Twenty: Fight or Flight
I grabbed my backpack and flipped it upside down, spilling out the odd notebook and other crap I kept in there. One of my pens rolled off the bed and onto the floor, I didn't notice until after I stepped on it. The plastic cracked and the ink leaked out onto the beige carpet and the sole of my shoe.
I didn't know how to do this. All I knew for sure was that I was eighteen and if I didn't want to be found, there was nothing my dad could do about it.
Going through my dresser, I grabbed some clothes and a wad of cash I kept hidden in an old sock. I couldn't think of anything else, so I zipped up my bag and walked out the door.
…
I sped back through Mulholland and down to the freeway. It was the middle of the night, but something must have been conspiring against me because there was traffic. It began to bottleneck just as I switched from one freeway to another and after a few more miles, it stopped completely.
There was an accident up ahead. I could just barely make out the lights from the police cars and the dim glow of what were probably flares. No one was going anywhere because they'd closed all four lanes of traffic. I dropped my forehead to the steering wheel.
What was Bella doing right now? I could only hope that at this hour she'd be sleeping, if she could. How afraid was she? Did she know that I would never abandon her? But there was no way for her to know that… She had to think she was all alone. I leaned my head back while my knee bounced anxiously.
My employer had set James loose. What the fuck did that mean? Where had James been all this time? And when had he suggested that Bella give up her money? It was Monday night now.
I tried to get my brain to work, but I was so damn tired. I searched my mind, tried to pick out the things that were important. They were threatening her. They wouldn't do anything, not while the money still belonged to her. But they'd hurt her friends. If James was smart, that's the angle he'd take. He'd only have to say it once, put it out there, and Bella would do anything he wanted.
She'd play right into his hands. She'd give the money away. Maybe James would make it sound easy like that. All we want is the money; give it to us and we'll go away. Bella always saw the money as a curse; little did she know how much of a curse it really was. But what she didn't know was that they'd never let her go, not now. My employer would never have sent James after her unless he thought she'd become a problem. And if what Tanya said was true, he'd stop at nothing.
He was going to have her killed and I was stuck in traffic on the 5 fucking freeway. I slammed the heel of my hand on the steering wheel. "Come on."
I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to remember anything useful, but my memories only flickered on and off just outside my consciousness. When I looked up again, the accident had been partially cleared and two lanes were opened up. Slowly, we crept forward. When I passed the point of the collision, I didn't even look over. Instead I stepped on the gas.
I turned my air conditioner on. It wasn't hot, but I hoped the cold would help me focus. I thought back to the last time I saw my employer. He'd offered me two million dollars. That might have worked before I met Bella, but now…
Two weeks.
He'd said two weeks and it would be over. Her meeting in L.A., that's what he'd been talking about. The meeting was tomorrow. I sped up.
…
By the time I made it back to my apartment, it was nearly dawn. I went inside and grabbed a duffel bag I kept in my closet. Inside were ID's, cash, two passports, and other things that had proved useful when I had to leave quickly. I stuffed some clothes inside and zipped it up. The last thing I grabbed was the key I had to Bella's apartment. I slipped it in my pocket and left, not bothering to lock the door. I wouldn't be coming back there anyway.
On the way back down the street where I parked, I passed by my Anthony car. I wasn't going to miss that either.
I drove to Bella's and hopped the back wall near the dumpster. Normally, I would have waited for someone to leave, but I didn't have that kind of time. I moved as fast as I dared in the early light, taking her stairs two at a time. I let myself in and then paused in the entryway.
She had to be at Emmett's; I couldn't imagine him letting her go anywhere else. I wondered if she had an address book or something. Where would she keep something like that? I went to the kitchen and started pulling the drawers open. I found the one she kept papers and stuff in and dug through it. She had menus, sticky notes, pens, old mail. I went through everything piece by piece, but didn't find anything that might be Emmett's address.
I went to her bedroom and searched through her nightstand, remembering a time when I wanted her to show me what she kept in there. Now I just wanted her to make it through the day.
When that proved unsuccessful, I remembered the desk she had in the living room. She had books there, her laptop, and more paper. I went through it and finally found what I was looking for. It was scribbled quickly on a torn napkin, the word Em written at the top. I grabbed it and rushed out the door.
