she is benediction

she is addicted to thee

she is the root connection

she is connecting with he

here I go and I don't know why

I fell so ceaselessly

could it be he's taking over me...

I'm dancing barefoot

heading for a spin

some strange music draws me in

makes me come on like some heroine

-Patti Smith

Her eyes flew across the words on the page before her: The Ace of Cups points to fertility from a very literal point of view indicating conception, pregnancy, and birth. Look to other cards in the reading to confirm that there is indeed a chance of new life: primarily the Empress.

Danni already knew the meaning of this card combination, but looked it up anyway, needing her fingers to flip through the old book's pages to stop her hands from shaking. The Ace of Cups combined with the Empress was one of the most accurate pregnancy spreads. Literal, not metaphorical. Danni threw the book at the wall, then hunched her shoulders, turning back, hoping she hadn't woken him. The dream, the cards and the fact that Daryl pulled the Ace himself left no doubt in her mind. She would have his child. I can't. I can't take care of a baby, raise a kid, be responsible for another person. I can't. Panic started to pulse through her. Especially not now. Her breathing quickened and her heart skipped some beats. She had tried to laugh the cards off initially, but knew she couldn't. If she accepted the Gift, she couldn't pick and choose the messages. Deep down, she knew it didn't work that way, that's why she'd tried to escape the damn Calling all her life.

"It is not up to you." She heard Brigid's brogue, felt her soft, warm hand on her cheek. "When you are called upon by the fates to do something, you must be brave and follow through. Trust. Trying to alter the course of your destiny will only result in great destruction and pain."

Danni was familiar with that route. She'd been on the run since Tara died, her life had been a journey down one escape road to another. But I can't.

"What you can't do, my lass, is run anymore."

She heard Nana Brigid. Literally heard her voice in the room and smelled her Lily of the Valley perfume.

"Did you hear that?" She asked aloud, but Daryl was sleeping soundly.

The what was clear, the when, however, was still a mystery. She had to trust that the universe would provide a safe time and place. She thought of Sadhbh and Fionn. They spent an entire year together inside fortress walls. She longed for a fortress of their own. Were they in one now?

As far as what the world had become, well, if there was anyone she could make it work with, it was Daryl. The irony was not lost on her that it took civilization to go to hell and society to practically end for them to find each other.

She returned to the bed from where she'd been sitting on the floor with her book. Daryl was still dressed after finally passing out about an hour earlier. Like a little boy. She removed his dirty work boots, dropping them to the carpet. She undid his belt and opened his pants pulling them down, off over his feet, leaving him in his boxers. He didn't stir. His buck knife was still clipped to his belt in its leather holster. She unsheathed it and held the heavy weapon in her hands. The handle was solid, weighty and the blade sharp and capable. She drew the edge of the blade it across the tip of her forefinger. It sliced the delicate skin on contact. She winced although it was so sharp it was practically painless. She put her finger in her mouth tasting her blood. The pain came after the cut. Strong, sharp things can hurt you if you aren't careful. She put the knife away, then moved on the bed and pulled the thin cotton blanket over him.

Fear mixed with the respect and admiration she held for him.

She wouldn't tell him about the cards. Not yet. He'd either think she was crazy or feel trapped and burdened. He doesn't need anything else to worry about. Besides, she was pretty sure her dream indicated a future destiny. Suddenly, the vision troubled her in another way; she realized it was the second dream she had involving Merle. She crawled close, pressing into Daryl's even breaths, trying not to worry. She whispered, "be willing to risk your body and your blood and your mind, your known self and to become more and more the self you could never have known or expected."

She must have fallen asleep because when she opened her eyes Daryl was laying on his side watching her.

"Hey. You okay?" He asked remembering her nightmare and the cards.

She moved her eyes to the ceiling. "No windows. I don't even know what time it is."

"What did your magic cards tell you last night?" He asked, sitting up, stretching and letting out a yawn.

"Yesterday, that thing you said, about being all in, you meant it right?" She answered him with a question of her own.

"Yeah. Course I did."

"That's what they told me."

