suppose I didn't have much of a choice." She admitted, "As a child, it was discovered that I had a certain talent for healing magic. It was a logical route, so I was trained as a healer from a young age."

Eir could hear Jane shuffling with other dresses.

"Oh, so how is the training in Asgard?" Jane continued, "Here on Earth it is a lot of schooling and tests—"

"Lady Jane, forgive me." Eir interrupted, "I fear I have little patience. What is it you needed to speak with me about? I suspect it is not about Asgardian medical training."

The goddess cringed at her own words. Her sleeplessness must have been finally affecting her. She certainly didn't mean to come off as cold. Her tone reminded her far too much of someone she hated—and she wanted very much to avoid turning into him.

"My apologies." She amended, "I'm tired."

"Don't worry about it." Jane decided, hanging a dress back up, "I wanted to talk to you about Thor."

And there it was.

The Asgardian tried to feign surprise the best she could.

"I tried to speak with Darcy about this, but she hasn't been much help." Jane explained awkwardly, "I was hoping you could help me."

"Milady, do you not think it best to simply ask Thor?" Eir offered, "It seems foolish for someone to be scared to speak with the person they love."

"But that's just it." Jane said at barely above a whisper, "I don't know if I do."

This time, Eir didn't need to fake the shock on her face.

"What?" she exclaimed, "How can you not know?"

Eir could tell that the mortal looked ashamed, and she was sure her continued look of shock was not helping the situation, but it was absolutely baffling to her that one would not know if they loved somebody. Jane was an astrophysicist—she was capable of making unbelievable discoveries—and it shocked her that someone so clever was so emotionally lost.

"I'm just realizing I don't know him as well as I thought." Jane explained, "You worked for the royal family, right? You must know him better than anyone!"

Putting her hands to her face, Eir let out a frustrated sigh. This was not the conversation she expected to be having with the mortal. She had thought it would be simple questions about Asgard. She thought Jane would ask about what Frigga's days were like, and what she could expect when she became queen…not this.

"Milady, I still believe it best to speak with Thor." Eir offered again, "I'm sure he—"

"I don't want to talk to him about this." Jane interrupted defiantly, "I don't want him to be upset with me."

Rubbing her head again, Eir knew this was a losing battle. Despite Jane's wishes, she knew Thor would be furious when he found out about this conversation. Thor was a kind person, a great prince, but the doctor knew it was best to not upset him. In the end, however, she gave in to the mortal.

"I will try, Jane." Eir decided, "Though I fear I probably don't know Thor as well as you assume I do. Perhaps asking Lady Sif would be the better option."

"She loves him and you know it." Jane countered, "I don't need to upset a Goddess who could kill me."

Eir decided she wouldn't tell Jane that she could stop her heart with her mind.

Jane continued to look at various pieces of clothing, but the Goddess could see that the mortal's mind was calculating. She looked as if she was trying to think of the very best questions to ask—trying to decide what she truly wanted to know. But after long moments passed, Eir spoke up.

"Thor is a wonderful man, Jane." She reassured, "Any woman on Asgard would be ecstatic to marry him."

Jane looked at her accusingly.

"Would you?"

"Of course not." Eir decided quickly, holding back a laugh, "Thor is a noble prince. But I fear he is…"

Her mind was reeling with a handful of reasons why she would never wish to be his wife. Thor was impulsive and thirsted for valor. He was stunning, of course, but behind his looks was very little. She admired a man with a sharp mind, and that was one attribute Thor sorely lacked. Thor did not own the quick thinking and silver tongue she admired.

"Not my type." She decided finally, "Quite the opposite, really."

Jane let out an audible sigh of frustration.

"Me too." She admitted silently, "I can't bear the thought of being with a man who so willingly goes to war. I can't stand to think that he has killed as much as his terrible brother."

Eir could feel her chest tightening as Jane spoke of Loki.

"The more I learn about him—the more I learn of Asgard—the sicker I get." Jane continued, "I can't marry a man I don't think I love."

Without willing it to, a bitter laugh escaped the goddess's lips. If only such sentiment was more common on Asgard, perhaps she wouldn't find herself alone and miserable. Perhaps she wouldn't have found herself on this futile mission forced to be company with the person she most wanted to avoid.

"On Asgard, love is not a prerequisite for marriage, Lady Jane." Eir assured, "By wedding Thor, you will live a most glorious life. Love, if you are so lucky, will follow."

Jane shook her head.

"I can't do that. That's completely backwards." Jane decided, shivering, "I've always put my research first. I always kind of expected falling in love to be like a movie—swept off my feet and overwhelmed with emotion. But I don't feel that way with Thor. I don't even know what I'm suppose to feel."

Eir sent a confused look towards the human.

"Have you ever been in love?"

"I'm a millennia old, Lady Jane." The goddess remarked slowly, "I would find it rather pathetic to have never been in love."

Jane's face was filled with embarrassment.

"You just look so young!" she tried to correct, "I forget that Asgardians are so..."

Jane shook her head.

"But really—what is it like?" she asked further, "Darcy says I should just be grateful that I have someone as attractive as Thor. She is young and doesn't understand. You seem far more level headed than the rest, please."

Looking down to the green scarf in Jane's hand, the goddess just sighed. If she could run out of the store now, she would. This was another topic she didn't particularly want to discuss with the mortal, or remember for that matter. But when she looked into the sad eyes of the scientist, she couldn't help but give in.

"Both wonderful and terrible." Eir decided, "Tis as if you want nothing more than to be with that person. You yearn just to know they are alright—to know they are thinking of you, too."

She paused to think of what else to say.

"When they speak, tis as if no one else in the realms matters." She sighed, "Nothing sounds as good as the beating of their heart. Nothing feels as good as them holding you tight."

The pain in her chest was back.

"And when they hurt, you hurt." She continued quietly, "And if something happens to them…if they are lost…"

She could remember feeling her heart stop when Thor told her Loki had fallen off the Bifrost. She could remember screaming into a pillow until her throat went raw—she could remember locking everyone out. She could remember how miserable she felt at his funeral—and how much it hurt to watch everyone comfort Sigyn whose tears were nothing more than pathetic acting.

"You feel a pain indescribable." She shuttered, "Love makes you blind—makes you completely daft. Tis best to simply avoid it."

When she looked back at Jane, the mortal had a shocked look on her fair face. She noticed that the physicist simply looked down at the clothes in her hands—biting her bottom lip in thought. Finally meeting eyes with the mortal once more, Eir gave her a sad smile.

"So," she sighed, "Do you love him?"

Jane gripped her clothes tighter and shook her head.

"No."

Thank you so much for reading! Reviews always make me really happy!

Next chapter: Thanos's plan thickens and Loki makes an important decision. Hopefully the next chapter is up soon! Thank you all again! ありがとうございます！