Emmett lived in a quiet, old neighborhood. It was the kind of place where middle aged surfers were up and out of the house at dawn and the sound of the ocean put you to sleep at night. There were no driveways on this block so it was impossible to tell if anyone was home. I counted the numbers until I got to the right one. It didn't occur to me until I was staring at the tightly shuttered house that she might refuse me, or think I was coming to hurt her, but it was too late to back out now.
I strode up the walk, noticing again how closed up the house looked. If she wasn't here, I wouldn't have any idea where else to find her on my own. And I had exhausted my very few resources. She had to be here; it was Tuesday morning and I'd run out of time. I got to the door and knocked.
Bella, I need to take you away for a while. Actually, I don't know if you can ever come back. Once I know you're safe, I'll come back and fix it.
I'll try. It probably won't work. Truthfully, I'll most likely end up dead.
Fuck.
I lifted my hand to knock again, but I stopped when I heard the sound of the locks working. The door opened enough that I could see most of Bella's body. She was wearing those dress clothes, like the ones she wore to see her trustees. It didn't look right; she was trembling and when I could look at her face, I saw that she'd been crying.
"What have they done to you?" I asked without thinking.
Her eyes snapped to my face. "You?"
The force of her gaze made me stumble over my words. It took a few seconds before I could get anything out. "I need to talk to you. It's important, Bella. I have to get you out -,"
She slapped me then, fucking hard as hell.
I reached up automatically and touched my face, my jaw working.
"I should have known they'd send you," she said with disgust.
"What are you talking about? Someone's been talking to you?" I knew it was James, but I needed to know what he'd said.
Bella swung the door open wide and motioned behind her. "Yeah, pretty damn loud and clear, wouldn't you say?"
I stepped over the threshold and looked around. Emmett's place had clearly been broken into. There was a ripped up couch next to her and a destroyed flat screen television propped up against the wall. There were boxes filled in the middle of the room, a broken picture frame at the top of one. "What -,"
"Oh hey, what about this? This is a good one." She reached into an open duffel bag by the couch and pulled out a sweatshirt. I remembered it from the day I made her skip class and come out with me. She held it out by the shoulders. It was split open from top to bottom.
"Fuck, Bella. I didn't know. I wouldn't have stayed away. I was trying -,"
She cut me off again. "I don't want to hear it. So, are you driving then? I assume you aren't going to trust me behind the wheel."
"What are you talking about?" I should have been here, I thought bitterly. I should have never left her alone.
"My meeting in L.A? I didn't think it'd be you that was taking me though… But, I'm ready."
"Bella, I'm not here to take you to L.A. I'm…," my mind felt like it was moving in slow motion. I couldn't make the leaps I normally would have. I'd been going for too long. "Was…was someone coming here to get you?" I finally asked. Compulsively, I looked behind me.
She was looking at me strangely. "The man on the phone. He told me I had to give the money away or…," she swallowed past something. Her body had stopped shaking, but her arms were crossed tightly in front of her. "He called again and said he'd be here to get me at nine." She explained almost like she was asking me a question.
James.
"What time is it?"
"I don't…,"
"Damn it, Bella. What time is it?"
She gave me that confused look again and then looked around for her phone, which was in her bag. "It's…about ten 'til nine. Why? I thought…,"
God, I was so tired.
Just a little more.
"Bella, we need to go." The time for decorum was over. I reached over and grabbed her wrist, which she immediately yanked out of my grasp.
"I'm not going anywhere with you."
I made a noise of frustration. "Well I'm not asking you and I don't have time to explain. You need to come with me, now." I tried to reach for her again and failed.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" She looked at me with incredulity. "I'd rather go with the other guy…at least then it'll be over," she added quietly.
"You don't mean that -,"
Her voice took on an edge. "Oh, don't I? You have no idea what you did to me. And now you're back telling me what? To trust you? I hate you." Her eyes watered and she let the tears fall.
I felt like I needed to do something with my hands, but I kept them stiff at my sides. "You're right, ok? You're so right, but we don't have time for this. I'm trying to fix it now and you need to come with me."