She pulled him down for a kiss to prevent further inquiry. It started sweet, soft and gentle but quickly turned heated, full of tongue and teeth. Her hand quickly found him growing hard against her thigh. Already? She smiled. She lightly caressed him, increasing her pressure and enjoying his skin's friction in her hand, and the panting she was drawing from him.

"You must feel like shit." She said reluctantly, remembering his hangover, not really wanting to stop.

"Think I'm an amateur?" He asked moving on top and adjusting her beneath him.

She shook her head.

"Then keep going."

... ... .. .. .. ... .. ... ... ... .

The cafeteria was again cheery, this time with breakfast commotion and aromas. Danni tried to imagine life here. She preferred being indoors to the woods, a bed to a sleeping bag and coffee from a real pot and not a metal pan over a campfire. This place lacked natural light but seemed to have plenty of food and books. Aspirin too, from the looks of it. Glenn sat with a bottle in his hand. When he saw Daryl walk in beside her with no real sign of a hangover, he was incredulous.

She poured herself some coffee, then, turned around and almost walked into Shane. She smiled at him to break any tension, but he looked away. She shrugged. He'd promised to keep quiet, right?

"Don't ever let me drink again," Glenn ordered Danni as she sat beside him. When Daryl brought a full plate of T- Dogs 'home-made' powdered eggs over and started eating heartily, Glenn asked, "How can you do that?" The smell of food was too much.

"Not my first time at the rodeo short round." He answered as Glenn put his head in his hands.

"I could hurl, now."

"Protein's the best thing for you, kid." Daryl put a fork full toward Glenn, who lowered his head back down on the table, the stainless steel cool against his cheek.

The interaction reminded her of the morning after playing a rock show. Hayes, Luke and herself would sit in a diner, or a Denny's hung over, teasing each other, just like this. Had she been running then? Never in one place for long, always on the road, show after show, drinking, leaving people left and right. She thrived on superficial validation from an audience of strangers. She remained isolated in her songs. She'd never seen her old life that way before, from the outside.

Danni smiled and winked at Sophia across from her. The delicate blonde girl looked so average, sitting at the table eating cereal. Danni and Tara had lived on cereal when their mom was off with a man for a week at a time, sometimes longer. Sophia's large blue eyes showed no fear at this moment. She had tried so hard to keep fear from Tara's eyes.

Noticing Danni's smile fade, Sophia stuck out her tongue, making her grin.

The laughter and chatter were abruptly cut off by Andrea as Jenner entered the room. "So are you going to tell us what happened here?" She asked.

He was silent, thoughtful.

"We're not here for the eggs." She summed up.

Glenn groaned again. "Daryl is."

"All right, if it's time for the tough questions, follow me."

Follow me. He liked to say that, Danni thought.

The were back in the Zone 5 control room.

"Few people ever had the chance to see this." His voice was ominous. 'Vi bring up test subject 19." The huge screen above them came to life displaying a computer animated human form, and zoomed in on its head.

"Is that someone's brain?" Carl asked.

"Yes, an extraordinary one," Jenner answered, turning toward the boy who stood between Lori and Rick.

Danni heard the pang of loss in his voice. This was personal for him.

"This video shows someone who was infected and allowed the process to be recorded," Jenner explained.

Spider web like synapses flashed with light throughout the brain scans on the screen as Jenner narrated. "Experience, memories. Somewhere in all that organic wiring is you. The thing that makes you unique and human."

"Is this ever gonna get interesting?" Daryl asked. Danni elbowed him in the ribs.

"Watch the virus attack the brain. The brain goes dark, the body dies. Everything you were or ever will be is gone."

Jenner paused, hearing Andrea begin to cry.

"Her sister died," Lori explained. "Like ...that."

Jenner approached Andrea, his voice sympathetic. "I lost somebody, too. I know how devastating it is."

Jenner fast-forwarded to what he called to the second event. "Now you'll see TS-19's resurrection."

"It restarts the brain?" Lori asked.

"Just the brain-stem." Jenner clarified. "The human part, you part, that doesn't come back."

In the last frame of the video, a bullet shattered through TS-19's head.