A tear slid off the edge of her jaw. "Forgive me if I don't believe you."
I lost my patience. I wanted to shake her or swing her over my shoulder and force her out of the house kicking and screaming. I wasn't above it at this point. "You think I wanted it to be this way, Bella? It was supposed to be easy. We'd get the money and you'd go on with your life and I wouldn't give a shit. That's how it works. But that's not what happened, is it?" I took a step forward until she had to look up to see me. "I fell for you, that's why everything is so screwed up and now they're coming after you and I don't have the time to sit and -,"
She opened her mouth like she was going to interrupt, but I cut her off. "No. I love you and I'm not about to let some fucking psychopath come in here and take you so get in the goddamn car, Bella."
She stared at me, eyes wide and confused.
I shouldn't have, but I put my hands on her, where her belt loops would be if her pants had them. "I don't have any right to ask, but…believe this," I begged.
Her voice was small, but she looked me right in the eye. "He's going to kill me no matter what I do, isn't he?"
It was true, but my mind wouldn't let me say it out loud.
She nodded at me and pulled out of my grasp. "Alright." I grabbed her hand and her duffel bag and ushered her out the door.
I threw her bag in the back seat and held the door open. "Lay down on the floor."
She looked at me like she was about to refuse.
"Do I look like I'm kidding?"
Bella did as told, squeezing in until she was on her side, growing angrier again by the second. I shut the door and then got in the driver's seat. I started the engine and pulled out, trying to keep it at the speed limit. I reached behind me to grab the hat I kept in the seat pocket and I heard Bella startle. "In case we pass him. It might not hide anything, but…," I put the old ball cap on my head and lowered the bill.
I made it to the end of Emmett's block and took a left, away from the water. The streets were crowded with parked cars, but I saw James in the distance. He was stuck at a stoplight up ahead, about to pass me on his way down the street. Automatically, I pulled down on the bill of my hat again. I didn't want to scare Bella anymore than she was already scared, so I kept quiet. I slowed at the intersection; I could see him clearly across from me. I didn't think he'd recognize my car, but I didn't know for sure. I turned right, away from where he was still stopped. We were in the clear. I exhaled loudly.
"I'll stop before we get to the freeway, ok? You can get out then."
She didn't say anything, but I couldn't look back to see if she was ok.
…
Bella was in the front seat, her body positioned as far away from me as possible. She stared out the window. She hadn't spoken in three hours.
I rubbed my eyes. "Are you hungry?"
She shook her head.
"You can talk to me. I'll tell you everything if you want." I waited for her to speak, to move, to do anything. "Bella?"
"I have nothing to say to you."
…
I tried to remember the last time I'd slept or eaten, but came up empty. My stomach growled and I turned up the radio. I'd turned it on an hour prior because I couldn't stand the silence anymore.
I'd driven all day, stopping only for gas and to buy a map so I knew where the hell I was. I couldn't be sure at one point if I was even in California anymore.
And I talked to Bella. Not much, I didn't know if telling her about my life would hurt her more so I kept it light. I talked about baseball. I told her about falling off my bike when I was ten and the scar on my elbow. I told her when we passed through Phoenix. I turned south there and eventually we went through Tucson.
I stopped again to get gas somewhere in New Mexico. I bought a couple of those disgusting energy drinks. When I got back in the car, I sat heavily. The night was hot here, I wanted to blast the air and the radio, but I didn't think Bella would like it very much. I started the car and pulled out of the little roadside station.
Things here were brown and rigid. Even in the dark, I could see that the plant life was made for survival. Up ahead, a mountain jutted up sharply against the town.
"We're in Las Cruces." Bella said, the first words she'd spoken in hours. "That's Organ Mountain."
I was so surprised that she'd talked to me I couldn't think of any way to respond.
"I think you should let me drive."
I repositioned my hands on the wheel. "I'm fine."
"You've been drifting in and out of the lane for the last five miles."
Had I? I couldn't remember. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second and when I opened them again, the yellow line was firmly on my left.
"I'm less of a danger than you are right now." She persisted.
When I refocused again, I saw the yellow line was between my front tires. I pulled over on the empty interstate. "Are you sure? You can sleep if you want."
"Then that would make two of us."
Despite myself, I grinned a little. We got out and switched seats. Once she'd readjusted it to fit with her smaller stature, she got back on the road. Her driving was much steadier than mine.
"You'll wake me up if you get tired, right?" I asked.
She sighed. "Yes, Edward."
I got as comfortable as I could and closed my eyes.
She'd called me Edward.
…
When I woke up, we were in Texas and it was the very early grey of dawn. Bella had stopped at a gas station. I stretched and got out of the car; my back ached so much I thought I'd walk at an angle for the rest of my life. However long that was going to be.
Despite the cramped quarters, I'd slept deeply, exhaustion overriding comfort. I raised my arms over my head and yawned; I rolled my neck and tried to get full feeling back in my limbs. When Bella came back, a small plastic bag of junk food in hand, I made to get back in the car.
"You can drive now, if you want."
I nodded and moved out of her way. I noticed she'd changed her shoes for more comfortable ones.
When she got in and I'd started the car, she said, "I saw the money in your backpack. I didn't think you'd mind." She gestured toward the bag and raised an eyebrow in challenge.
I just shook my head.
Bella tried to get comfortable over the course of the next half hour or so, but to no avail. She pushed the seat all the way back, pulled it back up. Took her seatbelt off, put it back on. Faced away from me, toward me. After a while she gave up.
"Tell me something," she said.
I waited.
"Why me?"
I passed a sign that said we were in Austin. I tried to think of the right words automatically, but then shoved that aside and went with the truth. "I don't know how my employer picks them. He doesn't involve me until after he's chosen someone." I thought of things now, things she needed to know. "Your trustee, the redhead…Victoria, she's one of them. I think she's been in this for a while."
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her staring.
"She gave me the name of the charity, told me to get you to donate everything to it." I looked over and she was still watching me, so I kept going. "We met at your last meeting. I…I messed with your car that morning so you'd call me." I was going to start rambling soon if I didn't shut up, but I had so much to tell her.
"What if I hadn't called you?"
It was strange to me that she picked that question to ask, but I answered anyway. I told her I'd tell her everything and I meant it. "I wouldn't have gone. I didn't want to go, but I thought…I thought it was going to happen no matter what I did. I wanted to protect you as much as I could." I ran a hand through my hair. "If I was there, at least, that meant they wouldn't send anyone else."
Bella stared out the windshield, her expression thoughtful. "But they did send someone else."
I nodded bitterly. "My employer found out that I couldn't go through with it, I think…or he knows I want out or something. I'm not sure."
"How…how do you get out?"
I shrugged, trying not to show her that I was afraid. "I don't know if I can."
She was quiet for a while, when she spoke again she asked, "Will they kill you for this?"
I looked at her, wanting to tell her that it would be worth it if she could live a normal life. "Maybe."
…
Once she started talking, I didn't want her to stop. The tension wasn't eased much and some of her remarks were still cutting, but I saw her start to listen to me. It was enough.
I told her that I wanted her as far away from my employer as possible and that I was going to go back and try to fix things, somehow.
"You really didn't think this out much, did you," she commented.
I admitted I didn't know what to do from here. We'd driven nearly across the country in a couple of days. I told her, half seriously, that we could just keep driving.
"What if I just gave up the money?" She asked. "Or get rid of it or something?"
We were somewhere near Tennessee. I could see the lights of a city in the distance. "You can't do that, Bella. The money is your leverage; if it's gone…there would be no reason for them to keep you alive."
"But…my friends, my dad, they'd be safe, right?"
I wondered then if she'd talked to them at all when I was asleep. They had to be afraid for her. Had she lied? I hoped for her sake that she had. "You're not going to sacrifice yourself like that."
"We can't run forever," she said matter-of-factly. "I don't want to die for nothing."
She couldn't have accepted death so easily.
I wanted to reach over and touch her, or ground her in some way, but I knew she'd never let me. Instead I drove on.
Author's Note: Thank you to my pre-readers, jedigirlsc, SabLuvsLogan, and SydneyAlice. And thanks to you guys, this has been a bright spot in an absolutely hellish day.
See you next week :)