"That's why it has to be the brain." Daryl reinforced. 'Only way to kill them things."

The group was silent.

"Despite seeing the process, we don't know what exactly the disease is." Jenner ignored Daryl's comment stating the obvious.

"What about a possible cure?" Rick asked, "There must be other facilities still up and running, working on it?"

"Maybe," Jenner's answer disturbed him.

"How can you not know?"

"Everything went down. I've been in the dark for almost a month. The power grid is down."

"So it's not just here, it's everywhere. There's nothing left anywhere; that's what you're saying?' Andrea summed up.

"Oh my God!" Carol cried when Jenner didn't say anything to the contrary.

Rick interrupted. "Carol, we're safe here. We have shelter." He tried to comfort her.

"C'mon." Lori took Carol's arm, leading her and Sophia back to their room.

"The French. I think they were the last to hold out." Jenner finally answered.

"Nothing. Anywhere." Andrea repeated.

"Man, I 'm gonna get shitfaced drunk. Again." Daryl said. "You coming?" He asked Danni.

When they got back to their room, Daryl paced for a minute. He wanted her every time they were alone. he felt like an oversexed teenager. The pent-up energy in his body and the desire in his eyes told her what he couldn't with words. Because he was still hesitant to start, she slowly kneeled in front of him. He stirred just watching her, knowing what he was in for.

She took his pants down and enveloped him in the warmth of her mouth a second later. He moaned and placed his hands on the wall in front of him. His knees almost buckled under the extreme pleasure that was starting to course through him. His head went back, his eyes shut, and he expelled a deep breath. He brought a hand down to the back of her head, twisting his fingers in her hair.

She opened her eyes. She looked up his body pushing, then pulling her tongue around him slowly. As she traveled down his hard length, he sucked in his stomach, groaning. When she started back up, his chest heaved. She moved over him repeatedly. With his hand in a fist on the wall, he lowered his head down, his eyes in slits.

"Danni this is...I ..." He panted. "Stop." He ordered. He wanted to be inside her. She moved back up and kissed him. His need took over and without thinking he grabbed her and spun her around, her hands hitting the wall front of her, back to him. He yanked her leggings and panties down together. He kicked her legs apart, bent his knees and steadying her hips entered her as fast as he could. Her head went back as she cried out "No!"

"I'm sorry, sorry!" He breathed, placing his mouth against her head, pulling out. He forgot the rubber. That was it. When she turned toward him, looking frightened, he realized it was more than that. "Shit, did I hurt you?"

"I can't...not like that." She moved away from him, shaking. He felt like he'd hit her. "I just-I wasn't ready for it. I should have told you."

He pulled his pants back up, more worried about her than himself at that moment.

She walked to the edge of the bed and sat shakily.

"I'm sorry."

He approached, wincing, chewing around his thumbnail, worried.

"I need to see you. Okay? I always need to see you." She pleaded.

"Yeah, all right. Yeah." He rasped softly sitting beside her a little awkwardly. He was almost afraid to touch her, worrying he might do the wrong thing again. He didn't press her for an explanation, sensing one on his own.

"Something to do with these?" He asked, lightly placing his palm on her back.

"Something."

He heard the anger in her voice. Without another word, she picked up her leggings and headed into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her then sank to the tile floor and let the running water of the faucet drown out her crying. She didn't want Daryl to hear and think he was responsible. She kicked the doors of the vanity harder and harder yelling, "Bastard! Ruining this for me too!" It just couldn't leave her alone. She finally thought she could handle the memories. What a joke. Nice mini breakdown, there.

Somehow, this pained outburst wasn't providing her with the comfort and release it usually did. Picturing her step dad's pathetic face and breaking something, usually furniture, had been enough at one time. Ever since she met Daryl, her coping mechanisms had been short circuiting. However unhealthy or primitive they might be, they'd always worked. Not anymore.

Daryl began pacing again aware of her crying despite the faucet's noise. He felt helpless and weak. There were no worse feelings in the world for him. He was also confused that his instinct to leave wasn't giving him relief. Now was the time he'd typically make his exit. He'd left her once before and it hadn't given him the freedom he'd expected. Being alone didn't feel the same anymore; solitude didn't dull anything, just made everything sharper. Instead of walking out the door, he sat at the head of the bed, back to the wall and waited.

A short time later, she emerged, in her black bra and panties, hair brushed, tears dry on her cheeks.

"Move over," Danni ordered.

"Yes, ma am."

She sat next to him on the bed, against the headboard, hugging her knees to her chest. "I'm okay."

"I know."

"It was a long time ago."

He wasn't good with comforting words. "Wish I could kill whoever did that to you."

"Wish I could kill whoever did that to you." She echoed him, lifting his shirt. He leaned forward letting her look at his own injurious marks in the light for the first time. He tensed but didn't stop her. She wanted to cry. Long belt strokes covered his back, scarred now to vengeful brown over time from angry red as they'd once been. The sheer number and spate of them broke her heart. Truly broke it.

"You were just a kid, weren't you?" She stated, more than asked.

"So were you."

"Can I kiss you?"

"You don't have to."

"I want to." She put her mouth on his, giving him her tongue. He pulled back. "I don't care about that. We don't have to."

"We do, don't you see? We do have to. Know what I mean?"

"I think so."

"That way we win."

She moved herself under him and pulled him down on her heavily, forcefully. He was sure to look in her eyes and cover her protectively. After opening his pants and putting on a condom, he was inside her before she could catch her breath. This was going to be fast for them both, he could tell. His balls were already twitching and the inside of her was trembling around him. He put his face against her neck and closed his eyes. She grabbed his shoulders then squeezed his biceps. He pushed into her faster, harder, repeatedly. She didn't try to slow him down; didn't want to. She just held on. Then it was over. The rush of her climax surged only a second before his flooded him, rocking them both to their cores with equal parts love and desire. "I won't let anybody else hurt you." He said after he'd caught his breath. "Ever."

After they had dressed, she noticed the lights dim and the hum of the a/c suddenly stopped.

"What the hell?" Daryl had noticed too. He opened the door to the hall just as Jenner strode by.

"Hey, why is everything stopping?"

The others were also emerging with questions.

"What's happening?" Lori asked.

"All nonessentials are powering down," Jenner explained without breaking stride.

"Air is non-essential?" Dale asked.

Carol, Lori and the kids along with Daryl and Danni tailed Jenner, demanding answers.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. What's going on?" Daryl ran ahead to stop the Dr. from walking away from them.

"This place is powering down," Jenner explained bluntly.

"How can a building do anything?"

"You'd be surprised."

Once again, they had followed Jenner, and the entire group found itself back in Zone 5. It's cool, dim light and soft humming sound of machines now felt terrifying. The building had a mind of its own.

Dale pointed to a digital timer on the wall above the main monitor.

"What happens at zero?" He asked.

"The basement generators run out, then site decontamination takes place."

"Decontamination?" Rick asked.

"HITs. To prevent strains of disease from getting out if the building's security was ever compromised, HITs deploy, setting the air on fire. It will decimate the building and everything inside." Jenner's voice was eerily calm.

We are going to burn up. Not going back to Kansas with this Wizard.

The kids were getting scared.

"I told you, once that door closed up there it wouldn't open again."

Suddenly the door to the control center drew down to a close before them.

"Hey, open that!" Daryl shouted at Jenner. "You locking us in? You son of a bitch!" Daryl ran for Jenner's seat.

"Shane! Danni! Stop him!" Rick shouted.

"Daryl, no!" She and Shane pulled him away from Jenner at the last-minute.

"He can't do this!" Daryl argued, shaking her off.

Shane raced to the back wall.

"Daryl!" He called, tossing Daryl the ax next to the fire extinguisher. As Daryl began hitting the door, Shane pitched the red fire extinguisher against the barrier. It bounced off like a rubber ball.

"Those doors are designed to withstand a rocket launcher," Jenner explained.

"But your head ain't!" Daryl shouted, again angrily running at him aiming his ax at Jenner's head, determined to cause this man pain.

"Daryl, leave it!" Danni shouted, blocking him from his target's chair pushing his chest. He backed off because it was her and because something in her eyes said I got this. I just found you. I want more time. His words from last night echoed in her head.

Jenner looked at Danni when he said, "You do want this. Why fight it? What's left out there is a short, brutal life. One tiny moment, no pain. Wouldn't it be kinder, more compassionate to hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?"

"Not if it isn't a choice. That's not kind or compassionate that's just murder." Danni opposed Jenner calmly. Click your heels together three times.

Even Shane lowered his shotgun when she began to speak.

"Suicide is a practical way out, sure. It always has been for anyone at any time even before all this. If that's how you want to play it fine, but it's not my game. Out there, living is a fight but that's a choice too. My choice. Maybe I want to keep fighting. You have no right to make that decision for me or anyone else in this room."

Her voice grew louder but remained steady. "A short, brutal life? When has it ever been anything other than that? It's what we make of our short, brutal lives that counts."

"There's no hope, there never has been." He countered earnestly, matching her penetrating gaze.

She heard Carol and Sophia sobbing. Her thoughts of Daryl, last night's tarot and destiny, as frightening as it seemed, collided with her past and she realized something.

"You know what's funny, that's what I believed before. I have hope for the first time in my life now. So open the damn door." There's no place like home.

I know I love you. Daryl had said it, drunk or not.

Jenner remained silent, unmoved.

Finally, she added. "Open the door Dr. Jenner. You are a doctor right? Medical, scientist?"

"Both." He nodded; the group was silent, watching them.

"First do no harm. Do you remember your Hippocratic oath?" She stared at him. "Doctor's preserve life, they don't take it."

Jenner sighed and shook his head. She had gotten to him.

"I told you, topside's locked down, I can't open those."

He punched a code into the remote control in his hand opening the door to Zone 5.

Danni looked at him. "Thank you."

Before he could answer, Daryl grabbed her arm, practically pulling it out of its socket, dragging her toward the door.

"We have five minutes, come on!" Glenn shouted.

"Everybody, get your stuff, let's go!" Shane hustled them all out into the hallway.

"I'm grateful," Rick said to Jenner offering his hand.

The doctor shook it but leaned in close to whisper in his ear, leaving Rick expressionless.

"The day will come when you won't be."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The explosion was deafening. Why Rick had a grenade was one hell of a question, but Daryl was glad he did. It was the only thing with enough force to blast through the CDC's front windows. Daryl moved his body off Danni's and grabbing their weapons and packs, they ran with the others toward freedom. They jumped through the shattered plate-glass and racing back to his truck, he said, "Remind me to make the vacation plans next year. Yours sucked."

She would have hit him if they weren't running so fast.

They got in the pickup and watched the others return to their vehicles as well, just in time to see the building burst into a giant fireball then implode.

The caravan moved out to the street, following Rick as if by instinct.

"Al that stuff you said back there-" Daryl started to speak, keeping his eyes on the road.

"You think I'm crazy don't you? I talk too much."

"You got us out of there." He said. "You saved our asses. Talk all you want."

"You might regret that."

"Yeah, probably will."

When he did look over, her eyes were far away. She'd said something about hope. Having hope. It seemed crazy, but ever since the world started to end, Daryl felt like he had a future.

After they had traveled a safe distance from the explosion, Rick directed everyone over to the side of the road, outside of a fenced-in vacant lot, where a few isolated Walkers were feeding and shuffling around. Daryl and Danni stood by the fencing, taking turns plunging their knives into any skull that wandered too close to the chain link.

"Rick you got any more moves?" Shane asked. "Being in the city like this is risky. It's gonna be dark soon."

"I got one. It occurs to me that we've got friends in this town. What do you think Glenn, Daryl?"

"Guillermo and his people?" Glenn asked. "They aren't far from here."

"You mean the men who kidnaped you?" Dale asked Glenn, surprised.

"We left them on good enough terms." Rick rationalized. "We could stay at least for a night or two. Get our bearings."

"All them guns we left, think they'd throw us a party," Daryl said, his way of agreeing. "Good move." He added, looking at Rick. "For once."